I Believe...........Must Read!!! - Marriage Builders® Forums

Marriage Builders

I BELIEVE.........I believe that I have fallen in love w/a married man!......... I believe that I have given my heart and soul to this man w/out even realizing what was happening!..………When people talk about falling in love w/married men/women, you hear "I didn’t intend for this to happen......it just did!" Well, at first that may be true....I know it did for me, but it is when you realize that you do have feelings for this person that it than "just doesn’t happen".....every day you make a conscience decision to talk to that person! Realizing what was happening, I made the decision to stop all contact w/him!......now knowing that I have fallen in love w/this man I could not continue the friendship just bc of the laughter and happiness that he brought me!......I believe it is selfish for a person to continue a relationship w/a married man/woman.......,I believe God intended love to be giving of ones self and to always think of the other!.....isn’t that what Jesus did for us! He died to save us?.......I feel as though a part of me has died......I gave up my own selfish needs to talk w/him......so that he could try and have a chance to have a happy marriage w/his W.....He has given of him self to his W for so long, w/out getting anything in return!.....That is love! I will pray every day for his W to have the strength and unselfishness to be able to show him the love and care that he so richly deserves!!!! I believe that my heart is breaking bc of the happiness that I will never share w/him! More than just that.......my heart aches for HIM......, out of the pain and loneliness that he is feeling from his own marriage, and I will never have the chance to show him what love is and what it should be! I know that I could have given all of my self unselfishly for the pure enjoyment of his happiness. I know that I could have given him pure pleasure and ecstasy that he only has in his dreams! To be his best friend, to laugh and to play and enjoy life to its fullest!I have never met this man nor do I really know what he looks like and yet I find my self wanting to spend the rest of my life w/him....to make HIM happy!....and it has got to be crazy to think that we could have had any kind of future together!.....(there will not be a day that will go by that I will always dream of what could have been!)He will always have my heart, for I know that I will not be able to give it to another!..........I have not shared this information w/him…..that wouldn’t have been fair to his marriage!.....I don’t even think that he even shares the same feelings for me!......I suppose that I will never know! Non the less......There will always be a small part of me that will always hope that someday I will be out some where and walking, turning the corner and there he will stand before me and I will know that it is him.....my heart will know!……He will take me in his arms and tell me that he loves me too! I will always wish for the chance to give him the life and marriage that he dreams of!It may sound like a fairy tale, but non the less............. I do Believe in love and more than anything else showing that love!!!! I do Believe!

I'm confused!!!

Believe,You did the right thing... ...don't knock yourself down!Giving up the MM was the first step to your own personal healing! Thank God for giving you the strength.Now... do everything possible to never have any contact with him again!I'm proud of you... God's proud of you... Everyone here is proud of you...If temptation comes your way... ...post... ask for help! It is here! [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

[Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

It is rare to welcome an OP... I Welcome YOU... Believe...I have a post of general welcome I wish to share with you... [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

Most consider it a welcome for waywards or betrayeds... but it is for anyone who cares about marriage... that includes the repentant OPs!It has a lot of quick links to many of the most important MB sites... Click here ==> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000002.html" TARGET=_blank>General Welcome for All New Builders(Newbies)</A>There may be some who have animosity towards OPs... ...I caution you on this... ...but I have nothing but compassion and caring for the person who... ...knows what to do... and does it!!!I'm praying for you tonight... To keep you resolve and strength...God Bless...Believe! [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

Jim[This message has been edited by NSR (edited May 19, 2000).]

tootrusting,What is to be confused about?NSR,Thank you.........but I don't want praise.I fell in love w/another womens H..........I hate my self for letting my self get into that kind of situation. I am a christian and when I realized what it was that I was feeling.......I knew that I had to stop it! I did this out of respect for him/his W and his marriage! I will have to live w/this for ever!.......I know that God will forgive my bc he is a forgiving God!........I don't think that I will ever be able to forgive my self!

