It's been awhile, but here goes...

Those who remember my story may recall that my then-husband had a huge fake wedding with OW about two years ago. This was an event for 300, at which some of my best friends attended. My XH is a "power-possessing being" and (was then) the second-in-command in a New Age community.

One of my dearest friends of 25 years and her husband -- I'll call them Janet and Fred -- sat at the "wedding table." They were not friends of XH and OW; but they had been courted precisely because they were my friends.

For awhile after this event I was in shock. While I distanced myself from Fred and Janet, I continued to speak to them. For good reason: Fred was dying of cancer, and has since died. I feel bad for Janet, but I have kind of kept it to a glib social minimum.

Janet keeps saying we should "get together for lunch." I got back from out of town yesterday, and there was a plaintive voice on my phone suggesting lunch.

I don't want to be rude to Janet; I know she's been through a lot. But so have I. She wishes to resume our friendship as if nothing had happened.

Anything I say will be seen as my "hanging on to the past" or my "unwillingness to forgive" (forgetting the fact that everyone has been denying that there has been an injury -- hence, nothing for me to forgive). The fact that we were not divorced when the "wedding" happened is seen as a technicality -- not siding with an adulterer as I was beginning a horrible and anguishing legal process against my will.

There's no point in arguing. And anything I say will initiate an exchange or spread the rumor that I am "negative."

But more important to me: I wrote this friendship off two years ago. I see no reason to re-initiate it, and re-expose myself to injury. Already this has taken more space in my head in the last twelve hours than I would like. Since no injury has been admitted, I have no reason to believe it will not happen again.

I am trying hard to get out of here (several job interviews pending). I want to start a new life. And I value my peace of mind.

How can I brush this off politely, but conclusively? I'm even willing to leave the door open so that if she saves my daughter from a burning building, we can resume our friendship. But it would take something that extreme.

(Ironically, I was out of town yesterday with XH's family. Absolutely lovely people. I adored his parents, love his kids, and am good friends with siblings. Of course I know that blood is thicker than water -- but he has virtually abandoned them, and they know something is "off" with him.)

Dear AM- How about, "Janet, the way you supported my former husband while he was committing adultery has hurt me deeply. I am sorry for your loss, but I have no desire to continue with a friendship that obviously meant so little to you in the past that you would do that to me."

WIth friends like that, who needs enemies????? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Hi AMM. Hope thing are looking up. Congrats again on your book.

Seems to me you stated your goal pretty clearly: "How can I brush this off politely, but conclusively? I'm even willing to leave the door open so that if she saves my daughter from a burning building, we can resume our friendship. But it would take something that extreme"

So, you already know what you want. The question is one of implementation.

How to do that is not my forte'. I am a rather blunt sort of geek. Perhaps a more sensitive soul such as yourself can put the right words on paper and send her a letter or email re-saying what you already wrote in your post?

Having it down on paper is good, IMO, in case anyone later accuses you of being mean.

With prayers,

PS: I have some new contacts I need to send, BTW.

PPS: I sure don't know how you manage to live in that whole environment.

AM,

I would tell your former friend that

" I have not worked through my own mourning process and unfortunately you trigger memories of a very painful time in my life. I need more time to get through my pain"

The problem is: no one is willing to concede that they have done anything cruel, and everyone thinks I should have "moved on."

I have "moved on" -- but part of that process was moving on WITHOUT them. As one of my stepsons said, when you remove a cancerous organ, and then heal -- you don't put it back in now that you're better, to see what will happen.

If I refer to harm, they will play dumb and make me explain why I hurt, and they will tell me why I shouldn't feel that way.

If one of them came to me saying, "How could I have been so cruel? How could I have been so cowardly and so stupid?" then I dialogue could begin on the right foot. But we can't come at each other like equals.

But this way, there is just a continual round of denial on their side, and pain on mine.

I'm more tempted to leave a message on her home phone (she left her office number) saying, "Oh yes do let's get together," and suggesting no date.

In her heart of hearts, she and others know the truth, but they are trying desperately to blame me. Classic case of projection. And my life is just too crammed and problematic right now to play the denial game.

The other dear friend -- the one who sang at my wedding, and then sang at the phony one -- is still pursuing me. She even picked a fight with my daughter about how it was "right" for her to sing at this event. She is still making up excuses, and sending them through mutual friends.

But no one will confront me head on. They know the score.

