weaver,

So what's up? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Hearing bits and pieces of what is going on with you. Come on girl, we know you need to tell all, LOL <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Time for and update, lots of love and sympathy.

Love in Christ,
Miss M

Hi Miss M!

Holy toledo, 3:12 a.m. and you're up. What area do you live in?

I had kind of posted updates on a couple of different threads. Grayclouds and one I started titled "Which is the best voice activated recorder to buy".

To make a long story short, I thought he changed over this past winter so I let myself fall right back in love all the way. Now I think he was just stringing me along.

We own a piece of island property together which is worth quite a lot of money. We had purchased it a few years ago with the hopes of building a home there, and for a place for all the kids/grandkids to come to.

Well last weekend we went over there to spread some sand around which had been dropped off for a beach and he mentioned to me that he wanted me to sign off on the title before he starts building, and then if we get married it would be mine again anyway. I didn't say too much as I was very shocked and speachless to put it mildly.

Then he wanted to stop at the bar on the way home, I didn't want to. He stopped to run in to get a beer to go, but didn't come out for 15 minutes. I lost my cool, we got in a big fight and I haven't seen him since. Oh except the next morning when he stopped by my house to get some of his things. He was still livid and said "I go into the bar for 5 minutes and you go psycho. I really can't take you anymore". Then he was gone. I said nothing except I was worried about him all night, thinking he got arrested or something.

I wrote him a letter which he would have gotten yesterday telling him how it hurt me that he wanted me to sell out my half to him. But still I haven't heard anything from him.

He works on the road in another state and lives with one of his DD's on the weekend. He has no cell phone, computer or anyway to really get in touch with him.

I called an atty Friday to have something drawn up that I wanted half of the appraised value. I am not going to get in a war with him I decided, if that is the way it is going to go. I also want the atty to put something in there that until the matter is settled my DD and I will be using the property and don't want to be intimidated or harrassed by him or his family in an attempt to keep us out.

That's it in a nutshell.

Thank you for asking Miss M, it means more to me than I can say.

Have two weeks already gone by since that awful time when you provided perspective and helped keep me going?

Just read your post to Aislinn, please e-mail me. sally.athelny@gmail.com - I heard you and well, you already know... e-mail me?


{{{{weaver}}}}


Sal

Thank you Sally.

Right back atcha {{{{{Sal}}}}}

weaver,

I live in Seattle. I work double shifts and often don't get home until 10 or 11pm Pacific time. It takes me awhile to unwind and I try to wait for my H to get home, he's a musician and works nights. So we are night owls, LOL. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Gosh, I am so sorry to hear of these latest events with you. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> Hate to see you with a broken heart again. I must agree that it looks like he kind of set you up so he could have the property. Sorry it has been such a bone of contention. Why on earth would he want you to just GIVE this property to him? Especially with no promises, only an 'if' we get married. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

As for the bar issue, I believe you might have been reacting more to him asking you to sign off the property to him, and the bar was the catalyst to your overreaction.

Well, I'm praying for you and hope you are feeling better. Good that you are seeing a lawyer and protecting your interests.

I do hope this all works out for you, as I know you love this guy. You do, however, deserve a LOT better treatment.

(((((hugs! weaver))))) And by the way, you are WORTHY! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Love in Christ,
Miss M

Thank you for your kindness M.

I will be okay. I think I need a few weeks off of the board. Get away from all this.

I'll look for you when I get back. Of course you post so rarely anymore, it might be awhile before I "catch" you here again.

Thank you for caring, and I sincerely hope all is well in your world now.

weaver,

You know I am always lurking here, so when you get back from your break just give a holler, or post on this thread and I'll get back to you. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Just want you to know I am praying for your emotional healing, am so sorry your SO did this again. Hopefully you can find what is healthiest for you and DD.

God bless you and keep you weaver. You are precious and valued by all here, and WORTHY of love and peace in your life. Don't forget that. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Love in Christ,
Miss M

Cool !
A Weaver thread, and I didn't even have to ask !

Weaver,
I went camping Friday night with my youngest son. It was a church group, with other teens his age, and other dads. After most of the people drifted off to bed, and my son was telling stories to his buddies by the campfire, I went for a walk. I did a lot of thinking, and I thought about you, and P.

I hope you don't mind me telling you some of the thoughts I had as I walked.
I thought about the pain you must have gone through as you got close to Ex, only to have it blow up on you again. I thought about trust, and how hard it is any time, but even more so when these things happen. I thought about how you want to show P how married life should be, but you can't yet.

It's a bigger deal than I could get from reading your posts, because you seem to be a happy person that makes the best of whatever happens. This is (I thought) another one of those life shattering events that can ruin someone if not processed correctly.

I thought about healing - what it is, and how we reach it from emotional distress. When something happens to us, we react to the pain, and the hurt. WE try to distance ourselves from whatever caused it. We try to avoid future damage.

This is necessarry, but it is not enough. You do need to stay away from the pain to heal, but you need to go further than that.

1. You need to be who you are.
Don't hide your feelings about things that are important to you. Not only can you stay away from Bars, you can find people that feel like you do, and spend more time with them. I know what yo have said about the area you live in, but there are ALWAYS others that are like minded. These people will build you up for your standards, not tear you down.


2. You are not being selfish if you set boundaries and live by them. You are protecting the parts of you that make it possible for you to do the good things you do. To be a good mom, to grow and learn spiritially, to progress in your emotional, and spritial goals.

3. Meeting your needs is your own responsibility. We tend to love those that meet our needs. I agree with Dr Harley that we will fall in love with those that meet them well. HOWEVER, please protect yourself. Please don't let people who don't have the same spiritial goals as you meet your needs. This is a hard one, becaue we all like to give others the benifit of the doubt. Prayer will help you know.

Your happiness won't depend on anyone else, or anyting else but your own choices and how you live your life. If you find the right guy, he can add to your happiness, but not if it isn't already there.

4. Say no to things, or people that are not good for you.
Sometimes we look at this as being selfish. I know God wants you to be happy. He has invested a lot in you, and I think you feel it sometimes. When you say no to things that hinder your effort to reach spiritial goals, you help God protect his inventment. He has plans for you, and they don't harm you, they help you reach your full potiential. He wants you to have a mate that will help you along. Note the word mate - not master, lord, or whatever. Mate - something that matches, or fits. Something that is supposed to be.

Plese don't loose hope. Do what is right, and let God bless you on his schedule. Plese know that you have value, you are of great worth. It is so plain that even someone such as I can see it.

May happiness be in your heart - so it will match your smile.

SS

SS and Miss M,

Your posts mean so much to me. I just really can't put much into words right now.

I do agree that bars are going to have to be a boundary for me. I hate them. I see only pain in them. I worked them for so long that I can't handle them.

Plus all the fights I have ever had with my ex-fiance have revolved around bars.

He still hasn't called. I can't think of a more hostile act than leaving during an argument and not calling for a week. Maybe he will never call again, until he's got papers for me to sign, I don't know.

A mutual friend told me if I signed the title over for what he is offering (practically nothing in lieu of what it is worth) that he will have his own place, regain some self-esteem and fall in love with me again. I can't for the life of me see the logic in that. I can only think that he has really got her bamboozeled. Her and her husband are my neighbors and friends of us both.

Anyway my DD just got home from her paternal grandmothers house in Canada, so I must go.

I'll post in a few weeks when I have found some kind of peace again.

I know that God is the answer but right now I am very angry with Him. He has definately heard my wrath this week. I'm just so dang mad at Him. And not just for myself, but for all the pain in the world.

Weaves My Dear,

You may not get this, as you are planning on taking that break, but I just wanted to remind you how loved you are here. You are getting some amazing advice from SS and MM; please heed it and know that you are close always close to our hearts.

Love & hugs,

~ StillLovingHim

Weaver, I'm mad too.

I hope you read this and then go on vacation... SS is right, you oughta be with someone who appreciates your spiritual side, someone you can share that with.

Much love to weaver!

GC

What's Gray mad about?

SS

I'm mad that weaver hasn't quite nailed the peaceful, inspiring life with a good partner that she deserves. That she's been disappointed again.

I'm also a little mad that I played a gig and went to a party this weekend and still met no available women.

But mostly I'm mad for weaver. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

GC

Weaver,

I'm sorry you're having to deal with this disappointment.

I don't have anything wise to say - just hoping to see you back and in good spirits soon.

-AD

Little Cat Z,

What is this AD, some kind of alter ego? Can't for the life of me figure it out. But laughed out loud anyway. LOL

Gray,

I am so glad you are in the market again. So much love to give, so many tears have been shed. It is time, and I am so very grateful that you are healing.

My DD's dad is a very talented and popular musician in these parts. I was very intimidated by the whole band scene and all that goes with it. Also the certain amount of (seeming) arrogance and conceit that alot of muscians appear to have. NOT TRUE. But the girls don't know this. Alot, and especially the ones who would be what you want, might be intimidated by you. Might have to chase a bit Gray, to overcome this. KWIM?

Since this is my thread I am just going to say whatever I want, in the way that is most natural to me.

Thank you Miss M! For this thread.

Artist: Coldplay Lyrics
Song: Green Eyes Lyrics

Honey you are a rock
Upon which I stand
And I come here to talk
I hope you understand

That green eyes, yeah the spotlight, shines upon you
And how could, anybody, deny you

I came here with a load
And it feels so much lighter, now I’ve met you
And honey you should know, that I could never go on without you

Green eyes

Honey you are the sea
Upon which I float
And I came here to talk
I think you should know

That green eyes, you’re the one that I wanted to find
And anyone who, tried to deny you must be out of their mind

Cause I came here with a load
And it feels so much lighter, since I met you
Honey you should know, that I could never go on without you

Green eyes
Green eyes

Ohohohohooooo
Ohohohohooooo

Ohohohohooooo
Ohohohohooooo

Honey you are a rock
Upon which I stand


I love this song. Got turned onto Coldplay reading Gray's thread. I have green eyes. Not whimpy hazel green, but like the color of Cedars, healthy green Cedars. The one physical attribute that seems to be untouched by my age, still. Listening to this song right now, makes me happy. Like I really could be somebodys rock.

