Hello again<BR>thanks for your answers.<P>Affairs rarely happen "just like that".And people don't usually grow apart if they are in touch and there for each other on a consistent basis. What I found was that in cases like ours ( which unfortunately are a reality for a big majority of people on this planet)our time together is so limited that when we have a chance to be there at the "same" time, there are so many urgent things that need to be discussed so what should be a pleasant enjoyable relaxing couple time, ends up being a listing of things that need to be :done, payed, fixed, returned, bought...., the crazy-silly things the kids did and how we had to cope with those alone ( broke the window, skipped school,ate brother's lunch, was in trouble at school...). And these are only the things that kind of show that we're still a family, sometimes we're so out of touch we have no idea what's the other person has been thinking or doing.<P>ANd then even the person that isn't going to have the affair sometimes stops and thinks:AM I really married? or Is this what marriage is? I used to have more fun with my spouse before we got married.<P>I know I did. I used to think all trough this 10 years, that I used to see my H more often while we were dating than after. <P>And with all these extra hours, or frequent trips comes the rest: there are people that spend more time with our spouses than we do.WIth the added bonus of not comming with a package of problems for them to solve.<P>That's the other thing I found. A big majority of affairs does happen in a work situation, either with coworkers, or work contacts, or just someone met in a place near work.<P>In any case , I didn't want to make any special point with this post - still don't - I was just curious about how many of us come from the same story line.<P>Lori, maybe soon you will follow our steps... rememeber 1 more night....... and then..........fredoom!!!!!!!!!! NO more night shift !<P>Cassie, yes it seems typical doesn't it? And the worst part is that sometimes, no matter how much we wish to change these schedules it is impossible to do so, for many reasons.<BR>But the good thing is that at some point there will be a chance, and taking it can help so much!<BR>I'm glad your H took that chance.<P>Lora, sometimes we think how cnan we compete with someone that is there all the time.<BR>But hey! it worked for me and for many others here. Keep you hopes high!<P>Lor, yep recognise the situation. The good news is , it's possible to straighten the mess up. It just takes time.<P>Cam, the added stress of health problems on us or immediate family is another form of the pattern. IN my case the health problem was with me . <P>Goober, it doesn't help much knowing that you're not the only one, but what might help is knowing that it can work. It is possible to still work things out even in a situation like ours.<P>scoick, of course he wasn't pretending!That's what we all want. It just feels like that now.<P>Sometimes I think that all the saving and trying to make that more extra, and ...it's just not important. These are things we want. And for wanting them we miss out on what's really important. <BR>Then again, if someone told us about it before, we would probably not pay much attention
<P>And MB friends: I'm sure there's much more in the same circumstances. Let's here from you!<P>Hugs to all<BR>Kat<P>------------------<BR>Each and everyone of us is deserving of a kind word, a gentle thought, and the gift of understanding.