Think from a different perspective... - 04/07/05 07:39 AM
This is a note of encouragement to those on this board whose marriage is ending, cannot be repaired, etc....
I am a regular on this board, posting under a different name for my own reasons (mostly for fun and mystery). In any case, I went thru a nearly perfect plan A, and very good, though difficult plan B, and ended up losing my marriage - I went thru the pain, the agony, the pain that we have all felt at the loss of a spouse and friend - one of many years, in my particular case. Having gone thru this pain - true agony, I just wanted to post a note of encouragement.
FaithfullNewCJ and I just spent a wonderful week together, the first time we have personally met - all of our conversations until now have been over the phone, IM, email, etc. We finally met, and since she is on a Greyhound headed for home and can't get on here herself, I thought I'd take the liberty to express some of my thoughts.
Because CJ and I have been here on MB for a while (CJ a lot longer than I) we have learned many, if not most of the MB tools and have been blessed by the ongoing discussion thru this message board. When we actually met, for the first time, I already knew her fairly well - we have exchanged Personal Histories, etc. But when I saw her for the first time, I knew what it meant to be happy, I know many of you have met her and know her smile, but to me, it is sunshine.
My word of encouragement is this: I thought my life was over, that I would not be able to make it - having residential custody of the kids, all of the bills of many years of marriage - plus the loss of the person I that vowed my life to. (Yes, CJ - dangling participle - bite me...please....hee hee). But I found out this week that the MB principles do work, that love and commitment are possible. I was devastated at the loss of my XW: I didn't think life was worth more than running on 'automatic' - just 'going thru the motions' for my kids. But CJ taught me a valuable lesson; that lesson is this: it is possible, even if you lose the 'love of your life' - to find that there is another out there that is even better.
And to the friends of CJ - All of your words of wisdom I heed: she is worth my life. We have pledged ourselves to one another and on the day when we finalize our decision, I will tell you who I am. Until then, just keep all this in mind: she is worth all of the effort a bachelor dad like me can possibly expend.
And to CJ: when you get home and back to MB: I love you, and I pledge that all of my energy will be spent on doing the right thing and following the 4 steps of protection: you are already such a part of my heart that I find that the time it is going to take for us to become one is worth all of my energy - and beyond.
SUM OF IT ALL: Love is there. Follow the steps that the Wise Ones on this board and the Harleys' advice. Do what is right. Do the steps exactly, no matter how you feel at the time. You most likely will save your marriage (the 'odds' - I don't believe in luck - are on your side). But even if you lose - there IS SOMEONE OUT THERE THAT YOU CAN LOVE AND WILL LOVE YOU IN RETURN.
Later all. To CJ: "To Jimmy Buffet Mornings"
Love to all
I am a regular on this board, posting under a different name for my own reasons (mostly for fun and mystery). In any case, I went thru a nearly perfect plan A, and very good, though difficult plan B, and ended up losing my marriage - I went thru the pain, the agony, the pain that we have all felt at the loss of a spouse and friend - one of many years, in my particular case. Having gone thru this pain - true agony, I just wanted to post a note of encouragement.
FaithfullNewCJ and I just spent a wonderful week together, the first time we have personally met - all of our conversations until now have been over the phone, IM, email, etc. We finally met, and since she is on a Greyhound headed for home and can't get on here herself, I thought I'd take the liberty to express some of my thoughts.
Because CJ and I have been here on MB for a while (CJ a lot longer than I) we have learned many, if not most of the MB tools and have been blessed by the ongoing discussion thru this message board. When we actually met, for the first time, I already knew her fairly well - we have exchanged Personal Histories, etc. But when I saw her for the first time, I knew what it meant to be happy, I know many of you have met her and know her smile, but to me, it is sunshine.
My word of encouragement is this: I thought my life was over, that I would not be able to make it - having residential custody of the kids, all of the bills of many years of marriage - plus the loss of the person I that vowed my life to. (Yes, CJ - dangling participle - bite me...please....hee hee). But I found out this week that the MB principles do work, that love and commitment are possible. I was devastated at the loss of my XW: I didn't think life was worth more than running on 'automatic' - just 'going thru the motions' for my kids. But CJ taught me a valuable lesson; that lesson is this: it is possible, even if you lose the 'love of your life' - to find that there is another out there that is even better.
And to the friends of CJ - All of your words of wisdom I heed: she is worth my life. We have pledged ourselves to one another and on the day when we finalize our decision, I will tell you who I am. Until then, just keep all this in mind: she is worth all of the effort a bachelor dad like me can possibly expend.
And to CJ: when you get home and back to MB: I love you, and I pledge that all of my energy will be spent on doing the right thing and following the 4 steps of protection: you are already such a part of my heart that I find that the time it is going to take for us to become one is worth all of my energy - and beyond.
SUM OF IT ALL: Love is there. Follow the steps that the Wise Ones on this board and the Harleys' advice. Do what is right. Do the steps exactly, no matter how you feel at the time. You most likely will save your marriage (the 'odds' - I don't believe in luck - are on your side). But even if you lose - there IS SOMEONE OUT THERE THAT YOU CAN LOVE AND WILL LOVE YOU IN RETURN.
Later all. To CJ: "To Jimmy Buffet Mornings"
Love to all