"Snoop Tricks for Betrayed Spouses" - Marriage Builders® Forums

Ok trustntruth I'll start itLet me start out by saying… GET CALLER I.D.Hide it if you need to, put it next to the jack on the floor. Hide another if you already have one and he/she erases the calls.Reverse Lookup - <A HREF="http://www.anywho.com" TARGET=_blank>www.anywho.com</A> You can see what address the call came from. If it is unlisted it will not come up, but if you put in the first few numbers you can find out a general area. For instance 555-555-55New gadget - Intel camera, it is hooked to your computer. Can be used for making video phone calls (could be bad) BUT you can set it so that it will take pictures at intervals that you can choose, like 5 min, 10 min etc. May have several surveillance possibilities. It is a little expensive, but it came with my new computer. WARNING Try it out before you use it! I haven't had the need to try this. It may make some noise if you don't turn off the speakers.OK these are pretty lame! Let's hear some good ones… P.S. Any corrections are welcome! [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

[Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

Ok, I have a simple mind and my H doesn't play with the computer enough to realize that on most services (he has one at the office and one at home with me) that is auto saves e-mails sent for a certain amount of time if you set it up right and the spouse isn't aware of it. Also most services have the same "history" on the Http: bar or somewhere's else. So if you sign on under there name you can see where they've gone to. At this point though he knows I've done these tricks (I admitted it to him, I'm just not good at spying!) but if your H isn't that literate with the computer you can. Have had the caller id hidden for months! I even call myself once in awhile from a pay phone so that I know if he's erased it at all. Someone else that I knew would leave the house, borrow their freinds car and follow their spouse around the whole day trying to catch her. He did.....too bad, that's something he has to live with seeing and I wouldn't advise that! Bless You!------------------ Chick's BrenYou won't see things until your ready to not be blind!

Oh, I can't resist this one. But don't have time right now. I'll bring it back to the top and get back to you later!--Wex

We're waiting.............::tapping toe::

We want Wexwill...<clap, clap> We want Wexwill...<clap, clap>............

Agent L reporting to MB forum-ers:Not proud of this one but it has worked effectively in all 4 cases I tried it.If you suspect H or W is having affair and know or suspect who the OP is, AND you can get the phone number,............Design a survey meant to get you the answers you want in a VERY discreet, detailed manner.I usually started off with:"Hi there, my name is Julia and I am a behavioural science student from University of XXX. I am currently making random calls in the area to speak with (Women or men - which ever applies) between the ages of x and x. The purpose of my study is to determine the current attitudes of sexual relations in the '90's. I only need a few moments of your time and any of your opinions on these questions is greatly appreciated. Let me first confirm that you fall into this age group?" ...... and go from there.Key is to be very confident, organized and to start off with many questions that would have NOTHING at all to do with their affair - ie. very abstract/safe. Then you can get to the more "definitive" stuff without getting so specific it raises any eyebrows. Confirm random number/anonimity...(sp?)PLEASE NOTE: if you do not think that you could hear the answers without screaming out "you stupid bi#ch, you've ruined my life," have a trusted friend (preferably someone of opposite sex) make the call - seems less suspect too if there is a chance they know your voice. I can provide further details on this if you like.Long on other ideas that have worked but short on time. Will post more later. I LIKE this thread.Cheers All! Happy Weekend. Lisa [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

[This message has been edited by LisaM (edited February 04, 2000).]

Back by popular demand!I'll just give a brief history of my own snooping.I was married for the 2nd time in the fall of '97. I think my W had been seeing the OM for at least a year before that, but it's possible it was "just" an emtional affair during that time. Based on her behavior, I THINK she stopped seeing him for about 6 months or so after our marriage, I guess with the idea that she was going to straighten up and fly right.The spring of '98 was when I noticed major changes in her behavior towards me. She became very withholding and our sex life took a nose dive. So I'm guessing that this is when she returned to the OM and their affair became physical. Anyway, this is when I really started STRONGLY suspecting her of having an affair. Here's the snooping I did to confirm my suspicions.Summer of 98 - First Snoop. Hid a voice-activated recorder in our bedroom and listened to the tapes from it for a couple of months. Nothing. At least they weren't making it in our marriage bed!Fall of 98 - Ordered a semen detection kit online and used it on a suspicious-looking stain on her panties. Positive result, and it cant't have been mine because we hadn't had sex for some time. This confirmed with 100% certainty for me that she IS having an affair and inspired me to further snooping.Fall-Winter 98-99 - Made a "short list" of suspects based on her known (address book) male friends, present and past, and began checking them out. (By this, I mean I drove past their houses, wrote down what kinds of cars they had and their license #s.)Winter-Spring 99 - When W was away on trips, I rummaged through every scrap of paper of hers I could find, and found the name of a male friend I hadn't known about before. She has a pile of info on him, but his name's not in her current address book (though it is in her old one - that got my attention). Spring-Summer 99 - With further info-gathering, including online, I elminated the other possibilities and determined that this guy is the OM with about a 98% probability.Fat lot of good it does me.I did some other kinds of snooping too, which I won't go into because they weren't really successful.--Wex

Here are a few from my bag of tricks. [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

1) Trash:1st and foremost I can't speak highly enough about the value of what you can find in the...... TRASH.Yep, if you know where OP lives, go in the middle of the night, and clean out their trash cans on the curb.It's 100% legal and much can be found out from what one throws out!For instance here are some things I found out from collecting her trash.....A)Reciepts: Knew where they were going, what she was feeding him, what she was wearing, what she was buying my H, what movies they were watching, when she did her shopping and where, how much she was spending in cash VS how much her actual take home pay was (I even got a check stub out of her trash that showed me her salary) and that showed me that my H was infact contributing cash to her household (something my attorneys said was invaluable as once they have even a bit of evidence in this area the OP's ENTIRE life can be opened up and a huge microscope shoved up their finacial orafice). And those are just a few of the things I got from reciepts.B)Credit Card, Banking and assorted other statements: Not everyone is stupid enough to throw these out, but what do you expect from someone who throws out their paycheck stub!!!! Once you have these account numbers and either the last 4 numbers of their SS# or their zip code if there is an automated line or web site for the account you will now know even know more about their spending habits and what they do. Even if you don't the statements themselves can be very revealing ie: motel rooms, florist charges, etc.One last word on trash, if it makes you nervous (or sick to your stomache) to pick it up yourself the trash collectors will most likely, for a nominal fee (I paid $10 a week) pick up the trash and hand it over to you a few blocks from the OP's home. Get a good pair of heavy duty elbow high work gloves and dig in!2)Telephone detailed bills:Call your local phone company ask for a detailed bill to be sent to your home for whatever months you suspect your spouse may have called the Op from you house. A small fee of $3 a bill was charged to my home phone. Cheap at half the price!3)Automobiles:Checking millage to see if any out of the way trips were made could help some. Going through your spouses car with a fine tooth comb can help others. 4)Stakeouts:I only advise you hire someone or have a friend do this. Be sure they use a camera to catch your spouse leaving and or entering the den of iniquity with the OP.5)Cell phones: Try to crack the voice mail code. People usually use important dates or numbers (or portions of those numbers) as thier codes. It takes time but I KNOW it can be done. If your spouses wireless service is AT&T go to their website and you can get a detailed bill free of charge, as long as you know basic info about your spouse.6)Spouses Place of Employment:You know the people there and they know you. Drop by unannounced when you know your spouse is at lunch, tell his secy (providing she isn't the OW) you'll wait in his office. Then get that fine tooth comb out you used on their car and search, and search fast!7) Spouses HobbyFirst go through that tackle box or bowling bag. Then when your spouse is at his/her spot to partake in their hobby of choice...GO THERE! It isn't unusual for the OP to be included in activities that you have been excluded from in the past. And if your spouse is suppossed too be at say the bowling alley and is no where to be found you might want to do a drive by (no not shooting)the OP's house. Be advised if a garrage is available your spouse's car might likely be in it.I literally found out so much about the OW through these tecniques and others, I have to admitt I know more about her than her own mother does. Be Carefull!!!!Fingers Crossed

