I don't know what to do. Muted Sparkle has done it to me again. I feel foolish that I let her do this to me again. We have friends from church get alot of people to donate money to send us to a weekend to remember, saying the vows to each others face at the end of the weekend, and she has been staying in contact with the OM since Feb.Yes Feb. she cant even put her correct NC date down because she is worried about judgment here. 50 calls between them last month alone. I am so tired of all the lies. Lies to me. Lies to our MC. Lies to our friends at church. I am so embarrassed. This whole time getting mad at me because I won't trust her. And she expects me to belive that there has been no physical contact between them for the last 4 months. Nooo, he just sat there waiting around for her because she has been telling the poor guy that she had filed for divorce. How much more do i take? I feel so numb right now. God help me please.

Spartan, I'm so sorry that you find yourself in this spot again. I know that it's heartbreaking.

What do you want to do? Have you had time to think about that? What has she said about it?

Spartan, this does not surprise me. I'm so sorry.

I'm an FWW and my BS (and that's not Betrayed Spouse) detector has been off the radar with MS right from when she first posted.

Can you set her phone to forward calls to your OR switch phones? Heck swith the SIM cards if you phones use sim cards.

IS muted here? So tell me whats so spectaculare that you allow this to go on? DO you have a voice sweetie? can you use it to say...HEY DON'T CALL ME ANYMORE? Your never going to be able to move forward and heal your marriage if you allow yourself to continuously fall in to this trap.

Look at your husband....because I know he's with you.....look at what it's doing to him. Now hand him your phone and you need to be COMPLETELY TRANSPARENT.....thats the first step to getting through this....let Spartan be your shoulder....there will be rough days yes...no one EVER said it was easy.....but they did say with hard work comes great rewards.

Spartan,

I am so sorry.

I can't even begin to imagine what you are feeling right now.

Just wanted to post and let you know how sorry I am for what you are going through.

I have read MS's thread but have not posted to her because I have not quite been able to "buy into" what I have read. A lot of what she says seems to be geared to what she believes people want to hear, and what will win her brownie points and win friends. Maybe it is part of her desperate need for admiration? It has made me feel a little uncomfortabe for some time.

I think she has a real difficulty in being open and honest about what is going on in her head, maybe again because she knows that if she spills the truth, all the admiration she has been receiving will quickly disappear. Why does she have the need to be admired above all else, and for me the big question is how can you fill this need without respecting her? I'm sure it is difficult for you at the moment to have respect for your WW?

I hope that she wants to fix herself but that will begin by her being honest. TOTALLY HONEST. She cannot carry on trying to be everything to everybody and telling everybody what they want to hear just so that everyone can meet HER need for admiration.

I'm sure people here will have a different take on the situation but that is my opinion based on what I have read.

She is and has been getting a lot of great advice from lots of vets so if she wants to she can put in the necessary work to rebuild your M, but it will be a long long road for the pair of you, and I think you will need to do a lot of work snooping and verifying all that she says and does in order to slowly rebuild some level of trust. How about a polygraph?

As a fellow BS you are in my thoughts and I wish you the very best.

I am sorry Spartan. I am also one of those who lurked and read Muted's thread, but never posted because she kept seeming to say you didn't want to come around her, but I knew there had to be a reason.
She has been telling lies to the good vets here, telling lies to you and obviously OM too. Hence his anger and their 30 min call because she went away with you for that weekend to rekindle your marriage. While telling him she was divorcing you.
Her biggest fear is that the people here will tell you to leave her. Her fear will very well come true.
It's hard to fight a war when your own troops are killing themselves.
And how long can a person take dishonesty and manipulation. Only you can answer that for yourself Spartan.

I can tell you for a fact..the people on MB are very disappointed in her. We are all wondering will she be woman enough to face the good peole who have poured out their wisdom and empathy to her on this board. Even those who willingly gave her their personal information to help her.
She calls her thread

MUTEDSPARKLE'S JOURNEY BACK TO SPARTAN

she's obviously on the wrong road..time to get on the right one or don't travel at all.

