Things I've Learned from My Children - 07/05/00 12:44 PM
Things I've Learned from My Children<P>For those who already have children past this age, this is hilarious.<P>For those who have children nearing this age, this is a warning.<P>For those who have not yet had children, this is birth control.<P> The following came from an anonymous mother in Austin, Tex.<P> Things I've learned from my children (Honest and No Kidding):<P>1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2,000 sq. foot <BR>house four inches deep.<P>2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with <BR>rollerblades, they can ignite.<P>3. A three-year-old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded <BR>restaurant.<P>4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not <BR>strong enough to rotate a 42-pound boy wearing Batman <BR>underwear and a superman cape. It is strong enough, however, to spread <BR>paint on all four walls of a 20x20 foot room.<P>5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on.<BR> When using the ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball <BR>up a lot of times before you get a hit. A ceiling <BR>fan can hit a baseball a long way.<P>6. The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn't stop a baseball <BR>hit by a ceiling fan.<P>7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "Uh-oh", it's already <BR>too late.<P>8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.<P>9. A six-year-old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a <BR>36-year-old man says they can only do it in the movies.<P>10. A magnifying glass can start a fire even on an overcast day.<P>11. Certain Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a <BR>four-year-old.<P>12. Play Dough and Microwave should never be used in the same <BR>sentence.<P>13. Super glue is forever.<P>14. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool, you still <BR>can't walk on water.<P>15. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.<P>16. VCRs do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though commercials show <BR>they do.<P>17. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.<P>18. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.<P>19. You probably do not want to know what that odor is.<P>20. Always look in the oven before you turn it on.<P>21. Plastic toys do not like ovens.<P>22. The fire department in Austin has a 5-minute response time.<P>23. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earth worms <BR>dizzy. It will however make cats dizzy.<P>24. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.