Not so good..Not so good... - 12/04/01 01:09 PM
Last night my wife invited me to go with her to the counselor. She wanted me to go to the counselor because she said that she wasn't able to tell me what it is I need to hear. So she wanted to go to the counselor to have her say what it is my wife isn't able to tell me. The counselor spoke to us for a little bit and she asked some questions. The counselor was the one telling me to keep trying to ask my wife out for dinner, a movie or whatever. It was the result of my wife not giving me the time of day nor any respect in all of this that made me ask what is it she isn't telling me.
Here is the bottom line and my wife admited to it. My wife isn't happy in her life right now. She says that has nothing to do with me and that she isn't happy. She says I have done nothing wrong. So the result of her not being happy in life is causing her to want a divorce. She feels that since she isn't happy in the marriage that she may be happy not in the marriage. The problem is that she never communicated her unhappiness to me. The counselor did say that the communications between the two of us had broken down.
So here I sit as individual being told by my wife that I haven't done anything wrong. That she is unhappy and that she isn't there in the relationship any more. She says I have done nothing wrong and that she has changed. I told her that I can't sit here and second guess that I didn't give her something to make her feel this way. That I didn't do something right because she isn't happy in her life.
My wife wants a divoce like tomorrow. Everyone I have spoken to even the counselor is saying that we need to give it some time. But the counselor did say that if we keep living a part that we will grow a part. My wife keeps asking how does she give all this a chance when she just isn't there for the relationship. In some way it seems like she is asking for some type of an answer that she can't come up with. The counselor asked my wife right in front of me what it is she wants. My wife said she wants a divorce. The counselor said this is my two cents on all of this. Basically we should give it six months which is nothing compared to the 8.5 years we have together. That my wife needs to put on a piece of paper the things she wants to have different and that I should do the same. Sort of a contract between the two of us. Give it the six months to see if things are better or different and then go from there. Then she said that if my wife didn't feel like trying at all that would just be a slow painful process. The part I can't believe is that my wife says she loves me and cares for me but she won't give any of this a try for me. It feels as if in the end she is truly showing me what she thinks of me. It really does make me feel like she threw me to the gutter in all of this. I have been shown no respect, dignity, love, nothing...
The second suggestion the counselor made was for us to seperate from each other but not divorce at this point. That basically my wife get her own place and I stay at home and see how that goes. But then again the counselor did say that isn't really working on the relationship because we would be spending time a part from each other. The time a part from each other would basically get us use to being a part. The big issue is my wife just doesn't want to make an effort for whatever reason.
I asked my wife for me to think about this for a few days and to give it some thought. I really don't know any more what to do or not to do. My wife is not changing her mind in any way.
The reason she doesn't want to give me a chance is because she said it came to this in order for me to give some things she wants a chance. However I really knew about half of these things she wants. Also she said that if we moved or did something she wanted and it didn't turn out the way she thought. Well she said she would be able to say oh well and move on. Where she thinks that I would just drag it out and question her. I told her that if she didn't give me a chance on that, well how does she know that? She just doesn't want to try because she says she knows who I am and that I won't change. I told her we all change and how does she know that I don't want to change in some way for myself and her. I told her that if she moves or whatever and finds her happiness. I asked her don't you think then you would be happy having me by your side and with her being happy in life that she would be happy with us. And with her being happy that I would be happy. But then she throws at me what if I do this and I am unhappy with my decision. I told her well at least that way you know that isn't what you wanted and you still have me by your side and in her life.
So what do I do now? I don't want to quit but I have everyone saying listen to what my wife wants. I asked why is it nobody is telling my wife to listen what I want. I am not asking for her to change. I am just asking her to let me by her side and to be a part of her life.
My wife is thinking if she gave it a try she said she doesn't think the intimacy part would ever be there. I am sure it wouldn't be there if she was unhappy. But if that day came when she was happy that it might have some spark again. The first thing to go one somebody is unhappy is the intimacy.