Another part of me says to not reply -- but that is kind of cruel, and I don't want to be cruel to her. Not anymore. Some part of me would like to slash and burn -- but at this point, I just want peace.

I just don't see anyone with a learning curve in all this, so trying to educate them is futile.

AMM:

Our former contractor emailed me a while back asking if he could bring a camera crew 2 our house 2 video the work that he did.

Since he had some decent workers, but more TERRIBLE workers, and he himself was an arrogant a-hole that we had 2 fire 2 years ago, I chose not 2 respond 2 the email at all. I haven't heard a peep since, and I sleep better for it. I don't worry one bit about how he feels about it, and I don't feel vindictive either. I just don't need 2 perpe2ate our "relationship".

-ol' 2long

AMM'

[color:"blue"] I have "moved on" -- but part of that process was moving on WITHOUT them. As one of my stepsons said, when you remove a cancerous organ, and then heal -- you don't put it back in now that you're better, to see what will happen.[/color]

[color:"purple"]I would tell this friend in a very polite way that "I have "moved on" without you. I feel betrayed by your actions and cannot go through that again, maybe after I have healed we can discuss this, but right now I just can't bring myself to re-live the pain you have caused me."

Your Stepson is right BTW. Good Luck and prayers for you. [/color]

"Dear Janet,

Perhaps you did not know that when my husband and his mistress staged their enormous so-called 'wedding' two years ago, he was still legally married to me and I did not want a divorce.

I hope you can try to understand how utterly devastating this 'wedding' was to me, second only to the fact that any friend of mine would even consider attending it.

The pain and humiliation of that event continues to this day. I have no wish to prolong that pain by spending time with anyone who could attend and show support for the 'wedding' of a married man to his mistress.

Thank you for allowing me the space to move on and heal."
*****************************************
BTW, I love what your stepson said about removing a cancerous organ and not putting it back!

Mulan

Ms Martin,

""Another part of me says to not reply -- but that is kind of cruel""

I disagree. Your silence will get the point across to her. There will be no discussion as to who was cruel and who should be moving on.

She knows, down deep in her heart, she did you wrong. Let her live with it, unless you want to forgive her and say everything is OK.

Your silence will say much more.

IMHO

krk

My thoughts exactly, krusht.

AMM is not obligated to return the call at all, IMO.

AMM, I imagine the old "friend" knows she was wrong, and feels the need to assuage her guilt. That is her issue to deal with, and you shouldn't feel pressured to be part of her process.

Like 2Long said, no need to perpetuate the "relationship" if you have no intention of it being a friendship again. Just because you forgive someone, it doesn't mean you have to associate with them again. I'd hit the "delete" button without another thought.

Lori

Silence speaks louder than words AM. Any dialog you have with her at all, given the enormity of the hurt they supported, will hurt you.

Any reply given to her meant to hurt her, shame her, or make her feel guility will hurt you. To "attack" another is to attack oneself. And I have learned through my own experience that even remarks I have made which seemed deserved but which were meant to cut, cut me in the end.

Such is the way with kind souls AM, of whom you are one.(Does the word "whom" fit in that sentence?)

Those people seem so shallow and two-faced to me reading about them all this time. What a bunch of social climbing, nasty, concerned with their own position and place at all costs, losers.

Can't wait until you get away rom them all, once and for all.

Sorry AM, your sitch always brings out the worst in me.

agree with Weaver



I vote no response to the primary "let's get together" invitation

for any further offers of a "get together"
here's my vote

"No thanks."

without explaination

if they ask "Why?"

you answer "I choose not to."

this is the essence of "letting it go" ... means letting go of any need to explain yourself to the fatally insensitive thorn in your side

love

Pep

Do you want to be friends with someone who was so unprincipled they could sit at the wedding table of an affair marriage in direct betrayal of her close friend? She is not your friend, AMM. I would hold no grudges about her attendance, but I would not want to be associated with someone who was so unprincipled that they could do that. People like that are a dime a dozen and not someone I would be interested in having for a friend.

If it were me, I would probably say something to her about her shabby behavior and explain how inappropriate and hurtful it was. Maybe she will learn to be a better friend, and a more decent person, from this experience if she loses a friend over her disloyal behavior. That would be the KIND thing to do, IMO.

WOW! I wasn't around for your sitch, so don't know your story .... but having a wedding while he's still married to you ....

That's just plain sick.

Wouldn't that be considered bigamy? I think I would have filed charges ....

