|
|
Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 953
Member
|
OP
Member
Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 953 |
Hi guys,
My W feels that I keep the A alive by continuing to post here on MB.
We talked about that briefly this past weekend but if she feels that then out of deference to her I will no longer post here on MB.
It isn't a "done deal" but it looks that way to me.
Don't cha think?
Hiker
ME WS
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996 |
Keep the woman happy Hiker. Tell her "hi" from me. Pep<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 1,743
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 1,743 |
you will be missed. Best of luck to you.
KMEJ
3 beautiful sons,and 1 beautiful daughter!
Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me....
I guess it is shame on me.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 11,539
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 11,539 |
Best of luck in your M, Hiker. You will be missed.
Faith
me: FWW/BS 52 H: FWH/BS 49
DS 30
DD 21
DS 15
OCDS 8
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 2005
Posts: 1,724
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: May 2005
Posts: 1,724 |
Hiker,
Thank you for the generous time you gave to me when I first joined MB.
All the best to you.
Alph.
Me, BS 37
Him, WXH (Noddy) 40
DD13, DD6
Married 14th August 1993
D/Day 2nd April 05
Noddy left us 3rd April 05, lives with OW (Omelette) 28
Divorce final 6th July '06.
Time wounds all heels... - Groucho Marx
...except when it doesn't. - Graycloud
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
Take care, Hiker, you will be missed! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 1,978
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 1,978 |
Good luck with your continued recovery. You were very helpful shedding insight from FWS.
Best Wishes
aka-confused42
BS-45 me
WH-42
DS-14 & DD-12
together 21 yrs, married 18.5yrs
"I love you but not IN love with you" speech 6/3/04
D-Day 2/25/05; WH moved out 3/15/05 & back too soon 3/22/05...He left again 5/8/06
5/25/06 Plan B.....NC letter 6/18/06
Recovery finally began Jan 2007
We are IN love again!!!Sept 2007
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Feb 2003
Posts: 3,042
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Feb 2003
Posts: 3,042 |
Wait a minute... What about POJA?
Hiker is working on his issues, he bounces thoughts and ideas issues off the board, he comes here with questions...
Does he want to leave?
Maybe he's getting more out of MB than his W understands.
Hiker, how do you feel about leaving? Is this easy, no biggie or is this something you would like to negotiate? How is she making you Enthusiastic about leaving? Will this be re-evaluated for effectiveness at a future point in time?
Just wondering...
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 2,033
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 2,033 |
I think I agree with Drucilla, although by no means does this mean I am going against Pep or MEL, for God's sake!!
But if the WS or FWS requests that we not come to MB anymore... is that it? What if they ask this say, one month after Dday?
Is there a time frame when a BS or WS no longer needs answers from MB.
Or how about to GIVE advice, encouragement, and insight to the other poor souls, like me, that find themselves here?
What if Squid told Mr Pure not to log on anymore or Pep's and Mel's sig. other said no more. What a loss for the rest of us. And what a loss when Hiker goes.
But I guess if it's her way or the highway, then Hiker, I will miss you.
Have you told her the good you do here and the people you help?
k
CORDUROY PILLOWS ARE MAKING HEADLINES!!
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 1,852
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 1,852 |
I agree Dru. it's too valuable a resource to simply just throw away. What if books, IC, MC or other self help were "keeping the affair alive" ? Are you supposed to just wing it for her sake? To be honest it sounds like she wants to sweep the whole thing under the rug. Not good and a bit selfish IMO.
IMO you should try to come to some agreement if you feel this place helps you. My W and I have one. I almost only post from work (self employed so no issues). Leaving home time for our family.
Last edited by Racer X; 05/31/05 05:39 PM.
Moving on, is a simple thing, It's what you leave behind that's hard. - Dave Mustaine
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 3,380
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 3,380 |
Hiker,
I agree with the folks above.How do YOU feel about MB? There has to be some compromise here or it becomes the my way or the highway ultimatum unless you truly want to do this for her.Being here,IMO,does not keep the A alive but helps marriages and couples in all apsects of their relationship.