Sorry to hear about her and the OM. One thing that is a concern, as soon as she gets caught, she falls back on her faith, like "OK now I will REALLY mean it." She seems like she never fully committed to reconciling your marriage. How did you catch her or did she confess to calling him. This is important.

Spartan,

First of all, you have nothing to be ashamed of. You were deceived and not the deceiver. You can stand before your friends proudly having fought for your marriage.

We're here for you how ever this goes from here.

Mark

(((((Spartan)))))

I'm so very sorry that you are going through this...You don't deserve it, and Mark is right, YOU have NOTHING to be ashamed of...

Mrs. W

I told Sparkle and I'm telling you, she reminds me of another WW that used to post here a long time ago. I told her I didn't want Sparkle to become like this woman, but I could see it happening.

Only Sparkle can change Sparkle.

It's time for her actions to match her words.

Oh, and Spart? You've done nothing wrong.

Mine, too, Jen.

Spartan, I am so sorry.

Jeeze, first Coho now Sparkle. So sorry Spartan. Protect yourself.

She knows how to manipulate the people here very well. She knows exactly what to say to turn them back to her side without giving her the 2x4's she deserves.



Yep.

I am so sorry, Spartan. I'm so glad you're here to get help for yourself. Please continue to post.

Sorry for your pain Spartan. You have no reason to be embarrassed. MS should be ashamed. Put it all on her where it belongs.

I never had to endure a false recovery with broken NC but I honestly don't think I would have tolerated it. We are all different and you need to decide whether she is worth the risk or if you simply don't have it in you.

Oh Spartan, it hurts so much to read this. Please continue to post here so that the wonderful people here can help you. I am so very sorry.

Except to her references to her faith. This could have literally been written by Coho Salmon. Admission to everything, agree with all criticism, profess your love for spartan. I think Spartan is right to be very concerned. No man is going to hang around for 4 months without getting encouragement from the WS. She is a serial cheater of the highest order. Her deception is so masterful, that she is able to carry on a 3 year affair, reconcile that and with no conscience, and after getting ANOTHER chance, turns right around and starts another PA. Now everything is the devils fault.

Spartan - Please read NCWs threads if you can find them. His devotion to his family and God reminds me of your situation.

He is a good, Godly man.

Spartan,

I haven't posted to you before but I felt a need to offer my sympathy. You have no reason to be ashamed. You have fought for your marriage as best you could under the circumstances. What you do from here is up to you and I'm sure everyone here will support you in your decision. Hang in there and keep the faith.....

Want2Stay

Spartan, I am so sorry to hear this. I haven't posted to either you or your W but I have definitely been in your shoes.

Sorry for your renewed pain.

Maybe you and goldpig can compare notes? It sounds like you married the same woman.

I wonder what muted and lindz do for fun? Club seals, burn puppies, eat children?

Spartan--I don't believe that I have ever posted to you either but I have been following MS's thread and posted to her a day or so ago.

I am so sorry that you are finding yourself going through this yet again. It must be horrible.

From a FWW's point of view I can tell you that I am appauled by your wifes continued actions. And, her lies to us all here about the NC... 50 times over the last month? She made it sound as if it were once. How disappointed we all are and we can't imagine how you must feel.

I promised my BH NC and that is what I meant. I have not had any contact with OM in about 8 months now. But, the continued contact between MS and her OM must be unbelievably excruciating to you....again, I am sorry.

What is it that you want to do? Do you even WANT to stay married at this point? I don't think I would.

You need to protect yourself now and remove yourself from the continued pain this woman is giving you. I would suggest Plan B at a minimum.

Spartan, how exposed has this A been?

When this SAME THING happened to me, I went all-out, nuclear exposure. I exposed and then I exposed some more.

I recommend you do the same. Don't hesitate, do it NOW.

Even if you exposed before, do it AGAIN. It's your only hope.

I remember that night well.


Spartan,

Nuclear exposure and right into Plan B.

I hear that often. It must have made quite an impression because lots of people remember...I believe I did a good job and my exposure finally ENDED the A.

