the worst day of my life - Marriage Builders® Forums

Yesterday was the absolute worst day of my life. Even worse than D day. Saturday night my 13 year old son had a band concert. He had been choses 1st chair in our entire region for trumpet which is quite an accomplishment. My H promised he was coming, but he never showed up. I found out the next day that he wasn't there because his OW was here (she lives 800 miles away) to interview for jobs so she could move here and be closer to my H. I found out where they were staying and I went and sat outside their motel room yesterday morning. H comes to talk to me about leaving and I threaten him that his OW will never have a moments peace if she moves here and the I am going to call her employer and tell them just exactly how she spends her "so-called" business trips with a married man who has 3 children. Understandably, things deteriorate from there. H is threatening to have me arrested, take the kids and throw me out of the house, etc, etc. Anyway I left hysterical. I went home and took two bottles of pills. About 6 or 7 Meprozine and about 20 Xanax. Unfortunately, they didn't work. H came by to give me my half of the income tax money and found me and made me throw up. The thing is, I wish he hadn't found me. I still want to die. I am so tired of fighting all this. It is PURE misery. I have always been a good person. I just don't understand why this is happening. H said he didn't want me to die. Then nobody would be happy and told him what difference does it make when your spirit is already dead? The rest is just matter, chemicals, etc. I guess he wants to keep me around so he can torture me some more. I have to wait until this weekend to try again. I just don't know how I'm going to do it now. Thanks for letting me spill it you guy. Bye------------------ Blessed be. **************** KeridwenKeridwen_7@yahoo.com

Keridwen, I am a lurker here. My ex-husband had an affair that resulted in our divorce. I was where you are 5 years ago. Let me tell you when the worst day of your children's lives would be... the day you are sucessful at suicide. I realize that you are going through incredible hurt, but you are being far too selfish. Your children are just as hurt as you are (if they know about this affair), do you want to cause them more pain? Anger? Sadness? I haven't read your story, nor do I know what exactly is going on for you in terms of how long you've been dealing with this. I do know that you must get your rear-end into major therapy, RIGHT NOW. I don't want to come across as harsh, but I feel that you need to be shocked into some kind of positive action. Do you want to miss out on all of your kids future experiences? Do you want them to miss you so horribly, wish that they could bring you back, cry, weep, and not be able to do a thing about it? Do you want them to think that suicide is an acceptable way out of their problems? Did you know that children of parents who killed themselves, were more likely to commit suicide? Think of the consequenses. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. No matter what happens, your H comes to his senses or not, it is NOT worth the pain you could cause your kids. You have struck a nerve in me. I know of the anger and sadness that children experience in the loss of a parent, whether that parent dies of natural causes, accidentally, or by suicide. Please respond. Talk. Your life is worth more than any amount of wayward spouses' bullsh*t!!

Keri,No person is worth dying for!! You said it yourself, you have 3 children that need you!!!!!!If something happens to you, your children will have lost both parents in a short amount of time. Please call someone and get help, a sucide prevention hotline, a counselor, someone that can be with you.I know how difficult this is for you, believe me I do know, but you can get throught this. Look at how many people have and do. Get a hold of yourself as you are not thinking clearly right now.Please keep posting, we here at MB are here for you!!!!!Love,Bob

Keridwen, as my Christian counselor has told me more than once, "your life sucks". Your H is a doodie head. (that isn't a direct quote he used language Tempest won't allow)I KNOW your pain. But I always knew that my kids needed me. My H, Guard, was where you are with his misery and guilt. You can recover. There is hope. There is life.You need support. We are here for you, but I think you need face contact with someone as well. Call a counselor TODAY, or pastor/religious leader, supportive friend. Go see your Dr., I think with having taken the pills you need to know what damage you have done to your body. The liver has very little regenerative abilities. Keridwen, your H is not worth your death. You have a great spirit.------------------ Lor "Let love be genuine...hold fast to what is good; love one another." Rom 12:9-10

(((((((((((((((Keridwen7))))))))))))))))You have hit the bottom and now there is no where to go but UP! Flush any and all other pills you have in that house that can harm you down the toilet right now! Your children need and love you! And you love and need them! Don't leave them to be raised by your H and OW! This is where your strength must take over. You are feeling alone and you aren't! Everyone here is praying for you! Dig deep into your spirituality and rid yourself of the negativity. Light a candle for yourself this morning, for protection, safety, and mental clairity. And if you would like, I will do the same....Please talk to someone. Don't let this take your childrens mother away from them. B.B.Laceelaceelady@uswestmail.net