My confusion is with regards to "love:. What does it mean? what does it mean to You? Did I read right, that you haven't met him, do not know what he looks like, assume that all that he is telling you of the marraige is true????? That is where my confusion lies. (no pun intended)I really want to ask my H the same thing. He has been working with Op 5 yrs. the past 2 have been stressful and they have been working about 10 hrs a day....All my H can come up with for an excuse is that I don't understand his work issues and she does..and that I want to be the kids' friend and he doesn'tWhen he told our eldest (11) that he was moving out she lost it for an entire day. She screamed, pleaded, asked why (he had no answer other that the rote "this is the way it is. It is not fair but this is the way it is" He had the possessed look in his eyes.She screamed "you said you would never leave us".. He said to me "THat's what kids think love is about". I realized at that moment that he was sick...it had nothing to do with love.He told me that he wanted to travel and learn new things and I didn't. (which is untrue, but I didn't dare contradict him)I told him early on "IN the end, when you are faced with mortality, it will not be the people you met or the places you have been that will have been important. It will be how you loved".... He looked at me as if I hadn;t a clue. He felt and KNEW that he and his OP had something special, something no one else had ever encountered....true love.... Now you tell me what love is, because I am truly confused. What I want to tell my children is...love is honesty, love is trust.....love is not perfect..but love will try...love will conquer all, it will not allow itself to be conquered.....love is loyal..... love is simple.....not lies and deceit. I still say...You can make an argument for or against the same issue or person depending on how it fits your NEEDS>That's why I know it is fruitless to try to defend myself when my H throws accusations at me ...like everything I say bugs him......[This message has been edited by tootrusting (edited May 19, 2000).]

Believe...Just a summary of references...Sites: <A HREF="http://www.divorcebusting.com/forumlinks4.html" TARGET=_blank>Forgiveness is a Gift You Give Yourself</A> and <A HREF="http://forgivenessweb.com" TARGET=_blank>The Forgiveness Web</A>Books:<OL TYPE=1> <LI> <A HREF="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/034541344X" TARGET=_blank>The Art of Forgiving : When You Need to Forgive and Don't Know How</A> by Lewis B. Smedes <LI> <A HREF="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0060674318" TARGET=_blank>Forgive and Forget : Healing the Hurts We Don't Deserve</A> by Lewis B. Smedes <LI> <A HREF="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0785282556" TARGET=_blank>The Choosing to Forgive Workbook</A> by Les Carter, Frank Minirth </OL> [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

Just some additional ideas...Jim

tootrusting,I believe all the things that you said that you believe is love!Most of all I believe that it is the giving up of your own selfish needs to make that person happy.I beleive that I love this man they way that one should,..........and that meant putting a stop to our conversations!No,I have not meant him......no,I don't know what he looks like....(just a little discription).......I have no idea of what he told me is true or not!I found a "connection" to him........and when I realized what was happening.....I stoped........I have always thought when you hear....."were soul mates".....or "He/She understands me"....and every other thing that you hear was such a bunch of Garbage! But now.........I do Believe all of that!He loves his W......and I hope for him that she can find it in her self to love him for who he is! and show him!......I want him to be happy...... w/his W!!!That is what he wants!!I would love nothing more than for him to be over joyed by her love!!!.....and live in bliss! (I just don't think that that will happen......and it hurts me to know that he will still be lonely and in pain!)Does this help??

Believe, I admire you for your decision to have no contact with your "soulmate". You said that he loves his wife and you love him enough to give him up for his happiness. You also said that you doubt that this woman could ever provide the happiness that you could provide him. Please forgive me, I am not trying to be rude, but curious. What makes you think this woman is so selfish that she has no desire to make her husband happy? I am trying to understand my own situation and am curious as to what this man has told you about his wife to make you feel this way. Does she know about you? Just Curious

Believe. I truly believe you are doing such a wonderful thing.I just have a hard time believing you can have any idea of what love is having never met or seen the man and only hearing his version.What you are doing is so noble, so unselfish, but I believe that if he stays lonely and in pain it is because he wants to be in that pain and lonliness.He is choosing it so he can keep telling himself that he is not responsible for filling those empty areas of himself and so he looks for it elsewhere...And what a safer place to do it but with someone who does not know about his faults and insecurities, but only his dreams (that he has been unable to fullfill himself) and his fantasies... they always SOUND so good....Acting on them is another story.What I am saying is, that though you are taking responsiblity for your feelings and actions, I will bet that he shortly will have another you, another soul mate.....Doesn't seem so special when you think about it that way does it????

