What is the point? - 07/13/07 07:18 PM
Hello All,
I can't help to read through this website and feel sad. How is it that people can do these things to someone they love(or once loved)?
I won't rehash my story. Basically my W had a LTA (4 years). It looks and it has finally come to an end. From the moment I found out, I fought for my marriage. I didnt end up finding this place until about a year ago.
Now that the affair is done, I can honestly say that I really don't even care anymore. I can't help but look at my wife and feel disdain for who she is and what she has become. I am forever broken. Even if our marriage remains intact, there will always be 'something' missing. I will never trust her like I once did, and to me that is sad.
I can't help but feel, after a year of IC and true, no holds barred self reflection, that I really do deserve so much more than she provides me. I really tried to look at our marriage and take my 50% of the blame for it falling apart. The problem is I found myself making stuff up to get to my 50%. I am a man who would die for his family. To me there is nothing more important. It is how I was raised. I have a good job that I enjoy. I am honest. People seem to enjoy my company. I am intelligent. I am even easy on the eyes <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />. Why do I even deal with this garbage? All I ever wanted was to be one half of a team. That is how I look at people who have great marriages. They have each others back. They are people who will be there for you when you are backed into a corner. They will fight for you no matter how tired or beaten down they may be.
I have had the opportunity to cheat on my wife in the past. And each time I walked away. It wasn't becuase didn't find the other person attractive, it was because I could never hurt my wife. Why can't she have the same integrity?
Her affair has consumed the majority of the last three years of my life. So many memories are scarred by her weakness. And each time I learned the affair was ongoing, she acted so entitled. Like I was the one causing all of the problems.
Now that she is strating to go through withrawl, I just leave her alone. The things she says don't even affect me anymore. So she broke up with her OM, big deal! And I am supposed to feel bad for her? Sorry, can't do it. I am supposed to support her? Nope, not going to happen. Like I said, I just don't care anymore.
I remeber the night she actually moved out of our home. That night I slept better than I had slept in the last 3 years. I felt relieved to have some type of conclusion to this whole mess. Sure, I did things wrong once I learned of the affair, but what can I say, I am a human being with feelings. I can't pretend to not hurt when I feel like my insides have been torn out.
I guess what I am getting at is that BS's shouldn't have to put up with this garbage. I can surely say that after going through this once, if it ever happened again, I am out immediatley. No Marriage Builders, No books, No conversations. No Plan A or Plan B. I am gone. Why do we want to stay with someone who thinks so little of us and our marriages that we are willing to put ourselves through this nonsense? At this point I continue on because of my child (as I realize many of you do). If our W's or H's want to go out and find A partners, then let them. Karma is a b1tch.
Please don't let any of what I wrote offend anyone. It is more of a vent on my part. I am just so tired of doing all the heavy lifting to resurect a marriage that I didn't ruin. I am tired of being treated like I am the guilty party. I am exhausted after all of the garbage she has put me through for her own selfish gain. She could leave tomorrow and I wouldn't shed a tear. Does that make me a bad person?
I can't help to read through this website and feel sad. How is it that people can do these things to someone they love(or once loved)?
I won't rehash my story. Basically my W had a LTA (4 years). It looks and it has finally come to an end. From the moment I found out, I fought for my marriage. I didnt end up finding this place until about a year ago.
Now that the affair is done, I can honestly say that I really don't even care anymore. I can't help but look at my wife and feel disdain for who she is and what she has become. I am forever broken. Even if our marriage remains intact, there will always be 'something' missing. I will never trust her like I once did, and to me that is sad.
I can't help but feel, after a year of IC and true, no holds barred self reflection, that I really do deserve so much more than she provides me. I really tried to look at our marriage and take my 50% of the blame for it falling apart. The problem is I found myself making stuff up to get to my 50%. I am a man who would die for his family. To me there is nothing more important. It is how I was raised. I have a good job that I enjoy. I am honest. People seem to enjoy my company. I am intelligent. I am even easy on the eyes <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />. Why do I even deal with this garbage? All I ever wanted was to be one half of a team. That is how I look at people who have great marriages. They have each others back. They are people who will be there for you when you are backed into a corner. They will fight for you no matter how tired or beaten down they may be.
I have had the opportunity to cheat on my wife in the past. And each time I walked away. It wasn't becuase didn't find the other person attractive, it was because I could never hurt my wife. Why can't she have the same integrity?
Her affair has consumed the majority of the last three years of my life. So many memories are scarred by her weakness. And each time I learned the affair was ongoing, she acted so entitled. Like I was the one causing all of the problems.
Now that she is strating to go through withrawl, I just leave her alone. The things she says don't even affect me anymore. So she broke up with her OM, big deal! And I am supposed to feel bad for her? Sorry, can't do it. I am supposed to support her? Nope, not going to happen. Like I said, I just don't care anymore.
I remeber the night she actually moved out of our home. That night I slept better than I had slept in the last 3 years. I felt relieved to have some type of conclusion to this whole mess. Sure, I did things wrong once I learned of the affair, but what can I say, I am a human being with feelings. I can't pretend to not hurt when I feel like my insides have been torn out.
I guess what I am getting at is that BS's shouldn't have to put up with this garbage. I can surely say that after going through this once, if it ever happened again, I am out immediatley. No Marriage Builders, No books, No conversations. No Plan A or Plan B. I am gone. Why do we want to stay with someone who thinks so little of us and our marriages that we are willing to put ourselves through this nonsense? At this point I continue on because of my child (as I realize many of you do). If our W's or H's want to go out and find A partners, then let them. Karma is a b1tch.
Please don't let any of what I wrote offend anyone. It is more of a vent on my part. I am just so tired of doing all the heavy lifting to resurect a marriage that I didn't ruin. I am tired of being treated like I am the guilty party. I am exhausted after all of the garbage she has put me through for her own selfish gain. She could leave tomorrow and I wouldn't shed a tear. Does that make me a bad person?