Dang,

Don't know whether to start 2 posts, cause there has been so much happening.

First, I want you all to know that I found out last Saturday that my mom is dying of pancreatic (sp?) cancer. It looks like I will have to move her here from Montana, if I can, to Seattle and deal with it here. Mind you, my dad died of cancer in 1995, and my brother of cancer in 1998. I seemed to do okay with that, but my mom is all I have left, so I kind of fell apart when I found out.

My H has promised that he will be here this time for me. He was not available for me when my dad died. I dropped everything and took care of him till the end. First time I left my family. Everything fell apart. H had phone sex starting the first night I left for the southern US to take care of dad, spent all the money and I came home with $150.00 which had to go for the water bill, cause they came the day after I got home to shut it off. And by the way there was enough money to pay for everything while I was gone. Not there for my brother's death either. Or my Oldest son getting out of prison. (long story that. Did not have custody of son in teen years, ex abusive H had custody and died while oldest son was in prison) Oh, that's right, H was having an affair and encouraged me to stay with son and not come home. Gee, I wonder why? Gee I just can't seem to bring up that tears icon???

Well, I suppose this is a trigger for me. I woke up about 4 am the day I found out, my H was out of town on a gig, and I wandered around half asleep calling for him until I realized he wasn't there. He has been great since he came home tho. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Anywhoo, lots of other things have happened in the last 2 months on top of this latest with my mom. I am feeling like a deer in the headlights.

Oh, and there was contact in April of this year with exow. My daughter seemed to need some kind of closure there, and emailed ow. You would not BELIEVE the response.

All I can say is that the Lord gave me the verse in Proverbs that says "the adulterous woman wipes her lips and says I have done nothing wrong." I am so fortunate that my DD did not reply. It was stressful. My poor H. He felt so VERY bad. I will post about this if anyone is interested.

Please pray for me everyone, I need some strength to get Thru this.

My mom is great. She told me she will be going to see my dad and my brother and that she is happy. Go figure. I am so sad. This is the last of my immediate family I was raised with. Sigh. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> My mom has such a great attitude, I love her so much. I was one year away from moving closer to her and being able to be there for her. But, not my will, but the Lord's. He is calling her home. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Please pray that I will have the strength to get thru this.

Thank you all,

Love in Christ,
Miss M

of course I post way too late at night when no one is about. LOL. That would be ME!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Only time I have some time. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Love in Christ,
Miss M

I can make a pledge for prayers, but will leave the advice to the experts. Please share more info about your DD, though. Enquiring minds want to know. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Okay NSYN,

Here it is verbatum, with the usual bleeps. Starting with my DD.

ow,

Wow...This is a long time coming. You won't figure who is writing you this letter of grievance until probably thee end of this message. I will not tell you my name, but you will surely understand. I am 20 years old now about five years from the time that you called me and my mother psycho and said my mother had mental issues. Do you realize that you have never met me nor my mother. I would like to inform you that my mother first of all is a beautiful woman inside in out despite your opinions earlier on even though you didn't know her. You are truly a home wrecker. I will never fully understand the relations between you and my father back then, but I do know that your accusations were false and self gratifying. I do not hate you, because I am better than to destroy one's personality and self worth upon judgment. It is one thing to be that other woman, but it is another to know of the others family and toy with that thinking you're in control. Now what exactly was that control ****? That is your name??? Why did you feel that you even had a place? Why did you even make the selfish effort to f**k with my family?? I have so many frustrating questions that it could eat me alive trying to think of all the one's that have passed through my brain throughout the years. My mother conceived me. It took my fathers sperm and my mothers eggs to create me. Despite what my father has done we are connected by blood. That is more fierce than your vinegar and oil. You fed into destruction and destroyed so many moments of happiness that I could have experienced as a child. The funniest thing is that you are not even attractive, but what sucks even more for yourself is that you can't even back it up with a good heart. **** you are evil. I hope that you understand that your choices and actions have hurt my family. I am not blaming this all on you, but you fed into the temptation and pursued this destruction. ***** ***** is my father and I still love him, but he has made amends with me in my life. Can you imagine as a 15 year witnessing your mother huddling in a corner for three days without drink nor food sobbing and sobbing, and six weeks of continous agony, sufferring and losing rapid wieght due to abnormal appetite. Do you even know what that does to a child!!!!! BUT YOU WEREN"T THINKING ABOUT HER YOU WANTED TO HURT HER!!!!!! YOU EVEN TRASHED ME!!!!!! Can you even contemplate the pain? No...because you are not in it...your are the aggressor.