GodAlone,I can only trust in what he has told me to be true!......I do believe him!She has not made him happy.......he has tried to reach compromises w/everything that they do......They don't have fun together.They have nothing in common.He has done things for her bc he loves her......she has not done the same.He is the "giver" in the marriage.....she is the "taker".Now,please don't get me wrong......I only know what it is that he has told me.....and I also know that it takes 2 people to make a marriage work. He is the only one that has been trying.No,I don't think that she does! We never talked about our feelings for eachother......(I don't even think that he feels the same way.....and it happen so fast,that when it hit me.....I stoped it!) we were just friends.......trying to give support!Finding that we had mutual things in common!Just talking about everyday things! Life in general,what we want from life and so on!I hope that this helps! let me know.

tootrusting,You make some interesting points......all of which I have thought of!I think about it and think that I have got to be out of my mind to feel this way for someone that I have never met!...... Lock me up and throw away the key!Everything that you say could actually be right......I guess that I will never know!

Believe, Thanks for your response. Just one more question. If she is not giving him anything----why does he still love her?

GodAlone,He has told me that he doesn't! I do believe that deep down that he does. He has been badly hurt......I don't think that he wants to see it!He is there bc of his children......is promise/commitment to her and to God. He doesn't want to break his promise!

Believe, <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR>I can only trust in what he has told me to be true!......I do believe him!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Of course you do. He has no reason to lie to you. He is a married man and talks with you endlessly. Why not believe someone who lies to the woman he swore to God he would be with forever? <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR>She has not made him happy<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>I don't believe I have ever heard that in marriage vows. <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR>he has tried to reach compromises w/everything that they doThey don't have fun together.They have nothing in common.He has done things for her bc he loves her......she has not done the same.He is the "giver" in the marriage.....she is the "taker".<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>Seems I've heard all these before. My wife. <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR>Now,please don't get me wrong......I only know what it is that he has told me.....and I also know that it takes 2 people to make a marriage work.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> You're right it does take two. So why isn't he trying? Why isn't he getting her attention? Why is he telling YOU all of this & not his wife? <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR>He is the only one that has been trying. No,I don't think that she does!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> At least according to this man you have never met.psst. Wanna buy a bridge? <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR>we were just friends.......trying to give support!Finding that we had mutual things in common!Just talking about everyday things! Life in general,what we want from life and so on!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>Wow! Aren't those things that he should be discussing with his wife? Does she just laugh at him when he tells her his feelings?You have never met this guy. Everything about him is just fantastic (re: fantasy).One question? If he is so great, how come his marriage is so terrible? Please don't tell me it's all her fault. If it is, then he should be able to fix it. Remember, he's great!------------------ Prayers & God Bless! Chris For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>Marriage & Relationship Resources</A>

Believe, I am drawn to your posts because I can imagine the OP thinking those same things about my H (although she is a fruitcake who has lived and slept with her H for the past 6 months telling him about my H her soulmate.)But let me tell you about me and my H. I have been with him for 13 years, we have 3 kids. For all of those years I have known of my h's unhappiness and searching outside of himself for something to make him whole.You should see our library...it is a virtual self-help boook store.He is very smart...could always read alot and fast...and tell you about it, but never actually do it.Since I have been with him he has complained about everyone and everything. So many things bug him... You may at this point ask yourself what I was doing with him...Well for all of those years I didn't bug him. I suppose I was the only one..along with the kids.....He was an affectionate, giving, thoughful, fun, husband and father. I always felt appreciated..I always showed appreciation. I felt like I was his equal...he never made me feel less than himself......I would VERY often (and definatley the week before his trip) tell him that I was very lucky to have him as a husband and a friend. That he supported me so... He went on a trip with the OP and came back with a chip in his brain that told him me and the kids were bad she was good.Now he says that everything I say bugs him. So I guess he can only have one person at a time that doesn't bug him.I have supported him through 4 job changes, him always assuming the next one would be the "one" to bring him contentment.THen Op came along,,,the groveling manipulatin coworker who "convinced " him to go on the trip with him and now the Job is good so the wife and kids must be the things making him unhappy.So you see.....you "seek" the connection....love is unconditional and happens.....Yes, the connection is about your needs, but the grass is only greener where it is cultivated....