I'm in the "no response" camp .... it might feel good to have a witty, scathing response to dump her with, but it probably wouldn't be at all effective. She'd just think you were bitter.

Stone Cold silence is you best option.

You don't need to open yourself up to any more pain.

Stay Strong!

AmI, there was no marriage license involved, so it wasn't bigamy. The whole thing was just a huge fake wedding to "celebrate their union" or some sh*t like that - no different from street theater.

There has been some discussion here lately on how desperate the affairees often are to legitimize and normalize their affair. They try to drag the kids into it, they introduce the OP to family and friends, and worst of all they insist on being "friends" with the BS to show that no real harm was done and nobody should feel guilty.

But I gotta tell ya - having a FAKE WEDDING where you invite 300 people to watch A MARRIED MAN PRETEND TO MARRY HIS MISTRESS has got to take the cake for desperately trying to "normalize" a homewrecking affair!
Mulan

Oh, no, Mulan!

"Real" marriage vows were exchanged -- I'm not sure whether she was yet divorced from the man she had paid bucks in a vows-for-green-card arrangement. I know she had sent her lesbian lover away when then-WH moved into her place.

The vote seems to be for silence, though I do like Mrs. Robs' note for dignity -- and the others, too. But you're right, AmIok, I would be dismissed as "bitter" and "isn't it too bad that AM..." All the discussion revolves around AM's reaction, rather than the behavior that inspired the reaction. I become the problem -- just like with the affairees, who need the BS as a common enemy.

It's also much like an alcholic, wondering why his friends are being mean and withholding his own car keys -- without seeing that he is staggering and cursing and vomiting.

I don't like silence, but I don't see any other reaction that would work so far. The longer I wait, the more silence is the default option. (Also, Fred and Janet's daughters are school chums of my own daughter... I don't want to make things any awkward for D than it has been.)

Another consideration I've had with some of these people ... I don't even want to share the tiniest part of my emotional life with these people. I don't want them to know my pain, my suffering, my thoughts or my feelings. I don't want to be exposed or vulnerable in any way to them. They have abused my trust.

In fact, one possible response I thought of was to call and leave a message that lunch isn't possible because "I simply don't trust you anymore."

It's kind of hard to argue with that, I think ... but you never know. I could be surprised.

AM,

I agree with Melody....this lady is NOT your friend. Now that she is in pain and grief (like you were)....she needs you....I understand....you understand. That changes nothing. If you want to keep moving and end this relationship forever....then silence is your best bet. If you still feel something for this person, want to leave the door open to reconciliation, or don't want to just disappear....here's <a> suggestion:

Dear Janet,

I am so sorry for your great loss. I miss Fred....and you must feel so lost and hurt. I know more than I want to about process the of grief and loss....and how important friends are at that time. It's terrible to lose your life partner....in death.....but also to infidelity. Loss is so very painful. And both losses are surprisingly similar, in fact, I can't be sure, but I believe there is a special h*ll for those who know their husband still walks this earth...but is gone just the same. It's extremely hard to grieve a loss that was of "choosing" and yes, I've struggled with that loss.

I wish that our friendship had remained intact through my grief and pain, and the trust between us was still there....so I might comfort you now. There are people who might label me as "negative" because I'm not "over" the betrayal I felt when my friends attended my husband's "mock" wedding....but I feel stronger now and very much at peace with where I am. Fortunately, I DID "move on", and moving on....meant moving on without people who I had trusted, but who had no compassion for me.

I still care about you, but I know that making my life happy and peaceful now, means letting go of one-sided friendships. I am only open to rebuilding friendships that are authentic and compassinate. I grieve for you, and I forgive you, because holding on to pain is toxic for me....but that is very different from wanting reconciliation, or lunch. Reconciliation would involve a sincere attempt on your part to recognize and show remorse for how deeply you have hurt me so that we could begin anew. Maybe then we could cry together and hold eachother up. Without that, I deeply regret that any thought of getting together seems dangerous for me. I don't want to add to your pain....or mine....so until we can have a mutually nurturing relationship, I will just softly grieve for you in my own way as I follow my own path.

"When you're going through h*ll....keep on going!"

Blessings,
AM


Maybe someone else has a better letter....

everyone thinks I should have "moved on."


Well M***** **** "everyone" !!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

YOU are what is important.

Can you envisage a single likely positive outcome of your readmitting this unprincipled creature back into your life ?