Keridwen,I think first I'll give you a big ((((((((((HUG))))))))))Please, go see a doctor. Don't be by yourself for now. Look into your children's eyes and imagine their pain if you weren't there for them.I have felt like you do now. This is a horrible pain to go thru. But you can make it and no matter how things turn out, you will be happy again. Take care, Mitzi

You are a good person...and for the sake of your children...you must get the help you need to rise above the excrutiating pain and the oppressing despair.It is time to be selfless...to put the needs of your children first.No matter how horrible your life is right now, you will not feel the way you do today forever.Your life has a purpose that can not be fulfilled if you snuff it out.Your children's lives will be shattered. People, maybe some you have yet to meet, will not benefit from the future roles you might have in their life.Acknowledge the pain, but see beyond today and reach out to someone that can help you until you find the strength to help yourself.You can do this!------------------ Faith, Hope, Love Remain, but the greatest of these is Love. 1 Corinthians 13:13

KeridwinI'm not going to tell you that what you want to do is selfish. Sometimes suicide seems to be your only option, but that's nothing more than a lie straight from the pit!!! I'm telling myself that as well as you..Okay?Keri, either your husband will come back to you or there is something much better waiting for you. I know that your tired but if you just hang on there will be a better day ahead for you. RWD is right....your children need you and you can be strong for them. Love and prayers CJ

I'm putting this back at the top

Back up to the top

We all feel your pain. The hurt that our spouses inflict onto us in the name of selfishness is numbing. You have to rise above it.... You have to take the high road. For your children and also for yourself.You deserve better. Much better. Please get some help.......

Keri: I am SO SORRY for the pain you are in. I know that you know that your children need you, that killing yourself would devastate them, would destroy their feelings of worthiness, right? But, it just hurts so bad. Losing someone you love deeply hurts like h*ll. You do feel dead inside, I know. But, you will not always feel this way. Pain gradually fades, and feelings of life and joy DO return. Nearly 9 years ago I lost my second child. I remember well the pain, the feeling that I was already dead. My living child was all that kept me here. During that awful time, someone wiser told me that there is a difference between wanting to die, and wanting to not have to live. She was right...I really wanted not to have to live through the intense pain, especially since I could not see that it would really get better. Right now, I know it seems that it will never get better, that your life will always be this wreck. But, it won't. Honestly, it won't. Regardless of what your H does or does not do, God did not create you and your very special children to live a poor, smashed life, but a life of good things and joy. You will make it through. Don't give up now!!!Love, Kathi

Keridwen, Please please get some hlep now. Suicide is not the answer. There will many good days ahead. Think of your kids please, and know that they NEED you, there are many memories yet to make with them. Please come here for support. Nobody and nothing is worth giving up your life for.Hang in there,we are all here for you and will continue to be.(((((((((( hugs to you ))))))))))

Thanks everybody. It just seems like there's no real purpose to life sometimes. I still feel very despondent, but my H called my therapist and he's taking me there tomorrow. She said if we didn't show she would call the police. I don't why she would call the police. I don't intend to hurt anybody else. I just want some relief...you know? It hurts so much I can barely breathe sometimes. I love my kids, but I have to admit I haven't been a very good parent lately. I stayed distracted, I cry, I don't listen to them like I should. Half the time I find myself just nodding to whatever they say and mumble "un-huh". This isn't living. I don't want to miss my kids as they grow up and I don't want to mess up their lives, but yesterday all I could think about was getting rid of the pain. Any way possible. Is that too much to ask? Just to be numb? If only they had an anesthetic for the soul. ------------------ Blessed be. **************** KeridwenKeridwen_7@yahoo.com

Keri, I'm where you are at! But what keeps me going is a little girls with blonde hair that calls me mommy! She's only 3 and knows so much! What would happen to her if I'm gone? What I started to do is pull our her baby pictures when I get really down. I also just need to look at her and it helps me recover. If you can get professional help I recommend it. I'm looking for a good counselor and have seen 3 but don't like any of them so I'm going to continue. Another thing that help me is just getting out of the house with my daughter...going to the pet store to look at the fish is great cheap fun! I'm too tired to take up a hobby, but wish I had the time. Oh yeah...last night was pretty bad for me so I lit candles, took a bubble bath, fixed my hair and makeup and put on my prettiest nightie. That made me feel a little better. Hang in there and just remember tomorrow has to be better!