I needed to get closure because you have managed to stick within my thoughts. I wanted you to know that I have not forgotten.

P.S My mother and father have no idea about this message...I wouldn't recommend contacting them. This is between you and I. I just needed closure.

Have a nice life

PS. My DD did let me know because of her good conscience.


And Here is the Reply from exow:


I was always hoping to hear from you. You have been in my thoughts from time to time.

It makes no difference what I say to you.......There is nothing I could say that could change your opinion of me. Perhaps we will meet someday.......it would be nice to look in your eyes.

I know how incredibly healing it is to write.....I am a teacher and a writer as well as a musician. My relationship with your father was that of a friend in need when he was so troubled.........quite the contrary of what some folks may have conceived it to be. Perhaps someday he will tell you how much he needed someone to confide it at that time of his life........kind of a short term buddy that would listen without judging him.

I have been married for 4 years and live in ****. If you would ever like to talk to me or meet me I would be willing to do that.

Sometimes it's easier to hold onto the anger. Somehow it is easier to keep it inside than to let it all go.

I am here if you ever need to talk and completely let go of your pain. You can even yell and scream at me....I have a daughter your age that does it all the time.....mothers are used to it.

Sincerely,
exow

Can you even believe this? Like I said, the adulterous woman wipes her mouth and says, I have done nothing wrong.
As I had a reply from TooOldForThis: What does this woman think she is, some angel that was sent to help my H? Anyway, TOFT said it way better than this, and it made me feel alot better. I just felt so bad for my DD.

NSYN,
you do not know my whole story, but this woman had a mission, and it was to destroy me. My fws had a cell phone that he got to contact ow, he never changed the code, which I set up for him, and I was privy to every voicemail ow sent. It was very, very ugly. I however, was as wise as a snake and as innocent as a dove. I knew, and responded appropriately (which was basically no response, I just did the opposite of what I was hearin on those voicemails, I was Miss NICE. However, it was very painful. God delivered our marriage. Not me. My H is great these days, and we aare very very close to full recovery. I am just so sorry my DD has so much pain after all this time. And yes, I did fall apart after D Day. And yes ow did not give up after fws said no more, there was no NC letter, it was a sweet, mushy goodbye, continued contact for some time, and she stalked me for 4 months after fws said we were back together, until she found someone new, and yes, she tried to sleep with fws friends, and yes she was having sex with someone in the same band fws was in before she went after him, and there is lots more, but it is all in the past.

No, I am not bitter, and I do not worry about this as I let this all go long ago.

And yes, my DD knew 2 months before I did, but she never told me because she did not want to break my heart.

So there it is everyone.

Love in Christ,
Miss M

Miss M I'd burn her freakin' house down.
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Though I will say OPs rarely contribute anything positive to a marriage either in and affair or after it.

Best not communicate with them other than by way of notes attached to molotov cocktails. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

* PS I do not advocate actually burning down the houses of OPs. Well only mine.

My Mom and much of my family died from the Big C. You are RIGHT to want to stick closely to her at this time. I have found its best for THEM and for YOU.

My Mom passed away an she and I had nothing left unsaid. Mutual love, respect, faith.

My dear MIL is now in the last stages of cancer too. Squid is gutted, but is sticking closely and its working.

I sometimes wonder if Cancer and Infidelity aren;t the two best pestilences Satan uses against us. One makes dying hell, one makes living hell. But doing the right thing we WIN for good.

Regarding your extra sadness as Mom is "all you have left", many years ago my father was on his deathbed. His huge, strong frame reduced to bone and skin by congestive cardiac failure.

I visited him, comatose,on the moning of his death. I held his hand and sobbed.

Dad pulled himself conscious and squeezed my hand.
" Don't cry son, its supposed to be this way. You're a strong, good man. I have done my job well".

Dad slipped away a few hours later.