Believe,I know my stbx said those same words to the OW. And also that I wasn't sensitive to his needs...and she was...that she was a good listener...I wasn't....that she made him feel good...that I didn't. Wait a minute......I am a wonderful listener....I have no idea what needs I wasn't being sensitive to...I gave him freedom to have outside friends....he played softball......he played golf.....he had dinner on the table when he got home....we had quiet ime in the evenings when the girls went to bed....we went on vacations...as a family and just the two of us.....the girls were kept quiet during his sports or favorite shows on TV. The lawn was mowed....his clothes were washed.....he had back rubs...foot rubs....heck I even gave him manicures...being in sales and all. I surprised him with sexy "nighties"....I gave him my all...I loved him with all of my heart.But he told her I was lazy....never home....was fat...( I weigh 98 lbs)....mean and rude....a terrible housekeeper.....all kinds of crap. This woman thinks that I used and abused him.He was and still is a liar.

Chris,Everything that you say could be right! I supose that I will never know!Tootrusting,I am soooo sorry that you are going through this! I can't even imagine the pain!! I admire your strength and dedication!! [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

I know that it takes 2 people to make a marriage work!......I also know that the "grass is greener if it is watered"That is what it takes for a marriage to work and survive!......You need to have 2 people that want to negotiate/compromise and meet eachothers needs!......The POJA......well,how can one sp want to do this and the other thinks that it and his needs are a bunch of bunk!...... "You married me"......What about commitment? And I absolutly agree w/the marriage vows and commitment........but at to what cost? Does that mean that you have a marriage that is very superficail?.......When one sp is sooo unhappy and sees no future and has done everything in there power to make it work and they are still misserable.......isn't it time to leave?

Believe:If another person was to write this post and you were sitting here reading it what would you think. It's all so magical and special--you've found that special person and now you have to give him up. How can you give up what you never had? All you ever had was a special feeling--untested by the waters of a personal face to face relationship. Any picture of a marriage that you get from one party is slanted no matter how truthful he tried to be--it is just human nature not to admit our own culpability in the dissolution of our marriage. Why are you so willing to believe? Please prepare yourself for the next time this happens (because it will happen again) and ask yourself "Why Am I Here?" "What I am Getting From this Relationship?" "What Need is This Fulfilling?" If you are really truthful with yourself you may find that you are being too easily led by your own needs into an intimate relationship with someone you really don't know at all.Buffy

buffy,You are absolutly right!!!!I agree w/you 100%!!!

I only wish my wife haad the strength to stop as you have. Yes I agree what the other's are posting, that it is kind of a "fantasy" and "untested"..however I commend you for realizing the error of your ways on your own and taking responsiblity for you thoughts. I respect you and your courage to be able to see far enough ahead to avoid a disaster for you and for him. Keep up the good work!