Well I am signing over my half of the island property to my ex-fiance at what I put into it plus interest. I love this man, and I cannot do anything but. He LOVES this property, he needs this property. I simply do not need it. I have my house and I am good here.

We have talked for hours and hours this week. He told me that he loves me, wants to date me, wants to help me and DD out and spend time with us. But he does not want to get married. He told me what he has to offer, and can I accept that. Will it make me happy? Is it enough?

Yes. I love him. He is a decent man trying to find his way in the world, correcting the mistakes he has made.

I am distrustful, and I need to learn to trust again. To trust myself, and to trust God.

Anyway, I am going to start officially dating him again. Some on here will not like me anymore, some will. I am okay with that. Although there are a couple of people on here who I love and I will lose as friends, I am going to do what I believe to be right for me and my DD, and him.

We are leaving a week from Saturday for the Great Smokey Mountains, Bryson City NC. We have rented a mountain lodge, and an SUV to drive their in. We decided this would be better than Cancun.

My BF, DD and one of her friends are coming.

I have so much love for this board. I have never lied or knowingly hurt anyone in my life. I did not know he was married when I was first dating him. When I found out I ended it and did not see him again until he was divorced legally.

It was his third marriage, and she did not want his kids around. His kids do not like her and he was divorcing her for this reason when I met him.

I feel I must explain, once again. Because I really care about the people here. I miss you all when I don't read. I cry for you, laugh with you and pray for you.

We are all going to get through this, together. If only for a little while, we are on this journey together. And I thank God everyday for this place.

Rock on!!!!!

Weaver, glad to see you post. I was worried about you. Whatever you do please be cautious and protect your heart. I would hate to see it get broken again. I care and you can email anytime if you wish. killnme2004-mb@yahoo.com

Your friend,
Faith

Hey Faith,

I have been thinking about you and will copy your email. I have to say I am not good about email, but want to have your addy in case.

My heart can take a little pain, if it happens.

I've been following you on Gray's thread Faith. I really hope that you are doing okay.

I am way more worried about you than me, but you have such a big open heart. I know that in the end you will be happy again. I mean really happy. You just have too much love in you not to be.

{{{{{Faith}}}}}

Thank you for always being the first to jump on someone's thread and lend a shoulder. You are the BEST that way!

Thank you, Weaver. I think it will be a very long time before I feel healthy but I will heal from all of this. Email anytime, even just to say "hey I am ok" or if you want a shoulder. I will be ok, I have a great support system and wonderful children. Love ya, Weaver. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Weaver - It's your life so you must do as you see fit. But I can't for the life of me, understand why you have to sign over the land to him? So that troubles me. tt

TT -

Because he wants to mortgage it and start building a house. He wants it to be his with no chance that he will lose it regardless of what happens to us. If I don't sign off of the title he can't mortgage it unless I am on the mortgage.

He wants a place all his own and he doesn't want to get married.

I have come along way since two weeks ago when he first mentioned me signing it over to him. I was so hurt but then we had not talked of our relationship, I just assumed because he had started coming back around this past winter that he wanted to get back with me. I mean he was coming into town working on my rental, visiting with us but staying in motels.

I was reading into it what I wanted. He wasn't giving me a line. I guess that was his way of starting to date and starting a new relationship with me.

Before last spring when I asked him to move out we were planning our wedding. I just assumed we were moving back to that.

That's another thing, when I kicked him out he was homeless. Still is. He lives in motels and at his daughters house.

I think I do understand why he needs the land to be only his.

Or maybe I am just gullible as usual. Only time will tell and for now I feel peace with the decision.

Thanks TT, for your concern.

weaver, just a quick driveby to say Hi and glad you're back.

Hope things are better and it sounds like it.

jls

Hi there weaver,

I don't know if you are still here but I just got done reading this thread and was,needless to say,confused.I had taken a break too but recently came back on and found this.

I don't really know what to say right now but I will say I am thinking of you.Hope you are ok.

O

Hey jls,

I've just been reading the religious morals thread.

You sound just like me in alot of ways. LOL

Hope you have a good holiday weekend. Haven't got caught up on your thread/sitch yet. But will tonight probably.

Weaver,

You are one of those people who inspires peace in me, by just knowing you're out there.

Hope you have a wonderful vacation!

weaver:

Just be really careful, okay?

It just sounds like you're giving up more than you should by selling for less than 50% of the property value.

At least he's told you he doesn't want 2 get married. I know a 2ple at work who've been lving 2gether for over 30 years without ever getting M'd, and they've remained true 2 one another the whole time.

So, it can work for people, but is it really what you want?

It's okay if it is. It's okay if it isn't.

best,
-ol' 2long

2L,

I know...I worry about her too that she's giving up the property for less than her fair share, but she considered her options and made a conscious choice. I believe she's making an act of faith.

CSue:

"I believe she's making an act of faith."

As we all must, musn't we? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

-ol' 2long

Yes, we must.....and it's far more peaceful to take a leap of faith when we are able to "let go" of the outcome as it is beyond our control.

Leaps of faith (lof) seem to feel good, although I'm not sure why! Lol

Edited to add - maybe it's because it is a willingness to be open to another life lesson.

Csue, 2long -

This is exactly it. Csue verbalizes it so well.

It's also an act of love. I am much better off financially than he is. He has 4 kids and 6 grandkids, I have only 1 child. He wants a place that he won't lose, where all the kids can come.

These people have never had anything, no family vacations, nothing that I have known all my life.

If he pays me what the property is worth, it will set him back years before he can build or do anything with it. And he is not getting any younger.

A lesson learned Csue. I haven't grown much in the last few years, and I just really feel that this is right for all concerned.

Thanks for stopping by all.

You too Ogirl! Welcome back! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

You obviously love him a great deal. Good luck and have a great vacation. TT

Thanks TT.

Regarding our trip to the mountains in NC, we are staying a mountain right next to Cold Mountain where the movie was based. Although the movie was filmed in Europe somewhere I believe, it is supposed to be very accurate to the real Cold Mountain.

I am so looking forward to the trip because of the movie about that woman doctor who goes researching the music and singing of that area, "Songbird" I think it was called.

Also those Foxfire books Kimmy speaks of.

They have many huge music fests in the area we are going to but none that I have read of when we will be there. I even read of a mountain which is owned and operated by some spiritual seeking people and only gospel is sung there. People come from all over to sing gospel together on that particular mountain.

Too cool.

Csue, the feeling is mutual. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Weaver,
I'm not going to comment - cause SS is leaving in a few minutes and won't have net access for a few days. I can see this is hard for you - but we still love you. Didn't you know we would?

See ya, talk to you later.

SS

Weaver - Cold Mountain was filmed in Roumania and my cousin worked on location. She's got a great job.

Well I sold my half of my beloved island property to BF yesterday. Got enough money to have the bungalow out back which I rent out sided, a new fence for my backyard, pay for our trip to the mountains (YES!) this Saturday and pay off some misc bills.

I don't feel sad like I thought I would. I feel like I did the best for both concerned. One less thing to worry about really, and without that added burden I am free to enjoy vacations elsewhere instead of always feeling I have to go there.

We are leaving Sat. morning for Nahntahalla Mountain in the Great Smokies and we are very excited. I bought a journal and disposable camera for my DD and her little friend and told them they must journal their vacation. They have been making and remaking endless list this week of what they will pack for the "big" trip all week. Their excitement makes every penny of this trip more than worth it for me.

My little bro called awhile ago, his wife is battling ovarian cancer (eight years now) and she will get very crucial blood results next Wed. They are the coolest, most loving couple you could ever meet. She is 15 years his senior but seens exactly the same age, and she is a true Texas sweetheart. They live in San Antonio and my heart goes out to both of them for what they continue to go through with her fight for her life.

She needs a pill to quiet the upset of her stomach every day which costs $160.00 PER PILL, but the insurance will only pay for three pills a month.

Anyway I will think of all on my trip, but am really hoping to just enjoy all of God's beauty, and life and forget about pain for awhile.

So for tonight atleast life is good. And if SIL's test come back positive next week, life will truly be good once again for my family.

Weaver - the cost of your SIL's meds are outrageous. How on earth do they survice financially. The stress of illness is bad enough but to have to worry about $160 per day! I pray her blood tests are good. TT

Thanks TT.

You are not in the U.S. so you are not really aware of what goes on here with the prescription drug companies.

If you don't have insurance and you don't have a lot of money and you get sick, you are screwed.

My brother has had to file bankrupcty and next year he will max out on the million dollar cap for treatment and then it will be all over for any treatments for SIL.

It is a very sad thing, the price of medical treatment here.

How terribly sad for all of you. Really hope she comes through.

Well my BF called not too long after I updated this thread to say that his dad was having surgery on Monday and he would not be able to come, knowing how my DD was looking forward to it, and that the cabin was non-refunable. His dad left when he was 12 BTW and has never been a dad to him. At one point he didn't even see or speak to him for 10 years. My BF has visited him this past couple of years in the nursing home he lives in after a stroke which took most of his facilities.

Anyway, he hung up on me when I said that I could not let my daughter down again and that it was just surgery and he coul d see his dad after the trip.

I called my sister after listening to DD cry for two hours and she said that if I promised her I would never see BF again she would come with us so as not to let DD down.

Her husband got on the phone and said that he approves my sis going and will cancel their vacation plans if it meant I would never speak to this guy again.

Well I signed the title to the island property over to him yesterday.

Guess I got *ucked, again. But why do I feel like such a heel for saying he should go with us and miss his dad's surgery.

He hung up on me and still hasn't called back. And why do I still after all of this feel that I am not quite right in thinking he is a total ahole and that he really must be at this surgery. His dad has never, ever been a dad to him.

