Under a Spell and I can't break it! Long - Marriage Builders® Forums

He is the biggest liar in the world. Friday he called me because he wanted to talk to me. He told me he loved me and missed me. He told me that he now knew that he couldn't get away from her as long as he worked with her and that I was right that she kept pressuring him till he couldn't take it any more. I told him that I was going to Texas for a teaching interview and that this might be our chance for him to get away from her. He told me he would call me Tuesday night.Well he didn't call. I called him this morning because he needed to pay the phone bill before they disconnected me. He called me later while I was in my counseling session. He told me he needed to pick up a few things and that he would pay the phone bill. I told him I would be home a little after two I would meet him then. Well he never showed up, my gut feeling was that things weren't right. So at 3:30 I left as I was pulling out of the addition they drove up. I just kept going had he been alone I would have turned around. I stayed gone until I knew he was at work. When I came home there was a card I had given him before he left. He had written in it "Please do not write or send any more cards or letters, our relationship is over, and we can never get back together. Please do not do anything like this again! As soon as possible, I will file for divorce, I love CWW and I am staying with her, Jim!"The card smells of her yucky perfume. I tore it up!Then I called him of course all I got was the answering machine. BUt I told him that he was the biggest liar there every was! and had he told CWW that he had called me last Friday to tell me that he love me and wanted to be with me? I told them that she is so afraid to let him go any where alone because she doesn't trust him at all because she know he want to come back to me and that did he tell her that he told me that the only reason he went back was because he couldn't deal with her constant pressure at work. I also told him that he could call me that we needed to talk about the bills and the house and that if he wanted to get the rest of heis stuff we would talk about it but she couldn't even be in the car. I didn't want her to be any where near my house!.I know I blew it. What spell does hse cast over him. When he is away from her he is fine but!!!!!!!!!!!I could scream. I got the job in Texas and I will be moving soon. I don't think he will be coming with me or after me. She has her hooks in him to much. I am so afraid it is over. The counselor I was talking about what I should do. Looks like I really don't have much of a choice. I didn't htink it would end like this. I really thought he would be able to break away but he is giving up everything for her I hope he is happy but I know he won't be!!!!!!!!!! Because he has lost too much and she isn't worth it.I am so tired!!!!!!!!! I just wish my paxil had started working. Well now I guess I need to start on moving again! ------------------ di

((((((((((SDS)))))))))) I am so sorry for what happened. I feel pain reading your post. I can't say anything make you feel better(since my situation isn't any good), just wanted to say hi and give you hugs. Hang in there.. MF

Thanks MF for the support. You aren't going to believe what has happened. I had to run an errand when I got back there was a message on the answering machine from my H. He told me that CWW insisited that he write that message. I then called him back. I asked him what he had said on the messages as I wasn't too sure that I believed it. He told me that she insisited that he write it. We talked for awhile. He asked me where I was going as he saw me pull out. I told him I had an errand to run but had he been alone I would have stopped. He said she wants to talk to me. I asked why he said she wants to see who he is lying to. I said are you and he said yes and I said to whom and he said not to you. He is going to call the counselor. He wants to quit his job. I then told him that I had a job in Texas. HE thought that was great. We are going to meet Friday as I have to be In the city tomorrow. I am so shook. We have to figure things out Please say a lot of prayers as we try to figure out how we are going to make this move. There is no money to do this. BUt something has to work out.------------------ di

di, I'm totally in shock about your update!! At the same time I'm glad what your H said to you. I guess OW has a lot of power over him.. I'm no expert but maybe only the way you and your H can get away from OW is to move and never let her know where you are. Your H is going to TX? That will be a perfect oppotunity for both of you I think! I hope he decides to go, since he wants to quit his job things seem starting to move in your favor. I will pray for you, and post your message on "Prayer requests", you need alot of prayers on this. I think this is the biggest thing you have to deal, so be careful, and brave. Please let us know about meeting your H!! more hugs to you, MF

Hi Di,Don't know if this will help you or not. Many years ago [14] when I was the betrayer in my first marriage I went thru the same sad stuff. Sitting on the fence, FUBAR, [censored] or get off the pot, what ever you want to call it, it's all the same.When I stopped by to see Toni or the kids she would beg me to come home. I would always say Yes. Then on the ride "home" to the OW, I would choose my words to tell her it was over, I was going back to my W.That was all well and good up until the time I saw her. [OW] Then it was nope, I'm staying here.Honest to God, if you never experienced the pull and power of the addiction, affair, you have no idea. It takes complete control of all your senses.Yes, many words repeated are the same. I love you but am not in love with you. Stuff like that.I have an "easier" time trying to figure out Val because I went thru the same damn thing. Not that I'm doing the right things yet, but I do understand it.GET HIM AWAY FROM HER!!!The gravitational pull will ruin you. Dr. H is absolutely correct when he says that when the OP is still involved the hope of reconsiliation in nill.------------------ "It's not over till we say it's over! Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? H*ll no!" Blutto...Animal House 1984Wishing us all the Best.Medic

Di,It is hard to believe the hold the OW's have on the WS, but I see much evidence of it too. My H has not said he wants to come home, but his demeanor is so much different when the OW is not around. Even the way he says hi on the phone is completely different, he phrases things more politely, and he is more reasonable. When he is corresponding via email, or worse, when she was sitting next to him telling him what to say when he was on the phone to me, he was a completely different person.Good luck on your move to Texas. I so hope everything works out for you.

[Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

This ride ain't over yet, Honey!!I'll talk to you tomorrow!All my love and prayers,Lori

Love Ya------------------ BillMay the roads rise to meet you, May the winds always be at your back, May the sun shine warm upon your face, The rains fall soft upon your fields, And until we meet again, May god hold you In the hollow of his hand.

SDS,There is HOPE!!!I will be praying for you and your husband.

Hang in there, SDS! I hope you can get your H to go to Texas wit you!! --HBC

SDS,You're in my thoughts and prayers tonight. I know if you and H move to Texas, you'll have a chance. Get him away from that vixen.Be strong honey. ------------------ JoJosie_Res@Hotmail.com"Remain flexible like a reed, as opposed to an oak that will snap in the wind"

Y'all come on down! Texas is a darn tootin fine place to kick up your spurs. I moved from the gloomy cloudy rainy northwest to south Texas three years ago. It was definitely an improvement! Be strong SDS. I hope things work out the way you want them to.

di...You know you have my prayers... [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

...always [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

Jim

Diana,What an incredible turn of events! First, I am thrilled you found a job - Congrats on that one! I think moving to Texas will be a good thing for you no matter what happens with your H. I do think that he needs to move away form OW in order for you to have a chance at successful reconciliation. I am praying that he will have the strength to make a decision and the courage and fortitude to stick with his decision. You two belong together. I am continuing to keep you in my prayers....Love, Desiree------------------ "Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."Sir Humphry Davy

SDS,I know I'm late to this thread, but as I read your first post, I thought it may be the final confusion before he regains his sanity.For me he was more confused than ever right before he ended it with OW. And I just read Lostva say that 4 days before her h came home, he said no way, etc.I'll be praying for you to join us in the recovery forum. [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

------------------ Cindy

WOW, what a rollercoaster ride!!! Hang on, Diana, lest you get thrown out!Right now, sounds like he is simply confused. Don't take ANYTHING he says or does seriously.Just stick to the plan.My thoughts & prayers are with you, as always.

My thoughts are prayers are with you.Peace,Nicole

This rollercoaster ride isn't over yet. He is doing it again. I had a message on the answering machine to call him. He knew I was gone to take son to the city for his doc. appointment, because we made plans to talk Fri instead of today so I wouldn't have to hurry home. But his call was like I wouldn't pick up the phone. He told me he was calling to say good bye that he was staying with her that he had been lying to me all the time. I am not going into details it would take to long. We talked for a long time or rather I did the talking. I told him he was the one who contacted me I didn't ask him to come back. I also told him that he would rather give up everything then to look for another job theat hunting for a job scares him to death. He kept asking when he could come and get the rest of his stuff. I told him he couldn't. I told him to see a counselor for three weeks then talk to me about his stuff. He told me he would just do without it. He did say he was going to a counselor but we will see. Well I left home but he came by anyway and left me a note. The note had been written before I called him but he did add some more. It was a very cruel note.He keeps telling me to take the job in Tex like he thinks that the only reason I applied was because of him. He doesn't seem to realize that I took the job all ready. I left a message on their answering machine telling him that I needed to know if he was going to put the money in the account like he promised, that he could get his stuff when I move out and that I had already accepted the job in Texas and that it didn't depend on him coming with me or not.I am really tired of this mess. I am ready to move on. He needs serious help and unless he gets it there is no hope for us. I really appreciate and need your prayers I feel more confident then I have in a long time so I know they have been helping. You all have my prayers too and my wish we didn't have to be here. Love to you all.------------------ di

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Di}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}------------------ Lor "Let love be genuine...hold fast to what is good; love one another." Rom 12:9-10

di,I haven't seen you here for a while. I'm thinking about you and wonder if you are ok..MF

You are strong...LOVE is stronger than an addiction...You just have to have faith..When I look from the outside at your H and his OP I feel the same as when I look at my H and his OP..... It looks more like an obsession than love but hey...who am I...just the wife of 13 years...REmember....LOVE is stronger than an addiction..

Hi MF Thanks for thinking about me. I have been busy. I went down to Dallas this weekend to find an apartment which I will say my trip was a success. The teacher friend who started me in this direction and I are going to share an apartment until her husband retires which the earlest would be Feb. It is a really great apartment and I am beginning to get excited about moving. H left me a note on my door last Tues. asking me to let him know when I was moving so he could get his stuff. I left Wed to take son to grandparents's house when I got back late Thursday there was another note tell me he wanted to pich up his stuff as soon as he could. At four Friday morning the phone rang I let the answering machine pick up it was a hang up then it rang again. This time I said hello another hang up but both times it was from H's phone. I left that morning at 7:30 for Texas. When I got home to night there were two messages on my machine from him one asking to come by to get his stuff the other asking when could hecome by to get his stuff. I leave in the morning and will not be back till next Friday. I have decided to take what I want and leave the rest for him to deal with it is time he took responsiblity for some of this. I think he needs to feel the pain of going through our things.I am really at a point that it is time fro plan B I am really losing my my love for him. This last time really did me in. I will send him a no contact letter as soon as I can get one written. Sorry tootrusting I just don't know anymore. Thanks for thinking about me.------------------ di

Hi di, It's very nice to hear from you-- you seem doing great to focus on yourself(and I'm trying hard to do this). Your new start in TX will be really good for you, at least for now you can detach from your H emotionally. Maybe you need that now. I felt strength from your post and I'm really glad.. Good luck on everything [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

MF