Its horrible to lose our parents missM, and I won't lie and tell you that you won;t feel like an Orphan when Mom goes ( because you WILL - I still do sometimes) but its RIGHT that our folks get called home leaving us grown and strong to take their place.

Also as I am sure you learned from your Dad and yoru brother - your Mom is alive till the SECOND that she's not. Speak, laugh , cry, eat together often.

MIL is 87 and VERY poorly. Yet we took her for a Thai lunch last week and she enjoyed it !

All blessings to your family missM. This stranger's prayer goes out to you this day.

Thanks Bob,

I appreciate your advice, I will, and I mean WILL understand that my mom is alive until the second she is not, and I will cherish every moment.

And if I ever wanted to burn down ow's house, it was after her reply to my baby DD!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> LOL!!

Thank you for your prayers, We sure need them now. God Bless you and squid Bob, and MIL too!! Prayers for you and your W at this time.

Love in Christ,
Miss M

Bump up^ <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I know wrongtime and the weekend <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />, will try to bump for more replies at a better time.

Love in Christ,
Miss M

oops, double post

Love in Christ,
Miss M

The curses in the Bible have encouraged me as much as the blessings.

Isaiah 54:15 - Behold, they shall surely gather together, but not by me: whosoever shall gather together against thee shall fall for thy sake.

I really liked the verses that come right after this, too, about how all the weapons in the world belong to the Lord, and He has power to lay waste the enemies of His people. Then it ends with this in v. 17:

No weapon that is formed against thee shall prosper; and every tongue that shall rise against thee in judgment thou shalt condemn. This is the heritage of the servants of the LORD, and their righteousness is of me, saith the LORD.


Your HERITAGE is her condemnation. It may not happen as fast as you would like (or me, or anyone else who knows an OP in serious need of condemnation), but it will happen. You have a thus saith the Lord to back it up.

Thanks for bumping this up so we'uns could have a chance to see it.

Thanks for the reply NSYN,

You know it took me awhile to get your name down.

I'm not stupid, just slow!!! LOL

Thanks for the scripture, I do need them. I do no want revenge. God told me a loooong time ago that vengeance is the Lords, not mine. I do not return evil for evil. But it does not mean I am not a mother bear.

I just hurt so much for my DD, that she wrote ow after almost 5 years. I just thank God she did not reply.

Thanks again, praying for your continued recovery. God is wonderful don't you think? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Love in Christ,
Miss M

Amen to that! Even when His people go out to battle, He always tells them, "Sit back, don't worry. I'm going to fight this for you. When I have something for you to do, I'll let you know."

I have prayed for literal death to the OM. I do not know if it is biblical or sinful, but I have seen God answer my prayers (not that one, yet), and smile with satisfaction that God DOES answer prayer. My WW believes in my prayers. She knows they are powerful, and that might be part of her pain right now. (she does not know of my death request - but for restoration - which she is against)

I was at a staff retreat a few weeks ago and my pastor/boss gave each of us a passage to read. We each read our passage, and he then told us that God had given us each the passage that we received. Mine was Psalm 126.

"5 Those who sow in tears shall reap in joy. 6 He who continually goes forth weeping, bearing seed for sowing, shall doubtless come again with rejoicing, bringing his sheaves with him."

I do not know why God told me to show you that - but there it is.

I will get on my knees and pray for you right now.
I will pray for God's wrath to your enemies.

As I was on my knees just now, God showed me something. I prayed - "God rain down your wrath upon the enemies of my family and Miss M's" - he showed me that the enemy might not be the OP. It might be a situation - it might be a mental illness - it might be me - in the state I was or am - it might be my ww. Made me very aware of what I was praying.

I guess it could be how we handle our kids. (just read MMs roles of husband and wife)

Peace and Strength to you, Miss M. Thanks for encouraging me.

I guess the destruction of our marriage is like cancer. Has anyone analogized that here yet?

Found,

I would rather that God would have mercy on those who do not know what they do.

I prayed for ow's salvation and that a Christian man would come into her life. She will be married for 4 years in December this year...

It is what it is. My H is great.

So you have to pray for those who persecute you, sometimes.
And not return evil for evil.

Love in Christ,
Miss M

I guess that is why the mirror was held to me as I prayed. Thank you for the better direction for my prayers. I will heed your suggestion.