We own our business, and I use "PC Anywhere" software so I can access our business computer from home. If I knew my H was at our business (especially if he had one of his friends with him), I would call the office computer. (I hooked the office computer up to the fax line and unhooked the fax machine so it wouldn't pick up the call. That way, my H wouldn't pick up the regular phone line and realize that the computer was online.)Once I access the office computer, I can operate it just as if I was sitting in front of it. So....I would use the recording feature to record whatever was going on in the office, save the .wav file and transfer it to my home computer so I could listen to it. I would then delete the .wav file from the office computer. I only recorded a minute or two at a time, so as to keep the file size small enough to transfer quickly.I never did catch my H doing anything, and really didn't expect him to have the OW at our business (too noticeable in our small town). I just thought that if he talked to one of his friends, I might find out some information. As far as phone calls go, I had already taken care of getting the phone information.....

Here's how I caught my H with the first OW: He told me the name of the bar where he was going (and he didn't lie). He knew I was going to be at work so he suspected I could not snoop on him. Well, he was right, I couldn't go by there, but I sure could call the place. I called, spoke to the manager, described H and OW, told Manager I suspected he was cheating on me and asked him to9 spy on them for me and describe their behavior. Seems that people love to get involved in this kind of juicy snooping. Well, the manager located them and watched their every move, then I called back later and got the details. Of course it was all confirmed when he didn't come home until 6am. The second time he fooled around, he did so right in front of his co-workers. I got the story through the grapevine. H denies it, but he's lying.It helps when you have a stupid spouse.

OK,I really don't want to be a party pooper, but where does all this snooping get you? You spend a lot of energy trying to find out what you already know. That H or W is lying to you, and see OP.I personally would rather not know all the gorey details. I have enough problems dealing with the lies I am aware of. Let alone trying to find out more. And that's not counting the things I make up in my head.Please don't take this the wrong way, it is just what works for me.

I found out who was the OW by accesing my husbands private email acct. I called her husband and told him. My husband did not leave it at that and continued the affair. I kept in touch with OW's husband and we exchanged info and caught them several times. We are in recovery now, but I can still check up on him. OW's husband and I formed a strange kind of friendship, by looking out for eachother, hoping for the end of this nightmare. I know EVERYTHING about her. It is a sword with double edge: Yes, he can't fool me any longer, but also stuff i know about her haunts me, like every time I see a white Dodge Durango, her car, I'm reminded of the affair. But you know what is the best tell-all clue? Your spouse's behaviour towards you! When someone is in love with you it's kind of hard not to notice as is when someone is ignoring you. Good Luck Medo a.k.a. Sherlock

OH, Fingers,You wouldn't happen to have the AT&T address handy would you? I tried a search of the web site and came up with nada. Back to the Topic,The Caller ID thing is nice unless the OP has a private number or dials *67 before the actual phone number. You won't get anything out of that, well except maybe frustration.Tape the damn phone line. That's what I may have done. WE, oops, I have two lines and she would prefer to call from the kitchen which is on the second line. I might have accidentally hooked up a recorder to the first line and disabled the second requiring her to utilize LINE ONE.BINGO, hit paydirt, just be prepared what you are about to hear. More often than not gut feelings are a good indicator. ------------------ "It's not over till we say it's over! Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? H*ll no!" Blutto...Animal House 1984Wishing us all the Best.Medic

If your H/W are using Netscape, go to folder 'Users' (in Netscape), and find a file by name 'netscape.hst' , open in any text editor, and....you see all the places they went to. May be painful (was for me), so think before you do it.

MEDIC238As the pamphlet says:"Accessing your wireless account information is as easy as clicking your mouse." [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

Go to: <A HREF="http://www.att.com/wireless" TARGET=_blank>www.att.com/wireless</A> There ya go Medic!If you have any questions, or I can be of any further assistance just let me know. [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

Good Luck!Fingers Crossed

OK, snoop tricks by Agent M - Entry #2 (I have many, many, many.....)* Baby monitors aren't just for listening to babies (unless your H or W falls into the whining category). They are a cost effective way to listen when not in the house. Got a dog? If not buy one - a quiet one. Set up the monitor near the phone you expect spouse to use. If you have portables, make sure that the batteries are always low, thereby forcing use of a non-mobile. Many monitors can have the "A" unit (that which does not make sound) with option of batteries. This is good because you can then put it anywhere. If there is a red "led" light, cover it up with tape to ensure no detection. I used to have a laundry basket with clothes to be folded (I KNEW there was no risk he would touch THAT!) in the same room, hide the monitor in the clothes with just the very small speaker hole exposed, place it within 20 feet of phone and head out with the dog....... (or just for some "fresh air") You can safely hang out in your garage, backyard, anywhere that will not arouse suspicions of neighbors, stray dogs or police [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

.....this does not work well if you live in an apartment unless you can hang outside your door with little or no attention drawn to you - difficult with the reciever of a baby monitor stuck to your ear.If you have more than one phone, you can use more than one monitor - just make sure that they are each set to a different station (A & B) and then toggle between them with your reciever until you find out which is being used. If you are concerned about being around, you can also take it a step further and get a voice activated recorder and set up receiver/recorder outside. Only drawback to this is that if someone walks by or H/W goes to put the garbage out etc, they may hear and find out what's going on.This worked well from point of view of hearing H brag about his escapades and conquests to his chums. Anytime he would say "havn't spoken to Darcy for awhile", I would know that it was a good time to exit stage left and give him his "privacy" to make the call [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

Stay tuned for Chapter 3 - the daily log bookChapter 4 - Don't overlook the obviousChapter 5 - ..........mystery chapterHappy weekend to all. Lisa

I found the Internet to be a useful tool.When my W left to go stay with some girlfriends for the weekend,she left me a phonenumber of the"resort"where I could leave a message.Being a little suspicious,I got on the Web and used a reverse search lookup on the number.Up pops the address of some guy I don't know who lives in a town where she wasn't suppose to be at.Also showed the names and addresses of all his neighbors,a map of his neighborhood,and directions to get there(no thanks).Even found an aerial photo of his street on Microsoft's Terraserver,in case I decide to nuke it from orbit.I also found the same phonenumber on her cellphone bill later,and charges on her gascard for that weekend,charged in an entirely different area.Nothing like leaving a paper trail behind.I know this information doesn't do much good now,but at the time it verified what I suspected,and it was cheaper than hiring a detective. --Murph

MedicIs it easy to hide the recorder? Or do you hook it up outside, or what?