I'm not really clear what you are asking for here. You've made it clear that you intend to kill yourself over the weekend. With that kind of mindset, I would suggest you go check yourself into a hospital for some immediate attention.I don't know how old your children are, I have to believe that with respect to the horror, trauma and anxiety they will experience for the rest of their lives when they come home to find their mother dead, has to make some kind of impression upon you.What did you expect him to say when he found you parked outside of his motel room? "Hi Honey!" You stalked him, and you've informed him that you intend to make this other woman's life miserable. While she probably has some culpability here, she sure as heck wouldn't be planning a relocation without your husband's support and encouragement. HE is your problem - not her.Pull yourself together. Success is the best revenge. Get yourself looking, feeling and being the best you can be for yourself. Continue to be the loving, supportive mother and you know what? The heck with him. Believe me, your son will be quite capable down the line of punishing his father for making bad decisions - her over him. Leave that to him. Your job is to support and love and nurture your children. Not to fall to pieces and take 20 xanax and want to die.Also, keep in mind. Your husband may be documenting your bizarre means of acting out for attention in his ultimate attempt to obtain full custody. Stop loading his guns! Do not give him the kind of ammunition he would need to convince a court that you not only are not fit to be a parent, but require a conservator and committment as well.Get to a psychiatrist or psychologist you can trust and talk through your issues. It does sound like you need immediate intervention. Make plans for someone to take care of your children and check yourself into a hospital for some much needed therapy. They will give you the meds you need, and your outlook will improve considerably.If you think your son found his father's conduct unforgiveable, imagine what he would think of you if you were to deprive him of the only person who ever showed him that they gave a damn about him. You will significantly impact the rest of his life.

Keridwen7:Things will get better.I understand your pain, but your children need you and YOU need you. The pain is incredible, but you can make it through. Go through the motions, one foot after another, one day at a time.You can do it. Keep talking to us.I care.

I have been lurking here for the past little while and this post is what has finally made me come out and join all of you.Don't do this. I had a family member committ suicide over the loss of his relationship and other factors and it was probably one of the worst experiences I have ever encountered and has left a mark on myself and my family that there is no way to remove. Unless have you have been a victim of suicide it is hard to see the end result. I pray for you not to do this as things CAN get better. See someone NOW! Talk to a freind, a relative anyone who will convince you not to do this!If you give this more time, and get the help you need you WILL get better!I hope this helps as I would hate to think of others having to go through the things that I did. They just aren't worth it.In my prayers and thoughts...William

Keridwen,WHOA!! Stop and think this through... Whatever pain you feel from the rejection and abandonment of your husband, what your kids will feel is 1000 times worse. You are their Mom! They need you. You cannot be replaced.Your husband is being a selfish jerk right now. People can recover from that. They can come to their senses. You can't recover from being dead.Don't let your husband's poor choices dictate the value of your own life. Even if he is too selfish to ever value you again, that says more about HIM than about you.PLEASE get some help to get out from under this despondency. You can feel better. See how many people here care for you, and we've never even met you! You have value as a person even without your H. Stay in contact with us. We'll be praying for you. Let us know what else we can do to help.------------------ But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Galatians 5:22-23

Dear Ker: I don't know what's in the water today, but, please rethink the consequences of your actions. I agree completely with SpandauBallet's advice to you and hope you will listen to the wise counsel you are receiving here today.I just posted to DeadInside who is going through the same thing you are. You must read all the postings everyone has submitted to both you and DI to gain some strength from the concern and the love they are showing you. The strength you need comes from within-and it is there. God loves you, your child(ren) love and need you, your family and friends love and need you-and we all love you and need you here on the forum. Your husband loves and needs you, too, regardless of his actions. When he comes out of his 'fog', he will see that, after an excellent Plan A and/or Plan B. A suicide is always a 'wake-up' call for a wayward spouse, however, in time, they get over it and move on. Your despondency and attempt or success at suicide cannot be the legacy you leave your children or the satisfaction for the OW to have won. The best revenge is pulling yourself together, get yourself beautiful, active and confident and independent and make yourself so damn attractive, he'll wonder, like my husband, what the he** he ever saw in that nasty OW and wonder how he could have ever pushed you aside for her. I once heard to "act as if" and someday, it will be. Act as if you are confident and self-assured, act as if you are independent and happy, act as if you are the most devastating creature your husband has ever been lucky enought to have ever known...act as if and someday it will be true.We are here for you with prayers. God bless, comfort, guide and protect you.Catnip =^^=