I am raw right now. I better be quiet and listen.

FAR

found,

God is Great. Don't foget it. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Matthew 5 38-48.

And Matthew Chapter 6 is good while you are at it!

Praying for God's wisdom for you found.

Love in Christ,
Miss M

FAR you said I have prayed for literal death to the OM.

Well I cursed OM in the Lord as Elisha cursed the bullying youths.

That night OMs estranged 21 YO son was tragically killed in a car accident... I struggled with that I will admit..

And then at my exposure with proof on the eve of leaving for his son's funeral he suffered a nervous breakdown.

And as he recovered from that his Mother contracted agressive cancer and died...and his GF got a condition that would render her profoundly deaf within a year..and... all since my prayer.

Boy, starts to look cursed in the Lord doesn't he ? Or just plain unlucky.

I realised that I cannot move the finger of God to commit sin or wrongdoing so such was God's will with or without my prayer.

And I prayed for OMs death . And I am sure God told me " would you have a boy fatherless, a betrayed partner bereaved ?"

Its hard but I may just have to live with OM breathing the same air as me for a while longer yet.

Miss M, I am so sorry about your mother's illness. It is hard, I know. It about killed me when my daddy died, and I dread when the day comes that my mother will no longer be with us.

Our parents are the ones who truly know everything there really is to know about us...the ones who love us no matter what we do. I can remember telling my daughter, during her rebellious teenage years, "You may hate me right now, but you will NEVER find anyone who will love you MORE than I love you."

So, no matter how much our husbands and children love us, it can never be MORE than how much our mothers (well, at least a good mother!) love us. It has to be really hard to face losing the one person who loves us most in this world. Enjoy what time you have with her. Talk, laugh, and make the most of your time together. And, remember, even after she's not in THIS life anymore, she will ALWAYS love you!

((((((Miss M))))))

Hey there {{{Miss M}}},

I'm so sorry to hear about your Mom.Pancreatic cancer is just abominable as are all cancers but I wish there were better treatment options and recovery rates.You certainly have had your share of pain haven't you? My Dad was diagnosed last Fall with Bladder cancer and I kept thinking,why now? Wasn't I going through enough already? Even though my Dad and I aren't very close at all he is still my Dad and I was worried.Needless to say,2004 will be my worst year ever.

I am glad that your DD wrote that letter and purged her soul a bit.She has the emotion we all have when it comes to these people(OP).And naturally,the OW sounds remarkably resilient to looking at her role and her actions.It would be nice to look into her(DD) eyes? NEVER! Your DD should be shielded from looking into the eyes of evil.She is there if your DD ever needs to talk? right-O. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Well Miss M,you have my prayers and I will be thinking of you and hoping God sends you and your Mom strength and peace to get through this~

O

Thanks so much for all of your replies and prayers, it really does mean more to me than you know.

found and bob,

I do understand your feelings and that you wished for op to die, it is so understandable in the light of what has happened in your lives. Thanks so much for Psalm 126 found, it is the hand of the Lord upon me through you. I feel blessed. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Thanks LC,

I plan on spending as much time with my mom as possible, I can't wait to see her.

OG,

You are the best, my friend, thank you so much for understanding about my DD. I think she needed to purge this from her system. She has no desire whatsoever to respond to that, she just needed to say those things for herself. There will be no further contact. My DD has no desire to look in the eyes of evil.

I am not surprised that exow shows no remorse, she was very, very aggresive and full of herself. Some things never change. She truely is that adulterous woman in Proverbs 'wipes her mouth and says I have done nothing wrong.' <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

I could only come to MB for understanding on this. It is something that no one can understand but you guys. I don't talk about it to anyone.

Thanks guys, I have to scurry off to work now, will check back later. You all have given me much comfort and strength. Thank you all so much for understanding. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

God bless you all,

Love in Christ,
Miss M

Miss M - I am so sorry to hear about your mom's illness. My prayers are with her and your family.

It made me feel good to read your daughter's letter to the OW. It doesn't matter how OW took it, it matters that your daughter was able to let her know how OW's selfish behavior hurt your family.

Miss M - thanks for coming to visit my post. I need all of you right now.