One thing I haven't seen mentioned yet is software that logs keystrokes to a log file. I finally found out the real stuff by doing this. My wife is extremely computer literate, so I had to be very stealthy. There are programs that are virtually undetectable unless you know exactly what to look for. As others have already warned, be sure you can handle what you are going to see.Slightly Sane

Hey Guys,Fingers, Thanks, I will try that later. [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

RCoaster,It took me about 30 minutes to wire a new phone jack in the basement next to an electrical outlet. I got the "brain box" from Radio Shack. Three simple connections. One to the phone line, one to the mike input and the last to the remote on/off for the recorder.It is the perfect setup. The wiring is hidden, it makes no noise when recording and the suroundings look quite harmless. It's on the top shelf with boxes and radio gear all around not to arouse suspition I cut the back and bottom out of a box and marked it with "GE radio parts".She had no clue the phone was being monitored. All it takes is a little know how about wiring the phone jack. Be ready for what you hear if you try this.Tim

Because we used to have teenaged kids living at home, we have phone jacks in every room. In my guest room, the phone jack is behind the dresser, so I simply plugged the device into the jack, ran the cord under the back of the dresser, and hid the recorder in the back of a drawer filled with panty hose.I also hid my extra Caller ID box there. You can block "anonymous calls" so the OP can't avoid detection by using *67. I told my H that I blocked the anonymous calls to reduce the number of telemarketers calling the house. [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

The baby monitor is a good idea if you want to listen to the calls right then, but the better idea is to hide a voice-activated recorder. They pick up really well. I used it to monitor my house when my teenagers were home and I was at work.....to make sure some off-limit friends weren't coming over (we had a rule about "no company unless Mom or Dad were home.") I made a little cloth bag to hold it and thumbtacked the case under the kitchen table, so it was easy to slip the tape recorder in and out.[This message has been edited by Sweetpea (edited February 05, 2000).]

We need to find a way to limit access to this thread. We don't want our cheating spouses to learn all of our dirty trick do we?[This message has been edited by help me (edited February 10, 2000).]

I think it was Wexwill who told me how to access ICQ logs, that lead to a lot of other stuff. Thanks Wex, you may have freed a man from an obsession and saved a marriage, still too soon to say.

Jersey Joe asked why would we do this? Well, one good answer is my own history. I worked steadily at his office for 3 years then suddenly he told me he didn't want me there, that he wanted me home so we could work on our marriage first. Good plan for him, he could guarentee I wouldn't be around for her. My daughter drove by the office (we only live down the street) and saw OW's car there. Asked me what D------ was doing visiting Dad at his office. One good guess, found out later that I was right! [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

It's sad when your children figure things out and it's better for you to prepare yourself for working with the marriage and the OP if you know what exactly has been going on. God Bless!------------------ Chick's BrenYou won't see things until your ready to not be blind!

When I caught my W in a hot/heavy E.A.moving towards physical I got into her Email. I set it up for her months ago, back when she knew nothing about email and stuff like that. I never thought I'd have to get into her personal mail, but knowing her password made it simple. I now use Spector software located at <A HREF="http://www.Spectorsoft.com" TARGET=_blank>www.Spectorsoft.com</A> it is HOT stuff. Runs totally in the back ground not detectable at all except to you. Captures screens, all internet whatever, all keystrokes for passwords etc...only $50. I just use now to chek up on my kids and where they go on the net, great for that too. We are in month 5 of recovery, doing well, some bumps here and there, see the OM every week at sports practice. Going to team tournaments as a team with he and his W ( who does not know) and my W w/other team parents to sporting events , weeekends, lots of Triggers I am dealing with. Everyday.! ------------------ jnvc

honora - Glad to be of help, though I think it was someone else who posted about ICQ logs.While we're on the subject, if you're running Windows 95 or 98, you can go into a folder with the path C:\Windows\Temporary Internet Files and view the URL of every Web page that's been visited since Windows was installed. That is, if your spouse isn't smart enought to delete these files.My W has been sneaky enough not to conduct her affair online at all. So I don't have any telltale email or other evidence from going through her computer files. (Which I've done on several occasions.) Though I did discover that she developed a real taste for porno sites for a while (not any longer, and I don't consider this evidence, though some people here have gotten very upset to discover that a spouse - usu. H - does this).--Wex

Eventhough I new that something was very wrong in our relationship... talk of separation, etc., it didn't occur to me that my W was having a secret life in front of my eyes.I never spied on her before, but al of the sudden, I had an uncontrollable urge to snoop on her. First thing I did was look at her cellular phone call log. There were several unfamiliar numbers in the received, dialed and missed call logs. I checked the next day and the same numbers were there, noticing this time that the time of the calls was very close and during the time she goes to the gym. I went to the office on a Saturday and dialed all the numbers. On one home number and one cellular number the same guy answered. Last Sunday, after she came back from the gym, I checked once more and there they were the two same numbers, again at the same time of day. I then checked her Casio agenda and it read a woman's name. I got the White Pages and luckily the last name had only two entries, both men. By looking at the number of the hause, I knew which one was the name. On Monday, I went to the cel phone company and got the last six month statements, which we were supposedly not receiving (post office doesn't work very well Caracas). I was dismayed to see the number of times she had called the cel number... First call in September. Well, to make it shorter, I unveiled the whole thing and confronted her that morning with the facts. (I had considered hiring a detective to take pictures, but thought that was not necessary - now I think maybe it was necessary).She denied it at first, saying that it was a friend that she had met on one of those "all-girl" disco nights. She then said that the guy liked one of her friends and finally admitted that she liked the guy herself. Well, as you can imagine I was outraged and yelled for her to pack and leave.We are now in therapy and working it out.I guess, the morale here is that when I decided to find out, it took but a couple of days. It must have been a total shock for her that I even had the name of the OM.I actually felt kind of proud that it seemed so easy for me to unvail the whole thing...Ironically, it is also kind of fun being a detective....

Cachos - Congratulations on some excellent detective work. Sounds like you may have saved your marriage by doing it! And despite the pain of finding out that your W is having an affair, it is kind of fun, isn't it?Regards and blessings,--Wex

Update on the Intel camera. It has a setting that only takes pictures when it detects motion. Could be usefull if you don't have a dog in the house.

check out this site <A HREF="http://www.yourinvestigation.com" TARGET=_blank>http://www.yourinvestigation.com</A> it has somw really cool software Lesa------------------ "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart, and lean not unto thine own understanding." -Proverbs 3:5 Take care and God Bless. lms20ish@jobe.net

Here's a challenge for you betrayed snoopers. Anyone have access to directory assistance in Mexico? I would like to contact OM but don't have his number. I think W has it but I can't find it and she certainly wouldn't give it to me. Contact me directly if you think you can help and I'll give you the details. introubleguy@yahoo.com Sorry, no successful snooping stories to share yet.