Keridwen, I was soooo happy when I saw you respond to all of the people in here that really do CARE about you. I was struck hard by your post. I am in danger of losing my 49 year old mother to cancer. I feel so helpless in that matter. in you, I saw a way to intervene. Your life, as are all other lives, is precious. A gift, so to say. You being on this planet is why your children have life. The good deeds you do for others, no matter how minute, affects them and all around them in profound ways. Sounds a bit dramatic, eh? Look at *this* though, you have already made an impact on me and everyone else here. I'm very glad that you are going for help. I hope that you build yourself up and get angry! That's right get mad! How dare your H reduce you to this point. YOU show him that you will survive, with OR without him! You are especially important to 3 young people. Make them proud! Some many people are rooting for you. We all CARE! Otherwise, we wouldn't have bothered to answer your cry for help. Keep us up-dated, hon.... we will be thinking and worrying about you, so don't scare us by disappearing, k? Mynabird

((((Keri)))))No words of wisdom, just wanted you to know I am thinking of you. Cat

Oh I know exactly how you are feeling. I have to admit I have been there and done that. It is not something I thought I would ever think of doing, but it happened. Almost like you, my H came home and told me it was over and lied about being with the OW. I took too many pills and ended up at the hospital. I don't have any kids but I did realize what I did was wrong and only ended up hurting the people I loved. Maybe I thought it would be a wake up call to my H but unfortunately for me it only pushed him closer to the OW.Don't let this OW run your life. If only I could take my own advice. But I have been down that road and believe me it isn't the way out. For me it also allowed the OW to learn of this dark secret of mine because she works at the hospital I was taken to. Had I not taken the pills it would not be here to haunt me today what she knows about me. Please think long and hard about what you are doing. Nobody is worth your life and you have kids to think about.

Keridwen,I'm so sorry for you, I can't imagine how painful it must be. Please look after yourself. Hard as it may be, try to step back and get some distance from your husband. It may seem that he just wants you around to hurt you, but remember he is in a very different frame of mind than you. A man (or woman) having an affair is extremely self-centered. It's hard, if not impossible for him to realize the enormity of his actions and the pain he causes others.Tell him calmly that his actions are hurting you and your son. It sounds like Plan B may be the best option for you now. Please get some counselling and support for yourself.God bless you, Kenneth

I really am not in a position to give any advice but you responded to me yesterday when I was "on the brink" and so I wanted to return the favor.You said it is so hard to even breathe. I have thought that exact phrase. I can't even lay down at night because I feel like it constricts my breathing. All I can say is - thank God that breathing is involuntary or we would probably be gone already. The GOOD NEWS is that today I have not even had to try to breathe. It will get easier for you too. Yesterday I just had to keep thinking about my children and how they would always blame themselves and think if I had loved them enough I would want to have stayed around. Of course, we both know that it doesn't have to do with how much you love your children - it has to do with the unbearable pain. But your children don't know that and would never understand that. Please, please post your feelings. I had no idea that I was not the only one who had felt so desperate. And to see that others do get over that means so much. I HOPE I DID NOT HAVE A BAD INFLUENCE ON YOU YESTERDAY. I AM GLAD I AM HERE TODAY, believe it or not. I care about you. I will be praying for you.