Weaver, you inspire me.

Lotsa love,

GC

Weaver,

Oh, what a painful situation!

Does he understand that this cancelation leaves you feeling used?

I'm very sorry.

BTW, I'm 5-6 hours drive from that part of NC.

I've driven up there a few times - most recently 7 years ago - the summer before W and I were married. Her folks were with us - as we took a 5 day road trip. We got engaged during that trip - in Winston-Salem, NC - on July 26, 1998.

Ah, stinkin' memories. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

I hope things are not as bad as they seem with your relationship with your BF. I understand that he would feel that he had to be there - if his dad really is having a surgery - and if your BF didn't know already about it.

BTW, who was paying for the vacation? You, or BF?

-AD

No regrets either way, ok Weaver? You did what you felt was right and it is:

1. Ok to be angry and disappointed in him
2. Pointless to feel foolish or beat yourself up over this.

BTW, are you ok with your family blackmailing you into promising never to see this guy again? {{weaver}}. You have a good heart and will be ok no matter the outcome.

The timing of this, having just signed over the land, is terrible. This is a major issue and he should not have hung up on you. I am flabbergasted. I hope he doesn't continue to let you down. What a terrible start to a 'new beginning'. I just feel so uneasy reading this, so heaven knows how you feel in the midst of it.

There is nothing to stop you and the girls going. You don't need your family undermining you (albeit because they care and love you). Weaver, things will get better - refuse to believe otherwise.

Gray,

Actually you inspire me, and guys like you give the rest a bad name.

Faith,

Thank you and yes my sis's blackmail attempt was only her frustration talking. She, her son and husband are very close to my DD and me. She was just terribly upset and hurt for me. And she knows that I wouldn't abide by it if I didn't want to anyway.

Sometimes it is so hard for us to know that we are entitled to anger and disappointment. I never know what is okay, still. So your post really hit me when you said that.

AD,

I was paying for the trip but had planned on taking my DD on a trip long ago before I started considering getting back with him. I offered to take him along on my dime because he offered to paint my rental and has done a lot of work around here.

His dad is gravely ill and needs this surgery but may die even with it. He has been in a nursing home for years. He is not lying about the surgery although he may still be playing some kind of game, I just don't know.

TT,

That is the worst part, him hanging up on me and still hasn't called back. I feel like he is punishing me for my reaction on the phone, just like my reaction when he went into the bar that night about a month ago.

This is what worries me the most, and to tell you the truth I feel kind of dead inside now. Like I am numb and have no feelings at all where he is concerned.

I read a post of Mikers today where he said that his self-esteem really suffered for two years before his STBWXW's affair even. I feel like I have become a non-entity through all of this. A nobody... sub-human. All the feelings I had when I found out he lied to me about his marital status have come back full force. I took him back after his divorce was final because of love I thought, but I don't think it was self-love, it was something else. And I no longer think he loves me, or DD. He may not even be capable of love, except where his kids are concerned. I don't know.

He may be changing but I am too damaged to know the difference anymore. I need to not see him again ever.

Like that song that SLH posted, he needs to stay gone and I need to find myself again.

I feel like such a phony for some reason. I hate infidelity more than I can ever communicate, but I am still involved with someone who deceived me when we met and was married. I have spent most of the past four years trying to come to some kind of terms with that, and still have not been able to walk away or find forgiveness from within.

SS posted the most beautiful post I have ever read to SVB earlier and I am going to bring it over here I think. It wasn't to me specifically it was to someone else, but I think really it was for all of us. Especially you Faith, and you TT, and all of us women who have been broken. Maybe you fellas need to read it too.

I'll go get it.

SS's wonderful words to SVB (hope you don't mind SS) -

Because you are who you are.{{{{weaver}}}}

Of course you're disappointed. Go to the Smokies, girl. With or without him or your sister. (Don't make deals you don't want to make.) It's truly liberating! I'm not familiar with exactly where you're going but it's all beautiful!

Have a wonderful time and clear your mind.

But you've still got those green eyes. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I understand the feeling... but it's just a feeling, not reality.

-AD

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Yep just a feeling. And feelings don't last forever.

Okay on a lighter note, I bought two novels to read on our trip. Very light reading. One is Grisham's "The Testament" and the other is the newest Jan Karon installment in the Mitford Series.

I implore you all to read the Mitford Series. It is about a n Episcapelian (sp, sorry) priest and his congregation, little town down south, and his wife.

These books are delightful and wholesome. You would probably really enjoy them as well AD. They are not just for the ladies. My little bro is the one who gave me my first one.

Yo weave - maybe you can happen upon some 'shine while in the NC hills. No more than a shot at a time, OK? And watch out for polecats - they be having their younguns this time o'year and don't take too kindly to folks tramping around.

WAT

Oh TOFT!!!!! Thank you! I just read your post. You haven't been posting much and I have wondered about you.

LOL! Well I do have my handy dandy blinding flashlight with the built in pepper spray dispenser. Think that will do the trick?

Okay I talked to my younger bro last night and upon finding out that sis and I were going without a man, his one word of advice was "well, don't talk to anyone sitting on a front porch".

AD, no offense cuz I know you live in those parts.

So then little bro who is a computer geek by day, and travels all over the world in his job told me a story of a client who he had to see on site way down in the back country of Florida. This man wanted to give him a short cut through the backwoods from the airport but first said, whatever you do, if you get a flat don't stop...don't ever stop.

My bro said all he could think of was the movie "Deliverance". He then started laughing and said "that's a mighty pretty mouth you have"...

He told his client that he was a business man, wearing a suit and that he didn't "do" shortcuts! LOL

I think a blinding flashlight and pepper spray will just piss 'em off and you'll get the potent "spray." Just let 'em sniff around and if they turn and point their rears at ya, run like hell. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

WAT

Hey,

I don't know where you're getting advice about the good people of the southeast, but we're OK, really. And what few people you find sitting on porches are likely to be extra special.

I remember an old couple that I knew back in high school. My parents owned a piece of property out in the country and we used to go there on the weekends. This old couple lived in a little old house by the road - and kept a "truck garden". That is to say, they grew vegy's for sale at farmers markets. When we would come by there in "the cool of the day", they would be sitting on the porch, resting and talking. They were amazing people. The man had been here and there - maybe went off to war even. But, that lady was born in that house - lived there on that mountain all her life (not always at that house). They had one daughter who died in her early twenties. This lady had never been farther than Birmingham (Alabama, not England) in her life. And B-ham was only 60 miles away!

But... that lady was the most amazingly calm person I have ever met in my life. She just oozed calm - so that if you talked to her a few minutes, all the noise and confusion of life just faded away. I remember, walking along the road with this old lady in the moonlight (sounds fishy huh, <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />) - and she was telling me about her garden - and about her life. (Her husband was talking to my dad somewhere.) She said "Maybe I shouldn't have stayed here. Maybe we should have moved to the city. I've missed a lot by living here." Even then (when I was about 20), I knew that she hadn't missed anything important.

If you see somebody like that, and have a chance to talk to them, forget your schedule. You might learn something. No, there's not many people like that left anywhere.

-AD

But, of course if you meet a couple of guys - they usually are brothers - you know the kind - big fellows - with half-unbottoned shirts and belly hair sticking out - carrying a "suitcase" of beer in from their old beater truck - to put in the fridge on the front porch - which has something welded to it with a padlock through it (so the neighbors won't steal their beer). Well, they're OK too, but you probably won't learn anything by talking to them. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Weaver, you probably won't see this til you get back from vacation, but you and AD reminded me of a joke I heard.

A traveling salesman (no, not that kind <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />)was trying out a shortcut to get to Atlanta (?) Well, he got so turned around and it was getting late and he was still in the middle of no-where. Finally he came up to an old farmhouse and saw an old man, lounging in a porch swing, smoking a pipe. His faithful ole hound dog was asleep on the top step of the porch and did nothing more than open one eye and more or less groaned more than growled on the salesman's approach. "Excuse me", the salesman said to the oldman, "can you tell me how to get to I75 from here. I'm trying to get to Atlanta and I'm afraid I got a little lost".

The old man sat up, grabbed his tobacco pouch and said "Last time I went to Atlanty, we went up this here road fer bout 15 miles I guess, there's a fork, you take the right fork and go by that heathen Elmo Bohannon's place...watch out for the pigs...they's always getting out. Foller that road for bout 20 miles I guess and you'll be gittin mighty close to Atlanty. Ain't never been to no I75".

The salesman was amused by the old man's colorful directions. He smiled and asked, "You lived here all your life, oldtimer?"

The old man took a draw on his pipe and said, "Nope, not yet."

AAARRRGGG!!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

weaver,

Haven't posted to you much lately. Sorry. I think that it was you that said something about pain making us selfcentered.

but weaver, - Don't let this xbf ruin your trip. Everyone here keeps telling me, "Stop focusing in him, focus on YOU". Try it with me weaver. Like a diet/stop smoking plan.

Maybe he's an a-hole, maybe he is trying to be better than his father and be there for him. Go on and don't worry about that. Let HIM worry about you, if he will. KNOW YOUR value, as SS always tells us. Only then will this guy see it and THEN if he is anywhere near worthy, he will acknowledge it and try -for YOU.

And,hey, I have relatives in Alabama, in B-ham! And in Kentucky. My ma is from down south! Stop in there and say Hi Ya'll!

jls

Weaver,

I forget, when will you be back?
Don't be a stranger!

-AD

AD,

Thank you for checking on me. I just got back to town a few hours ago. We had a wonderful trip, all of us. Sis, my DD and her little friend went. It was glorious! Breathtakingly beautiful.

Hung out in the mountains mostly, but had some fun in quaint Gatlinburg too. Go-karts, and dinner on the balcony overlooking the river at Applebees, and a very expensive lunch at the Hard Rock Cafe, complete with about $150. worth of t-shirts.