Go to My Computer, C drive, Windows, click "show files", go to temporary internet files....If you are hacking into hotmail, then make sure you work offline. Also, I don't know where it is but, snadboy is a product that hacks passwords....Winguardian is free to try out, and it takes great screen shots. Only thing is, while it is in the free mode it pops up and tells someone they are being monitored, about every 20 minutes......Also, if you have a "find" feature in your windows program, use the date function to find all files accessed on a certain date....To erase all your computer activity, go to zdnet and download "evidence eliminator..." That way your snoop stuff won't be detected.Also, with evidence eliminator, you can view the cache files before you delete them [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

What about monitoring via AOL's Instant Messenger? I'm not an AOL customer, but my W is on AOL's IM on the home PC. I'm able to monitor when she's online from work (since my IP allows me to also subscribe to IM without being an AOL member), although I cannot access what she might be saying or who she's communicating with.I've already logged onto the names of her IM friends, so I know who's online at the same time. However, is there a way to actual tap into their conversations without them knowing they're being monitored?Go to work, Wex...--keystone

I suppose if you could crack her password you could log on as your wife....Or, if you catch her online, you can ask someone you know to strike up a conversation with her....The evidence eliminator will log everything that is to be deleted, including those on her buddy list, if she happens to use your computer.Also, you can see the aol log files - if she uses your computer.

TNT --I have her password, but I'd like to snoop from my work computer while she's on IM from home computer. I guess it's like listening in on a phone call, but I'd love to get both sides of her IM chats.Tell me more about the AOL log files. Is that like a history file that tells what web sites you've been to, or does it actually show the content of e-mails and IM's. Her "friends" made her more savy to the computer, so I cannot automatically default save e-mails. She's also been VERY deliberate in deleting all e-mails after they've been sent or received since I admitted that was one of the ways I confirmed my suspicions about an affair.--keystone

My memory is foggy, because I haven't done it for a while... but...Go to explorer, c drive, windows, and then applications or aol, and then there will be log file for aol messengers.If it doesn't show, then go to start, settings, folder options, and under settings you can tell it to show hidden files.then go back to explorer, c drive, windows, and then applications or aol, and look for the log file.You can view this file in microsoft works, when it asks you how to view it, just don't click the box that says always open this file with this program, that way it won't always open that way.then, go to start, settings, and clear your recent file history.It may be a little bit fuzzy - my directions, but it has been awhile since I've done it.Sorry, I don't know how to watch a conversation taking place with aol IM.TNT

keystone - I do the same thing you do with W's IM from my work, so I know when she's online and I know when a select group of her buddies are online. There are some monitoring programs that take screen shots every few minutes. As far as I know, these are the only was to get both sides of an IM conversation, and I haven't tried them because screen shots take up an enormous amount of disk space and might be noticable to someone while this was going on. The other thing is a keystroke logger, which only captures one side of the conversation.Don't have the URL offhand for the screen shot program, but here it is for the keystroke logger: <A HREF="http://www.amecisco.com" TARGET=_blank>http://www.amecisco.com</A> BTW, you CAN save IM's. There's an AOL setting (under Preferences, I think) that automatically saves IM's. Unfortunately, you have to reset it each time you log on, I think. I haven't been able to figure out how to do it through hacking my W's account. On another snoop topic - For betrayed H's, don't forget the lingerie patrol. I do this every so often and find interesting items that I know aren't for (or from) ME. Yesterday morning, I looked in one of W's drawers, which I hadn't done for a long time, and discovered a whole BUNCH of new sexy black lingerie. I had been hoping maybe she'd given up her affair, but I guess not. Anyway, I know it's not for me because we're splitting this summer and have hardly touched each other for the last couple of months.--Wex

Just curious....how would one "hack into" a hotmail account if the username was known?

Ok, I know this is probably very illegal, but I'm going to ask anyway. Does anyone know a way to hack into someone else's computer and erase files? The young woman my husband had his online and phone affair with has some letters he sent her which are very incriminating, not to mention just down right gross. She has destroyed the originals, but has them scanned into her computer. She sent me copies when I found out about the affair. She has threatened on occasion to send copies of them to our son at college if we do not continue communicating with her. I don't really think she would do this, but I sure would feel a whole lot better if those darned letters were gone. For anyone who might not want to answer here, I will gladly provide my email address. Just ask.

Bringing this to the top in hopes that somebody will give me an answer to my question.

MargaretI assume you don't have direct access to this person's computer, so sending a virus might work, but there are risks. By the way, sending a computer virus is illegal and I am not advocating you do it. The virus would go to work erasing the harddrive, or selected files (scanned files). If this person has made a backup you would not be able to erase them, and I bet she would be very, very angry at that point. She could then release the files and call the police.I would recommend not doing anything about it. She enjoys the power she has over you so if you let her manipulate you she will continue. If you are worried about what your son will think, why not tell him what happened? that his father had a cyber-affair, the person has gone nasty, and she may send some letters to him. He will understand and respect you for telling him, and will appreciate the fact that you respected him enough to tell him.If the OW is forcing your husband to continue contact, let him respond via e-mail, with you sitting with him while he responds. Keep the messages short. Start increasing the delay between the responses. Tell her you told your son. As she learns she has no power, and gets no pleasure from the contacts, she will drop the threats. And you can get on with your life.

HA - You can can hack into ANYONE's email account ANYWHERE if you know their user name and password. You do need to know the password. I used to hack into my W's AOL account until she discovered that I was doing it and changed the password on me.Margaret - There's no way to access someone else's computer directly from yours, unless it's on a network, and people's home computers typically aren't.--Wex

trust n truth did you ever figure out in aol instant messager a way to view instant message conversations

Is there anyway to break aol login password without user knowledge?

Is there anyway to break an AOL login password without user knowledge?

Happy again, Really try the key logger...I got the Stealthlogger version for $24.50 and it is wonderful (the cheapest I could find on the internet). I found his password, and he had been in her hotmail account as well. Tada, I see both sides of their conversations.

Hi All,I really don't have anything new to add here but find it very interesting topic.From my own experiences my H the betrayer put a keystroke program on my computer without me knowing it to see if I was cheating on him. I guess then he could justify his affair. I have know idea what program it is but I know where to look for the log,he told me. You can get aol password from here and log onto others account without them knowing.It sure would be nice to connect somehow to OP computer. Sometimes I wonder if my computer is connected to hers via my h to keep eye on me (I am doing nothing wrong btw). Does anyone know if this is possible?Caller ID: wish I was smart enough to have two boxes at the time. The minute he found out about it he had a fit and then was able to work around that.I will keep looking here for more tricks and thanks for all the wonderful ideas so far. I really like the one where you go through the trash.lol[This message has been edited by Pinky (edited March 12, 2000).][This message has been edited by Pinky (edited March 12, 2000).]

