Recovery is at a point I need to get to the bottom of "Why I had an affair". Could someone point me in the direction of info. on this topic. I want to be sure to cover all the bases, as completely as possible, for both DH and myself. Very important to both of us I really get a good understanding of my thoughts at the time and changes I must make to NEVER be fogged out again. I believe this may even help me more than him!!

I just bumped a thread for you by kyellow4 called "own your own affair". Good place for you to start.

In addition to the other advice already given, I would advise you find the book “Not Just Friends” by the late Dr Shirley Glass. This should be very helpful.

I wish my WW and I had read it a year ago and life could well be very different.

Kudos to you for sticking your neck out and asking for help!

Yes, if able, read Shirley Glass's book, "Not Just Friends."

If you are hesitant to buy the book (or check it out at the library), this link may help:

Shirley Glass on Affairs

~Marie

Qetuo,

Here is a good thread on the topic that might help you and your H get further insight and understanding in your behavior at the time.

This thread is also good and explains all the steps of betrayal & unfaithfulness that lead up towards final betrayal & adultery. As explained by the author on this thread, adultery is usually the culminating act of a dozen or more tiny steps of unfaithfulness. Each step in itself does not seem that serious or much beyond the previous step. Satan draws a person into adultery one tiny step at a time. And he does this over time so that our conscience is gradually seared. This makes it easier to take "just one more step" thinking such a tiny step won't hurt us.

This thread gives insight into emotional infidelity and provides guidelines on how to help affair-proof & protect your marriage and keep temptations at “arms length” by keeping up healthy boundaries with the opposite sex.