Uh, yeah, you may want to consider some treatment of some kind! There is a ton going on here from even your brief description.
PTSD is a diagnosis that can speak to a whole range of life experiences. You could be dealing with a one-time, life-threatening experience or a life-time of abuse to have that diagnosis. You could have that diagnosis from your "really tough marriage" -- it could mean anything!
I strongly encourage you to look at this diagnosis of PTSD as an opportunity to see what wounds you really have to deal with (btw, we all have them, they just look a little different for all of us) and make that the focus.
I'm guessing your husband has issues that he has to deal with too! Start with good individual counseling, take your time to find a counselor you like; encourage your husband to find his own counselor; don't focus on marriage yet (since it sounds like its interpersonal issues that are foremost in your mind) and give this some time!
I don't even read in your post that there is infidelity -- did I miss it? If the marriage is abusive on either end, it does neither of you any good to try to work through issues while you are still hurting each other. You may need to give each other some space while you do this, tho I'm not sure if this feels feasible right now...
Thats my .02 -- as both a person with a history of depression/anxiety; as well as being the provider of treatment for those in violent relationships.
I hope this gives you some direction...
Bestfriend439

I'm guessing your husband has issues that he has to deal with too!

He does but he is in complete denial that he even has any problems. I already stopped trying to make him see these things.

Start with good individual counseling, take your time to find a counselor you like; encourage your husband to find his own counselor; don't focus on marriage yet (since it sounds like its interpersonal issues that are foremost in your mind) and give this some time!

I have just started individual counseling and am trying to take it on step at a time. I know that marraige counseling is not even in the cards for the future because my husband wouls never.

I don't even read in your post that there is infidelity -- did I miss it? If the marriage is abusive on either end, it does neither of you any good to try to work through issues while you are still hurting each other. You may need to give each other some space while you do this, tho I'm not sure if this feels feasible right now...

Well infidelity is the main reason why The trust is gone. I have always had trust issues so once that trust was gone I don't think it will ever come back. This is something I need to fix on my part. Being that I feel into the deeper depression I did slip myself and cheated on him too. Well the saying that two wrongs don't make a right is true. The worst part is that I got nothing from the other guy because it meant nothing. I know he only forgave me becaue he had an ongoing relationship with this other person while I only had sex with someone else. It's amazing how well he seemed to get over it and how I just can't seem to get past it.

There are no judgements in my questions; just clarification. If there has been infidelity, it is really helpful for folks here to know the why's and wherefores. It gives us all an idea of where you are and where we can start to support you.
A few details would help. Hang in there -- we are all over the map: newly betrayed, in process or in recovery.
I have had amazing support here, but I found I had to give folks a better idea of where on the "continuim" my WH and I actually were.
I'm glad you found us, Hopelessandlost -- this is a great place to be considering the crappy situation we find ourselves in.
Take care,
BF439

Hopeless,

Just a couple of quick questions? Whose child is it from a previous relationship? You've been married only a year, was your H married when you met him? Why did you get married? If you were a single parent when you met, were you supporting yourself and your child? Do you work now?

Just a couple of quick questions? Whose child is it from a previous relationship?

Mine

You've been married only a year, was your H married when you met him?

No. I asked if he was seeing anyone and he said no that he is completely single. That is the only reason we cdontinued to communicate. It wasn't until the day that we got married that his girlfriend decided to introduce herself. Image the horror of finding this out on the day you get married. I was embarassed and humiliated. I have not recovered from this

Why did you get married?

I did not want to get married to him it was like one of the Vegas style things. It kinda just happened when He got me drunk (I say he got me drunk because he knew that I did not drink but yet he peer pressured me to try at least one)and I got wasted. He knew that I did not believe in divorce so he kind knew what he was doing. He knows that I don't have it in me to leave because I don't want to be a failure in the eyes of God or just a nother statistic. I can't say that I don't care for him because I do. I just don't think I love him as a wife should love her husband.

If you were a single parent when you met, were you supporting yourself and your child?

Yes and I still do. I have always been very independent person.

Do you work now?

No, I am a fulltime student about to graduate with my bachelors degree and start my masters.

Is this from an event earlier in your life or because of your husband's infidelity?

Were you married before?

Frankly, you guys have only been married for a little over a year, and even then your marriage started out dishonestly. If your husband got you drunk to marry you, too bad you didn't have the marriage annulled when you sobered up.

It seems like there's a lot of missing information. Can you give us a little more detail?

You should never make any life-altering decisions when you're this emotionally distraught.

hmmmmmmmmmm

Why beg? Why not file for a divorce?

Is this from an event earlier in your life or because of your husband's infidelity?

This came from an event earlier in life. I was sexually assaulted by my supervisor at work. I never recovered from it and never had treatment fore it. This is also the reason I have never consummated the marriage. I know this frustrates him a little because we have not had sex but he has to wait.

Were you married before?

No. I was young and did not think I was ready.

Frankly, you guys have only been married for a little over a year, and even then your marriage started out dishonestly. If your husband got you drunk to marry you, too bad you didn't have the marriage annulled when you sobered up.

It seems like there's a lot of missing information. Can you give us a little more detail?

We started as friends. I liked him very muc has a friend and began to trust him. I was never attracted to him as more than just a friend. You see I met him in Texas but he lives in California. This is a long distance thing now and really alot more draining emotionally because I don't have a support system here. He is French from France and I am 1/2 French from here. We have totally different beliefs and cultural backgrounds. This makes things that much mofre complicated when it comes to communication. I am just at a loss.


You should never make any life-altering decisions when you're this emotionally distraught.

I know and this was never meant to happen.