A "good news" update - Marriage Builders® Forums

Hi folks, I've been a way for a while. It's sad to see so many new names posting. What a cancer infidelity is to marriages. I lurk from time to time. I try to keep up on some of you "old timers". I thought I would post an update of my situation. To you new folks, here's a little history: married 18 years, wife meet the OM about Sep 98. I neglected her and took her for granted. Dec 98 we had a long talk and she told me all the hurtful things a betrayer says to their spouse. Feb 99 I found out that there was another man. June 99 I found this forum. July 99 I confronted wife with evidence of her affair. She stopped the affair after confrontation but it restarted in Sep 99. Dec 99 she was ready to leave me for OM. He decided to work on his marriage and told my wife he couldn't take that step. She held on trying to be "just friends". So, here's the latest. After repeated attempts to keep a friendship alive, my wife has finally hit bottom. She gave him a final goodbye in her own way and destroyed all evidence of their relationship (letters, emails, pictures, etc.). I'm viewing that as a wonderful sign. She's picking herself up and getting on with life without FITW (fart in the wind - that's what I call him anyway and that's all he is to me). The last few months have been very hard on her emotionally. We are good friends again which is very nice. We date, we laugh, we cry, and we dream of our future again. We still have a long way to go. She hasn't given her heart back to me fully. But, I think with the OM completely out of the picture our hearts will find each other once more. I love her and I show her that every day. She is starting to do small things that lift my spirits and show me she loves me too. I'm taking it slow and learning patience. I know she still has a lot of grieving to do and the hurt will linger for a time. But, she also knows I'm there for her no matter how long it takes. So, I guess I can finally see that light at the end of the tunnel. After wandering in a dark pit for so long, it's nice to see a little daylight. I want to thank God for giving me strength when I had none left. He walked through this fire with me and changed me into a man I never new was in me. I want to thank my counselor who is a great friend and a former MB poster who walked through this fire before me. He counsels me almost each day and I am forever grateful to him for that. I'm determined to meet him face to face some day. I have to. I also want to thank you folks for being there for me. I'll continue to lurk. As I get stronger, I hope to be able to help pull someone else up out of the pit too. You all are good people. God bless, SHA------------------ There is only one happiness in life, to love and be loved.

SHA,Glad you were able to come back with some hopeful news. Keep on loving her back to you. God bless you and your wife.

Sounds wonderful!!! Glad to hear your good news. Kathi

SHA,I was so happy to read your post and it put a real smile on my face for the first time today. Thank you so much for sharing. Keep us posted will you?You go guy! [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

Yeah to you and much prayer to you and Mrs. SHA! [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

Much love,------------------ God bless you and all of us. We are all going to make it, all of us! With God on our side we can't loose. What God has joined together let no man put asunder. Samantha

HURRAY FOR YOU!!!!!!!!!!! I am so happy to hear some great news around here [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

Sha, is it too soon to welcome you to recovery? It sounds soooo good.Did you read BBNC's story in the general section? He shared how healing really took place when his w realized the "fantasy" nature of the EMA.My h too. This came long before any feelings of love for me started growing. He saw the truth and was willing to do what he needed to do. I guess the truth does set us free.I pray your wife begins to really see it and not waste too much precious time grieving for the (what did you call him?)

SHA,I am so happy to hear things are going so well for you !You deserve only the best !------------------ Just call me - Deb ------------------------ The only day I can do anything about is today, yesterday is gone, tomorrow is not yet mine.