I can't believe all of you. I am sitting here crying, tears rolling down my cheeks reading the things you have written. Just to let you know, I appreciate it. At least I have people here who care. My therapist called me and rescheduled my appointment for tonight. She made me promise her not to kill myself. I promised I wouldn't. I know some people think that being/feeling suicidal is selfish, but I can tell you, all you feel is pain and suffering. Honestly, yesterday all I was thinking was how much it hurt and how much I wanted it to end. I don't know if my therapist will put me in the hospital or not, but I promised not to do it so I'll keep that promise. I can't understand how someone I (still) love so much can inflict this much pain. He cannot be the person I married. For DI in particular, please don't feel responsible. Your post had nothing to do with my actions. Thank you all so much for your support...I really appreciate it.------------------ Blessed be. **************** KeridwenKeridwen_7@yahoo.com

Keridwen, I'm so glad that you will be getting help. [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

Please, post here whenever you feel the need to. We are always here. We care, and we can relate to what you are feeling. Yes, it is so hard to understand why someone you love would hurt you. I well remember wondering the same exact thing. It truely does get easier to deal with. I'm not trying to diminish your feelings, but the pain really does fade, after a while. I'm living proof! Even though my marriage ended, I survived. Believe it or not, (for me) I am in a much better place now, emotionally. Give yourself time to grieve, but please don't ever think that death is a viable option. One more thing, don't give your husband any more episodes to use against you. Unfortunately, there are some really heartless b@st@rds out there who have done just that! (((((((((((((Keridwen))))))))))))) Sending prayers to heaven for u, Mynabird

Keridwen,I am glad to hear of the promise you made to your therapist. Now make that same promise to yourself. Okay? I know the devestation and pain that comes with berayal. I have prayed for a well timed verring logging truck or a patch of black ice right next to a high cliff. The overwhelming pain does pass. Even while my Husband was still involved with the OW I had gotten to a point where I was ready to move on either way. I am not saying that it didn't hurt anymore but the pain wasn't all encompassing. Please make that promise to yourself. There is a good life out there for you. It may be with your H or it may be with somebody else. Love those kids and love yourself. My kids are what kept me going on the hardest days.------------------ Love and Prayers Nicole [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

P.S. You've got mail (I hope you don't mind I got your address from your post) [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

[This message has been edited by Patient Love (edited March 28, 2000).]

Keridwen, Look very deep within yourself and realize that just as an affair or betrayal is not the right thing to do, neither is suicide. I feel all of the same emotions as you, plus I am dealing with the depression of my 11 year old daughter. She is seeing a counselor. You really have to think of your kids. I remember asking a friend how God could allow something as painful as this happen to my kids. She said "We don't know what God has in store for your kids in the future. Maybe your children seeing your faith and strenghth will be the thing that gets them through life." I think of that everyday as I am dealing with the lonliness and pain that the man that I trusted and loved and was faithful to for 13 years has thrown my way!!!!!. Remember also, this is a time for you to grow, a time to rediscover that you are a unique being of God. I will pray for you and your children. (and your husband)

KeridwenI've been thinking of you all day.Have one last post to make before running errands.Keridwen, suicide is a MAJOR LOVEBUSTER. Let the other woman do the love busting, Okay? In fact pray that she does it....pray that she becomes so repulsive to your husband that he won't be able to stand the sound of her voice. I've tried it before...and it happened that way.In the mean time, you put your make-up on and the biggest smile you can muster under the circumstances. Try it tommorrow when he takes you to see your therapist. Love and prayers CJ------------------ Psalm 42

Ker, I'm praying for God to be with you and give you strength and peace. I'll be praying all evening for you, please take care.Blessings, AW

Keridwen,I'm thinking of you, and hugging you. Good girl, for getting through another day. That's how you will do it, one day at a time, and then it will be one week at a time, and then you will have done it.....The pain will have lessened, you won't feel so raw, and you will have things to look forward to. Your children primarily.Please keep posting, you have someone down under who is worried about you. I will keep checking to make sure you're ok.BTW - I understand EVERYTHING you have said. I have felt everything you are feeling. I didn't get as far, but I planned it.Have a long hot shower, put a bit of makeup on, your prettiest outfit, and smile like you have never smiled before. When H comes to pick you up. As someone else said, that is your best revenge. Let him see that you are a beautiful woman, who is worth so much, and who thinks that she is worth something. (Save the unattractive nightie, socks, daggy underwear and no makeup for a later time!!!!!!!) That is a story of mine that has been posted here, but now is not the time....... I think it would make you laugh tho.....just imagine......thinking of you my friendJo