Me again, I have some questions.1. How can I found out what keystroke program is on my computer? H installed it and can't remember. He told me where log is but that's all I know. He is one having affair but tryed to spy on me maybe to justify affair.2. Is there anyway to research past of OW? I have full name, address and workplace. Is there anywhere on the net to do this? Or, can a private eye do this? And, how much do they cost to hire if anyone knows?thanks, Pam

Hi Pam,I probably shouldn't do this but this is an e-mail I got. I am going to paste it into here. I do not know if it is legitimate or not. Anyway, it says you can find out all sorts of stuff about people. I would like to get it but I am afraid it might not be for real... So, if you get it and it doesn't work, I don't want to be held responsible. I have been hanging on to this e-mail for quite some time. I might use it to see if I can dig up any dirt on the ow in order to keep her away from my kids. They haven't had to meet her yet but I suppose that if my h is going to keep being stupid and stay with her that eventually they will have to meet her. GAG! Woozy INTERNET SPY ORDER FORM!! //////////////////////////////////////// This is a one time mailing! No need to be removed. //////////////////////////////////////// CONFIDENTIAL INFORMATION YOU WANT TO KNOW. This is the software they want banned from the INTERNET! "The Internet Desktop Spy" shows you how to get the facts on anyone using the Internet. LOCATE MISSING PERSONS, find lost relatives, obtain addresses and phone numbers of old school friends, even skip trace dead beat spouses. This is not a Private Investigator, but a SOFTWARE program DESIGNED to automatically CRACK YOUR CASE with links to thousands of Public Record Databases Find out SECRETS about your relatives, friends, enemies, and everyone else! -- even your spouse! With the New - "Internet Desktop SPY" You will be AMAZED at what you can discover: LICENSE PLATE NUMBER - Get anyone's name and address with just a license plate number! (Find that girl you met in traffic!) DRIVING RECORD - Get anyone's driving record! SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBER - Trace anyone by social security number! ADDRESS - Get anyone's address with just a name! UNLISTED PHONE NUMBERS - Get anyone's phone number with just a name- even unlisted numbers! LOCATE - Long lost friends, relatives, a past lover who broke your heart! E-MAIL - Send anyone anonymous e-mail that's completely untraceable! DIRTY SECRETS - Discover dirty secrets your in-laws don't want you to know! INVESTIGATE ANYONE - Use the sources that private investigators use (all on the Internet) secretly! EX-SPOUSE - Learn how to get information on an ex-spouse that will help you win in court! (Dig up old skeletons) CRIMINAL SEARCH - BACKGROUND CHECK - Find out about your daughter's boyfriend! (or her husband)FIND OUT - If you are being investigated! NEIGHBORS - Learn all about your mysterious neighbors! Find out what they have to hide! PEOPLE YOU WORK WITH - Be astonished by what you'll learn about the people you work with! EDUCATION VERIFICATION - Did he really graduate college? Find out! "The Internet Desktop Spy" will help you discover ANYTHING about anyone, with clickable hyperlinks and no typing in Internet addresses! Just download the software and go! You will be shocked and amazed by the secrets that can be discovered about absolutely everyone! Find out the secrets they don't want you to know! About others, about yourself! LIMITED TIME OFFER -- ORDER TODAY! ONLY $20 (US) You can dowmload the "The Internet DeskTop Spy" software NOW so you can begin discovering all the secrets you ever wanted to know! You can know EVERYTHING about ANYONE with "The Internet DeskTop Spy" software. - Works with all browsers and all versions of AOL- PC Versions available Only! DON'T WAIT TO GET STARTED… It's as easy as 1, 2, 3. ORDER TODAY - While this software is still legal!VISA/MC ONLY For Credit Card Orders, Click on the link below:CLICK HERE TO ORDER NOW! NOTES:- This program will not work on Windows 3.11 and older - DISCLAIMER - The seller of this powerful software resource will not be held responsible for how the purchaser chooses to use its resources.

Well, I see the links didn't work anyway. Hmmmm.... I will check into that!Woozy

I have nothing to add, just want to say I LOVE THIS THREAD! don't let it die... [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

KeoPS. if anyone gets the spy thing, let me know if it works. sure could have some fun with that [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

Well, I just checked the link for the internet spy thing and it isn't working any longer. So, it is probably just as well. Bummer though. It looked so promising!Woozy

I once purchased someting online called "Net detective" and found it was nothing more than what I can search for on yahoo. Many of the links they gave you where ones that I was familiar with already and many of these services require a form of payment to get the info. My only income source is h and my little part time job so I don't have money to invest in these things at the moment.Since it has been a while since I used this program I will relook it over and post anything real interesting. Just don't know when I will have the time with busy week ahead, but I will try.[This message has been edited by Pinky (edited March 12, 2000).]

Hi Pam,Thanks for sharing that info. I wondered about it. That is why I never did it. I know what you mean about the income thing. I sucks big time! Right now h is still paying the bills but niether one of us has filed for divorce yet. Woozy

I did things the old fashioned way. When I first discovered affair , I checked her call register on her cell phone and traced it back to her place of work. I called the number and when I got someone I told them I was looking for someone that helped a relative of mine and I wanted to send him something. This particular dept had only two men, both of which happened to have the same first name. I was able to verify who he was, because I knew the one guy and using some info she had given me before, that she was going shopping with a new friend from another town, i asked the coworker if the other guy was from that town. They told me yes so I knew i had him. I later confirmed it when I checked the phone bill and found a call to his home. Infortunetly all their calls were her calling him at work. HE onlt called here twice that I know of unless they had a system for contacting each other when I was at home. I thiink for the most part everything was an EA until she spent the day with him "shopping." I discovered 2 days later when he called.The other snooping I did, was I went through my w's purse. I found cards she had bought him and the ring he had bought her. I also eaves dropped on a phone conversation that she receieved from a jeweler. So I went to the jeweler and pretended I had taken a message. I talked them into showing me a necklace she had bought him and inscribed with almost the same inscription as on our wedding bands.I've also used the internet searches to track down where he and his mother live in Fl.As someone said, it is fun.As to Sadpete, I guess it gives a feeling of doing something instead of just taking it. Bob------------------ "You can't always get what you want! But if you try real hard,you might just find, you get what you need!" Mick Jagger

Pinky, Try.... <A HREF="http://discreetresearch.com/" TARGET=_blank>http://discreetresearch.com/</A> Good, dependable site, and if you have questions,,you can email them and they WILL answer.

Thanks Nerlycrzy,I am familiar with that site and thanks for reminding me of it. I know a lot about OW as far as name, address and employment, I just want to see if there is any dirt on her out there...lol. Good Luck All!

Get a Voice Activated Recorder and put it into their car under the dash, in the door or under the seat. Road noise will be loud at times but you can estimate time of travel with length on tape to determine the OP whereabouts. I got it down to 2 blocks from the OP's house. Then I used the internet maps (many to choose from) to triagleate the residence. Finally found it. To further document the deception, you can also install one of the smaller video camera's in the grill of the spouses car. Works great to find location. Can be set up to run off the battery in the car also. 6 hour tapes are usually good enough to catch something. Blacklights work good for fluids. Background check the OP for records, past marriages, deliquent alimony, warrants, etc. Find out how much they paid for their car and house and who their neighbors are. Even found out where his family lived and had maps to his house in case he hurt her again. Most of this I did for the protection of my boys. Needed evidence for my own suspicions, but, to keep your children away from a lunatic was worth it. Once the OP ssn is known, public records can be obtained at any court house they have been in. Useful information for me and my boys.There are number catchers that catch all ingoing and outgoing dialed numbers regardless of what device is making them. Put your monitoring devices in the basement or the attick. *67 *69 all work well. Document with video, audio and photographic. Trash is very reliable. Fine tooth comb those seats and rugs in the vehicles and wash the windows often. Fingerprints can be found on nearly any clean or slightly dusty surfaces. Many more snopping techniques in spy kit won't be revealed here.

