Hi guys,

My W feels that I keep the A alive by continuing to post here on MB.

We talked about that briefly this past weekend but if she feels that then out of deference to her I will no longer post here on MB.

It isn't a "done deal" but it looks that way to me.
Don't cha think?
Hiker

Keep the woman happy Hiker.

Tell her "hi" from me.

Pep<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

you will be missed. Best of luck to you.

Best of luck in your M, Hiker. You will be missed.

Hiker,

Thank you for the generous time you gave to me when I first joined MB.

All the best to you.

Alph.

Take care, Hiker, you will be missed! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Good luck with your continued recovery. You were very helpful shedding insight from FWS.

Best Wishes

Wait a minute... What about POJA?

Hiker is working on his issues, he bounces thoughts and ideas issues off the board, he comes here with questions...

Does he want to leave?

Maybe he's getting more out of MB than his W understands.

Hiker, how do you feel about leaving? Is this easy, no biggie or is this something you would like to negotiate? How is she making you Enthusiastic about leaving? Will this be re-evaluated for effectiveness at a future point in time?

Just wondering...

I think I agree with Drucilla, although by no means does this mean I am going against Pep or MEL, for God's sake!!

But if the WS or FWS requests that we not come to MB anymore... is that it? What if they ask this say, one month after Dday?

Is there a time frame when a BS or WS no longer needs answers from MB.

Or how about to GIVE advice, encouragement, and insight to the other poor souls, like me, that find themselves here?

What if Squid told Mr Pure not to log on anymore or Pep's and Mel's sig. other said no more. What a loss for the rest of us. And what a loss when Hiker goes.

But I guess if it's her way or the highway, then Hiker, I will miss you.

Have you told her the good you do here and the people you help?

k

I agree Dru. it's too valuable a resource to simply just throw away. What if books, IC, MC or other self help were "keeping the affair alive" ? Are you supposed to just wing it for her sake? To be honest it sounds like she wants to sweep the whole thing under the rug. Not good and a bit selfish IMO.

IMO you should try to come to some agreement if you feel this place helps you. My W and I have one. I almost only post from work (self employed so no issues). Leaving home time for our family.

Hiker,

I agree with the folks above.How do YOU feel about MB? There has to be some compromise here or it becomes the my way or the highway ultimatum unless you truly want to do this for her.Being here,IMO,does not keep the A alive but helps marriages and couples in all apsects of their relationship.

What is wrong with posting maybe,once a week or something like that? I don't know if your BW ever came here but if she did,she would realize how wonderful it is for so many and it's not a threat.JMVHO.

O

Hiker,

Just realized you were the WS. On the one hand you have the wishes of the BS maybe having more import than your own at this juncture, but on the other hand you have a glove. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Seriously, for a WS to come here and read all the grief and agony the BS's feel makes you so much more aware of the effect of your actions.

Print out Coach's reply to Terribley Sorry and show it to her. It may change her mind. Has she ever checked out MB?

That's all I got.

k

EDIT TO READ: It was Coach's reply to Deeply Sorry. I bumped it up for ya.

Bumped so they are next to each other.

Hello again

As originaly stated:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It isn't a "done deal"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It, that posting is keeping the A alive, was something my W said this weekend.

dru

It isn't easy to leave. I get a lot from so many here. The BS's remind me of the pain and devastation. But it isn't just that words of encouragement to others somehow is uplifting to me as well.

It is obvious that W and I need to talk.

I do express feelings here that I usually hold on to otherwise. It is sometimes easier for me to write than to verbalize my thoughts. When I write it I can look at it and revise it before "I let it out."

As usual you guys have given me cause to think.
H

Hi Hiker,

I bet this will be a deep topic of conversation for you two. It's probably a good point in all this to see how you two are doing.

One thing would be to have her define 'keeping the A alive'. Does she worry you are thinking about OP specifically, or is she worried you are longing for ...something? I think by figuring out exactly what she's concerned about you may be able to alleviate her worries about MB. Or, you may sympathise completely, and happily leave.

Best of luck to you both <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> - Dru

Drucilla


She would say "Yes". Which of course I understand. My answer is "Yes" as well. How do you erase a memory? I don't obsess about the OW like "I wonder what she is doing now?" But my mind does go "back there." More in relation to regret,dumb decisions in with the pile of other mistakes I've made(I know why carry that Bull S around...my mind is made of velcro <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />) and towards MB specifically, "How can I help this person understand a WS?" and "How can I better understand myself?"(You'd think I'd have it by now...sigh <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />)
H

Hiker:

Speaking as a BS, I can understand your W's anxiety about this site.

I agree with the need to ask her specifically about her concerns.

She might feel more comfortable if you invite her to come here to learn what MB is all about.

My FWH and I have a strict our lives are an "OPEN BOOK" policy. Maybe this is a trigger for her, thinking that there are people here that she does not know or that you may be talking about "secrets"...

As you likely know, she needs alot of comforting and reassurance right now. I know I get anxious about anything that my FWH gets involved in that I don't know all about. My anxiety is allayed when he shares openly with me.

Mimi,

W does know all about this site and read my post regularly. When MB went to the new format she stopped reading...No excuse just the facts(I mean she didn't know how to get to the new site...we didn't talk about it).

I usually share items that she might consider sensitive before I post them so she would be the "first to know" and could edit what I wrote if she wanted. I haven't been doing too much of that as of late since I really have been focusing on others rather than our situation.

Thanks for your POV it does help me to understand my W's "take" on things.
H