Hi K7,You are feeling awful right now. You are feeling broken. You WILL get through this with flying colours.Right now you find it hard to see how your actions would impact those around you - you just want the pain to end NOW. Take a tiny little baby step away from those feelings and relish in all of the good things that you HAVE been to your kids. Of course you are feeling guilty that you are there in body but not in mind for them right now - you are going through he11!!!!! Be strong - know that all of the raw emotions are very fresh. As with every other experience you have had in your life, the good, the bad, the ugly - time has a way of making things better.Think about tomorrow - when you will laugh with your kids again, when you will be able to have fun, smile and play games with them. Tomorrow may seem a long way off sometimes but it is there. You can make your tomorrows better than you had ever dreamed for you and your family. Vent, cry, hit pillows, let it all out here or anywhere but on you. When you are done with each vent, smile and go for ice cream with your kids [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

Don't let it eat you inside - please let it all out!Cheers, Lisa

Hi everyone.Well, I made it through another day. I went to my therapist last night and she wanted to admit me to the hospital, but I wouldn't let her. She let me go home on the condition that someone stay with me for the night. H stayed. This morning he got up and said he wants to stay and work on our marriage, but I think he's just staying because he's afraid I will kill myself. I feel beyond that now. It's not that I am not sad, but I realize dying won't solve anything. It will only make things worse for the people I love the most. I am just so tired. I don't even know how to describe it. Bone tired. More tired than I ever remember being before. Even after having my 3rd C-section with 2 toddlers running around I didn't feel this tired. My therapist said I could change my mind today and go into the hospital voluntarily. I don't know what to do. I want my marriage to work but not because I might hurt myself. What do I do? Should I go in the hospital for a few days? Should I let H continue to stay at the house? He says he will break it off with the OW within the next couple of days, but he wants me TOTALLY out of that process. It makes me think he is going to leave a window open for her somewhere. Please help me. What should I do?------------------ Blessed be. **************** KeridwenKeridwen_7@yahoo.com

Dear Keri,I'm so glad you and your husband have turned the corner. Life will get better, the pain will stop. Believe in yourself.One thing you can do is read the section here on "Plan A/Plan B". It sounds like your H is ready for Plan A. He is going to work on the relationship and break off contact with the OW. He is right, let him do that, you should stay out of it. You have an important role to play in your Plan A, and that is no love-busting. It will be hard, and you should get help. Get some marriage counceling, either here with Dr. Harley or someone in your town. But do it, it will help both of you kepp focused.Good luck, Kenneth

Keridwen,I'm so glad you are still with us. If you have ANY SHRED of suicidal thoughts left, I think you should check in. What if H tells you something terrible today, would the suicidal feelings return? Think about it.If you are absolutely certain you are past that, then let's talk about what to do next.Keeping the door open to maintain a relationship with OW is not acceptable. To work on your marriage he has to [commit] to your relationship 100%. No room for the OW. No fence riding. No backup plan. Because rebuilding is tough, and OW represents the path of least resistance. He can't "just remain friends". It is perfectly fair for you to draw this line.Yes, it would be very unsatisfying for H to stay just because of your suicide threats - you would always be wondering. When you are emotionally stable enough to do so, talk frankly about this with him, with the counselor to help you if needed. For this to work his motivation must be to save the relationship for its own sake.It is OK for you to set some boundaries. H is making bad choices, being immature, risking hurting the people he should be protecting and loving. That's his mistake and does not reflect on your value. You don't need to become a doormat to fix this either.Work with your counselor on setting up the environment in such a way that you maintain your emotional stability, retain some dignity, and start working at repairing the relationship. You are NOT powerless!------------------ But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Galatians 5:22-23

Are you ok hon? How did your apt go?Hang in there. Think about those 3 precious angels God blessed you with.{{{{Keridwen}}}}