Made some new goals, the first and biggest (because I haven't touched a piano since my DD's dad and I split, too painful for me because our split nearly destroyed me and music was too painful). Anyway, I am buying a weighted key, full size keyboard and am going to start playing again. No piano, cuz I have neither the money or room, but a keyboard is fine.

I am going to work on my house, and start going out again. Even the bars. That's right, even the bars. I can no longer isolate myself, because that is my inclination and what will surely be the end of my sanity. Around here the only social activity is the bar life.

I came home to two very painful messages from ex-BF,telling me it was over. He can no longer tolerate my angry outbursts. (my getting angry first cuz he went into the bar and the next time because he cancelled our trip due to his dad's surgery. He never mentioned the surgery btw, so I don't know if his dad survived or not.

His second message to me was yesterday telling me that he had a message at the motel I had called and was calling to ask me for a clean break, and that he doesn't no how else to put it, IT IS OVER! And he wants NC because it is too painful for us both otherwise.

Well first of all I don't have his motel number, and I never tried to call him. Wasn't even here, was in fact in Gatlinburg.

That second phone call of his really, really hurt.

I called his mom in St. Louis to ask her to relay a message for me. She wasn't there so I left a message asking that she let him know I would respect his decision for a clean break and have not, nor will I attempt to contact him. Nor will I set foot on the island, as hurtful as that is. I also asked that she let him know that him breaking up with me on a message was hurtful, and I wished he had done it to my face, or at the very least with me on the other end of the phone.

Well I see Miss M has a thread started and I need to read it, but I can't right now Miss M. I need to wallow in self-pity for a few days I think, and I can't stand the thought of you in trouble. I sincerely hope it is not your marriage, or a child.

Will read it later this evening or in the morning.

Thanks to all who think of me. I thought of you all in the mountains and prayed for happiness and peace for us all.

{{{Weaver}}} thinking and praying for you.

Thank you Faithful.

I thought of you in the mountains as there was this mountian next to us called Glory Mountain where you could go up an sing gospel music and pray.

You would have enjoyed it I think.

Hope you are well, I need to read you thread but just can't right now.

He's an A-hole, message's on return home confirmed that. That is for sure. But if it takes me the rest of my life, I will get over him.

I am beginning to think I am crazy. Who could love someone like that. Am I some kind of masochist?

jls, are YOU doing okay? I hope so.

Weaver,

I'm glad you had a good trip. I should visit that area myself sometime. It's been awhile.

Sorry for your suffering with XBF.

Is it too late to undo the land deal?

I can't believe he would head for the exit so soon after that!

-AD

weaver,

Oh hon, I am sooo sorry! ((((((((hugs weaver))))))).

I am so disappointed in the exbf. I guess my last post to you after you left for vacation was who I am, I just wanted to believe that there is good in everyone.

I bet you feel pretty used. Well, I guess we all have tempers, myself included, and I can see where you were at before you left. Not feeling secure, but you trusted in exbf and here you are. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

Got to check your other thread, will go there now. It's okay if you don't check my thread, but no, it is not about my marriage, it is about my DD, partially, but not necessarily a bad thing that she did. The rest you can read for yourself when you feel stronger.

Have your pity party. It is okay to grieve. I am sorry exbf was such a coward as to not talk to you face to face after all you have been thru. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

My prayers go out to you and that God will Bless you.

Oh, and has anyone told you you are WORTHY today? Well, I am telling you now. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> You deserve better, you are worth more than a blow off by a message. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />


Love in Christ,
Miss M

Weaver said.. (on may 22),


Or he's having an affair with her, and she's part of the plot to get the land for cheap.

AD.

LOLOLOLOLOL!!!!!!!

Yeah, I have THAT side of me also. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

But it is not what we should do.

However, it is one of those things that make you go Hmmm?

Pray for those who persecute you. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Love in Christ,
Miss M

This is making my blood boil so God only knows how you are feeling. I hope you get some revenge - keep the messages on the answerphone. They might provide some kind of proof (re the lie about his dad's surgery). Inexcusable.

Oh, Weaver-girl, I am so very sorry.

I know we all had hope that the guy would straighten up and fly right this time. His efforts at kindness and "sincerity" as well as helping you work on your properties had most of us fooled, hon. Even pessimistic old me, in the end. (*sad smile*)

I know you know this but you are doing the right thing. The right thing on the hard road, but the right thing.

Seek justice, but with quiet dignity and not rage, if you can -- it will better settle the turmoil in your heart. You sound as if you know this and are doing it already, instinctively.

And you may not always feel it, but know that we all know that you are strong, and capable, and valiant. No matter what.


Love you, {{{Weaves}}},

slh

How's my little masochist????

You don't need that silly little Island anyways, it just ties you to that boring place you and my husband call paradise. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

So sorry he failed you, and took the Island, what a schmuck!!!

Here's to your new start, cheers. Enjoy your life, think of all the energy you will now have. Find your Mr. Wonderful. He will obviously be a drunk fisherman and wear flannel, you can't expect more than that from BFE.
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />
You said, your exbf's mom lives in St. Louis, would that be Michigan?????

Take care my cyber friend.

Much love, prayers going up.

KY

Deleted as inappropriate...sorry weaver. No offense intended <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

{{{{weaver}}}}

C'mon, Bob. Where did anger ever get you but a fleeting modicum of satisfaction?

Not quite the long-term soul restoration I had in mind. . . but I will say d*mned fun, that, LOL.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />


slh

Thank you all for your continued support.

I am in a bad place still emotionally - confused, hurt and angry. Frustrated too.

Can't even laugh at KY's post or Bob's. Although I know that normally I would be rolling with laughter.

I call several atty's today and so far only one has called me back. He is actually an old friend of the families and said that he thought I might have cause for a legitimate lawsuit, but he declined to take it on for me. He said he didn't think it would be good for me emotionally and that it would cost several thousand dollars. He said it was too much like a divorce and he doesn't handle divorces.

He did recommend another up and coming young atty whose father is one of the judges here. I have a appt with him on Wed afternoon.

I am so torn and confused at this point I don't know whether to persue a lawsuit or not.

I am also very, very confused at what he has apparently done. I still haven't heard from him, so I have no answers. I believe there is another woman involved and this was the only way he could figure to get me out of the picture. It is the first time he has ever broke up with me, I always did the ending before. He is such a CA I still can't believe that he even left the Dear John messages, knowing him it would be more likely that he would just not call again.

I also made an appt with Steve Harley for 7am Wed morning. I need to talk to a professional to try and get a handle my emotions. I also know that I am somehow addicted to this relationship and I need help.

I also have been praying and even reading the bible. I caught MM's post with the 25th Psalms, it is bringing me some kind of peace.

But I am not finding the comfort I have always found in the past through prayer. I feel lost and very, very alone.

But I'll keep plugging away trying to forget, because the alternative is just to painful. And my DD needs me too much for me stay in this dark place for too much longer.

And Gray, she is doing good. She hates Dan now, he hurt her too. Thanks for asking.

{{{{Wevaer & DD}}}}}

Loving You, Hon. Prayers too.


slh

Weaver,
How are you.
As usual, I don't want the standard answer.

I am glad you saw the post on worth, and you you were welcome to copy it.

For a long time I was wondering how to get the same message across to you. It worried me that you were wondering about God, because a few months ago you wrote such a powerful testomony of your belief. I wondered how you could get so low.

I wanted to post to you before you left on the trip, but couldn't come up with the time to do the post I wanted. Probably should have said "HI" anyway.

What are your goals for this next year?

Family goals, and Personal goals?

Think on this, and then also consider if the things you are planning to do (having to do with Dan) will help you reach your goals.

I hurt for you - I am sure not as much as you do, but I feel so badly about how this worked out. Most of the pain is the betrayl, not the property loss.

Some of it is wondering how you let yourself be taken again.

Realize we are all working on our own problems. All of us. Realize you are not the only one to make mistakes. Please don't let this stop your marvelous growth. I have seen you come so far, don't believe otherwise.

Please have faith that you can continue your upward course.

SS

Thank you SLH. You're the best!

SS,

I came up with personal goals while in the mountain, one was to get a keyboard and start playing again. It's been over ten years now. Another was to get out and socialize, I made a promise to a friend last night that I would start going to church with her again. She wants to leave the bar life behind now and find other things to do. I am very grateful for this, as she was the friend who always got mad at me because I wouldn't go bar hopping with her. She attracts a lot of male attention and so do I, so she could go out with me and know I wouldn't be left sitting alone while she was doing her thing. So glad she is getting over that disgusting activity. Saturday night I wanted the men to jus t leave me alone. I thought they were disgusting, lost and empty. Looking to me to fill them up. And as drunk as I was the whole scene still made me sick.

So the bars are out.

I have an appt with SH on Wed morning.

I will try to find God again. I know I turned away from Him the last few years. I stopped talking to Him some times for weeks/months at a time. Dan became my God. I am so ashamed, and yet I still can't make myself believe he has done what he has.

Take care of my house and the rental out back.

Sell my other house to my sister, started but paperwork never completed for the Land Contract.

Those are my only goals right now, and when I can get up off the floor I will follow through with all of them.

I've been able to make phone calls and appts today, so that in itself is a start. And I'm not drinking, nor will I.

Weaver, this made me think of you:


Also remember:
For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord. They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. --Jeremiah 29:11

Thank you Faith.

You are one of Gods Angels you know, and I will try and believe.

FF,
Thanks, that was great - a lot like you.

SS

Weaver,
Glad you are leaving the bar scene again. In my opinion, it wouldn't have helped you with these goals.

I believe reading the bible daily will help. I promise there is someone there when you pray.

Thanks for talking to me, I know I shouldn't worry, but I do. It is so easy to slip and fall and not want to get up. So glad you do want to get up. I still believe in you. It is so good to know you do too.

If I asked for a personal favor, and it was someting you could do, would you?