David,What a wonderful post! How happy I am that you seem to be on the REAL road to recovery now!!!!I have to agree that her actions of destroying the momentos is a true admission by your W that the fantasy is over or at least her admission that she needs to kill it once and for all, if she has not done so already.I continue to pray for your marital recovery and personal happiness each day.This post brought a HUGE smile to my face!!!!Desiree------------------ "Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."Sir Humphry Davy

SHA,Kudos to you and Mrs SHA. It is refreshing to have someone come to the board and post success stories, and it sounds like you are on your way. It's so great when you see God answer your prayers and working in your life.Take care, Kevin

GREAT TO HEARS SOME GOOD NEWS TODAY!!! = [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

SHA,I have just one word for you, FINALLY. [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

This is great news. I hope that the recovery begins to accelerate abit now that OM is out of the picture if not out of mind completely.At some point, the guilt will start to really hit her, so hang on. But I expect you know this already. Please keep posting, as we are very interested in your successful outcome.SHA, you have done so well. You should be proud.God Bless You and Your Family,JL

SHA,Glad to hear the good news. I owndered how you were doing.May God continue to bless you and your marriage.Bob

Hey, SHA, this sounds great!Now go take the wife 'n' kids to see MY DOG SKIP. [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

!!

SHA (Sir Happy Alot!) YIPPEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!! [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

Hi SHA,I've been wondering where you were. Now I know. Back in the land of reality, with your W. Well, at least she seems to be back. You never left!!!That is wonderful news. I'm so happy for you. You were one of the first to post to me, when I first found this forum. For that I will be eternally grateful.I wish only the best, and most happiness for you and your W. Hang on, from what I read and learn about, now the really scary 'stuff' starts. The withdrawal etc. But you already know that, and are there for her. I hope I have your strength, if and when I ever get to that stage. You are a wonderful person, don't ever forget that. The beauty of your situation is that your W is now remembering that too.love and hugs to youJo

David,I couldn't resist a reply...Congratualtions on the victories so far... I pray for more victories on your journey to recovery... [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

Jim

SHA! I was so glad to see my old friend posting once more and with such good news! I knew God would get around to rewarding you with something good, you've worked so hard and we've prayed for you too hard for Him to pass you by! I will keep praying and want to remind you that sometimes the ones that work the hardest are rewarded with the best results! [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

Bless you!------------------ Chick's BrenYou won't see things until your ready to not be blind!

It's so nice to know that it is going to take time to heal. I'm a newbie and am really hating life right now, but it is nice to see that you can survive. Take Care. [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

SHA, Great news and I can only add,,hang in there as you have been,,stay strong and be assured,,,the best is yet to come. YOU WILL BE AMAZED!!!!!! [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

SHA: I am very happy for you!! Thats great news.. It will come back very slowly, and before you know it she will be back to the woman she was before FITW!!!I love to see the stories turn out like this.. My story is still going well, and there was a time that I was in the deepest darkest hole, never believing we could be happy again...

Hi SHA -Well, I am looking up from the bottom of the pit....OK - a ledge partway up...dancing and grinning from ear to ear!!!!YAAAAAAAY!!!!!!!!!Knew you and the Mrs. would reach the top some day.....I'm sooooooo happy for you and glad that your Wife is coming out of the fog! And Buddy - I am SOOOOO PROUD of you for all you have accomplished!! Not just for your Wife and family - but for YOURSELF!!!Smile at that man in the mirror for he's grown into one helluva guy!!!! And for hanging in there (even though you got a little shaky there for a while!) you get a big ATTABOY!!!!!Talk to you soon!!!!BIG, BIG HUGS,Sheba

Hey there stranger !!!David and your wife ..... [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

I know you know what mean !!Jenny------------------ Where have all the cowboys gone ? Paula Cole

David - what wonderful news. All that hard work is GOING to pay off - with a wonderful marriage for you and the Mrs.!!!!Don't have a lot of time, but I just had to add my congrats to the list. I'm so happy for you. [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