Believe:Please forgive me if I was to short with you. I don't know your story, but one thing I do know is that whomever is loved by you should count himself lucky and if your significant other does not appreciate you it is his fault.I know it isn't easy to give up this man, because this love is as real to you as any...no matter how flawed it may be.Buffy

HI Believe, You sound like a VERY caring, loving and intelligent woman. What you did was right and I commend you for it. We (The betrayed) are a little touchy on two points here: ONE..... We KNOW our WS lied, or at least only told "Their" side of the Marriage to OP. This is VERY frustrating for us. MY W's OM's fiancé told me my W told THEM I was a monster, I'm not. Really. [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

And TWO... The obvious fantasy of it all becomes kind of a joke to us because we KNOW (or are at least learning) what it takes to make a Marriage work. Talking about ourselves to each other in that wonderful "beginning" time ALL relationships go through of course "Wears off" once "Real Life" come into the picture. Again, you sound like a very intelligent and loving person. I pray you find someone to share all that with in a REAL relationship that won't cause anyone (Including yourself) any pain. You certainly should be rewarded for doing the honorable thing!! [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

GOD BLESS YOU AND KEEP YOU STRONG. FRANK------------------ desperate "If yesterday didn't stop today, Why should TODAY stop tomorrow??" "Wisdom is why!!"

Believe,Where I disagree is when you say....how can you live in a marraige that is superficial where you are so unhappy and have tried for so long.I think if you are so unhappy, you haven't tried at all!!!Why haven't you tried???? Because it is hard to try...it takes work...it is easier to find someone who will listen and sympathize and make you feel better rather than figureing out how to do it for yourself.ANd again, that only seems to last in the beginning, before the hard work comes in again.....life....it is never easy......Believe, I am trying so hard to keep my marraige together because I do love my H, I accept him, I actually KNOW him.....We have three small children. On days that I think I should just throw in the towel and find a replacement companion and stepfather, I remind my self of the above.A marraige does take two willing people, it does take hard work (any relationship does for that matter)Some people seem to be unwilling to do the hard work....TOo me, it seems that the MM you have corresponded with is unwilling to do the hard work.You know, it is a trap that our society as a whole has seemed to fall in.....We seldom want to do the hard work in any arena.....life should just "happen" we "deserve" it. Everyone seems to accept this behavior. People nowadays seem to be unwilling to take a stand on issues....its become "whatever...." I,m just as guilty of it in many ways, and am so saddened by it.THroughout this "trial" I have been going through I have tried to focus on ways to teach my children how to "do the right thing" "take the harder paths" without being a zealot about it.Of course I loose my steam when I feel lonely and battered about. I tend to want to poke the OP's eyes out....(I have known her for 5 years...I gave her maternity cloths along time ago...she has been to my house for dinner....I have always rolled my eyes when she called herself "the office wife" and told me that she made her last boss's wife jealous when she was young and skinny) But given how you've done such a good thing for yourself...and are learning so much about relationships you will bring a lot into a healthy relationship yourself!!!!

Believe,"Please Help" is right. It is great that you have decided to get out of this situation before it gets any worse. You are saving yourself a whole lot of misery down the road because the vision you have of this man and the possible relationship you could have with him is truly flawed.It's good that you are here because you can see the pain that this type of involvement gives other people. You can see how so many betrayed H's and W's say that they didn't know their marriage was on the brink of disaster and would have done anything to prevent it. I wouldn't be so quick to believe everything he says. It's normal and natural to reach out for comfort when you are down, but it's BETRAYAL when the person comforting you is not your spouse. If the H was trying, he'd be trying with his W, not you. If he really wants out, he will keep finding women to pour his soul out to until he finds one who will accept him. How special will it all be then?I've been here too. All too many times, sadly. We're here because we've lived what you describe. We've felt the pain of our H's lies. We are the ones described as "roommates, lazy, fat, selfish, unloving, etc..." We are the ones that our betrayers said they didn't love anymore as they bring us flowers for Mother's Day, make love to us at night, take us out to dinner, plan futures with us, and go to church with us. Your heart is good. You did what you did out of love. I hope this H takes this opportunity to open his eyes and either make his marriage better or get out, but having an affair is not the way to solve his problem. You really did him and yourself a favor. Affairs don't usually end in marriage. And if it did, could either of you ever trust the other to not do what you did?I hope that you find someone who is free to love you the way you want to be loved. I feel that your post was sincere.

