Post deleted by Cherished

Commitment, IMO, is sticking by the side of the person that you married with honesty and love. It is not the institution that I am married to, it is the person. I think it is convenient to say that you are 'in' a marriage due to 'Commitment. Honor. Duty." , so that you can see the marriage as a separate entity from the man or woman. And, in case no one told your H, marriage is not the 'Corp' <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> and needs not be treated as such.

I don't want to be anyone's 'Duty', I want to be their joy. If the joy is gone, it's time to recapture it, not call it a responsibility, just my thought.

WHOA..... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> Hmmmm, I dont know about that one. You do realize that adultery is one of the reasons in the bible that a divorce asked for by the betrayed is OK right? You also know that remarriage is OK after an affair also right?

I guess we can all have our own views of things.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

What about you and your needs?

Are you both just obligated to your kids? If he has his emotional and physical needs met, aren't you entitled to the same?

I agree with tempinsanity, I want someone to be with me because they enjoy me and value my feelings and needs, not because it is their duty. Personally I can take care of myself and he can take care of his children without me being emotionally attached.

I think many me feel like that to some degree. You need to value yourself and make sure you are getting what you need.

Just my opinion. You have to make that decision on your own.

Ronpre

Look up commitment and committing in the dictionary. There are several different definitions of commitment.

Technically your FWH is right that he was committed.

The real question is what is your defitiniton. To me I committed to a monogomous relationship with my FWW. That is/was and always will be part of my commitment.

I committed to for better or for worse, in sickness and in health.....

I did not stop the priest and say "I do not agree to commit to foresaking all others". When I said I do I made a commitment to my FWW, myself, my family, and my friends and most importantly god to live up to that commitment.

So far I have not received the addendum nor have I asked for one regarding those commitments.

Now do I believe that I now have a right to a D. Sure. However if it ends again I go back to my commitment. I did not break it she did. If it were to end it was because she did not live up to her commitment. Even the bible says Adultry is wrong. So would I remain commited to someone that wasn't commited to me for the rest of my life? Heck no. I am not married to her for life if we are divorced.

Staying married because of honor?

How is cheating honorable?

Duty?

How about the duty of fulfilling the vows made during the wedding?

Commitment?

To my own selfish desires or what?

JMO

It's actually the only reason. And it's "allowed"; however, it is not what God wants. Jesus said that God granted it through Moses because the people were stubborn. But it is never God's will that two people get divorced.

Commitment is being in a marriage through Gods eyes!

Yes, adultery is the reason for divorce, which I had a hard time accepting because my FWH said his adultery was biology, and it was meant to be! I now know adultery is a reason for divorce.

Commitment is being there for each other and helping each other and staying by each others side.

Commitment is loving each other unconditionally.

Commitment is treating each other like you yourself would like to be treated.

Your husband has a warped definition of commitment. He is getting his emotional and sexual desires met and what are you getting?

DC

why did you decide to change your MB name?



Pep

Before you changed your MB name you said:


and the reason I am bringing this up is because (IMO) it is precisely THIS thinking that is getting you so fouled up and distancing you emotionally from your husband

you'd rather distance yourself emotionally and present him with "detached-care" than be emotionally honest and own up to the fact that you are entitled to think the rationale used by infidels is morally wrong ~~~> and there are ways to speak this truth that are not disrespectful !

he won't like it one bit, but so what?

not only are you entitled to have moral opinions, but your life goes down the toilet if you refuse to hold moral standards for those you are intimate with !!!!

it is a matter of your personal integrity to uphold your moral standards and to speak your truths even if it makes your adulterous-foggy-husband pissy

and twisting yourself into a "respectful" yet "detached" pretzel of a wife is actually making this situation worse, not better (IMO) ... and it will gradually demoralize you and make you so much more miserable in the long run

being silently miserable in a marriage is not marriage building ... nor is it "respectful"

you seem to confuse disrespect with making someone upset .... when it comes to dealing with an adulterous spouse, holding a moral compass of your own is going to make them mad, but, again, I say ... so what? ... getting mad is part of the deal when faced with unpleasant and unflattering glimpses in the reality reflection of one's choices

Pep

Post deleted by Cherished

What about if you are committed to your H, and he leaves you against your wishes- are you sentenced to a life of celibacy???

Why would you put up with such a lousy agreement?

Pep

I think commitment is RESPECT/LOVE - I also feel the BUTTERLIES as most people put it, is just that initial feeling when you are falling for someone... and that is all being in love is.
I don't believe in the whole "I'm not in love with you anymore" crap... once you marry someone you are past all that. So for someone to tell you that, is just an excuse to coward out.

Well documented by my own recent issues with my wife trying to divorce me, believe me I have a BIG opinion on the subject.

HOPE THAT HELPS!!!