SS

I do not want the property anymore. It means nothing to me without him. It was our dream I thought. The three years before this last, he was my life. In my heart I was already married to him. My love was always true. I don't if I can follow through with a lawsuit against him, I don't think I have it in me.

I have been praying on this today. My prayer first started out for God to purge him from my heart, it ended with the prayer that never fails - "Father, your will be done".

I am addicted to this man and I have to find a way to end it. Would a lawsuit help me to stop loving him? That is all I want now, for him to be gone from my heart and the obsession in my mind to end.

Yes.

OK,
this may sound stupid, but please don't drink like that again. You scared me half to death.

You are worth to much. Way to much.

SS

I don't know what to tell you about getting him out of your mind, but I do know God will help you reach worthy goals. Sometimes it takes years, but he does.

Many times it has taken me a long time to understand, but always, always, after I get it, I see he couldn't have rushed it, or I would not have gotten it.

I know you can get the same help I get.

SS

Okay. It made everything hurt much more, so I am not going to even drink wine again for a very long time.

My dad was an alcoholic SS, but I am not. I was raised on Jim Beam as cough syrup even as a small child.

For my 19th birthday I rec'd from my dad a silver plated Jack Daniels bottle holder, with a bottle of JD and his motor home parked at the beach for all my friends and me to party in for the whole weekend.

No, I won't be drinking again.

I'm sorry I scared everybody, even 2long I know. And TT and Miss M were writing post filled with anger. I am so very sorry to all of you, to bring added pain into your lives.

One more for you Weaver. I do love you ya know! Hi SS! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> Above all else, guard your heart, for it affects everything you do.... Look straight ahead, and fix your eyes on what lies before you. Mark out a straight path for your feet; then stick to the path and stay safe. Don't' get sidetracked; keep your feet from following evil. Ecclesiastes 4:25-27

And Weaver, something a good friend said to me about my M:

Focus your eyes up on Him and not down on him (meaning my H)

I am so very sorry to all of you, to bring added pain into your lives.

I have such high hopes for you. I think you are way, way better, more talented, and have so much more potiential than you seem to think you have. (In these down times.)

I can see you happily married to someone that is all that you dream of.

It is your feelings I worry about - your happiness.

I couldn't see Jack Daniels contributing to those dreams at all.

Now, I realize it takes time, I ought to leave you alone.

SS chuckles - Signs off.

Well I did manage to go out and cut the grass. Did some major weed wacking too.

My 23 yo nephew came over tonight so I could sew up his baseball uniform, he is a coach for the HS team until he goes back to college next fall.

He asked me how I was and I asked him if he thought Dan had conned me to get the property and he said no, he didn't think so. He said he is just a messed up loser. He said he is incapable of decency, hence the message breaking up with me over the phone. He probably wanted to make it work with me but couldn't do the time and probably met someone else just recently.

He said in a very sincere 23 year old way "I hate to say it, but for me the best way to get over someone is to go out with someone else. You are the prettiest 46 yo I have seen and I am going to fix you up with someone I know". I said please give me six months to get my head together or I will scare the daylights out of him. LOL

Now this convo did not make me feel better, only worse. I don't know why.

I think Dan had good intentions at one time, but between my AO's and his addiction to the bar life it just fell apart. I hope against hope still that what is happening is not real, but I do believe now that he met someone else just recently and now is justifying his treatment of me with my AO's and then saying that it is over because of my lack of understanding and all the turmoil, is rationalization.

But the part I can't get past is the trip and him laying blame at my feet that I was not understanding of his dad having risky surgery. Especially since it was all a lie. Where does one go with that, he can't possibly be able to justify that in his twisted head. Can he?

Not the same situation as an actual legal marriage but the time we lived together and even this last year of living apart sure feels like I was married. No legal vows were made but I was very much married to this man for all practical purposes, and especially in my heart.

I guess I am hoping that SH can tell if he conned me. This is something that I need to know. It is too horific for me to believe I loved someone who would do this cruel thing. I need to know. I am still determined to get over him for good and break this bad addiction I have to him, but I need to know where and how to file this chapter in my head, to be able to move on. I need to be able to understand what he has done and for what reason. It is driving me insane.

Your nephew is right on about his observation, though you're right that you need time.

Try 2 enjoy stuff, if you can.

-ol' 2long

I will 2long, and you do the same.

Weaves, I had posted this to you earlier this morning, and then deleted it, but I am going to go ahead and post it again and you can take it or leave it. . . it's just my opinion. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

From the very begininng of this horror, I have had a difficult time believing that your xbf was actively, consciously plotting against you. . .in regards to the island and everything else. I held my breath and watched as he made such great strides when there was no pressure or expectations between you -- I'm smiling as I'm remembering your sharing glimpses of his kindnesses and generousity, his helping you with your proeprties, etc. I just cannot fathom that all of that was done without one wit of concern for you or your feelings, that he never loved you. It's incomprehensible; your instincts are just not that wrong!

The only thing I can come up with in my heart is that he is truly a confused and tortured soul, and has no idea what he truly wants out of life. Is it another woman? Is it due to your AO? Weave, hun, there may be more to this picture than I am aware of, but the 2 AO you listed were mere smoke bombs compared to the lit lightning rods some men would have experienced! Those were called-for AOs in my book! No matter, it sounds like by then his mind was made up regardless, and you only gave him a means to an end. He is wounded, Weave, but you can't fix him; at this point I don't think anybody can.

I agree with your nephew.

You're too beautiful, too sacred and special, Weave. Love him one last time, in your heart, and let him go.

I'm sorry if this hurts you; please know that bringing you pain would never be my intention. . . I just want you to know that *I* think your instincts on this have always been correct. He never planned it to turn out this way. . . it just did.

Never doubt yourself, babe.


slh

weaver,

I posted on your other thread! I was so mad! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

I really hope that you get past this soon. I know that it is hard, but it is stooopid that the good keep getting hurt and the bad come out rationalizing...

Sometimes I HATE reading here, the pain is overwhelming. But I love the support and really want to give back, in the little ways that I can.

KNOW weaver, that even just by being here and reaching out, you are such a great person. Sometimes I get mad about the whole AO terminology, there should be a JAO=Justified AO, butI guess that everyone would think that their AOs were J.
I really hate that we all beat ourselves up, tho, for AOs that were really brought on by sitches out of our control (that we feel stuck in because of caring about another) and LIES!!!! I don't mean to rant, but this whole thing is kinda an example of the CR*p that BSs go thru. And it is so ridiculous that other people seem so heartless and DENSE. I'll be sending these bad vibes out to Dan tho.

Sending my GOOD vibes now (and no JD) your way,
jls

jls,

I read a post that AM Marten posted to Caren about how we react to the actions of a WS. I am trying to come to terms with my outburst because like AM they are so out of character for me, or were I think at one time.

When we post here, we are accepted and supported by people who have been there and understand.

I think this is the most valuable, priceless service anyone could ever receive.

You are a lot like me, I see it in your posts, and your sitch.

I am trying hard not to beat myself up any longer, and trying hard to follow that post of SS about valuing myself. It will be the hardest thing I have ever done I think, to learn to value myself.

I am so very thankful for you and all the people here that I just don't know how to put it into words.

We are going to be fine jls, all of us.

I loved my parents but one was an alcoholic and the other was a gambling addict, both died very prematurely. I have never been able to be angry with them, but I know instinctively that I haven't a clue what it means to be loved. I don't know that I could handle it if I ever got it. I simply don't know what it looks like.

But reading the posts here from people that I have come to respect more than words can say give me an idea of what love looks like.

I know it isn't supposed to hurt. And I know it isn't supposed to bring out the AO's in us.

I don't know anything else though. And I don't know how to change things around.

Dan has done me a favor by severing all contact with me. I can heal if I can't contact him. I know that this is all I need right now. To let go, and to heal. All else will be revealed in time.

For this moment I am at peace. I hope you are too jls.

Yesteray I wrote:

I'm sorry if this hurts you; please know that bringing you pain would never be my intention.


Hey Weave, I just wanted to make sure you were okay today, and that I wasn't way out of line by my post yesterday. I've been thinking of you so often these days and I truly never meant to inflict any harm on you by saying the things I did. I love you, Hon, and thought I was doing the right thing.


slh

I didn't even see that post, until now I went back and read it. I only saw jls's.

No, you didn't hurt me. I value your insight, and I hope for some reason that it is true he is very troubled and not truly evil.

I am talking to SH tomorrow morning because Orchid said he is very good at assessing a sitch, and I need to know what steps I can take to not fall into this again with him. If he ever comes back I have to be strong enough to know the difference between a changed man and one who is still a liar and a cheat. I don't ever want to know this kind of pain again.

I am so ashamed to say I would go back with him, if I could. There is something wrong with me. I need to find out how to change it.

I've been praying a lot and reading some scripture. I need God to guide me now because I am so confused one minute, angry the next, hurt the next, at peace for a moment and then WHAM starts all over again.

I am at work today, first day after vacation so it helps to be here somewhat.


SLH, his blaming me for getting angry about him backing out of our vacation, when he was lying in the first place is such classic fog behaviour. I read it here everyday. I know that is what it is. Don't know how long it has been going on though.

Knowing that there is woman going to be at property we bought for building our house for us and Paige after our wedding cuts me to the core. And that Paige and I won't be spending any time over there this summer hurts.

But hey, he did it to his last three wives, why would it be any different with me. WHEN will he get it. How long can people live that way.

I know it's good he is gone.

stilllovinghim,

I value and luv you too! Thank you for that.

(((Weaver)))

You are the greatest, you know that, right?

- Kimmy

Thanks Kimmy.

I was down in Firefox country last week you know. There is a Firefox museum there but we couldn't find it and kept forgetting until we were already on our way somewhere else.

Breathtakingly beautiful country down there!

weaver:

"But hey, he did it to his last three wives, why would it be any different with me. WHEN will he get it. How long can people live that way."

