Should we be friends? - 03/17/00 06:40 AM
After some very rough times, my H and I decided to separate for a while. (It's been 3 weeks). I think that because of such rough times, he's actually enjoying being alone. I'm still very much in love with him and I thought the tine apart would help him value me more and realize that our marriage is worth saving. The only thing we've gained is that he's realized that we are better off this way and that there is no real solution to all our problems. HE feels that the only solution is to divorce. I am devestated. Since our separation, I've been going to see a psychologist who has helped me very much. Thanks to her and to all the great replies I've received in the Marriage Builders forums, I've realized that I have to work on MY self esteem. The reason why I didn't feel valued was because I wasn't valuing myself! I have even learned to understand him like I never have before. The problem is that he doesn't see any other solution other than a divorce! He's so certain that neither of us will ever change, therefore he doesn't even want to make an effort. This whole situation is killing me inside, especially because I'm begining to think that he doesn't love me anymore. The interesting thing is that he still wants to be great friends. I, of course would love to be his friend and his wife. I can be both! As a last resort, I've asked him to meet with my psychologist. He agreed to meet her, but only to help me deal with our separation and divorce. I fear that he's just going to tell her, "Please tell my wife that I don't love her anymore and help her go on with her life". My psychologist has already told me to let go and accept that he wants a divorce. She even told me NOT to get my hopes up just because he's agreed to see her. I don't know what's going to happen after their meeting...I'm afraid. I realize that I have to stop chasing him, because he just doesn't want to be caught and the more I chase him, the more he's going to run away. Perhaps I should just let him go even though it's causing me such pain? By being his "Friend" can I perhaps try to gain his love back? I don't want to lose him, but then again, he wants it ALL without the sacrifice! Please share your views with me. Thank you!<BR>Ginnie<P>