I would end the relationship dead : " I have moved on from the desperate hurts of a while ago. Part of that has been to leave behind me relationships with anyone who knowingly contributed to that hurt. That includes you. That you supported the freakshow mock-wedding humiliation ended any chance of our friendship for ever as far as I am concerned.

I wish you no ill, I don't wish you anything but out of my life."

Well, I like both letters!

But I do have to consider that anything I write will be shown to XH and the wistress. We're talking about sycophants here, after all. And I'd rather not give XH & OW fuel to extend their so-called happiness. It's looking bad, but only if you know how to read the signs.

I suspect that my friends were largely dropped after they had been subborned -- neither XH or OW have a gift for friendship. That's probably why the erstwhile friends are creeping back. They sold out, but got rhinestones when they thought they were getting diamonds.

But I can't guarantee that they aren't still suckerfishing off XH, and still trying to curry favor. Anything written -- and believe me, I would prefer to write -- can be used as evidence and twisted to fit an agenda.

That said, I will run into Janet at the post office, store, etc. So silence may not work either.

I wouldn't give a flying fart what XH & wistress thought. Not slightly. They rewrite history DAILY so whatever you said would be twisted.

Just tell this woman. "I've moved on, our friendship is in the past."

I am with Bob. Why do you give a flying crap what anyone thinks? Why would you value the opinion of someone for whom you have no respect? That is their problem. The reason that such evil goes unacknowledged is because no one says anything. Its like being in a sick, dysfunctional family where everyone tiptoes around the elephant in the living room and pretends like they don't see it. The elephant continues to sit there because everyone is pretending like it is "mature" to ignore reality. If I were you, I would go kick the ****** out of the elephant. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I don't mind the kicking, Melody, but I do insist on winning. I've found in these situations that silence really does speak louder. I'd be willing to say anything if I thought I could make a dent in people's denial.

Oh, by the way, I forgot the best parts! Fred also had several affairs within this community, although his behavior was discreet. I wonder how Janet would have felt if I had had the affairees to dinner...

In his last days, Fred had a birthday dinner, and invited me. Unbeknownst to me, he invited XH and OW as well. XH and OW proceeded to act as host and hostess, with me an unwilling victim to the event. And Fred and Janet were so honored to have them take over. Someone at the table commented on how unconventional the dinner was, congratulating us all on how civilized we were.

I sat through it all. Fred was, after all, dying. I could have stood up and walked away -- but only by taking the spotlight away from Fred, and onto myself.

But then, the spotlight was already stolen. Then-WH and OW were stealing the show from a dying man. Oh well, this is a couple that made their social debut at a prominent man's funeral, a day after he moved out of my house.

But now I'm done. Never again.

A.M.M.

I suggest...

"Dear xxxx,

I rather enjoyed Fred's funeral. I'll be sure to attend yours as well, and on that day, I'll stop by "Lord of the Lobster" and pick up a wonderful takeout lunch to enjoy while listening to your children cry."

:evilgrin:

OK, but in reality, the rule is "be big". Just use the usual excuses and forget about it. "Oh, I'm so busy these days I'm sure I can't sqeeze it in. I'
m sure you can find *somebody* to lunch with you."

-AD

A.M. - when are you leaving this rather Stepford-like village?

As soon as I get a job, Kayla, as soon as I get a job...

Well I had a great post but I see Pepperband beat me to it.

I can't see anything you respond with will not be viewed negatively in some way by those choosing to do so. The fact that you have spent so much time pondering this might mean that you are dwelling on the past. Forget about Janet. Don't worry about what she might think about you. She is no value to you. Nancy Reagan: "Just say no".

Ageed, piojitos. That's why I dislike these "incidents." They pull me right back into the past, to the room where all the blood is.

It's important that I respond in ways that, in the long term, will minimize my energy loss. Sometimes that means putting in more energy up front rather than responding quickly and dealing with fallout later (f'rinstance: we have so many mutual friends; any letter could create warfare that draws in many more players and create more trouble.)

I'd rather worry about the dog's bad breath. But here I am.

But let me correct that previous statement -- about "holding on to the past," or whatever. Because so many Betrayed Spouses get hit with that one.

The past is part of who I am. I am not "clinging" to it -- but I refuse to betray it. I refuse to dump the dog that belonged to XH, because it trusts me now that he is gone. I refuse to forget my stepkids who trust my loyalty and view this as their home. I refuse to shed the past like a snakeskin.