Has anyone ever hired a private investigator? I am thinking about doing this. My H previous affair was always when he was out of town with her.

Haven't used it, but I know a police officer in my town that does. For logging where a car went all day, you can get a GPS, and then there is a recording program that records where you are every 30 seconds or so, and you transfer the program to your computer, and you can see the route the car travelled while it was recording.Not going too get you much unless WS uses car to go to different or special places.

.[This message has been edited by Reztles (edited August 09, 2000).]

"Isn't it ironic that so much time and energy is spent sneaking around trying to catch a possible WS sneaking around?"Yep,,and the simple truth and honesty would have solved it all. And how much time and energy was spent devising lies to cover the tracks for the betraying spouse? Wouldn't it have been much better spent solving the problems in the marriage?And, believe me, there was no "ardor or glee" in discovering my H's affair. It was a nightmare and the most gutwrenching pain I have ever experienced in my life.

.[This message has been edited by Reztles (edited August 09, 2000).]

Oh, man, I must jump in on this one!My husband says he is disgusted that I would stoop so low as to invade his privacy by getting into his stuff. Disgusted. That is the appropriate word, I guess. For both of us in this situation. Because I gave my life to a man who keeps illicit secrets from me.He says that his sex with the other woman is none of my business, that's why he didn't tell me about it when I first discovered the affair. Funny, but if she had had an STD, or if he had gotten her pregnant, it would have been my business, now wouldn't it?My husband is--well, his job is very sensitive, his job is at stake--and some strange stuff was showing up at his office while he was out on ship that his boss' wife told me about. So I e-mailed the OW and told her to QUIT!She got all huffy with me and said "So, I see that you read your husband's mail. How sweet." (I never saw what was showing up at the office. If he gets trouble for adultery, it's out of my hands.)I was really sick of their attitude about it. I said "Okay, who's worse for this? You for doing it, or me for finding out?"It's a guilt thing, pure and simple. You don't want your misdeeds to be made public, because that's exactly what they are. Too bad if you are ashamed. You should be.Incidently, I had NEVER snooped in my husband's things, ever. I trusted him. No, I didn't even trust him--the thought that I would ever have cause to MISTRUST him never crossed my mind. I was so perfectly secure in my trust of this man, the thought that he would ever cheat never entered my wildest imagination.He is a little messy, however, his one endearing fault. And being a dutiful wife, uncomplaining, I pick up all the stuff he leaves around the house. Dirty socks, underwear, books, papers, workout gear, photographs of girlfriends, e-mails professing love to and from girlfriends, e-mails from other men applauding him about some girl in DC with big hooters ("she was hot, man, you lucky dog") And credit card receipts. I mean, come on, he asked me to pay his bills why he was out on ship! Why in the world did he need to go to Motel 6 every weekend when he had a perfectly good hotel room to stay in? Oh, did I tell you about the dirty towel I found...no, I won't even go there. It's too gross. Panties that weren't mine that ended up in the laundry? These, my daughter found while folding clothes. Okay, but even when confronted with all of these clues, he flat out denied everything. Well. Okay, he denied having sex with her (kinda funny how he had condoms in his back pack--which was lying open on the livingroom floor with the condoms right on top--when he didn't need to use them with me.) The guy can lie like crazy, and THAT'S disgusting. Lies.And still, like an idiot, I still trusted and believed his lies, gave him the benefit of the doubt. One day, I decide to set up an office in the spare room for him because he had mentioned that he would like a private room from the rest of the family to work (gee, I wonder why) and being a loving wife, I purchase carpet, curtains, hang pictures of the kids, his military awards and plaques. It was going to be a surprise for him, for Father's day, when he got off ship.This requires moving his computer from the living room to the office. Me, being completely computer illiterate, (used to be, before this happened)I take the thing apart and don't know how to get it back together. I call my neighbor, who helps me, and together we get it running. He says "Oh, oh, you didn't shut it down right. Let's check and see if everything is okay." Funny, the first thing we happen to open is the ICQ.Okay, I read the first paragraph, and I say "Oh, this is snooping, this is bad." So I shut it off. But, after thinking and putting two and two together, and my gut feelings about all his explainations, I turned it back on. And I read more than a year's worth of chat. Most of it about erotic nights at Motel 6. Golly, that coinsidental, now aint it?I am his wife. Don't you think that I deserve the respect that comes with honesty? He and I vowed to be together for life, to live in the same house, to pay the same bills, to mutually donate genetic material to produce off-spring that we are both responsible for. For years, we had a wonderful sexual relationship that seemed to be enjoyed by both of us--exclusively.Now, all the sudden, his private life is his private life. His sex behavior is his own, and not for my knowledge. Oh, and the porn that he looks at, and the cybersex he engages in. Sorry, isn't that getting sexual fulfillment from someone other than his wife?Alrighty, then.I think that I am justified in "snooping." If he is justified in lying, then I am justified in snooping.[This message has been edited by Bernzini (edited August 09, 2000).][This message has been edited by Bernzini (edited August 15, 2000).]

I HAVE to hop in here.The key word is EMPOWERMENT.We betrayeds finally have a handle on why our lives seem so out of control and distant. We finally get proof that we aren't insane or paranoid. That is what turns someone like me into a snoop. I NEVER thought for a minute he had anything to hide. I thought he was 1)in a midlife crisis and 2) grieving over the death of his mother.Quick background -- we will have been in recovery for one year on Labor Day. His confession was August 21 1999. 14 mo affair with married co-worker, ended in April 1999 when he discovered she was having two affairs at once.I never snooped, but one day in May '99, I traded cars with my h. so I could have his oil changed for him. When I got home, I thought, "h. has been traveling so much, it would be nice to really clean up his car for him". So I washed, vacuumed, dusted, waxed, and found a condom wrapper on the floor. I thought "how gross, this must have come in on his shoe" and threw it out.Next month, I am vacuuming our bedroom and I find an April receipt for condoms and his brand of contact solution on the floor by his bedside table. I HAD MY TUBES TIED YEARS BEFORE.I called him on his cell in a business meeting and said "I have a riddle for you."He said he could explain it all when he got home. I suggested he get home promptly.He made up a story about being drunk that night and buying them on a whim. This is a man who has never had an impulsive, unplanned breath in his life. THEN, I started snooping. Phone calls to her that he made on MY cell phone (duh!), I checked some calls billed to my account from unknown numbers, and BINGO!, calls from the Red Roof Inn to an unknown cell phone. In the middle of the night, I call the cell number and get a recording: "Hi! this is #####", in her best Southern belle voice.It took him three more months before he would confess...even with all the evidence, he still lied and lied.It only ended when he spied on her and found emails and cards in her office from the boss!She was boinking her husband (rarely), my husband, and the boss...so he came back to me with a lot of baggage and a very contrite heart.That is how sweet little liz smith turned spy, then became his Pearl of Great Price, and now a happier, still married alias.blessings, lizp.s. yes, I cringe every time I pass a billboard for the Red Roof Inn. I wonder, will it always hurt? But the evidence was important for me to have -- or he NEVER would have told me, and we'd still be living a lie, or divorced.[This message has been edited by alias (edited August 09, 2000).]