Seems God is guiding each of us to scripture through one another.

b0b - you were guiding me in another post ("hopeless"), and very helpful. Thank you for telling me your story. OMG. It will change what I pray for. I miss you in my current post ("Affair confirmed") - but I am well taken care of by many veterans. I also have figured out that you vets kinda work like a counseling center - sharing the load. I do not know if it just happens that way, or if you folks pay attention to it - or maybe God just plugs in the ones He wants - but it is cool to see the pool of experience and knowledge help us through this.


Peace to you and your mom, Miss M.

thank you all, it means so much to me.

believer,

yes, I agree. My DD let ow know just how much it hurt. It doesn't matter what her reply was. My DD wn't be contacting. She just needed to say what was on her heart. ow does not care. Not MY problem. I just know that my DD does not yell at me. We are very close. Hence, my knowlegdge and acess to ow/DD contact. exow has kids close in age to mine. Why are they still yelling? it's all good at MY house.

found,

Thank you lots. For the reminder. Read what God gave me for you. It was in my face for a year. Everyday.

and found, your WS is persecuting you also. You really need to pray what God wants you to do. God Bless you.

Hey thanks all, I need all the support I can get. After all you all are my MB family.

Thank you all for prayers for my mom. She has suffered so much, and wants to go home to the Lord, see my dad and brother. I feel selfish that I wanted more time. Well, not my will, but the Lords. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

Yours in total humility,
Love in Christ,
Miss M

bump^

(and that would be without shame!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />)

Love in Christ
Miss M

Miss M,

Is your mom with you now, where you live?

I am so sorry that she is going through this, and you. Losing my mom was the hardest thing I have ever faced in this life. I am so glad you have time to spend with her now.

I too am very glad your DD was able to write a letter and purge herself somewhat of her anger and pain.

Thank God your marriage is in a good place now.

I love reading all the passages from the bible on here. It is so comforting. Especially the ones that notso posted regarding those who sow tears, reaping joy.

Miss M I didn't know your DH is a musician. My DD's dad is as well. I remember lots of extra problems for spouses of the guys in the band. It takes a very strong man and marriage to be able to weather the constant temptations, glad you have one who has again found his strength in you and the family.

Miss M, you shameless hussy! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I may have messed up my email on aol. I'm receiving OK at my new address. It's the same name @bellsouth.net. I'm at work now so don't have much time. Just wanted to say "hi".

weaver, TOFT,

Thank you for your replies.

I did not see it until now. This board moves sooo fast.

Anyhoo, I am on late, as usual. Toft. I got your email. Have been a'workin, and just got here now after fathers day and all that. I am off for 3 days.

weaver, my h is strong, and I thank God for this, and I thanked him for his faith in the Lord today, that he has been strong for me these last couple of years.

TOFT, thanks so much hon, I am GLAD my DD got all this off her shoulders, but donchathink, that any ow would have said I am so sorry, NOT.

Remember this everyone.

Bumpin' up y'all.

I just thought my DD said what every DD or DS wanted to say to the op given the situation. DD is wonderful. She does NOT want to respond. After all, the answer said it all. Some folks, (op's) just NEVER get it do they? LOL. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Not that I care. I have the most wonderful guy for a H these days. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Oh, and weaver, I was a pro musian for a long time, so I understand the atmosphere. Gave it up to raise those 'childrens.' It is what it is <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />. And I long to do it again. Living my bliss. Singing Jazz, Blues, R&B. And maybe playing some Bass while I am at it!!! Am I not the perfect spouse for my H? He is the BEST <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> musician!!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Love in Christ,
Miss M

Miss M, bumping you up so you don't get lost!

I'm at work of course, and things are so hectic here AND at home that I find it hard to get my thoughts together to post anything sensible.

Just want you to know that I'm thinking of you and your Mother. {{{{Hugs to both}}}}. I lost my Mother 8 years ago, just 3 days short of her 85th birthday. She had suffered a stroke about 5 years earlier and was crippled and in pain from rheumatoid arthritis. It was hard to see her that way and she was ready to be free of it.

I'll try to write more later. I need to be a night-owl too--maybe I could get everything done!

Miss M,
Hope things are going well. It's about time.

SS