What happened to me changed my life forever. I am still digesting the lessons to be gleaned from it; I am still paying for it.

XH has not "clung to the past." He has dumped his own kids. He has forgotten the dog he promised to raise and train. He turned his back on my daughter, although she had come to view him as a father. He has abandoned every responsibility he has ever had.

I don't want to be like that. So yes, I will "cling to the past." But I don't want to be mired in the politics of his stupid R. And I very very much want to turn the page and start a new chapter!

This weekend I was working a lot in the garage. Since I had to cut a lot of wood, I had hauled the saws and things out onto the street to mess it up instead of the house but I was doing a lot inside but with the garage door opened.

As it turned out, WW's friend who I believe was a significant enabler of the A was walking by in front of the house. I think she walks by just to try to talk to WW. I have told her H that we are not to have contact with her (them). Anyway she was walking by and I was given the urge to try to smile, be friendly, wave, think of something pleasant to say. In the end I decided to turn my back and go about what I was doing.

Different story. Last week we had a major crisis with a vendor who is supplying us with some electrical switching equipment we are in urgent need of. The company sent a rep and a contractor from our Houston office to inspect it. It had "exceptions". A co-worker wrote an email to the vendor stating that he wanted a meeting immediately and that this was totally inexcusable this late in the game. We had the meeting. Turns out the exceptions are not deal-breakers and the inspectors were going to release the order for shipment anyway. He got an email this morning from a buyr in Houston telling the world how an engineer in Saudi had said this was a totally unacceptable situation. He read me the email and asked where she had ever gotten that idea. I told him she got the idea from him after reading his email and I found his email. He had forgotten he had written it. The point to this story is this: if you feel compelled to respond to Janet in some way, don't do it in writing. Never leave a paper trail.

Agreed. I don't feel "compelled" to do anything ... which leads me to the default option of silence ... which may just postpone the whole sitch till later.

I'm thinking about what Melody said ... which is true. People on the whole are too silent about these things -- but I don't feel like I'm the person who should be piping up. I'm the person with the least credibility -- the person who will be seen as "bitter," "negative," not "moving on" or whatever. And anything I do could potentially create a firestorm involving others -- while I don't care, from one perspective ... if I'm this indecisive about one phone message, what would I do if there were ten?

I don't see any "give" in this situation. There's nothing moving enough for change. Nobody wants to let go of their position -- and I don't have anything I want from these people anymore, so there's no reason to make statements, try to persuade anyone, etc.

I feel, perhaps wrongly, that the ball is in God's court. And that it's my job to do the best I can to get out of Stepford, and patiently wait to see if there's an opening anywhere for me to do something differently.

But I'm still unsure I should do nothing vis-a=vis Janet. I'm terribly indecisive, and it takes up way to much space in my head when I go into a dither.

he person who will be seen as "bitter," "negative," not "moving on" or whatever.

You are FAR too concerned about other people's opinions of you, especially bearing in mind that your XH and OW actively corrupt their interpretation of your personality every day in order to rationalise their behaviour.

Other people's opinions of you are none of your business.

And what firestorm can ensue from you telling a one-time friend who betrayed you that you do not want to resume that friendship ?

Find some sand, A.M. Look your corrupt detractors proudly in the eye and DO NOT fear them.

I was watching Seinfeld last night and Jerry was dating a girl who had a mentor. Well it is a bit complicated but the mentor and the protege had a fight and broke up the relationship. So GF decides to stop seeing Jerry because she has nobody to give her direction in her life. Jerry offers to be her mentor. She says she needs someone with experience. Jerry says he has that. She says she needs someone to tell her what to do. Jerry says he can do that. She says she needs someone she can trust. Jerry says "drat! Two out of three!".

She needs a mentor because, without it, she spends way too much time and energy being indecisive. She needs someone to set a direction for her. [Through a strange set of circumstances, George ends up being her mentor]

Maybe you need a mentor - just not someone like George.

Seriously AMM, seek advice, based on that advice develop a plan. Stay with the plan. It does occur to me that you are spending way too much energy on this phone message. I think it might be a good idea to get rid of the answer phone. This message seems like the tip of a very large iceberg.

Go ahead and sell your place in Stepford. I am guessing property values must be very high there based on its popularity.

Whuh? Who is more qualified to decide how you feel than you? You are the person with the MOST credibility. The rest can get stuffed.

