The End - 09/11/06 03:11 PM
Well, I have been searching online some to validate my Marraige if Emotionally abusive to me. According to any of the questionnaires I could find, it is.
I was on a website last night searching for info on it when she found out and she exploded at me. A crying episode that lasted over half hour to 45 minutes or more. She said that if I wanted to separate she would quit her job, leave the state, and also indicated she would go back to the guy she had terminated her online affair with a year ago. She also stated her happiness depended on me, and her livelihood depended on me and indicated her life would pointless without me.
This morning she stated she wants to work things out, in her letter to me, there were 84 uses of the words "I", "me" or "myself", and 32 uses of the words "you", "yourself", "us" and "we".
Anyways, irreguardless of that, She implied very deeply last night that I'm responsible for her life and what happens to her. Today in her letter, she blaimed genetics, her mom, her step dad, and her worthlessness for not being the wife I wanted. I've never once told her she's worthless, she's not worthless, I loved her for 7 years of my life, I gave everything I hade for her, that does not indicate worthlessness. She is trying to guilt me back into her staying with me or me with her. I shouldn't have, but I didn't want to lie about anything, I told her I have a counseling appointment for myself, and that I need to work on myself. She immediately said, so what is the counselor going to tell you? That we should separate?
She's blaiming the counselor before I've even seen a counselor.
I am responsible to myself and to God for myself and my actions. She is responsible for herself, not me, not our lives. She also tried to tell me financially can't be separated. I've done budgets for myself and her, and we can, but she was trying to give or feed me excuses to not separate or divorce.
She also told me, so the last 7 years have been a joke, or meaningless. These are almost word for word what my sexual abuser told me when I confronted him. He told me that everything we've done together is just meaningless.
She also pledged her undying love for me and said she's willing to change and do anything to stay together. She said that the last time when I confronted her on the affair (2 years in a row, and confronted her twice on it.) both times she said she would change, pledged her undying love, etc...
How many more chances do we give each other? How many times do we keep trying. She wants me to work on myself while we're together. Another way to try to convince me to let her stay or me stay with her.
I'm so tired of this. I'm not saying I'm perfect, I'm not, I need to fix a lot of things in my life, I did not realize how much the sexual abuse has affected me. I let her walk all over me without a thought to question it. I was just used to it.
I'm scared to let it end because I'm scared of being alone, yet, it would be unfair, hurtful, and mean to her and myself to continue the abuse also.
I was on a website last night searching for info on it when she found out and she exploded at me. A crying episode that lasted over half hour to 45 minutes or more. She said that if I wanted to separate she would quit her job, leave the state, and also indicated she would go back to the guy she had terminated her online affair with a year ago. She also stated her happiness depended on me, and her livelihood depended on me and indicated her life would pointless without me.
This morning she stated she wants to work things out, in her letter to me, there were 84 uses of the words "I", "me" or "myself", and 32 uses of the words "you", "yourself", "us" and "we".
Anyways, irreguardless of that, She implied very deeply last night that I'm responsible for her life and what happens to her. Today in her letter, she blaimed genetics, her mom, her step dad, and her worthlessness for not being the wife I wanted. I've never once told her she's worthless, she's not worthless, I loved her for 7 years of my life, I gave everything I hade for her, that does not indicate worthlessness. She is trying to guilt me back into her staying with me or me with her. I shouldn't have, but I didn't want to lie about anything, I told her I have a counseling appointment for myself, and that I need to work on myself. She immediately said, so what is the counselor going to tell you? That we should separate?
She's blaiming the counselor before I've even seen a counselor.
I am responsible to myself and to God for myself and my actions. She is responsible for herself, not me, not our lives. She also tried to tell me financially can't be separated. I've done budgets for myself and her, and we can, but she was trying to give or feed me excuses to not separate or divorce.
She also told me, so the last 7 years have been a joke, or meaningless. These are almost word for word what my sexual abuser told me when I confronted him. He told me that everything we've done together is just meaningless.
She also pledged her undying love for me and said she's willing to change and do anything to stay together. She said that the last time when I confronted her on the affair (2 years in a row, and confronted her twice on it.) both times she said she would change, pledged her undying love, etc...
How many more chances do we give each other? How many times do we keep trying. She wants me to work on myself while we're together. Another way to try to convince me to let her stay or me stay with her.
I'm so tired of this. I'm not saying I'm perfect, I'm not, I need to fix a lot of things in my life, I did not realize how much the sexual abuse has affected me. I let her walk all over me without a thought to question it. I was just used to it.
I'm scared to let it end because I'm scared of being alone, yet, it would be unfair, hurtful, and mean to her and myself to continue the abuse also.