Sorry Reztles - please don't take this personally, but...When I first discovered H's EA, both he and the OW were "shocked" at my spying to discover what was going on between them. Please believe that I did not even begin to spy until I had been suspicious and blatantly lied to for several months! I see something very wrong with the notion that spying on your spouse to discover what they are up to, where they stand with regard to their marriage, is INVADING THEIR PRIVACY!!!I have reason to believe I am still being lied to and that they have found ways to communicate without my knowledge, and you can bet I will keep finding new ways to spy on them because I believe I deserve to at the very least know the TRUTH about my H's relationship with another woman.Again, Reztles - this is not directed at you - I'm just taking the opportunity you raised to do some venting - guess I'm overdue.periwinkle

Reztles, <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR> but it seems to me that sneaking around is sneaking around no matter how it is justified it. It is on a different magnitude, I agree, but still the same principle<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>Sorry, I must disagree. A spouse who has reason to be suspicious of infidelity has more right to the truth than the WS has to privacy. Snooping to discover truth that is being carefully and deliberately hidden is not morally equivalent to betraying your spouse. It is not just a difference in "magnitude" it is a different in kind.That being said, it makes me feel like crap when I do it, but so far I can honestly say that I would rather know the truth (however painful) than be operating in a fog where things don't make sense. ------------------ But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Galatians 5:22-23

Reztles,"There is an old saying, "Right is right and wrong is no one's right." Assault with bodily harm and murder are in two different categories but they are still both wrong."I don't quite understand the analogy here but I have to agree,,both of your examples are wrong. However,,investigating murder and assault is NEVER wrong!!"In my case, my W found out by looking at my computer (she was suspicious). But what about the spouses that are NOT in an A. I know most everyone at this site knows about the A but some do not. Is is right to be spying on innocent spouses? Isn't there a possibility that something totally innocent would be mistaken for something else? (I am absolutely certain it happens.)"You know what? If my H ever had reason to suspect my actions, I'd have absolutely NO problem with him checking my computer, car, purse, wallet, dresser drawers or anywhere else he might feel was necessary. When I married him, I opened my heart and my life to him. I would hope that if he ever felt the pangs of feeling betrayed, he would talk to me.

A big Amen to you, crazy. You said it best; investigation of a serious crime in never wrong. I mean, if someone murdered your kid and buried his body in the woods, once it was found, would you want an investigation? Or would you say "Oh, that's okay, detective. It guess it's the sole business of whoever did this to my family. I wouldn't want to intrude on the criminal's privacy."Privacy my as*. Bottom line.Yeah, Liz:Everytime I see the Motel 6 commercial "We'll Leave the Lights on For Ya'" I wonder how he felt standing there checking out the room key. Was he thinking "Oh YEAH, baby! Gonna get some tonight!" Or was he thinking: "Gosh, my wife is probably wondering where I am right now. . ."

One more thing about the betrayed's "Right" to snoop: I maintain that I will ALWAYS have the right to know who else I am sleeping with! (i.e., who he has sex with, and who THEY have sex with.)In my case, she exposed us both to whoever the boss sleeps with besides his wife...I've been checked out six months after his last time with her, but if I ever suspect again, I maintain that it is my RIGHT to keep myself safe.My h. admitted to me that she 'swallows', so when she told me they were 'careful' I threw that in her face, "How careful is swallowing semen? God you are dumber than I thought".so, my nickels worth is in the pot! liz

Wow. You all are pretty good with your snooping!!I just wanted to chime in about a program that I used to catch my spouse. It is also a keystroke program which means it only records what the person actually types into the computer. It only cost $19.95 and it did a good job of recording my H. He had no idea the software was running. <A HREF="http://www.keykey.com/index1.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.keykey.com/index1.html</A> BUT...Like others have said it was EXTREMELY painful to find out what he had been doing. Up until then I had no idea, because he was conducting his affair on the office computer and telephones. But I happened to be away for a week and I KNEW he would use my computer since I wasn't here, and BINGO when I got back I found out about the OW and all the porno stuff. So, just be careful because the stuff I read broke my heart. He actually wrote a letter to her telling her how awful I am and he doesn't give a damn about me and that he loves her with all his heart. Talk about hard to swallow (sorry, couldn't resist)...Good luck with your pursuits...I know I felt better knowing in many ways even though it was painful. At least he couldn't tell me I was "crazy" anymore or "paranoid" I had proof. Plus, I have printouts of the logs, and I sent copies off to my sister just in case.

Adamateve: (Wow, what a long name.)I am curious--what happened after all? Did you guys ever recover? Did he really mean any of that stuff about you, or was he just telling her stuff she wanted to hear, stuff he "thought" he meant, being in that alleged "fog" and all?My husband, in general, wished not to discuss me or the relationship with me, no matter how she baited him with nasty comments about me, or calling me names. She really wanted to know why he was fooling around with her. She kept saying "You love your wife, don't you?" or "I know that you're going to get back with her, I just know it." And he would say "I don't want to talk about her right now."But when he made up his mind to get back with me, for whatever that meant:I have an e-mail saying that the only reason that he was with me instead of her was because of the kids; he said that was the only factor--he had lost out bigtime, that he loved everything about her and was depressed about losing her. When I read that, I wanted to die!But to my face, he says that he loves me, doesn't get along with me, but that I am the girl he loves most in the world. Hmmmmmm.So, I am just curious. Like you, I wish that I had never read that stuff that I had gotten into, it broke my heart.But I am praying that you will give me a happy end to your story.

I would like some help with a query thread. If there are any men who read this, would you please respond to my thread entitled "Question for the Men"

This is for computer recovery. 1 there are programs available that can recover data even if it has been deleted fom the recycle bin. 2 keyboard loggers. They run invisibly on the comp and depending on the complexity can not only tell you what they typed but what webites they visited or folders they opened. Also they can email the info in encrypted form to any email address. 3 hex editors. For they more computer literate. If the mail email folders have not been compacted they info can be reinstated( thats how I found out that my W was sending XXX pictures to another guy) including pics. ALL of the programs can be found on the internet for free.