I like StarFish's letter. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

I understand about NOT leaving a papertrail but even if the entire town reads that letter, so what? I believe it was written very well.

JMHO,
L.

I liked Starfishs letter too.
It has class and dignity.

Maybe read it as a message into her voicemail, if you don't want a paper trail....?

Lost my original post, dangit!

Do you remember the thread on here regarding the book by Peck called "People of the Lie"?

Peck says that evil people are those who leave confusion and chaos in their wake. Although I may not agree with the verbiage or the drama associated with calling people evil, I do agree that these kinds of people are incredibly harmful and destructive to all in their paths.

My last sitch was like that AMM. I know the feelings you must have had, the confusion, the indicision, the inability to quite put your finger on it or know how to deal with it.

The self-doubt.

I believe that any communication you have with them will hurt you and bring back the same old confusion and chaos. We need to keep, as Mell calls them, unprincipled people out of our lives. In fact we have a responsibilty to do just that.

Pep was able to make me see that putting up fences to protect ourselves in not only necessary, to not do so is foolish. Good boundaries they are called.

The people who should not have remained silent were them. They know that that unholy production was just plain wrong. You are not responsible to educate them, or to help them become better people and I don't believe you even can.

You can only make sure that communication is closed with them so that you become strong mentally and emotionally, and restore your own value and self-worth.

After that it becomes pretty easy to walk away from bad or shady or unprinciple people. After that you guard your heart and mind so that you can love the people in your life that need you, that depend on you to do just that.

I have no trouble throwing out Christmas cards unanswered and deleting messages. I never give them another thought actually. And when I run into these people I have no trouble excusing and removing myself politely and quickly.

But it wasn't always this way, and I lost much because of it.

We pay a price for not being strong and decisive. But when we become self-assured and honor our own boundaries, keeping the rifraf out, life gets really good.

I would not share my feelings, any of them, with this person.

Everyone has some good ideas. But I vote for SILENCE.

I went through the same thing with friends, workmates, and sadly even the daughters that I raised. My step-daughter let her dad and OW conduct there sleazy rutting in her home.

When I was raising her, I tried to instill good values in her. I loved her like my own, and still do. But at 25, she is past the point of being educated.

I lost a lot of "friends" after WH's affair. I went on with my life without them. Friends take a lot of effort and time. I decided I would spend that on more worthwhile things.

For about 2 years, I had very few friends. It was lonely, but I got through. And more importantly, I had the self respect of knowing that I held out for the real thing.

Wow! I had no idea till someone sent me a private email that this thread had come back alive!

As you probably guessed, I did nothing ... the default decision. I guess I can always send a letter if I need to -- today, or a month from now.

Piojitos was right about me spending too much time on this. And Bob, it's not so much worrying what people thinking -- it's thinking about how to be effective. And I just don't see it happening. When you oppose groupthink, you are always going to be playing defense, and Janet can get her opinion ratified by twenty others. I don't mind standing alone, but I do mind wasting my time by trying to get someone to "see" something he or she doesn't want to see.

Just to show you how bad things are getting... over the weekend, I had my stepsons to dinner. They found out that a friend of theirs who is suicidal, bipolar, and lesbian is now living with XH & OW. OW fantasizes that she is a "healer" -- remember, they took on an Alzheimer's acquaintance as if she were a puppy. Now, the girl's mother apparently pressured her daughter to get "healed" by crazy OW.

I am concerned about the suicidal daughter -- she already lost one eye to a self-administered pistol shot to the head. But on the other hand, she may be the best out of the four in the household. She told my SS: "All three of them are crazy!"

She wasn't being figurative. A young woman can figure it out faster than a whole community.

The Alzheimer's person is still there. After sending out a round of emails to the community about how she was curing Alzheimer's, HX & OW are now looking for 40-hour-a-week help -- presumably for free -- for this elderly person. XH calls it a "wonderful opportunity." Can't anyone figure out that real "caring" people don't send out PR bulletins on themselves???

Other stepson and I were talking about how people imagine themselves. Since the subject of XH had come up several times in the evening (not by me), I mentioned that OW seemed to be someone who has a huge imaginary picture of herself. Stepson said cheerfully, "Oh, I think that's normal for her." I told him it is never normal to be that deeply in imagination -- that the more you are divorced from reality, the crazier you are. If I imagine I am a brain surgeon -- and I am not -- someone is likely to get hurt!