Paging Mr Wondering... - 07/31/08 02:02 PM
I talked with a lawyer about custody and/or getting our son back into HIS home, as well talked with her about getting a restraining order against OM, and she told me there is NOTHING I can do unless I file for divorce first.
So, do you have any suggestions now on what I can do?
Just for reference, this is what you told me in my original thread.
So, do you have any suggestions now on what I can do?
Just for reference, this is what you told me in my original thread.
Quote
mog,
BTW...unless there is a custody agreement in place you BOTH have equal access to your child. SHE does not get to call the shots and BESTOW visitation upon you. Allowing such sets a terrible precedent. It's akin to conceding custody to your adulterous sick wife. Your child deserves better and you are the only remaining moral parent he's got.
I am attorney and I suggest you seek local representation to assist YOU with figuring out this mess and exploring your options. Until something is hammered out by your attorney (NOT YOU as you focus on marital recovery and not ligation)...you ALLOW nothing less than 50-50 custody.
If she won't "allow" this (as WW's are entitled dirtbags who think they get to call all the shots and think they can abuse you, take your kids and make you PAY for their continued misconduct)...THEN you MUST impose it.
The way you do this is...if she keeps your son 4 days and then "allows" you visitation, then YOU get 4 days. If she keeps the kid 8 days, then when she finally comes to her senses and allows you to see the child again...YOU get 8 days. Just don't give him back. She has NO RIGHT to keep him from you nor any LEGAL right to make you give him back (as long as you are FAIR hence the equal day approach). IF she denies you all visitation because she doesn't like you standing up for yourself and your rights to your child then you document THAT too and she'll end up LOSING complete custody of your child based upon the Parental Alienation laws. Typically, with a WW there is some initial hostility to such a plan...but once she meets with a lawyer, such lawyer will INSIST that she not make the mistake of denying you any custody or visitation.
Don't allow her to manipulate and gaslight you into accepting anything less than your RIGHTS allow. Stay calm and insist upon them.
Another upside. IF she ends her adulterous affair and you get a shot at recovery. Standing up for yourself garners her respect and will aide in recovery (because you won't appear the wimp that totally put up with her crap and ate it too). "Maning Up" as we like to call it pays dividends in recovery (marital as well as individual since YOU will respect yourself more looking back someday regardless of the outcome).
REGARDLESS, I still think you should be filing a restraining order against OM prohibiting him having any contact with your vulnerable child.
Mr. Wondering
BTW...unless there is a custody agreement in place you BOTH have equal access to your child. SHE does not get to call the shots and BESTOW visitation upon you. Allowing such sets a terrible precedent. It's akin to conceding custody to your adulterous sick wife. Your child deserves better and you are the only remaining moral parent he's got.
I am attorney and I suggest you seek local representation to assist YOU with figuring out this mess and exploring your options. Until something is hammered out by your attorney (NOT YOU as you focus on marital recovery and not ligation)...you ALLOW nothing less than 50-50 custody.
If she won't "allow" this (as WW's are entitled dirtbags who think they get to call all the shots and think they can abuse you, take your kids and make you PAY for their continued misconduct)...THEN you MUST impose it.
The way you do this is...if she keeps your son 4 days and then "allows" you visitation, then YOU get 4 days. If she keeps the kid 8 days, then when she finally comes to her senses and allows you to see the child again...YOU get 8 days. Just don't give him back. She has NO RIGHT to keep him from you nor any LEGAL right to make you give him back (as long as you are FAIR hence the equal day approach). IF she denies you all visitation because she doesn't like you standing up for yourself and your rights to your child then you document THAT too and she'll end up LOSING complete custody of your child based upon the Parental Alienation laws. Typically, with a WW there is some initial hostility to such a plan...but once she meets with a lawyer, such lawyer will INSIST that she not make the mistake of denying you any custody or visitation.
Don't allow her to manipulate and gaslight you into accepting anything less than your RIGHTS allow. Stay calm and insist upon them.
Another upside. IF she ends her adulterous affair and you get a shot at recovery. Standing up for yourself garners her respect and will aide in recovery (because you won't appear the wimp that totally put up with her crap and ate it too). "Maning Up" as we like to call it pays dividends in recovery (marital as well as individual since YOU will respect yourself more looking back someday regardless of the outcome).
REGARDLESS, I still think you should be filing a restraining order against OM prohibiting him having any contact with your vulnerable child.
Mr. Wondering