Lori

WOW!!! You guys overwhelm me. I see that I'm not the only lurker around here. It's so nice to hear form so many of you. You've made my day - THANK YOU! So many of you have shared in my heartache. I have to say it's much nicer to share joy. Withdrawal is a difficult time for both of us. It's difficult to see your mate hurting so much. It's even more difficult to know why they are hurting. My beautiful bride took a big step toward letting go this past week. It's a step I have prayed she'd make for a long time. I also understand that it's a step in the process that the betrayer has to make on their own. Resentment rears its ugly head from time to time. I'm learning to beat it into submission when it does pop up. I have realized that anyone can fall victim to this hideous cancer called infidelity. Given the wrong conditions and at the wrong time we are all prey. It could have been me. The true test of an individual is how they respond to adversity. I know so many of you are still struggling and still hurting. Having a new thought or a moment that's pain free seems incomprehensible. Don't ever give up until God lays that time on your heart. It IS possible to recover from this. I'm not there yet, but I continue to have hope. You have to give yourself over to Him completely in order for Him to do His work on you. Also, and this is the hard part, His time is NOT your time. I pray all marriages will recover. I know they won't but I do know they everyone of us will be made better through this adversity. So, keep trying. Give it all you have. No regrets - ever!My road is still a long one, but I'm ready for the journey. I know withdrawal is tough. But, I've seen the fruits of recovery from many of you and those fruits are sweet. You have to press on, one day at a time.JGod bless you all, SHA2sad4words, kam6318, A blessed Samantha, lonelymom, trying2_4give, Butterfly Thank you for sharing in my joy! I pray the best for you too.schizzo Yes I did read BBNC's story - that was really something. I hope things continue to get better for you. Bozos_ Deb Deb, I wish things were better for you. I know you are still walking through some difficult times. Do your best. I'm praying for you.Roll Me Away Desiree, I'm happy to have brought you a smile. I've known for some time that recovery isn't possible while the OP is still in the picture. I'm happy she made that step on her own. I hope it's true and lasting. Thanks for posting to me.Guard Success stories are a rare commodity in these parts. It's a long and difficult road, but it is possible to get there. God answered my prayers whether my marriage recovered or not. He changed me into a man I never knew existed. That was the real answer to my prayers. Hang in there Kevin.Just Learning So glad you posted. I know the road before me is still a rocky one. Good days out number bad ones which is refreshing. My bride is struggling with many issues and hurts, most of which she has to resolve on her own. I'm there for her when she needs me to be. Thanks for the kind words. RWD I've been following your story. I know you have had tough times, but I also know you have looked adversity in the eye and came out on top. You gave it everything you could and that's all anyone could ask. You're a good man.Dazed and Confused Thanks for posting. I hope all is well with you. I know you are going through some tough times right now. I will see the movie. BTW, I still pop into your web page. Keep that up, even though you're off base on a few movies [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

K [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

bonnet Hi Jo. What nice words you send to me. Thank you. I hope you get to this stage too. Do your best with no regrets that all you can do. No matter what happens, you will be the best Jo that God made. If your H doesn't see that, that will be his loss. You're a great lady. Thank you for posting.NSR Jim, I feel honored to receive a post from you. What a giver you are. I hope for only the best for you. You have so much to offer and ask for so little in return. The Lord WILL bless you in ways you never expected. chick's Long time no post! It's so wonderful to hear from you again. Thank you for your prayers. God's time is different for everyone isn't it? He continues to do a mighty work in me (I needed a complete overhaul). Thank you for sharing in the joy.EMS WIFE Hey newbie. You're in a good place on this forum. The road is long and difficult, but YOU can make it. 16 months ago I never thought I would be where I am. The chasm between my wife and I seemed unbridgeable. Do your best each day and you'll make it. Nerlycrzy Gosh, I haven't seen you post in a while. Thanks for posting to me. I'm hanging in there. Patience is my most difficult struggle. Thank you.mickey65 It is nice to crawl out of that pit isn't it? Sometimes it feels like your handed a flashlight instead of ladder. I'm glad to hear you are doing well too. Thanks for posting.Sheba Hey warrior gal!!! You don't deserve to be in that pit anymore; especially you. I'm sending a ladder to ya. You get out of there right now young lady!!! I'm not at the top yet. I'm a few ledges up from you I think. Things are better and I continue to learn and appreciate each day. I still have a long road to travel. Thank you for the kind words - I always like hearing those. You hang in there warrior gal - I'm praying for you!jendan69 Hi Jenny!!! Thank you for posting. I'm happy things are getting better for you. You certainly deserve some nice times. Thank you.lostva Hi Lori, thank you for taking the time to post. It's nice to share good news with friends. ------------------ There is only one happiness in life, to love and be loved.[This message has been edited by Sir Hurts Alot (edited March 14, 2000).]