What is wrong with posting maybe,once a week or something like that? I don't know if your BW ever came here but if she did,she would realize how wonderful it is for so many and it's not a threat.JMVHO.
O
BW(me)40
DDay 10/11/03
Divorcing
'The Reformer'- enneagram type 1
~Let Higher Minds Prevail~
---------------
~Life isn't complicated,we make it that way~
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 2,033
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 2,033 |
Hiker, Just realized you were the WS. On the one hand you have the wishes of the BS maybe having more import than your own at this juncture, but on the other hand you have a glove. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> Seriously, for a WS to come here and read all the grief and agony the BS's feel makes you so much more aware of the effect of your actions. Print out Coach's reply to Terribley Sorry and show it to her. It may change her mind. Has she ever checked out MB? That's all I got. k EDIT TO READ: It was Coach's reply to Deeply Sorry. I bumped it up for ya.
Last edited by krusht; 05/31/05 09:29 PM.
CORDUROY PILLOWS ARE MAKING HEADLINES!!
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 2,033
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 2,033 |
Bumped so they are next to each other.
CORDUROY PILLOWS ARE MAKING HEADLINES!!
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 953
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 953 |
Hello again
As originaly stated:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It isn't a "done deal"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It, that posting is keeping the A alive, was something my W said this weekend.
dru
It isn't easy to leave. I get a lot from so many here. The BS's remind me of the pain and devastation. But it isn't just that words of encouragement to others somehow is uplifting to me as well.
It is obvious that W and I need to talk.
I do express feelings here that I usually hold on to otherwise. It is sometimes easier for me to write than to verbalize my thoughts. When I write it I can look at it and revise it before "I let it out."
As usual you guys have given me cause to think.
H
Last edited by Hiker; 05/31/05 11:37 PM.
ME WS
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Feb 2003
Posts: 3,042
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Feb 2003
Posts: 3,042 |
Hi Hiker, I bet this will be a deep topic of conversation for you two. It's probably a good point in all this to see how you two are doing. One thing would be to have her define 'keeping the A alive'. Does she worry you are thinking about OP specifically, or is she worried you are longing for ...something? I think by figuring out exactly what she's concerned about you may be able to alleviate her worries about MB. Or, you may sympathise completely, and happily leave. Best of luck to you both <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> - Dru
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 953
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 953 |
Drucilla Does she worry you are thinking about OP specifically? She would say "Yes". Which of course I understand. My answer is "Yes" as well. How do you erase a memory? I don't obsess about the OW like "I wonder what she is doing now?" But my mind does go "back there." More in relation to regret,dumb decisions in with the pile of other mistakes I've made(I know why carry that Bull S around...my mind is made of velcro <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />) and towards MB specifically, "How can I help this person understand a WS?" and "How can I better understand myself?"(You'd think I'd have it by now...sigh <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />) H
ME WS
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 15,310
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 15,310 |
Hiker:
Speaking as a BS, I can understand your W's anxiety about this site.
I agree with the need to ask her specifically about her concerns.
She might feel more comfortable if you invite her to come here to learn what MB is all about.
My FWH and I have a strict our lives are an "OPEN BOOK" policy. Maybe this is a trigger for her, thinking that there are people here that she does not know or that you may be talking about "secrets"...
As you likely know, she needs alot of comforting and reassurance right now. I know I get anxious about anything that my FWH gets involved in that I don't know all about. My anxiety is allayed when he shares openly with me.
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 953
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 953 |
Mimi,
W does know all about this site and read my post regularly. When MB went to the new format she stopped reading...No excuse just the facts(I mean she didn't know how to get to the new site...we didn't talk about it).
I usually share items that she might consider sensitive before I post them so she would be the "first to know" and could edit what I wrote if she wanted. I haven't been doing too much of that as of late since I really have been focusing on others rather than our situation.
Thanks for your POV it does help me to understand my W's "take" on things.
H
Last edited by Hiker; 06/01/05 04:05 PM.
ME WS
|
|
|
|
0 members (),
260
guests, and
66
robots. |
|
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
|
|
