She is just so OBVIOUS! - 09/25/06 12:52 AM
Hi people,
My sister posts on this website, and she finds it’s really great to vent and often gets fantastic advice, so I thought I’d follower her example with a little issue I am having at the moment with my partner (We’ll call him “Bob” for the benefit of this post).
Basically, Bob is a huge computer gamer. He loves his online games and loves playing with his mates online. Sometimes I’m resentful of the amount of time he plays, but in another way, I’d much rather he be at home, playing – where I can still talk to him etc then out at the pub getting up to all kinds of mischief.
Within the last few months, a girl has joined their party online. This girl is a friend of a friend etc. Anyway, she started emailing my partner. He doesn’t hide these emails, he tells me what she writes, and he’s quite fond of her, as a mate, and see’s her as just another person to play the game with. I’ve often watched while they play, and I’ve noticed that she singles him out quite a bit, and sends him private messages with little personal things. I’ve questioned him about her, and found out she is in her early 20’s, is at University 6 hours away from where we live, but her parents live within 20 minutes of us.
Last week he told me she was on holidays, and was coming home to visit her parents, and was very keen to meet up with him. He didn’t know what to do, so asked me if it would be ok if she came over for a coffee. I figured, I’ll be home, what’s the big deal, alright.
So, she arrived on Friday night. She was dressed to the nines, skirt – high heels etc. But even all dressed up, she was very plain and not threatening to look at. She was so incredibly socially awkward that I felt such deep sympathy for her. I went out of my way to try and make her comfortable. Bob is a quiet person at the best of times, so to cover the awkward silences, I was talking and asking her questions to try and draw her out. She left after 7 hours and after many hints on Bobs side. After she’d gone, all Bob said was that she was very odd and that he had nothing to say to her apart from talking about the game. I told him to watch out for her because she is obviously interested in him, eg, her eyes followed him everywhere whenever he wasn’t looking at her, and she blushed whenever he talked to her.
The next morning I woke up before Bob, and I immediately wondered if she’d emailed him. So I did something very deceitful and went on his email to check. Oh yes… she had emailed him! And I HATE the tone. It is totally manipulative and suggestive. And she can’t spell to save her life, which is another thing that annoys me… lol.
Here is an excerpt of the email:
I just wanted to thank you again for haveing me, it was great to meet
you finally <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> and I had a great time! (hope you did too?) I can't
remember the last time I talked so much or for so long, although I am
afraid I lack the people skills to talk very well to more than 1
person at a time, and was worried I was leaveing you out too much,
Jane is more chatty so tends to steal the spotlight, shes nice tho, I
like her. I kept wishing I could send you a /tell to make sure you
were ok when you were being quiet, I never did work out if you were
feeling left out, or just tired or if you just like to listen, or if
you wished I would go home so we could play DDO lol <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> I almost called
you Atur a few times too *blush* ooops! I don't know why, cause I
never have a problem calling you Bob in DDO.
Sorry you didn't get to play tonight, I should have thought about that
when I was arrangeing when to meet up and pick a non DDO time <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> I
didn't think I would be there for so long either, hope I didn't wear
out my welcome or cause any trouble.
So… When Bob finally checked his emails later on that night, we had a huge fight because I was reading it over his shoulder and was carrying on about what she’d written. He, being male, couldn’t see any of it! All he could say was “She thinks you’re nice and she had a great time!”. Stupid man.
My sister wants me to email her and set boundaries. She said that this ‘girl’ is having an emotional affair with my partner and I have to put a stop to it.
Bob and I have had a really had week with our relationship. For different reasons, we’ve been fighting a lot and I don’t want to start another fight over this. I want to wait and see how things pan out before I go to such a length as email her.
Does anybody have any advice?
p.s. Sorry for the novel!
My sister posts on this website, and she finds it’s really great to vent and often gets fantastic advice, so I thought I’d follower her example with a little issue I am having at the moment with my partner (We’ll call him “Bob” for the benefit of this post).
Basically, Bob is a huge computer gamer. He loves his online games and loves playing with his mates online. Sometimes I’m resentful of the amount of time he plays, but in another way, I’d much rather he be at home, playing – where I can still talk to him etc then out at the pub getting up to all kinds of mischief.
Within the last few months, a girl has joined their party online. This girl is a friend of a friend etc. Anyway, she started emailing my partner. He doesn’t hide these emails, he tells me what she writes, and he’s quite fond of her, as a mate, and see’s her as just another person to play the game with. I’ve often watched while they play, and I’ve noticed that she singles him out quite a bit, and sends him private messages with little personal things. I’ve questioned him about her, and found out she is in her early 20’s, is at University 6 hours away from where we live, but her parents live within 20 minutes of us.
Last week he told me she was on holidays, and was coming home to visit her parents, and was very keen to meet up with him. He didn’t know what to do, so asked me if it would be ok if she came over for a coffee. I figured, I’ll be home, what’s the big deal, alright.
So, she arrived on Friday night. She was dressed to the nines, skirt – high heels etc. But even all dressed up, she was very plain and not threatening to look at. She was so incredibly socially awkward that I felt such deep sympathy for her. I went out of my way to try and make her comfortable. Bob is a quiet person at the best of times, so to cover the awkward silences, I was talking and asking her questions to try and draw her out. She left after 7 hours and after many hints on Bobs side. After she’d gone, all Bob said was that she was very odd and that he had nothing to say to her apart from talking about the game. I told him to watch out for her because she is obviously interested in him, eg, her eyes followed him everywhere whenever he wasn’t looking at her, and she blushed whenever he talked to her.
The next morning I woke up before Bob, and I immediately wondered if she’d emailed him. So I did something very deceitful and went on his email to check. Oh yes… she had emailed him! And I HATE the tone. It is totally manipulative and suggestive. And she can’t spell to save her life, which is another thing that annoys me… lol.
Here is an excerpt of the email:
I just wanted to thank you again for haveing me, it was great to meet
you finally <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> and I had a great time! (hope you did too?) I can't
remember the last time I talked so much or for so long, although I am
afraid I lack the people skills to talk very well to more than 1
person at a time, and was worried I was leaveing you out too much,
Jane is more chatty so tends to steal the spotlight, shes nice tho, I
like her. I kept wishing I could send you a /tell to make sure you
were ok when you were being quiet, I never did work out if you were
feeling left out, or just tired or if you just like to listen, or if
you wished I would go home so we could play DDO lol <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> I almost called
you Atur a few times too *blush* ooops! I don't know why, cause I
never have a problem calling you Bob in DDO.
Sorry you didn't get to play tonight, I should have thought about that
when I was arrangeing when to meet up and pick a non DDO time <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> I
didn't think I would be there for so long either, hope I didn't wear
out my welcome or cause any trouble.
So… When Bob finally checked his emails later on that night, we had a huge fight because I was reading it over his shoulder and was carrying on about what she’d written. He, being male, couldn’t see any of it! All he could say was “She thinks you’re nice and she had a great time!”. Stupid man.
My sister wants me to email her and set boundaries. She said that this ‘girl’ is having an emotional affair with my partner and I have to put a stop to it.
Bob and I have had a really had week with our relationship. For different reasons, we’ve been fighting a lot and I don’t want to start another fight over this. I want to wait and see how things pan out before I go to such a length as email her.
Does anybody have any advice?
p.s. Sorry for the novel!