Wonderful news!!

SHA,How absolutely wonderful! It's very kind of you to share your success story with the ones here who are so filled with despair right now.

This was one post I needed to read today. I am feeling truly ready to give up and just pack my bags and my kids up and hit the pike. It's so disheartening to hear your spouse defend the OP and leave you and your children in the lurch!!!Interestingly enough, as impatient as I seem to be when I am writing e-mails to family and also on forums such as these, I am really patient with spouse. I guess that's where the active praying comes in. And believe me it is active.Your strength and faith and unconditional love have spread to me a little. Thanks.

SHA, Just think, if you had never gone through this experience, you would not be the wonderful man that you now are! Keep giving your w reasons to love you the rest of your days together. It's great to hear success stories and it looks like you are headed that way! I am going to pray that your w continues to have the strength to keep fitw at a distance. Isn't God great that He can take something so aweful and make us all a better person from going through it?

My joyful news encountered a setback of sorts. I'm trying to work it through with my counselor friend. I suppose it's a part of the withdrawal process, you know...up and down...up and down...You get a little sick of the ride after a while, but you aren't allowed off. So, you stick it out. I'm OK. Trying to take one day at a time. I tend to shoot for the stars and get depressed when handed the moon. I'm working on counting my blessings and being content. I have a jealousy problem that I need to work on too. Thanks for the kind words and prayers (those are always coveted).Janie Hi Janie, I have been hoping thiongs are going OK with you. Thanks for popping in!sidney I hope my story does turn into a successful one. Things are better. There seems to be many bumps in the road and I'm trying to not let them steer me off course. Thanks. tootrusting This mess we are all caught up in does hurt doesn't it? The path is long and the hurts seem to have their way with us. Give all you can. Pray all you can. Hope all you can. God changes us for the better through this trial. Nobody deserves this pain. But, we can be made better through it. Live your life with no regrets. God only know how our marriages will turn out. We have to let Him do his work on us and our spouse. Do your best tootrusting; that's all anyone can ask. Thank you for posting to me.Derby Amen to what you said. God allowed this to happen for what ever reason. I know it isn't in His design for things like this to occur, but He can make good out of bad. My wife is hurting. She's lost and confused. I'm praying that she finds peace and that she can learn to love me again. Thanks for posting.SHA ------------------ There is only one happiness in life, to love and be loved.

SHA,I've followed your situation closely. It's been a long time coming for you, but it sure appears that you are either just on or very near the road of recovery. Yes, there are potholes (ups and downs) even once you are on that road - it doesn't get easier immediately, it's just that once you are on the recovery road you legitimately have a lot more hope for the future of the marriage and true love returning.My wife told me just this past weekend that we are moving forward as a couple, as husband and wife, and that she won't change her mind again. This means that we are on the road of recovery, but I still expect ups and downs along the way. No, there are no guarantees, but the odds just got a hell of a lot better.I think for you also. You've inspired so many - look at all the responses. For me, you were the one who spoke straight, and told me to stop looking for a home run. Since then I've been very happy just to be let into the ballpark, take a bases on balls, or get a single. You can't score any runs if you're not in the park, and you can win a World Series with walks and base hits.So my wife and I, and you and your wife, move foward. Slowly but surely.Remember, the only people who get hurt on rollercoasters are the ones who jump off.SamH

SHA I haven’t been here for a week and every time I have been in the last month I search for a post from you – hoping that things are getting better. I was afraid no news was bad news. You sure get the posts and they are well deserved because you have been quite an inspiration to many of us. So I’m sure happy to hear about your wife. Again, my situation is closely paralleling yours again. The OM told W it was over 3 weeks ago and W says this is the break she needed. But unlike you, I’m not so sure things are on the mend. Not so fast. So, is your wife back home now (I forgot whether she ever did leave)? I am really happy for you both and the kids. What has their reaction been? Sailor