Most likely, he won't get it. It's now 4 and counting. Thankfully, it's no longer your problem.

-ol' 2long

I know you are right. It is going to take a little time for ME to get it though. I think I got it last summer, don't know how I ended up right back in the same place again.

weaver:

Same reason I keep getting sucked back in2 my own drama.

Like rubbernecking a car accident.

-ol' 2long

My God, I just did a search over my posts this last year and I am so dang dense.

I was trying to find when I started to let him in my life again and start loving him again. It was last Feb. he started coming around as a friend and doing nice things for us.

I read posts of mine when I went into Plan B in August and I was very content after three weeks, after five weeks he started writing and calling like crazy. I let him back in my life until I found out he was only committed to living with me and dating, no strings really or commitment. I WAS DEVASTATED by this last November. I had no contact with him for awhile again and I sounded strong and happy until I let him in in Feb.

I also wrote on here around Thanksgiving that I found piece by telling him that I would sign the island over to him at what I put into it, I wished him well and then joined Eharmony to move on. I couldn't do it, I couldn't start dating. That was in January.

I forgot that I had told him that about the property, he already had that in his head that I would sign it over to him. I forgot all about that, because he couldn't get the money back then.

What am I stupid?????? I sounded so good last summer and fall. I let him back in and he broke up with me and broke my heart all over again.

It's the first time he ever ended it with me btw, and so cold and cruely.

I sound like crap now. What happened to my resolve of last fall and summer not to settle for less than everything.

I know better than this. I was in control, and I gave it up to him.

And he ended it with me because he knew he had me, and I was weak and foolish. I was settling for him being an ahole. Hence the stupid bar scene.

I don't value myself, so why would he? He is not strong enough to do the right thing, and I let him get away with coming and going as he pleased all under the guise of being a friend.

He even told me he was not ready for a commitment.

I dreamed something up in my own head and pretended it was real.

I'm having major enlightenments here. He is troubled but so am I. I was not clear in what I wanted and needed. I didn't even know what I was doing.

I'm getting it now. He is not the only one screwed up.

weaver"

You grew three notches 2day.

-ol' 2long

((weaver))

HE took advantage, MHO. You may be screwed up, but just enuf to get screwed!!!

I gotta go, take D14 to friends and grocery store!

Will check back later,
jls

PS I saw your pic. You really are quite the looker (I'm not hitting on you, tho)!

Dang! And just when I thought something was happening here. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Okay, I am jotting down questions for Mr. Harley in the morning.

I told my daughter she had to stay in the house tonight (with no friends over and hang out with me) so this is to be quick.

What I hope to accomplish:

To have a good, healthy lasting relationship some day, if not possible with him because of his issues than with someone else.

And how can I learn to have a healthy relationship if I have never been in one.

If he calls or I run into him, what should I say? Should I confront or is that the old me I am trying to change.

What can I do to heal, to move on and become whole on my own?

I feel I can't date for a very long time, but then how will I learn to relate to healthy men?

What does healthy look like in a man? And what does it look like when a man is able to commit?



2long, thank you for your support and faith in me. It means so much because in my eyes, yrzee boss! You rock!

What I hope to accomplish:

To have a good, healthy lasting relationship some day, if not possible with him because of his issues than with someone else.

And how can I learn to have a healthy relationship if I have never been in one.

If he calls or I run into him, what should I say? Should I confront or is that the old me I am trying to change.

What can I do to heal, to move on and become whole on my own?

I feel I can't date for a very long time, but then how will I learn to relate to healthy men?

What does healthy look like in a man? And what does it look like when a man is able to commit?

Now you are getting somewhere.

Keep thinking along these lines. I wish I could talk more.......there's never enough time.


One of the ways you can recognize healthy is that when you set boundaries, the man respects them.

You get honesty, not what they think you want to hear.

I can't believe I have to go, just when you have a major breakthrough. Say hi to P for us, and do spend that time with her. BOTH of you need it.

SS

Hi everyone, and thank you once again for evening bothering to read to this muck.

I spoke with S.Harley this morning and he was worth every bit of the money, just to hear his take and advice to me.

We didn't really get around to talking about my questions, as we spent most of the time talking about the sad state of my emotional involvment with Dan, and his inability to have a lasting relationship.

He said he had two takes, one that Dan had conned me because of the finality and timeline of the breakup messages.

He found that very baffling because he normally people do not break up with that much finality.

He said the other take would be me my reaction to his cancelling the trip due to his dad's surgery (I had no reason to believe it was not true at that time). I do know his dad was gravely ill, but I don't know if his mom would have known about the surgery. Seems like she would have but this man left her years ago and Dan may not call her with reports.

He said my reaction was very telling to him of the bad state of the relationship. I have been obsessed and let go of my own life, Dan was my life. And this is true. It was very unhealthy even if I didn't even realize what I had allowed to happen. Dan had total control over my emotional state. Always has.

Steve said that a lawsuit would have value to me in that it would end my emotional attachment and I could move on. He said I would have NO LOVE left in the ole love bank after that.

I talked to another lawyer today who said he would take the case, thought it was a crap case and he would not take it unless I walked in with $7500. up front and that would get us to trial.

He said he would rather be Dan's lawyer, because his lawyer would get the gravy case.

It would take a year to go to trial and would require much time and depositions.

He would take it but made me promise to tell everyone that he advised against it. He does not like to be seen as the kind of atty who just takes people money when they very might well lose. He said I could win but he would have NO guarantee of the outcome. He said the jury might rule against me on the grounds of stupidy. Yep, he really said that. But he said it might go my way, and it would definately cost Dan a whole heap of money and grief.

SH and I agreed that a plan of NC with Dan what so ever for 6 months was necessary to get me back on track in my life and to be even able to see anything logically. Dan has that much hold on me, and as a master manipulator he could easily be back in my life as he pleased.

He said because of the level of the emotional involvement it must treated as an affair. NO CONTACT.

He said I would have to be vigilant, and to seek the support of friends to be able to maintain NC with him if he tries to see me.

We talked about what it would take for Dan to change a bit and that it would take motivation. He has no motivation to change for me. Never has because I always settled for whatever he offered me. Again my inability to maintain my own emotional health in a relationship with him.

So my goal is to become strong again and get back what I have lost of myself and my life.

It has been such an emotional day today.

Oh and the atty said that he would have to file on several grounds, fraud, misrepresentation (I forget what else) and that he may be able to get me some money on an emotional duress something or other.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Weaver,

I'm glad you're out and about - trying to sort this all out.

The news from the lawyers is disappointing.

Do you have any dirt on Dan? Tax evasion, embezzelment, old crimes...?

What is his weakest point? Where is he most vulnerable?

What if you talked to his kids (and grandkids) - tell them what's happened and that all you want is to undo the land deal - or even better - get a fair price?
Dan want's to retain their respect, right? Of course, if he's a prime charmer, he's got them wrapped up too, I suppose.

Is there any chance for a reverse con on him?

What's sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander.

-AD

Hi Faith!

AD,

A con for him? Sure but it would take more than I got right now. My only condolense at this point is it is a small town and every one is going to know what he has done, because I don't have a lot of friends but my friends have a lot of friends and so on.

Right now, I just hate him. I am filled with rage. Not the kind where I will go out and do something stupid and violent but a slow burning "women scorned" rage, as Pep said to Coach, but then it changes to misery often. But if I don't get any kind of sign soon that this has not been deliberate and that he used Paige and me as a means to an end, it might change to dileberate, calculated revenge. I don't know. It sure beats the hell out of depression and dispair.

I could get my act together and use my charms to screw him, but that would take discipline and time.

I might though. Just might give me some of that spunk I seemed to have lost back.

To have a good, healthy lasting relationship some day, if not possible with him because of his issues than with someone else.

Weaver... what does this mean?

GC

It means nothing Gray, absolutely nothing.

I think I know what I am going to do. It just hit me.

s*rew the high road, and always trying to be the good person.

Why not be the user for a change and show other users what it feels like?

Why not?

AD has given me the only idea I can stomach right now.

Gray, he totally *ucked me. He care's nothing for what he has caused me or anyone else.

So why not play to win for once. Why not play THEIR game?

Gray,

He likes the way I look. That is probably the only thing he likes about me, couple with my sensuality. And my ace in the hole. He is attracted to me physically. He likes thrills! That is his weak spot.

I could get my property back by playing his game. And I don't even care about the property. I want him to know what pain feels like.

I honestly believe now that he used me. He is on to the next women who won't expect anything from him, but has financial assets. I KNOW it, I think.

He's going to be having a good, roaring summer on the property with all his stupid parties, while he cares not what that has cost me.

If he cared at all, he would have let me know by now. If it was just cuz he was mad at my reaction to his cancellation of the trip.

This gives me energy, Gray. I just can't be the victim again.

>So why not play to win for once. Why not play THEIR game?


Because you'd FEEL FILTHY afterwards. Really. Do you think you could play it and NOT have it affect your character???? Look what it's done to Dan.................

You are so far better sister....eons more advanced morally. AND THAT'S WHY IT HURTS SO BAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Belive me. I know what I'm speaking of.

- Kimmy

Weaver,

I want to appologize for casually making such an immature (and irresponsible) suggestion. It was just something I fired off on impulse. Now, I'm rather desparate to talk you out of it. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

There are many problems with that path.

Before you go off on that - sit down and count the life-cost.

So, I'm sorry I suggested that. Stupid of me really.

Your life (and time) are more important than the money, and the only thing good you can get out of him - is the money.

Forgive me - and forget the idea of conning the man.
Listen to SH instead of me.

OK?

-AD

PS. Live like you want your daughter to live 20 years from now.

I already feel dirty. Don't you see? I have been used by men probably all my adult life.

I took care of my alcoholic dad for five years. With a baby under one arm and dad in the other, going from ER, to jails to rehab to court, and then starting all over again until he finally killed himself. Endlessly for five years.

