Emotional cheating? - 01/25/10 06:21 PM
Hello,
I am writing on this post related to the topic of emotional cheating. I am not sure if my situation falls into the 'emotional cheating' category however I like to get your opinions.
My husband knows of a long time female friend whom he claims are simply friends. This female friend happens to be his guy friend's ex-girlfriend. 4 1/2 years ago this female friend had called my husband quite often while I was pregnant with our first child because she was breaking up with her ex-boyfriend. My husband was there for her and listened to her grief. I discovered that they would be on the phones for a good 1 hour long and I told my husband that was not appropriate and for him to stop. He told me he would stop talking to her and reassured me that they were just friends and that she was going through some rough times with her break up. I feel that she is not a good person to begin with as she is a home wrecker who dated this man when he was married at the time and as a result he was divorced. Knowing what kind of person she is I put my foot down with my husband and told him to stop talking to her.
However 4 1/2 years later I discovered through the phone bills that they have been talking to each other all of these years for 2 to 3 times a week and averaging 1 hour to 1 1/2 hours of phone conversations while he was driving home from work. He has a long commute of 1 1/2 hr and she would call him during that driving time. I confronted my husband and he tells me that he was just killing time while driving from home and that she kept calling him to talk about her life and most of the time he listens. Also, she always share her dating life with him with 2 to 3 guys that she is dating at the same time and therefore the stories were entertaining and funny to listen to. He also wanted to keep their friendship going as her ex-boy friend owes my husband lots of money and that her ex-boy friend still stays in contact with her and that was one of the ways to know where he is as he continues to change his phone numbers. I did finally have evidence that I had my husband chat with her and see how their conversation was like and appeared to be simply friends. My husband is a good listener and can talk to friends for a long time as I understand his traits. He claims that it shold be fine to simply have a friend with a gender of the opposite sex without andy sexual or rormantic feelings.
However, I am still feeling hurt, angry and upset that he spent so much times on the phone with her all of these years and hide that away from me. I feel betrayed and lost of trust for him and respect for him. He tells me that he always loved me and never stopped loving me. He claims that she is simply a friend whom he has no chemistry with and only thought it was fun and entertaining talking to her while making his long commute home from work. I thinks that is just idle time while driving from and that he did not take any time away from our family. He did not want me to know because he did not want me to be jealous and misunderstand.
Well, now I lost so much trust in him even though I still love him therefore I don't know how to forgive and let this go to work on our marriage. We have 2 children together now and we both want to work on this marriage. Also, is this considered emotional cheating?
Confused and hurt,
Manhu
I am writing on this post related to the topic of emotional cheating. I am not sure if my situation falls into the 'emotional cheating' category however I like to get your opinions.
My husband knows of a long time female friend whom he claims are simply friends. This female friend happens to be his guy friend's ex-girlfriend. 4 1/2 years ago this female friend had called my husband quite often while I was pregnant with our first child because she was breaking up with her ex-boyfriend. My husband was there for her and listened to her grief. I discovered that they would be on the phones for a good 1 hour long and I told my husband that was not appropriate and for him to stop. He told me he would stop talking to her and reassured me that they were just friends and that she was going through some rough times with her break up. I feel that she is not a good person to begin with as she is a home wrecker who dated this man when he was married at the time and as a result he was divorced. Knowing what kind of person she is I put my foot down with my husband and told him to stop talking to her.
However 4 1/2 years later I discovered through the phone bills that they have been talking to each other all of these years for 2 to 3 times a week and averaging 1 hour to 1 1/2 hours of phone conversations while he was driving home from work. He has a long commute of 1 1/2 hr and she would call him during that driving time. I confronted my husband and he tells me that he was just killing time while driving from home and that she kept calling him to talk about her life and most of the time he listens. Also, she always share her dating life with him with 2 to 3 guys that she is dating at the same time and therefore the stories were entertaining and funny to listen to. He also wanted to keep their friendship going as her ex-boy friend owes my husband lots of money and that her ex-boy friend still stays in contact with her and that was one of the ways to know where he is as he continues to change his phone numbers. I did finally have evidence that I had my husband chat with her and see how their conversation was like and appeared to be simply friends. My husband is a good listener and can talk to friends for a long time as I understand his traits. He claims that it shold be fine to simply have a friend with a gender of the opposite sex without andy sexual or rormantic feelings.
However, I am still feeling hurt, angry and upset that he spent so much times on the phone with her all of these years and hide that away from me. I feel betrayed and lost of trust for him and respect for him. He tells me that he always loved me and never stopped loving me. He claims that she is simply a friend whom he has no chemistry with and only thought it was fun and entertaining talking to her while making his long commute home from work. I thinks that is just idle time while driving from and that he did not take any time away from our family. He did not want me to know because he did not want me to be jealous and misunderstand.
Well, now I lost so much trust in him even though I still love him therefore I don't know how to forgive and let this go to work on our marriage. We have 2 children together now and we both want to work on this marriage. Also, is this considered emotional cheating?
Confused and hurt,
Manhu