Finally I got the truth (err part of it anyway) - 01/08/10 06:48 PM
For those unfamiliar with my journey over my wife's infidelity, please read this thread...
http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2271581&page=1
Well, my wife went to a counseling session on Monday 1/4/2010. I had kept the pressure on her to tell me the truth. After the appointment I asked her how it went. She told me that the counselor said I needed to let things go, accept her apology and either chose to move on in the marriage or not. That I needed to stop throwing things in her face and that I need to sincerely forgive my wife as she has already sincerely apologized to me 3+ years ago. That I need to redirect my obsessive thoughts about what happened over 3 years ago and stop punishing my wife.
I told my wife that this response was unacceptable, completely unacceptable. You see, the original purpose behind her having to go to the counselor herself was so she could recover her memories about the affair and deal with her compartmentalization issues that she claims causes her memory loss at times.
I told her that as long as she continued this entire mess that I would start talking to everyone she knew or knows, about what may have happened. She immediately got deathly affraid, because she knew she was at the end of the rope. She could tell I was no longer ***edit*** her, that I was serious.
I told her that we could live in the same house, but that I would no longer be speaking to her about all of this affair crap unless she wanted to admit the truth. We could live as roommates and that I will go ahead full force with investigating the affair through other channels.
Finally she snapped. Our kids (Girl 5 and Boy 1 1/2) were around the house playing. My wife told me to go to our room and that she would tell me everything that happened. Again came the lies, it was just an EA, nothing ever happened, they would just sit and talk. That the EA was headed to PA, but I caught her before that could happen. The night that I knew she got the hotel room, she said she was going to have sex with him but chickened out.
Finally I asked her, "how many times did you and OM have sex." She said that, "you already know the times we had sex." She was starting to break down. I said, "I only know what I have found out on my own and what you have told me, which is nothing about a PA." She said, "that you already know in your mind what happened and why would you make me say it?" I said, "because you owe me the truth and not knowing the truth is worse than knowing." She finally said, "2 times." Once in a car and once in a hotel room (a different time than the room she paid for). I did not ask for all the details of the sexual encounters. I think I can safely assume it included oral and vaginal sex and that it was unprotected. Anything beyond that, if it did happend, I do not want to know.
I am sure the number of times they had sex is more than 2 and it is probably safe to double that number at least. Which means there is still information out there that I do not have. I am not sure that matters at this point as I finally have the truth about the affair being a PA.
Now it is on to the healing. Emotionally I am devastated. I have not slept in 2 days. My wife wants to stay together, but right now she is an emotional mess. Funny how I am the one who married a woman who ***edit*** another man, yet I am the one who has to do the consoling. I am the one who has to take her to a crisis counselor and deal with all of the fallout.
I know life is not fair, but man this is really hard. I really do not know what to do or where to go from here. I guess I will take a step back for now and evaluate my next move.
I want to thank all of those who have taken the time to read my posts and a special thanks goes out to those who really did take their time to post thoughtful responses. I know I did not always follow your advice, but your comments made me keep the pressure on and to not accept anymore lame excuses from my wife.
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Well, my wife went to a counseling session on Monday 1/4/2010. I had kept the pressure on her to tell me the truth. After the appointment I asked her how it went. She told me that the counselor said I needed to let things go, accept her apology and either chose to move on in the marriage or not. That I needed to stop throwing things in her face and that I need to sincerely forgive my wife as she has already sincerely apologized to me 3+ years ago. That I need to redirect my obsessive thoughts about what happened over 3 years ago and stop punishing my wife.
I told my wife that this response was unacceptable, completely unacceptable. You see, the original purpose behind her having to go to the counselor herself was so she could recover her memories about the affair and deal with her compartmentalization issues that she claims causes her memory loss at times.
I told her that as long as she continued this entire mess that I would start talking to everyone she knew or knows, about what may have happened. She immediately got deathly affraid, because she knew she was at the end of the rope. She could tell I was no longer ***edit*** her, that I was serious.
I told her that we could live in the same house, but that I would no longer be speaking to her about all of this affair crap unless she wanted to admit the truth. We could live as roommates and that I will go ahead full force with investigating the affair through other channels.
Finally she snapped. Our kids (Girl 5 and Boy 1 1/2) were around the house playing. My wife told me to go to our room and that she would tell me everything that happened. Again came the lies, it was just an EA, nothing ever happened, they would just sit and talk. That the EA was headed to PA, but I caught her before that could happen. The night that I knew she got the hotel room, she said she was going to have sex with him but chickened out.
Finally I asked her, "how many times did you and OM have sex." She said that, "you already know the times we had sex." She was starting to break down. I said, "I only know what I have found out on my own and what you have told me, which is nothing about a PA." She said, "that you already know in your mind what happened and why would you make me say it?" I said, "because you owe me the truth and not knowing the truth is worse than knowing." She finally said, "2 times." Once in a car and once in a hotel room (a different time than the room she paid for). I did not ask for all the details of the sexual encounters. I think I can safely assume it included oral and vaginal sex and that it was unprotected. Anything beyond that, if it did happend, I do not want to know.
I am sure the number of times they had sex is more than 2 and it is probably safe to double that number at least. Which means there is still information out there that I do not have. I am not sure that matters at this point as I finally have the truth about the affair being a PA.
Now it is on to the healing. Emotionally I am devastated. I have not slept in 2 days. My wife wants to stay together, but right now she is an emotional mess. Funny how I am the one who married a woman who ***edit*** another man, yet I am the one who has to do the consoling. I am the one who has to take her to a crisis counselor and deal with all of the fallout.
I know life is not fair, but man this is really hard. I really do not know what to do or where to go from here. I guess I will take a step back for now and evaluate my next move.
I want to thank all of those who have taken the time to read my posts and a special thanks goes out to those who really did take their time to post thoughtful responses. I know I did not always follow your advice, but your comments made me keep the pressure on and to not accept anymore lame excuses from my wife.