Hi Keri,Thought I would pop in just to let you know you are NOT alone. Many of us on this board have been in your place. We KNOW what it feels like. But, I'm here to tell you that it WILL get better. You WILL survive this. I was close to getting admitted myself when I dragged my sorry a$$ into the doctor's office a week after discovery to get a prescription for meds. I had to wait an hour to see the doctor and by the time I saw her, I was pretty worked up. She immediately had me go to a "clinic" for psychological problems. They took my insurance card AND my driver's license! I was expecting a couple of big burly guys in white coats to come rushing into the room with a straight jacket. It was pretty scary!! Anyway, my insurance wasn't so good at the time, so they turned me loose. I really think that's the only reason they let me go!! I started on Zoloft that day, and it's really helped me to calm down, and clearly think things through.You need to concentrate on YOU right now and do what is best for Keri. Your number one priority is Keri, NOT H, NOT your marriage. It will be hard to do because as women, we are taught to put everyone else first. But, that's gotta change. RIGHT NOW!!! It sounds to me, from your description of fatigue, that you are on the verge of a nervous breakdown. Do whatever it takes to step back from the situation, and get some rest. If that means going into the hospital, then DO IT!! If you can do it some other way, then DO IT!! Give yourself a break. You need it, and you deserve it.My prayers and thoughts are with you. Hang in there. Like I said, it DOES get better.

Keridwen Take him up on his offer!!! I know it's hard when you think he is staying for the wrong reasons from your viewpoint ....but it's an opportunity. It might be a good idea to use it.Then Plan A it....give it your best shot.The two of you working together on your marraige is best for you, him, and your children. In that case, his motives are irrelevant. I know what you mean about being tired... seems like it is more emotional than anything. But, I feel like that when I don't know what to do and tiredness lifts when I have a direction to head towards. Sometimes just taking one step in a direction helps me. What do you think?Keep smiling ....Okay? This too will pass.CJ ------------------ Psalm 42

My opinion - go to the Hospital. The tiredness you feel is deep depression. This depression isn't going to lift with H being home. He is a constant reminder right now of your distrust. His telling you he doesn't want you involved only reinforces that.You can get some rest in the hospital, get on some meds, and get some counselling in an environment that is neutral. You won't have to defend yourself, you don't need to be afraid.Otherwise, between your depression and his smothering, you may say or do things you could regret.Just my .02

I vote for taking H up on his offer to and then Plan A your heart out baby!!!! [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

I'm sorry for your pain. {{{{HUGS}}}}TB

Keri,You have to decide best on what is best for YOU right now; not the marriage, the kids...I think you are getting conflicting advice because none of us know enough to say what is best for YOU.I know a hospital is the last place I would go, I've only been there to have my babies.But you need to rest, have help with the kids so you can take time alone, and get some pampering if you can.Can your h do that for you, can he just be a friend right now?? I ask because even if he is serious about breaking contact and committing to you, it is only the first step. There will be withdrawal and painful talks.I would not start there until you feel stronger. It was while my h was away on business that I found the strength to let go, to tell him he could leave since that is what he had said he wanted (at that point I knew nothing of the affair). I too had thought of taking pills and ending it, but I didn't. I figured I could go another day, and another...His wanting to end it his way is not necessarily to keep the door open. My h felt responsible for his OW and getting her into this, and wanted to ease her out. He felt so much more guilty for hurting her than me. Oh well...But again, let him take care of you if he can, but set boundaries. Wait till you feel better before making any decisions. There is really no pressure on you right now to fix your marriage, unless you are putting it on yourself (boy was I good at that).I hope you'll find something helpful in my rambling.{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Well, day 3 with H back home. It's not been as bad as I thought. He has been very nice to me, joking around. We had a brief talk, and he said we need to put things on hold for now about what we're going to do. He understands I am emotionally burned out and depressed and he doesn't want to get into anything new until I feel better. Also, he made it very clear he wants us both to be completely honest and open about what we're feeling. He feels that is our biggest obstacle. I don't know if I can trust him yet, but he seems to be really concerned for me right now. I thanked him for saving my life. If he hadn't made me throw up I am quite sure I wouldn't be here right now. He hugged me and said he was glad I was alive, but he was happier about the fact that I am glad I am alive. I am still tired. No matter what I do, I can't seem to get enough sleep. That seems to be about all I've done this week outside of work. I have never felt so wiped out. I am doing my best to be supportive of him and no confrontations right now. I am trying to concentrate on taking care of myself physically right now. Get plenty of rest, eat right, get some exercise, etc. I still feel shaky, but better. Thanks for all your advice. Just so you know, I am already on anti-deps and anxiety meds. Prozac and buspar and have been for some time now. I just overloaded. As my therapist said, I emotionally ran out of gas. Hit the wall. Rock bottom. You name the cliche...that was me. Anyway, thanks to everyone. You guys really helped pull me through.------------------ Blessed be. **************** KeridwenKeridwen_7@yahoo.com