That's why I recommend it so highly, because it WORKS!

Is your nuclear exposure in a thread somewhere us newcomers can read?

Spartan, I am so, so sorry your WW has dishonored you, her marriage and her children in this way. She is broken and I'm not sure she's fixable. What she has done is sick and twisted. It's as if she's two different people.

Do what you need to do to protect your heart from any more abuse. From this point on, I'd say it's on her to do any more work in this marriage, starting with staying away from you and getting some help (not that this has worked in the past).

I feel so bad for you. But know, this... this is NOT your fault, in ANY way.

Spartan, I'm sad to see this false recovery. I'm sure it hurts.

But to be honest with you, it's not a suprise.

The only real difference between your situation and some other people on the board is MS's multiple affairs.
MS's false recovery is just like so many others we have seen.

I'm just not sure you have bothered to take the time to equipt yourself in this battle?

Have you read "Surviving an Affair". MS said you would not read this book with her or any other books. Is that true? or is that just inaccurate info from her?

Do you even want to equipt yourself?

I know you had an affair at the same time as one of her past affairs. Did you do any work to recover from that? or did you both just brush it all under the rug and hope it would just go away?

Do you still want this marriage? Is it worth it to you?


And I'm not sure why we on the board get so mad when a false recovery happens? She's just a typical wayward, doing typical wayward crap.

Here ya go...

MFs Exposure Thread

You can even see part of the thread that I started on the message board where they met, and where I exposed, there is a link for it.

This is what an effective exposure looks like.

ooh-ooh pick me! pick me!

OMG MF, I've never read that thread. Your exposure was amazing! I found my self saying, "you go girl", even though I knew I was reading about something in the past.

Princessmeggy,

You did some incredible work on muted sparkels thread regarding all the conflicting statements. As I stated after reading and referencing your post, no reasonable person can walk away after reading that, and knowing that she has been in contact with him virtually daily, that she did not resume the PA. And I said as much after your quotes. As of yet there has been no denial to what you or I had written.

I feel like that neighbor kid that rides the big wheel on The Incredibles and catches Mr. Incredible being Incredible..."THAT WAS TOTALLY WICKED!"

Awesome...just awesome.

Well pm and kimmy...whatever I did, it WORKED, the A ended THAT DAY.

I am so greatful for all of the help and support I had here during that time...incredible.

Spartan, if you still want your marriage, I would suggest that you require much from your WW. She has a long history of infidelity, lying, manipulating, and blameshifting.

Expose the affair to....

your children (yes, they should be told)
her parents and siblings
church friends
church pastor
anyone else you consider having influence over Sparkle

Tell Sparkle that you require a legal separation and she is to move out immediately.

Then IF you decide to reconcile, it will be on your terms, which I suggest should include a post-nup and a polygraph to just BEGIN.

She must give up ALL independent behavior and ALL sense of entitlement.

Require nothing less than that.

I know your exposure is over and done but you were one bad MF. Fantastic job!!!

I know at the time it's not funny but in hindsight I seriously have to wonder what was going on in the APs minds as their heads were exploding.

I want to thank everyone for your posts, as you can tell im not a big poster so i will only pop in once in a while. right now i feel crushed. i do love my wife but she needs serious help. she could be an awesome wife if she wants to be, but i am not sure she can truly separate real life and fantasy. i want my wife back 100% but i dont think she will get my trust back for a long time. and i dont think she will be able to deal with it. i still feel that there are alot of things that she has not told me the truth about and until that is done i dont think we can move past this one. sorry, i cant type well or fast, but i sure can fix a car. unfortunately its in my nature to try and fix everything even if it cant be fixed. and yes i am not completely innocent, during her first A i had a revenge affair. short lived and not satisfying at all. wish i had never lowered myself to that level, and never will again.

Just remember you have a tendancy to be a little naive where she is concerned.

Two things I would require before taking one baby step forward:

Polygraph and make sure you know the truth.

Lawyer up and have an agreement drafted that will give you full custody and all the material objects if she chooses to do this again.

