Diagnosed, what to do now? - 11/20/08 02:33 AM
Ok so here is what's going on. My husband and I have had a really tough marriage and I have been trying my hardest to drive him away. During our marriage wer both made mistakes but decided to move forward together. I have found this task to be super tough. I have been begging for a divorce and telling him how much I don't love him and that there is no trust between us. He on the otherhand has tried really hard to be understanding and to hang in there.
I am emontionally abusive to him and could not understand why I could not control my emotions and the abuse. He always tells me that feelings (love) can not be controlled. I don't even trust that he is telling the truth about loving me. He tells me that he wants to make our marraige work but I cannot seem to figure out why. It got so bad that I just wanted to die. Well I went to the hospital and found out that I have severe PTSD. I found out that my behavior was in fact directly related to this. I guess my question is What should I do now? I still feel like I want out. I am currently on medication for the anxiety and in therapy. How can I fix this broken marraige when all of my energy has been put into destroying it? I don't even know how to love him properly. Truth be told I am not sure I know how to feel anything besides rage, sadness, and depression. Do you think that with the ongoing treatment and medications that I might come to change my mind?
I am emontionally abusive to him and could not understand why I could not control my emotions and the abuse. He always tells me that feelings (love) can not be controlled. I don't even trust that he is telling the truth about loving me. He tells me that he wants to make our marraige work but I cannot seem to figure out why. It got so bad that I just wanted to die. Well I went to the hospital and found out that I have severe PTSD. I found out that my behavior was in fact directly related to this. I guess my question is What should I do now? I still feel like I want out. I am currently on medication for the anxiety and in therapy. How can I fix this broken marraige when all of my energy has been put into destroying it? I don't even know how to love him properly. Truth be told I am not sure I know how to feel anything besides rage, sadness, and depression. Do you think that with the ongoing treatment and medications that I might come to change my mind?