I was brutally attacked and beaten in Reno by some stupid loser who I worked with in Reno when I was a bartender. What did I do, nothing. Came home and told no-one.

Coach would have a field day with me for this I am sure. I know so what Precious has gone through.

I've had it. I need to fight back, and I don't think court is going to cut it.

I'm fine. I just need to stand up for myself, for once and show this SOB that I am not a stupid weakling, little love sick girl who would give everything for his non extistance love.

What is so wrong with that? It makes perfect sense to me.

And maybe all it will take is for me to get my act together and live well, I just have to do something besides sit here trying to find the energy to go get a keyboard and read the bible. Maybe that is as far as it will go, but I know that everyday I am on this board now, trying to be a good person I am slowly dying in agony.

I love you all, but I have to get away from here and fight back somehow.

Weaver,

You are really hurting a lot right now.

I'm feeling like an idiot for making any suggestions to you at all.

<fill in all the usual cliches here>

Don't make me cry.

We are all rooting for you.

How's your relationship with DD's dad?
Is DD going for the weekend for father's day?

I'd hate for you to be alone. Get a girlfriend and go do something that has nothing to do with men. OK?

<more usual cliches here>

I don't know what to say - except... that the past is the past. Make a future one step at a time - that you can be proud of.

ARGHH. I keep trying to say...

All I can say is I feel really bad for you.

-AD

Hey Weave,

Go to the movies - OK?

No! Even better, find some kind of concert that you usually never go to, dress up and take DD with you. Search around for such a thing, plan it, do it!

-AD

OK, here's the wacky thing to do...

http://www.music.washington.edu/faculty/index.php?pg=event_detail_box&ID=28473

Is that within driving range?

A reading of Joyce's Ulysees <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> It will probably bore your DD to death! But afterwards you and she can make fun of it - mock the pomposity of it (if it's pompous), but maybe she's altogether too young.

But find something to take your mind off this mess! OK?

-AD

Weaver:

The best revenge isn't.

-ol' 2long

Weaver,

Allow me to remind you that you posted that Dan is a slimy, silver tongued devil. You acknowledge in several threads he can always get you to believe and to do anything he wants. You posted you know he is a selfish user if, not exactly evil. But you can never resist him.

So, please, this is absolute NC time. Finally. Stay completely away from him. Never look into his eyes ever again. Otherwise you will be right back at withdrawal day 1. No revenge is worth starting all this over again.

Weaver, Dan is a real loser. You do not even have to look farther than his three failed marriages. No one here wants you to just be number four.

I certainly do not respect Dan as a man. Shoot, I’d be happy to come on over and put his lights out for you if I were within a couple hundred miles of you. And I’m sure I’d have to stand in line.

So you just let him go, OK.

BTW, there sure seem to be a lot of men here on MB who respect you a great deal.

AD,

This has nothing to do with what you said, it was already brewing. You and 2long and SS and Gray are the most decent guys in the world. I know that you would never suggest taking anything other than the high road.

Revenge maybe isn't, 2long. But I have to find a way to get him back. I just have to.

And I will be fine. Maybe it will be just what the doctor ordered.

I can do it and be fine, I know it. I should have done it with the property, I should have done it when he deceived me into dating him, saying he was single.

Don't you see, someone has to give this @astard what he has given.

Please, please don't worry about me. I just can't stay on MB while I do it.

A girl who works for me said today to me that we could get him good, because this is our town, not his.

I don't want him in this town. I have to live here and look out to my island.

He isn't all what he thinks he is. And I am just going to show him a thing or two about messing with woodsmen, that's all.

Personally, I believe he needs to be punished. He has cheated you and your daughter out of your assets/Paige's inheritance. These things don't come easily. I'm glad you talked to SH and got some sound advice. It is dispicable behaviour and not acceptable. You made such a huge gesture handing over the property and he so quickly let you go. IMO he had no intention of hanging around and once he got what he wanted he probably thought there was no point beating about the bush.

Weaver - to take action will cost you a lot emotionally and financially. You will need support and love from family and friends. Act as you see fit. None of us are in your shoes. We cannot tell you what to do but we can send you our thoughts and prayers. I truly still can't believe this happened to you.

Weaver -

As always, if you need me EVER, I am here. You were a port in my personal storm whether you ever knew it or not. Your kindness and humanity called to me....

Here I am:

niosgirl@yahoo.com

I can identify with never being a victim again. Really. Don't want to relive it...but if you need me...........


All my love,
- Kimmy

hey folks...realtor needs some of your wisdom like right now...check her failure thread

Weaver, making a dramatic exit line and vanishing is not cool.

I love ya, but I must protest.

GC

weaver:

You yourself said that you're lawyer friend said it wouldn't be worth suing him.

What would revenge do? Teach him a lesson? After 3 failed marriages and an obvious demonstrated inability 2 be open and honest with you, do you sincerely believe he'll get it before he's in the ground?

We'd miss you.

-ol' 2long

weaver,

((((hugs girl))))

I am so sorry to hear about this. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

I think, instead of revenge, you need to get that keyboard and get that BIBLE, asap. Get the Vondermans NIV version. Modern language with all the good stuff that was found after the King James version.

Anywhoo, you need to step back and figure out what is healthiest for you, your dd and your future. You are worthy, and you need to think about what it is you need to change so you quit picking these losers. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

I am sorry for your loss. I also agree with SH, you need to treat this as an affair, and have NC. This guy has NEVER been straight with you.

Your exbf's charm and $1.15 will get you a cup of coffee where I work.

Just want you to know that I am praying for you, and vengeance is the Lords, not yours.

I know you are really hurt and you are reacting. Please try to step back from this. You are way more WORTHY than this. Believe it.

You are precious, to all of us here at MB, and to the Lord. Perhaps God wants you to learn something from this?

I know you trusted and wanted to believe the best in Dan. I too, want to believe in people. However, the older I get, the more I know who are my friends and who aren't.

Sorry you were so used. I am also sorry for your loss. (can't get the tears icon to work????)

I wish you peace, and am praying for you, for God's wisdom, weaver. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Love in Christ,
Miss M

Aphilion,

Thank you. I missed your post the other night. And yes I will not contact him. I do not think he will be coming back around either.

He is going to be at the island this weekend, I am sure because he was not there last and the nieghbor over there told me he was asking about renting a port-a-potty for some bash he is having on the 4th so I am sure he will be there making preparations.

But I will not go back there again, not even to confront. He is going to have to start convincing everyone I am crazy to justify what he has done, so I must act the opposite.

Plus, I think I might still have a little pride left, and I think I better keep it that way.

Miss M,

It made me feel good to see your post this morning. You have such a calming effect and I really need that right now.

I think I have been racing back and forth through the first four stages of grief these past five days, not at acceptance yet but it won't be long.

I have been praying, but even that isn't working too well right now.

And I know without any doubt that if he never realizes what he has done and repents/makes amends then he is truly damned and his life will not end in peace. Yep, his payment will come from within himself.

Just as we all know that the WS's in the sitch's on this forum who never repent and make things right will suffer the same fate.

TT,

I will be glad to get where you are right now. I know you are still suffering but you are in a relatively good place and holding your own.

Kimmy,

Thank you for always caring.

To the rest,

Thanks for putting up with my melodramatics.

weaver,

I am another person you have affected.Your kindness in posting to me at last year, when things really hit rock bottom for me, was so important ... and I have seen it time and time again - you seem to never fail in energy to help others.

I am confident that you will find a way to get this toxic person out of your life and move on. I think you have so much more important and better things to go on to. Things that will help you become who you want to be, things which will help you live the kind of life you want to live. I am sorry you are in pain.

Smur thank you.

You know staying on this board and drawing strength from each other is what is going to get me through this.

I wish I wasn't so self-centered right now. I must be getting somewhat to acceptance because my absorbness in myself is starting to nauseate me.

Hi weaver,

I just wanted to let you know I have been following your thread here and I am sorry you are having a tough time.You know,you will get through this too.I have confidence in you.Do give yourself plenty of time to grieve over this newest betrayal ok?

We all have our own time frames and if I listened to my WH who recently(this past week) told me that MB has no value,that I should be forgiving him already(trying to tell me how to practice MY spirituality when he is an atheist) and "move on",and that *I* need counseling(who is the one who really needs counseling I reminded him?) to get over all of this because I am still so angry...yada yada yada <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> well I don't listen to him at all anymore anyway.What does he know? Needless to say,I haven't been on MB the last few days dealing with some major setbacks in this D process and his attitude(in e-mails) which wreaks of control issues.Whatever.

MEN.<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" /> If you can put one man on the moon....why not the rest of them?? LOL

You have a good,kind heart weaver.You have the ability to learn from your mistakes even though it may take more than one go at it.Try to find that *self* love ok? No one can give that to you OR take it away,once it's there~

{{{HUGS}}}

O

Weaver, you are such a dear, wonderful person which is why so many here love you. I am so glad to hear you dropped the revenge idea. It is just not healthy for you and a bad example to your sweet daughter. We are here for you ok? {{Weaver}}

Weaver,

I'm glad to see you back. I was worried - and feeling responsible for making unwise suggestions to you at a time when you were "in a state".

Like Miss M said, try to focus your energies in positive directions. Did you ever hear the old country song ...

Keep On The Sunny Side

There's a dark and a troubled side of life
There's a bright and a sunny side too
Though we meet with the darkness and strife
The sunny side we also may view

Keep on the sunny side always on the sunny side
Keep on the sunny side of life
It will help us every day it will brighten all our way
If we keep on the sunny side of life

Oh the storm and its fury broke today
Crushing hopes that we cherish so dear
The clouds and storm will in time pass away
The sun again will shine bright and clear

Let us greet with a song of hope each day
Though the moment be cloudy or fair
Let us trust in our Savior always
To keep us every one in His care


Lyrics provided courtesy of Bluegrass Lyrics.Com!