This is really starting to remind me of Zen and Coho's interchanges on their respective threads. I hope that MS and Spartan's ending is a better one.

Spartan--you need to put aside your "fixer" attitude. You can not "fix" MS. She is the one who will have to do that. You almost sound as if you're an emabler to some extent. You are not "requiring" anything of her?

I agree with the polygraph if you feel there are things she is still not telling you.

Until you take a stand for yourself she is going to continue to walk all over you.

Sorry...

Spartan,

Psalm 102:1-12

I know pretty much how you feel.

BTDT.

Mark

Spartan,

You would be a fool to trust her right now.

I think she may be mentally ill. Or just arrogantly selfish. I don't think you can fill the void in her, it appears to be bottomless.

If you didn't have kids I would tell you to move on. Do you really want to be dealing with this the rest of your life? Always wondering what you wife is up to when she is a little late coming home? What she is really doing on her lunch break?

It takes a certain type of brazenness to come here, where so many people are hurting, and play the game that she has played.

I worry for you Spartan.

Lost in 2008. Is right. You need to polygraph her. You must know the truth. If you don't you will never have peace again. Her silence on the subject of continuing the physical affair is deafening. She has been pressed several times. And she simply ignores it. My thought on this is that she may have confessed it to you. But will not address it on the board because she does not want to be hit with more 2x4.

Spartan...

Can you please email Mr. W and I at the address in my signature? (We share the account)

Mrs. W

I can only imagine the pain you must be feeling now. Try to relax and clear your head. Try and think things through calmly.

Your WW has been in receipt of a pretty good Plan A from you for some time now.

I would seriously consider going to Plan D. If thats not what you want then definitely Plan B.

Do it soon. Good luck

Since MS has shown herself to be a pathological liar. I think Spartan should polygraph her regarding this whole infidelity issue. From that supposed kiss years ago (Which given her recent behavior, is impossible to believe that it stopped with a kiss), through now. Based on her actions now. I would imagine she has cheated the whole length of their marriage.

Hi, Spartan. Just want you to know that I am so sorry you're going through this.

I'm praying for you and your wife.

WALK..............and DON'T LOOK BACK...........DUDE

Until I hear from Spartan himself on MS's progress I will take her posts with a grain of salt.....

However..

IS it really a good idea to encourage this kind of talk when you yourself are (if i misread wrong) regretting your own decision in giving up?

If I am out of line, I apologize in advance..

I'm just askin.

You're not out of line.

RMX,

I don't think that Dude regrets his decision to D. I think he is considering a new relationship. I also think Spartan should consider plan D (from one who only regrets waiting so long).

When he said Run, it sounded like don't ever look back

But your right, a *NEW* relationship can certainly be started after a divorce.


Excellent point made, thank you!

If you so do not regret your D, can I ask why you are on a MARRIAGE BUILDING site????

Look I didn't mean to start something here. I was just asking a question.

I know 6YLs story and that doesnt mean MB doesnt have something to offer him now that hes divorced.

He has alot of offer on what he did worked, and what didnt.

<TJ>
<6YL>: How is your wife baking under the Tucscan sun anyways?
Congrats on the grandson!
</tj>

I am new here and probably wrong as well as out of line, but I need to make this comment for some reason. I have been reading along from the beginning here and with MS. I have this strange feeling that perhaps this is not truly 'Spartan's' thread.
#1 He rarely posts
#2 She created the account, why not log in and post
#3 Primary use of this thread seems to be to defend MS
#4 Even 'Spartan' said that MS has a hard time with fantasy and reality.
Again I am probably wrong....
Just a strange feeling I have whenever I read this thread

I was wondering that too.