Believe,This struck a painful spot in my heart! I just want you to know up front that I think you are doing the right thing and I commend you for your strength as much as it hurts. You did nothing wrong, it was him who knew from the start exactly what he was doing to you. My H and I were seperated for a couple months last year (we were only engaged at the time). During this separation he met (briefly, about an hour) the sister of a co-worker. They started e-mailing and talking on the phone (she lives over an hour away). At the same time he was trying to get back together with me. He told me about her to instill jealousy and it worked (I always wanted to be with him, but he ended our engagement and I wanted to give him space to be sure he wanted to be with me). He told me they worked together and they were only friends.We had a heart to heart one night and we decided to start dating again. He told me he was going to tell this friend we were back together and I believed him. Occassionally he would tell me they talked and he told her we were doing great.He proposed to me agin in December and we took off with the wedding plans. We set the date for Jan. 28, 2000. This was our 3rd date we'd set in the past year.Christmas was magical and everything seemed to be falling into place. I had suspicions, but refused to really see. I heard the phone dialing in the middle of the night at times, but never heard him actually talking so I let it go. One night I had to work late and I didn't hear from him since noon and he never came home until 9 the next morning. He said he went to a hockey game with a guy from work then crashed at his house - I believed him.Finally he forwarded me a joke e-mail and I saw what I thought was her e-mail address. I asked if that was his friend from work and he said yes. I asked if I could e-mail her if everything was was just a friendship and he said of course. Later that night he asked if I e-mailed her and I said no (I wasn't ready for what I might find out).I saw her on AOL Instant Messenger one day so I sent her a message introducing myself. I figured if they were just friends then she and I could be friends as well.Needless to say she was beyond shocked that we were getting married the next week. As it turns out he told her all sorts of lies that we broke up and I was begging him to come back. He never told her he moved in with me a month before. He would tell her about his days and nights and just leave me and my 2 boys out of the picture even though we were very much IN the picture.He built himself up to her to be this wonderful Christian man who could take care of her and her son and make her very happy (she sent me their e-mails so I saw the lies upon lies).They had their first date the night he didn't come home. They consummated their relationship and they were talking about a future all the while we were doing final planning with our Pastor for the wedding.What I'm trying to say is that my H led this woman to believe he was single, christian and downright God like, with his lies. You can be anyone you want to be over the internet and you can portray your life to be everything it's not. He played with her emotions and her mind.She stopped all contact with him that day since, in her words, "I've only been in love with him for a week".I was amazed at the things he said to her in his e-mails and like he said, "they were just words on a screen, she meant nothing, it was all a game to see how far I could go".I'm not telling you that to hurt you, but maybe you can see this man as the liar he is. For him to even engage in such games is almost unforgiveable.I've seen the chat rooms he's gotten into "married and flirting" and I think it's wrong. He says he just likes to learn about people, but I believe it's crossing the line and takes away from the marriage. I told him if he wants to act single then BE honestly single. People who go into these chat rooms think it's harmless, but it erodes the relationship. It's them that are making the marriage fall apart, not the spouse they SAY is being unreasonable.Sorry to vent, but it struck a nerve.------------------ ~~ I will not play at tug o'war, I'd rather play at hug o'war, Where everyone hugs instead of tugs, Where everyone giggles and rolls on the rug, Where everyone kisses and everyone grins and everyone cuddles and everyone wins! ~~

LadyK,and to everyone else out there!First,LadyK,I am so sorry that you have had to go through all of what you have dealt w/. It must be agonizing and down right painful!You seam to be a very strong women!To everyone that has posted............. YOU ARE ALL RIGHT!.......I AGREE 100%!!!!!My whole point to this was how easy it is to get involved w/someone and truly not even realize it!I know that it is fantasy!........everything that I think about is in my DREAMS!......(which I hate my self for dreaming of another W Husband!.....it is wrong and I have sinned in the most unforgiveable manor!)Even tho I don't REALLY know this man,and maybe every thing that he told me was a lie....I will never know!..........I can only go by what my gut tells.......(it has never been wrong!)I do Believe this man wants a happy marriage w/his W.....I do Believe everything that he told me!.....I do Believe that he is a kind and gental man,w/a heart of gold!........he just like I got suck into the dangers of internet EA.He does not know how I feel.......I don't even really think that he feels the same way for me!........I wanted him to have a chance of a happy marriage w/his W......I knew that if she were to read our messages..... 1.)It would hurt!!!!....... 2.)she would have made more out of it....than what it really was!....he doesn't have the same feelings for me remember!... 3.)non the less she would not have trust. It would have killed every chance that he has w/her!I didn't want this to happen.....bc I love him........and he wants to be happy w/his W.....If he is happy than that is all that I am concered about!......If that is w/his W than that is the way that it should be!!!