-AD

Weaves!!!!

I am so glad you are back!!!!

I am at a loss for words! (Yes, me!) But know that I am thrilled and excited and happy and ecstatic. I missed all of your posts until long after they appeared and I was so saddened for you, and miserable that I couldn't say any words of goodbye before you left. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Your return has made my week.

Please stick around. So many people love you, Hon.


slh

Weaver:

I'm glad you're back 2. I "sang" you this song at one of gc's campfire programs, but you may not have seen it:

For weaver, if she's reading here (I hope she is!):

Tonio K., "Living Doll"

"She was looking good
She was a beautiful girl
From a tenth generation American dream world.
To look at her you'd never guess
That she could hurt so bad in such a beautiful dress

'Cause

1. She had the perfect smile
2. She'd been the perfect child
3. She looked as if she had it all

She was a living doll!

She'd been looking around for a new situation
Beyond sex and short-term stimulation.
'Cause everyone she'd ever known
Had treated her like something they owned,

So

1. She played the little girl
2. She was afraid of the whole wide world
3. She felt so helpless and so small

She was a living doll!

She'd never been given a minute of love
Unless she met the conditions.
And it made her so mad that her heart froze up
And the pain turned into a prison.

It was a miracle when she came to life
When true love cut through the pain like a knife.
Now when the coast is clear and the past is buried
Who knows - she might even get married.

1. She kinda met this guy
2. He ain't perfect but he's alright
3. Now she can't wait for him to call
4. He kinda likes her too
5. She ain't perfect but he says she'll do
6. He keeps her picture on the wall

'Cause he thinks she's a living doll!"

I'm speachless, and a little overwhelmed reading this. When I was on the phone with SH he mentioned how incredible the members here are. It's so true.

2long, somehow I can picture you guys sitting around drinking beer and singing songs. More like sailor songs and of course Gray, actually being a singer will have his earplugs in and be just a smiling. Posting that song for me was really nice of you. Thank you, I feel vert blessed.

Even AD is quoting lyrics now. lol

I just got off the phone with one of my fishing boat clients and he told me that the boats wouldn't be in the water next week as he was shutting down. He's tired he says and since it's a full moon week next week he is shutting down.

He said that on a full moon week, the catch drops by 1/2 to 3/4 of the catch the week following and preceding. That all sorts of wierd things happen such as the nets get real slimey, the barameters are off and the fish might swim to the net but don't enter it, and they swim high. Also they are never in the usual places.

Interesting heh.

O'girl, you make me laugh sometimes. You are one tough cookie. He said you are the one who needs counseling? Too funny.

Slh,
I'll see you at Grays this weekend, eh?

Weaver,

You sound Good! Makes me smile.

For a landlubber, I always like sea references in songs. And I'll here reveal that I'm an old religious softy of the teary-eyed variety. Thus the following song hits me with a "double whammy".

Do you know the "Navy Hymn?" It's of English origin as most sea-songs are. But to me, (tearing up already) it is not just about the sea, but the sea and it's storms are a metaphore for life.

Words and music : http://www.niehs.nih.gov/kids/lyrics/navyhymn.htm
History and words: http://www.history.navy.mil/faqs/faq53-1.htm

(seriously teary-eyed now, since I looked at the words again)

In Weaver's honor, the last verse should be sung...

O Trinity of love and power!
Our sister shield in danger's hour;


The Navy Hymn

Eternal Father, Strong to save,
Whose arm hath bound the restless wave,
Who bid'st the mighty Ocean deep
Its own appointed limits keep;
O hear us when we cry to thee,
for those in peril on the sea.

O Christ! Whose voice the waters heard
And hushed their raging at Thy word,
Who walked'st on the foaming deep,
and calm amidst its rage didst sleep;
Oh hear us when we cry to Thee
For those in peril on the sea!

Most Holy spirit! Who didst brood
Upon the chaos dark and rude,
And bid its angry tumult cease,
And give, for wild confusion, peace;
Oh, hear us when we cry to Thee
For those in peril on the sea!

O Trinity of love and power!
Our brethren shield in danger's hour;
From rock and tempest, fire and foe,
Protect them wheresoe'er they go;
Thus evermore shall rise to Thee,
Glad hymns of praise from land and sea.

-----

*wiping eyes "sorry, I've got a soft spot for that one."*

-AD

Dear Weaver,

Welcome.

Thanks.

SS

Now your making me cry AD. That is beautiful.

Sting put out an album about 10 yrs ago which mostly about the sea. His dad was a fisherman in England, and not a very good dad. So the album was actually cathartic for him but some really beatiful sea songs on it.

I'll post the name for you when I remember it.

I've been following your thread AD, but have nothing so far to contribute right now.

Well he called this a.m. and asked why I called his mom. I said I called her because I was upset after hearing his messages (duh). He said the surgery was the truth, and he doesn't normally keep his mom up to date with his dad because she has been married 25 years to someone else, etc.

He said he was very upset too that week after he called to cancel the trip, and why didn't I call his DD to get a message to him? I don't have her number any longer. Why he didn't call me back after hanging up on me? I didn't ask, and he didn't say.

The convo was very, very short. I said that I didn't want to have bad thoughts about him forever haunting me and hoped he had not had bad intentions all this time, and that I had always loved him. I also said I am sorry for any hurt I caused him with my angry words. He said "I have issues", and I said yes. Then I said I have to go, and he said okay.

That was it, the entire goodbye conversation. He said very little, and I said a little more but not much.

Maybe I shouldn't have said what I said but I had always loved him and desparately needed it to end on a loving note from my end.

I have things going on with my tenents (non payment) and also construction workers out back to deal with (yeah).

I am okay, in a good place but sadder (I doubt wiser since I don't know if I should have said loving words to him now).

Se lest vi (sp)

Hi weaver.

When the person I loved most betrayed and rejected me, I was confused and terrified. You gave me comfort when I was falling apart. I'll always be grateful.

La la la la la la.

GC <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

I feel the same way about you Gray. The silver lining in this cloud which has descended upon our lives is that we have friends who know our pain. blech, blech and double blech.

"No one said it would be easy,
no one said it would be this hard..."

LET THE GOOD TIMES ROLL!!!

Hey Gray?

Van Morrison, "Into the Mystic"

We were born before the wind
Also younger than the sun
Ere the bonnie boat was won as we sailed into the mystic
Hark, now hear the sailors cry
Smell the sea and feel the sky
Let your soul and spirit fly into the mystic

And when that fog horn blows I will be coming home
And when that fog horn blows I want to hear it
I don’t have to fear it
I want to rock your gypsy soul
Just like way back in the days of old
Then magnificently we will float into the mystic
And when that fog horn blows you know I will be coming home
And when thst fog horn whistle blows I got to hear it
I don’t have to fear it
I want to rock your gypsy soul
Just like way back in the days of old
And together we will float into the mystic
Come on girl...

Not really about sailing, but there is a ship involved!:

Ray Thomas (Moody Blues), "The Last Dream"

A simple man had the strangest dream.
He stood in a garden of flowers
That overlooked the sea.
And there sailing by
were his truth and his lies going home.

While all around the sweetest sounds
Filled the air with love.
They made his senses pound.
He saw with open mind,
His life turn with the tide to go home.

Memories of youth had passed before.
He and he alone could count the score.
For he was free, he was free.
This was his last dream.

Such melodies are made to sing.
The mellow sounds within a thousand violins.
Caught upon the breeze,
They play in harmony, sweet harmony.

At last he knew his act was through.
With no applause and no encores,
Though the house was full.
So bring the curtain down.
Lay him in the ground,
For he's gone home.

Memories of youth had passed before.
He and he alone could count the score.
Now he is free, he is free.
This was his last dream.

*********************

-ol' 2long

Oh I love The Moody Blues.

Trying to open bearshare, but dang it won't open.

weaver:

I keep forgetting the thingy you use 2 download 2nes!

Ray Thomas did 2 solo albums. That song is on the 2nd one.

-ol' 2long

Well I got it open and searched under Ray Thomas - nothing.

I'm feeling very melancholy.

This is what I should have said to that tortured, lost man. And why oh why do I always have to be loving to someone who is unworthy. It is a flaw in my character, and I just don't know why.

I should have said -

"You brought pain, darkness and deception into my happy home. You hurt me and DD. We loved and trusted you. You have brought only pain and misery, you took love from us and replaced it with pain, lies and doubt. It's a good thing you can't read, because then you might read Dante's "Inferno", and would know what is in store for you."

Why can't I ever tell the truth.

Weaver:

I think you said the right thing. Now you can go forward with no regrets.

-ol' 2long

I hope so 2long. I hope that I have done what love would require of me.

Now this song is for you. Because I know of the deep love you have for your wife and the way you struggle with what is right, and what is best for her as well as for you.

For 2long, and the memory of what could be with Mrs. 2long -

John Denver "Perhaps Love"

Perhaps love is like a resting place
A shelter from the storm
It exists to give you comfort
It is there to keep you warm
And in those times of trouble
When you are most alone
The memory of love will bring you home

Perhaps love is like a window
Perhaps an open door
It invites you to come closer
It wants to show you more
And even if you lose yourself
and don't know what to do
The memory of love will see you thru

O love to some is like a cloud
To some as strong as steel
For some a way of living
For some a way to feel
And some say love is holding on
And some say letting go
And some say love is everything
Some say they don't know

Perhaps love is like the ocean
Full of conflict full of pain
Like a fire when it's cold outside
A thunder when it rains
If I should live forever
And all my dreams come true
My memories of love will be of you

And some say love is holding on
And some say letting go
And some say love is everything
Some say they don't know

Perhaps love is like the ocean
Full of conflict full of pain
Like a fire when it's cold outside
A thunder when it rains
If I should live forever
And all my dreams come true
My memories of love will be of you

Weaver:

That's cool! I don't think I've ever heard that one before.

Thanques,
-ol' 2long