K..I'm not completely crazy then

I sincerely hope that Spartan is protecting himself. If he was smart he would be putting his ducks in a row to divorce MS as soon as possible.

hi everybody, just want to clear some things up. yes this is my thread and ms is not playing a double agent. ms has been doing alot of ep work to prove to me that she is tired of the life she has been living. we will be getting a post nup, and i can tell you that the old ms would have never agreed to do that. she has been a very different person and i feel she is going to be able to pull through this time. like i said im not a big poster and i got on here to spill the beans on her so that she can truly get the help she needs. i have decided to give her another chance because i know the woman i married is still there. i know alot of you are very upset with her right now for all the deception but i hope you can help her in her walk to becoming the wife she really wants to be. she is making alot of changes in her lifestyle for the good of her family and i can see it in her eyes that she is truly sorry for everything she has done. and i also want to say thanks to the people that have been in her shorts about how to go about getting it, you know who you are. i feel this is a real new begining for my family and i hope we can become an example and not a statistic. thanks again, s

Spartan, IF this is you I apologize. However, I just find it hard to believe. Again protecting a woman who has tore your family apart, repeatedly risked giving you STD's, seemingly has no time for her own children yet is overly concerned about her appearance. Again I apologize, yet at least in your revenge affair it was with a person who wanted to spend time with your children. I may be wrong but I thought one of you said you had a child in Kindergarten. That is SUCH a precious age! I love spending time with kids in that age group because they are so adorable and absorb info like a sponge. It would kill me to be out working on how I look or eating out and socializing instead of being with my cute little kindergartner!!

Again if this is you Spartan..my sincere apologies. I admire your strength and determination. I love that you continue to stand tall for your children even while your wife continues with her shameful behavior all the while trying to cover it up the the precious name of Christ. God Bless you and your children, I hope that you find someone deserving of your good heart.

Natalie, we have seen this before, with Zen protecting his wife, Coho. So it's entirely likely that this is Spartan, though I could see how you might think it MS.

Listen, my FWH did the SAME THING to me...told me the A was over and that we were in recovery, yadda yadda yadda, only to find out 10 MONTHS later that the A had never ended.

He was here on MB at the time as well...was posting and making it "look like" we were really in recovery. The only problem was that he hadn't given up his drug of choice yet.

This is what a "False Recovery" looks like...and it often takes a huge blow-up like this for the WS to "get it" and kick the habit for good.

The biggest problem is that it kills a LOT of the love the BS has for the WS, these false recoveries. It makes recovery MUCH harder ~ there is just so much hurt, resentment and anger to be overcome.

OH, thats just my opinion..a feeling I have. I have been reading from the beginning and am probably wrong. That is why I apologized in advance if I am just wanted to state my feelings. I understand what a false recover is, my point is that once you had the big blow up...like Spartan just had, were you still protecting him on MB forum? Just wondering because if I just found out what he did, what not even 10 days ago?(may be off) I am not sure I would still be protecting. I mean he is saying that she is another person, how do you become a new person overnight or in a week? She sounds the same to me. So I may be wrong, my point is that he has never done anything on this thread really EXCEPT protect her, that seems to be the primary goal of this thread if you look at his 3 short postings. I do apologize again Spartan. It is absolutely none of my business and I don't know why this story is resonating with me so strongly!! I just feel so bad for Spartan and those children. So again Spartan may God bless you and your children in a very special way! And may God have mercy on your wife..

Also I just want to say again that I won't post on here again..it isn't really something I should be involved in. Just that when I began here I was reading along with the whole 'Muted Sparkle's journey to Spartan' thread. My heart goes out to them, but I am sorry I interfered. I am really not usually like that, I guess it is easier to stand up for things online..LOL.

I welcome you to join me on my thread if you have questions about me.

This thread was created by my husband and has in no way protected me. He exposed my dishonesty here. He doesn't sit at a desk all day like I do and only posts at night when he has time and is interested in doing it. He and I differ about posting to threads. I'm an active poster and he is more a reader.

I'm here because it is the place where I learned how to deal with the mess of the A. My path was D and it is working for me. I think I owe back to the community for the help I received.

My life is not a party since I am a single parent now but I'm happy and the children are happy.

Spartan,

Wanna share your thoughts on the session with Jennifer?

Some of our sessions with her triggered me. Was that an issue for you at all?

You don't. I think you're right to doubt this new and improved MS and Spartan should too. It takes a LONG time to restore trust and to change a mindset.

I just pray MS isn't yanking someone's chain again.