Glad you are feeling better! Just keep taking it one day at a time! By the way, I want that recipe for the Buttermilk Biscuits. I'm a Yankee Gal, but I love Southern Food!! [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

Ok...I will give recipes for BOTH cornbread and biscuits. Keep in mind...these are things I make without a recipe. I make it until it "looks" right. That's only way I know to cook.Cornbread:2 c. self rising cornmeal 1 egg ? buttermilk 1/4 c. oil (or more if needed)In bowl mix all ingredients. Keep adding buttermilk until consistency is that of cream of wheat...not too thick, not too thin. You may have to experiment. Heat cast iron skillet (seasoned) on stove until hot. Add one big glob [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

of Crisco (or any shortening) and let it melt. Pour cornbread batter in. Bake in 450 degree oven until golden brown on top. I never time it so I don't know. Biscuits:2 c. self rising flour (I use White Lily) Shortening ButtermilkTo flour, add couple good globs [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

of shortening (I use Crisco). With fork or pastry cutter, cut in the shortening until small pea sized. You won't use as much shortening as you would for pastry crust. Add buttermilk a little at a time until it forms a good dough ball that pulls away from the bowl. I sometimes add just a touch more for a "sticky" dough. Turn out onto floured surface. Knead about 10 times. Not too much or they'll be hard. Roll out, cut out, place on baking sheet. Bake in 450 degree oven for about 10-12 minutes or until golden. That's the best I can do at recipes. You may have to play with it. Like I said, I just go by how it looks.Enjoy!------------------ Blessed be. **************** KeridwenKeridwen_7@yahoo.com

{{{{{{Keri}}}}}}My heart goes out to you. I have been in your shoes, God your pain sounds like I could have spoken it from my own heart.Please please tell your friends and family how you feel. You need extra support right now. You are such a wonderful lady. You deserve so much more in this world.All things happen for a reason. I know you can't see that now, but you will. Something wonderful is waiting for you just around the corner. Please know how special you are. Don't let your H bring you down. Also, please think about some of the stuff Mental has been thru and be careful about harassing OW, it could harm your custody in the future.I am here if you ever need to talk. Feel free to email me at MissDMBrown@aol.com.You are not alone. Most of us here have been in your shoes. You will get thru this and we will help you. Be strong sweetie and I am sending some of my strength to you today too.Dana

Yaaaaaaaa Keridwen!!! [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

I'm glad you're feeling better. I'm very glad that you're still with us, too! You have the same cooking style as my mother... if it looks right, it's right. LOL! Keep hanging in there... BTW, in severe depression, it is not unusual to be extremely tired and just want to sleep all day, every day. I think it's a coping mechanism we use... if we're asleep, we can't be hurt. Of course, when I was going through my own crises, I would have nightmares about my exH. Would wake up feeling hurt, anyway! Lol, it figures. Take care, hon! Keep posting. We still care! Mynabird

Keridwen,I know you are in pain . Be strong. I am praying for you.beth

I am feeling somewhat better, but I have to face the fact that regardless of my meds, I am in a serious depression. Today was my daughter's birthday, and I barely had the energy to cut and serve birthday cake. At least H is back. It feels really weird though. He is calling me everytime his plans change to let me know where he is. Is this good? I feel better knowing he isn't trying to hide something. At least I don't think he is. I took a 2 hour nap yesterday and 1 and 1/2 hour nap today. I can't seem to get enough rest. I guess that is a side effect from the depression. I am supposed to see my therapist tomorrow night. I wonder if I should reconsider the hospital idea. Maybe a few days rest without any responsibility would be good for me. Although I guess that would leave H wide open for communication with OW. I have no idea at this point if he's even broken it off. There's part of me that doesn't want to know. Also, my H won't sleep with me...not just no sex...he won't sleep in the same bed. Is this normal? What do I do about it? It can't be good for our recovery. Any suggestions?------------------ Blessed be. **************** KeridwenKeridwen_7@yahoo.com

Keri,Don't expect too much progress too fast. Your H calling is good. He wants to earn your trust. Accept and acknowledge his openness. Sleeping together will come in time. The first priority is your health: deal with your depression. It will take time before you feel yor energy back. What you need now is a safe calm home life. Later you can start working on you marriage issues.For now, take care of yourself.