He also won't give her up... - 02/09/00 04:57 PM
My H has had a on/off affair for a couple of years. We have openly discussed her - her positive & negative attributes - his lack of trust or confidence in her - He knows full well what a destructive person she is & has supposedly gotten out of it several times. According to him she is a very immature, selfish, self centered, consuming married women that has never done anything for herself. She has relied soley on her H to do everything for her but is very unhappy. She has never worked & financially can't get out of her marriage she says. She dumps her kids on her H and has my H to fill her void. She now is supposedly in love with my H. We had a horrible argument about her & we decided that we should separate. He has been staying at his "home" away from home for several weeks now. I have tried to be supportive, understanding, cooperative & give him space. At times he says that he loves me, that he cares very much about me. He for the most part has been very cooperative & things are much more civil now. We "make love" regularly. At first I resisted but gave in & at times am the one making advances now. It causes very conflicting emotions. It is wonderful to feel needed & wanted & to show my love for him but it doesn't change anything. I haven't been willing to give up that connection with him. I thought that he might listen to his own reservations about her if I stopped interfering & criticising & passing judgement, but overall I think the separation has just made it easier for him to see her. It is like he is just living each day for today & the fun times & ego boost & escape she provides while avoiding<BR>anything long range. I am dying a slow death - I exist to try to protect my kids and give them what they deserve. I want them to grow up believing in the joy & value of committment & love & giving of yourself to those you love unconditionally. But <BR>in reality where has it gotten me? After we had kids I apparently made him feel left out. Like I didn't need him. I wasn't any fun any more. I had no idea he felt this way until too late. Now I wish we could go back to before he met her to resolve our issues but it's apparently too late. What to do?<p>[This message has been edited by love is blind (edited February 09, 2000).]