Please don't think I was attacking you! I Believe he never should have given you his e-mail address to begin with, knowing he was crossing that very fine line. My H has a tendancy to share too much with women and I see them take that innocence as his interest in them. Most conversations he engages in are not intended for him to score, but he does loose his focus and if they seem interested he runs with it, like he's proving he is a good person by how he can swoon these women. He has a low self-image, as do I, and he needs validation from me (which I try hard to do) or from most anyone who will listen.I've read on and off the book written by Dennis Rainey (www.fltoday.com) called "How To Raise Your Mate's Self-Esteem". My H read it, too, and found some interesting things about how we grow up effecting the rest of our lives.My H is human and he is not perfect - I'm finally realizing that so I see him in a much better light. I know, deep down, he is that man he portrayed to the OW. He has a great big heart of gold and he cares deeply about people.I'm sure you're a great person and I didn't mean to portray you as anything else. I don't know if I could be as strong as you. The OW my H deceived cut all ties and I know it was hard for her (we e-mailed for a while until she said she needed to move on and I was only reminding her of her pain). I feel for you as I do our OW.God Bless you! Don't be so hard on yourself. God is forgiving!------------------ ~~ I will not play at tug o'war, I'd rather play at hug o'war, Where everyone hugs instead of tugs, Where everyone giggles and rolls on the rug, Where everyone kisses and everyone grins and everyone cuddles and everyone wins! ~~

Believe,Just one more thing... You don't get this too often I think...You are loved.If you haven't heard this in a while... ...know that it is true.God loves you... ...and we all will love you with our prayers. [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

yep... you could use a [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

today....here's a few more... [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

Jim

LadyK,It is ok. [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

Everyone here has a right to be angry and hurt! The people on this board has gone through so much!I can't help but what I feel for this man! It may be all fantasy that we could have any kind of REAL future together! But non the less.......my feelings are just that......I can't help but to feel that we both agree on what a marriage needs to make it work......we have the same ideals,and thoughts!......it is just toooooo scary! I don't know if he was just agreeing w/me or if he really believed the same things!.....that is where it all comes into just not reality!How can anyone think of a man.....to want to spend the rest of their lives w/him....to want to make him happy.......and have never met him!!!It is crazy and insane!!!! Lock me up and throw away the key! aaaaahhhh!I do know this........and yet in that same breath......I will always think of what it could have been like!!!!!I really truly hope that he will find the love from his W.......that is what he wants! That would make him happy! I want him to be happy!!!!! That is why I stoped our communications!

NSR,Thank you! [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

To everyone out there!!!I have not been the perfect one here! It does take 2!I am the one that gave him my e-mail!.......I do know that he is not "perfect".....non of us are!........I know that he has some faults,and for that matter so does he.....he even said so.......he is beating him self up for what he has contributed to his marriage and keeps looking to the past as to "if I had known this,or that I could have changed it".........I believe that he has not protrayed him self in a false light,I believe that he has been nothing but truthful in his actions and life!Here again it comes down to.........I will never really know!!!!!The joke could be on me!It really doesn't matter now anyway!I just wanted people to know what it is that I am feeling!when people have EA and PA........it is a choice!They can deny that "they are just friends"...so that they be selfish for what ever it is that they are getting out of that relationship!I am a christian women......I have sinned! I will live w/this the rest of my life!I do Believe that God wants us to try and mirror his image......sometimes we don't!What makes the difference is that we learn from the mistakes that we make and to never make them again!