SHA,At last a post from you! I'm glad you're seeing some hope once again. I don't post anymore and seldom even lurk. Once in a while i'll look for you, Rutger, or some of the other veterans. For a quick update on me, my W and i have been separated now for almost 2 months. We communicate only in regards to the children. She still has no desire to "work" on us and with each passing day, sadly i'm beginning to wonder if i have the courage to do so myself. I have reason to believe she is still in contact with the OM, but i can't prove it. I try not to even think about it. It's her choice. Last night my oldest D asked why mommy can't come live with us at home. Talk about tough stuff. I could only say "honey, i don't know." I know God is working in our lives, but i have difficulty believing my marriage will ever be restored.I'll keep you in my prayers my friend. Keep the faith.

SamH Thanks for the great post. I hope I'm in recovery - sometimes I wonder. I believe I am and it's a difficult road too - much harder than I anticipated. I used to think that once you got to recovery, things would be better all around - not so. It's still tough, but God is working in my life and I need to relax more and quit trying so hard. You tend to try and fix everything in your marriage when only a few things are broke. The key is figuring out which things. I'm glad things are going well for you. Sailor We'll link up at some point. Maybe you could email me - I'm in the old email exchange list. Thanks for the kind words. You know, I think our wives are probably going through some of the same things right now. Recovery is a rocky road too - isn't it? What we both want is for our wives to decide on life with us and settle for us. Things will get better I'm confident of that. My wife never left home. Kids are still in the dark in regards to the whole thing (thank God). Just the other day, my daughter told my wife "Mommy, I hope I can marry some guy just like daddy becasue he takes such good care of you." That put a BIG amile on my face. Thanks for finding my post!nlitend Wow! Great to hear from you nlitend! Sorry to hear things aren't much better for you. I hope you are doing OK - your spirits sound well. Try and Plan A the best you can with your wife. The Lord will lead you if you ask him. He'll also tell you when to let go. Do your best with no regrets; that way no matter what happens God will bless you and give you peace. You are in my prayers too buddy. Keep your kids as a top priority; they are truly the innocent victims here - I'm sure you're a great dad. God Bless, SHA------------------ There is only one happiness in life, to love and be loved.

Sir, I'm so happy to hear... I mean read, the news!!!!!! [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

Can I say I told you so? [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

It takes time, and patience [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

but it does happen.I'm gkad that you agree with me regarding the fact that ..hey, it can happen to anybody. I find that until you understand that, you're still this far from completely recover. ( OH I know, I would very much like to look good here and say "I know, for sure, with no doubt whatsoever that it would never happen to me!" but how do I know? Our spouses didn't decide they wanted to go trough this either, many of them also though that it would never happen to them.... but then... some things happen and we're in it without even noticing, it's that easy ).the idea is to use the experience we now have and the tools we learned here and create and more solid relationship with our spouses, one that will be as "affair proof" as possible. ANd be able to let go of all the bad memories, and pain, and insecurity when it's time.Once again, I'm so happy for you guys! Hugs Kat

SHA,Boy! Talk about being late to the party! [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

I'm happy for you... I check in every so often, and I saw your post... very uplifting! [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

I hope things keep getting better and better for you and your wife.You're another of the good guys around here!~Sheryl

Kat1 & new_beginning Thank you! Gosh, it's great to hear from you gals. I hope things are getting better for the both of you. Today is a great day for me! Thanks for coming out of lurkdom to say Hi!SHA

SHA, Just another lurker, praying for you and wishing you the best. You have been one of the male "rocks" on this board that I have gathered strength from. Thanks for the update, hang in there.

izzy Thank you izzy! It is so wonderful to hear from so many of you guys. I'm hoping and praying for the best for ALL of us. SHA

Good for you. I know it's hard to hang in there and I only pray for you that it only gets better [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

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