Need Some Help...or Encouragement... - 01/09/10 11:56 PM
I have posted previously a few times, but here is where I am today. I discovered my WH PA in April, 2009. I should have seen the red flags for what they were, and I strongly suspected, but I found it then via a TM, and confronted him. He admitted it and just lied. Said he was done with her, even staged a phone call to her for my benefit "ending it." I was already planning on leaving, as he was being a real [censored] to me during this time. So, I left 3 weeks later, and moved across the country to be with my family, with our D6. He continued his affair. Initially, while gone, he would call and I would yell at him, or talk with him, and then he came to see us on my D6's bday.
Then he called me remorseful, and saying he wanted us back home, so for four months we talked about us returning home, and what would be required. I suspected he would just go deeper (which he has kinda done), and cake eat, and this is exactly what he has done.
I came back in the middle of September, which is better for my D6 (except now I am not so sure of which is better for her). He has been walking the walk, and has shown lots of changes. Only problem is, I am still finding TMs between him and OW, that is, when he doesn't erase them. I also saw photos of him and "her" on his phone back in October.
I don't have a lot of info to go on as far as OW goes, and no money, as I am not working right now, so my D6 and I are completely dependent on him. I found out where she lives, and confirmed the email address I find in his computer history, is hers. But, now that I am back, his computer isn't in her presence, so nothing new there. My WH told me she lives with a boyfriend, but I don't think so. I think she is single with a son. I have nothing else to go on. I have exposed to all the pertinent people in his life (not many to expose to), but my MIL didn't believe me, and defended him, by accusing me of having an affair. So no help there, and the circles he runs in have no respect for marriage, and in fact, I think all of his friends, expect/feel entitled to having a GF and Wife, and many divorces.
Right now, he is obsessed with appearing young, although he has always been that way.
Now, looking at my culpability in our marriage, I have DJ'd, AO'd (moreso now than ever), and stopped filling his ENs. I realize this now, so I have implemented Plan A, which is filling what I believe to be his top ENs, and at times it seems to be working, but I haven't been stellar with it, and I have AO's or I make sarcastic remarks, which makes him shut down, or more like stop allowing me to fill his ENs. The Plan Aing seems to be making an impact on him, as he has been wanting to spend more time with me, than in our recent past. And he seems happier, but then a text will come through that I catch, and the AO's and sarcasm hits.
My goal is to accomplish an awesome Plan A, and then more than likely move to Plan B, if the awesome Plan A doesn't work.
I need to work on seeing "his good." As the emotional roller coaster rolls on, I go from feeling like I can do this, to feeling like a complete fool for trying to save my marriage. It doesn't help that all of my closest friends and family all are begging me to leave him.
I don't know how else to expose. I don't know enough about her. All I keep thinking is expose to her side, cuz exposing him to his family and friends didn't change his behavior, and he has everyone convinced that I am a jealous psycho that he can not please.
Anyway, today was not a great day, and I need some ideas.
Thank you.
Then he called me remorseful, and saying he wanted us back home, so for four months we talked about us returning home, and what would be required. I suspected he would just go deeper (which he has kinda done), and cake eat, and this is exactly what he has done.
I came back in the middle of September, which is better for my D6 (except now I am not so sure of which is better for her). He has been walking the walk, and has shown lots of changes. Only problem is, I am still finding TMs between him and OW, that is, when he doesn't erase them. I also saw photos of him and "her" on his phone back in October.
I don't have a lot of info to go on as far as OW goes, and no money, as I am not working right now, so my D6 and I are completely dependent on him. I found out where she lives, and confirmed the email address I find in his computer history, is hers. But, now that I am back, his computer isn't in her presence, so nothing new there. My WH told me she lives with a boyfriend, but I don't think so. I think she is single with a son. I have nothing else to go on. I have exposed to all the pertinent people in his life (not many to expose to), but my MIL didn't believe me, and defended him, by accusing me of having an affair. So no help there, and the circles he runs in have no respect for marriage, and in fact, I think all of his friends, expect/feel entitled to having a GF and Wife, and many divorces.
Right now, he is obsessed with appearing young, although he has always been that way.
Now, looking at my culpability in our marriage, I have DJ'd, AO'd (moreso now than ever), and stopped filling his ENs. I realize this now, so I have implemented Plan A, which is filling what I believe to be his top ENs, and at times it seems to be working, but I haven't been stellar with it, and I have AO's or I make sarcastic remarks, which makes him shut down, or more like stop allowing me to fill his ENs. The Plan Aing seems to be making an impact on him, as he has been wanting to spend more time with me, than in our recent past. And he seems happier, but then a text will come through that I catch, and the AO's and sarcasm hits.
My goal is to accomplish an awesome Plan A, and then more than likely move to Plan B, if the awesome Plan A doesn't work.
I need to work on seeing "his good." As the emotional roller coaster rolls on, I go from feeling like I can do this, to feeling like a complete fool for trying to save my marriage. It doesn't help that all of my closest friends and family all are begging me to leave him.
I don't know how else to expose. I don't know enough about her. All I keep thinking is expose to her side, cuz exposing him to his family and friends didn't change his behavior, and he has everyone convinced that I am a jealous psycho that he can not please.
Anyway, today was not a great day, and I need some ideas.
Thank you.