Well everyone, I obtained a copy of her mobile phone bill. I really hoped I'd find nothing and all of her recent lovey-dovey stuff would prove genuine. I read on this thread that be prepared for what you may find and how it will make you feel, you may not feel so triumphant. I can honestly say this is the lowest and most used feeling I've ever felt in my life. The most likely OM is a past professor of mine that I idlized and have held up to friends, family and colleagues as all I aspire to be. HOW COULD THEY DO THIS TO ME!!!! I love her more than anything and I admired him so much.Even as I spoke to her and asked who else had our cell phone number, I held hope that she might throw other possible origins for the 198 MINUTES OF PHONE CALLS in the span of half a month. Maybe one of her sisters, her brother or a colleague. She gave only four possibles: her parents(they wouldn't call her at 11:40pm and talk for almost a half hour), our former professors two children(dido for them)...and our past professor.I still feel a little disbelief. How could it work out. HIS WIFE AND TWO KIDS ARE AT THE MUSIC FESTIVAL WITH HIM! It's a closed community, you can't leave the grounds without passing through a manned gate. What about his wife. Does she know? Is she prepared to let this "girl" half her age take her husband and be a parent to HER children. It makes me wonder if my W was truthful that OM's wife is truely even there and not in their home country of Israel. How did I pick such a psyco wh**e that would break up a family, steal a W's H and lie to her H?!!!!!!!During the course of the conversation she realized I had a copy of the phone bill and that she had just stepped into a situation that would be very difficult to talk her way out of, she quickly ended the phone call.She needed to explain, for starters, why all 198 minutes OVER our 600 minutes are from someone calling her from out of our home region. It is very unlikely that her family or OM's children would call her at 11:30pm, 12:30pm and 12:40pm. It seems strangely like...ummmmm...after the time that most parents would put their young children to sleep. Also, if it was just music business, why SO late and such long calls? What really burns me is that her family(pius Mormans) will find some way of forgiving her and explaining away her actions. MAYBE, even blame me(since I am not Morman)!!!! Thanks for letting me vent. I really can't believe this is happening. [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

AC2[This message has been edited by anncicero2 (edited August 11, 2000).]

Bernzini,Hi Again!Well, the more I hear of your story, it always sounds so familiar :-)I can't say that my story has a happy ending yet, it's still unfolding.My H claims that he said those things to the OW because he was really down on me, thought that I didn't love him and so he really meant it at the time. He claims now to realize that it was wrong to say that stuff, that he really does love me, but who knows, the man is a big fat liar. Sometimes I feel like I am the one being conned.I still get the feeling he is talking to her. If not, he's hiding some big big secret because he just seems so distant and really like something is bugging him. His stomach is bothering him all the time now, like he's hiding something.I wish I could say that it's all working out, but I'm still up in the air. Hopefully we will start counseling next week and sort this out. My counselor really has been stressing to me that I need to take care of myself more so I have to work on that. I also have to work on my inner critic.You know, I can't even go back and read that email anymore, I can't read any of the stuff I have documented. It hurts so much to see it still, even though he tells me it doesn't mean anything, but the pain is still present, knowing what he said to her and what he MIGHT have said to her. I try not to think about it because I start obsessing.Hang in there...

Adamateve:I could be that he is going through that "withdrawal" thing. My husband called me up and told me that he had chest pains, shingles, and he is always tired. Inner turmoil for guilt?I got the thing that "I didn't think you really loved me," too. It makes me feel bad, maybe I really did not show him. But then I get to thinking, "That's bull. What MORE could I have done. . ." Maybe I didn't express it in ways that he wanted.I can't read any of that stuff, either. I remember, everytime I open up that ICQ stuff I could feel my heart just pounding in my chest. It was a sick feeling. The chaplain that I was going to for counseling said "If it hurts, why do you keep doing it to yourself."I could only say "I want evidence somewhere that he DOES still love me."

Heck! Figuring out where you spouse spends his/her time online is as easy as downloading the net detective. Go to WinWhatWhere and download a 2 week version for free. You can set it up to record every single keystroke anybody makes on the computer. What files they access, login names and passwords for any e-mail accounts they have that you don't know about and membership names and passwords to risque sites. You can read their mail, view any profiles they have for themselves at singles sites and the like. You even have the opportunity to read the messages they send. Not in a sent folder than can be easily deleted but WinWhatWhere records every single key stroke so if they are making dates and want to deny it you have proof. It is password protected and invisible to the untrained eye. Heck, even to the trained eye. Just land it in a folder they would never open. Worked for me! No lying or denying, I know for sure...

I am real curious what exactly this will accomplish????? Do you really think........ any one gives up an addition If they weren't ready ??? You all talk about addiction.....and yet you monitor another person in your life .... like it would change there behavior... Did anyone out there give up smoking? Who made you do that???? Your partner ... I don't think sooooooo???? get IT??? by NotQuiteOverIt: Ok trustntruth I'll start itLet me start out by saying… GET CALLER I.D.Hide it if you need to, put it next to the jack on the floor. Hide another if you already have one and he/she erases the calls.Reverse Lookup - <A HREF="http://www.anywho.com" TARGET=_blank>www.anywho.com</A> You can see what address the call came from. If it is unlisted it will not come up, but if you put in the first few numbers you can find out a general area. For instance 555-555-55New gadget - Intel camera, it is hooked to your computer. Can be used for making video phone calls (could be bad) BUT you can set it so that it will take pictures at intervals that you can choose, like 5 min, 10 min etc. May have several surveillance possibilities. It is a little expensive, but it came with my new computer. WARNING Try it out before you use it! I haven't had the need to try this. It may make some noise if you don't turn off the speakers.OK these are pretty lame! Let's hear some good ones… P.S. Any corrections are welcome! [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

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The whole idea behind spying:Like I said, if you feel justified in lying, I feel justified in spying.Why string the person you "love" along in deceipt? If you feel that you don't love them, don't want to be with them, then leave until you decide who it is that you want. Don't keep them holding onto you with your lies. It hurts them, and in the end, it will hurt you.If you have a cheater living with you who is sneaking around behind your back, bringing his affair home with him covertly, treating you like crap and you can't understand why, you have the right to know what is up. For your sake, for your childrens' sake. For the sake of your health (How did I know that my husband's girlfriend didn't have AIDS? I didn't!)Sorry if you feel so defensive about it. Like I said before--maybe it's because you are ashamed of cheating and want to keep it a secret? To deny it to your spouse as well as yourself that what you are doing is WRONG?!I am a firm believer that there should be no secrets in marriage. Husbands and wives should share their lives with each other in entirety. If you are doing something that you need to keep secret from your spouse, then you don't need to be married to them.I stand by what I say.

all good ideas...just something to think about. Trust is a leap of faith...it does not start until you are willing to not check up.Our counselor said if things are going to continue they will show up sooner or later without having to check up. You are leaving yourself vulnerable no matter what but if you have faith and the A is really over and the WS is really recommitted to the relationship you are giving your marriage a gift. God bless you all!

One quick idea I thougth I would add - certain cell phone companies list the numbers of incomming calls on the bill. ATT does not, but Cellular One/Comcast does. My wife was smart enough to erase all call lists on her phone when he called her. If I could just get her to switch service to another carrier.....Also - Radio Shack has many good gadgets for sale that can be useful - multi line phone recorders, phone dialer recorders - prints out all numbers dialed on a phone (good for 800 numers AND GETTING PIN NUMBERS FOR VOICE MAIL BOXES)

Thanks everyone!!!! Your information has been so helpful. Some of the things you listed i had to find the hard way. And now i see i need to visted a Radio shack more often!!!!Please tell me, how do i find out who cell phone numbers are on my called id?