So do I quit or don't quit? What would anybody suggest that I try telling my wife? I want to give this a chance in some way. I need some help on this because I feel as if she has thrown 8.5 years down the drain and then added me to the mix.
I just don't know any more. My wife is scared of her seperating and her still being unhappy. I told her to just let me be part of her life and want to experience this with her....
Helpppppp............
Here is the bottom line and my wife admited to it. My wife isn't happy in her life right now. She says that has nothing to do with me and that she isn't happy. She says I have done nothing wrong. So the result of her not being happy in life is causing her to want a divorce. She feels that since she isn't happy in the marriage that she may be happy not in the marriage. The problem is that she never communicated her unhappiness to me. The counselor did say that the communications between the two of us had broken down.
So here I sit as individual being told by my wife that I haven't done anything wrong. That she is unhappy and that she isn't there in the relationship any more. She says I have done nothing wrong and that she has changed. I told her that I can't sit here and second guess that I didn't give her something to make her feel this way. That I didn't do something right because she isn't happy in her life.
My wife wants a divoce like tomorrow. Everyone I have spoken to even the counselor is saying that we need to give it some time. But the counselor did say that if we keep living a part that we will grow a part. My wife keeps asking how does she give all this a chance when she just isn't there for the relationship. In some way it seems like she is asking for some type of an answer that she can't come up with. The counselor asked my wife right in front of me what it is she wants. My wife said she wants a divorce. The counselor said this is my two cents on all of this. Basically we should give it six months which is nothing compared to the 8.5 years we have together. That my wife needs to put on a piece of paper the things she wants to have different and that I should do the same. Sort of a contract between the two of us. Give it the six months to see if things are better or different and then go from there. Then she said that if my wife didn't feel like trying at all that would just be a slow painful process. The part I can't believe is that my wife says she loves me and cares for me but she won't give any of this a try for me. It feels as if in the end she is truly showing me what she thinks of me. It really does make me feel like she threw me to the gutter in all of this. I have been shown no respect, dignity, love, nothing...
The second suggestion the counselor made was for us to seperate from each other but not divorce at this point. That basically my wife get her own place and I stay at home and see how that goes. But then again the counselor did say that isn't really working on the relationship because we would be spending time a part from each other. The time a part from each other would basically get us use to being a part. The big issue is my wife just doesn't want to make an effort for whatever reason.
I asked my wife for me to think about this for a few days and to give it some thought. I really don't know any more what to do or not to do. My wife is not changing her mind in any way.
The reason she doesn't want to give me a chance is because she said it came to this in order for me to give some things she wants a chance. However I really knew about half of these things she wants. Also she said that if we moved or did something she wanted and it didn't turn out the way she thought. Well she said she would be able to say oh well and move on. Where she thinks that I would just drag it out and question her. I told her that if she didn't give me a chance on that, well how does she know that? She just doesn't want to try because she says she knows who I am and that I won't change. I told her we all change and how does she know that I don't want to change in some way for myself and her. I told her that if she moves or whatever and finds her happiness. I asked her don't you think then you would be happy having me by your side and with her being happy in life that she would be happy with us. And with her being happy that I would be happy. But then she throws at me what if I do this and I am unhappy with my decision. I told her well at least that way you know that isn't what you wanted and you still have me by your side and in her life.
So what do I do now? I don't want to quit but I have everyone saying listen to what my wife wants. I asked why is it nobody is telling my wife to listen what I want. I am not asking for her to change. I am just asking her to let me by her side and to be a part of her life.
My wife is thinking if she gave it a try she said she doesn't think the intimacy part would ever be there. I am sure it wouldn't be there if she was unhappy. But if that day came when she was happy that it might have some spark again. The first thing to go one somebody is unhappy is the intimacy.
So do I quit or don't quit? What would anybody suggest that I try telling my wife? I want to give this a chance in some way. I need some help on this because I feel as if she has thrown 8.5 years down the drain and then added me to the mix.
I just don't know any more. My wife is scared of her seperating and her still being unhappy. I told her to just let me be part of her life and want to experience this with her....
Helpppppp............