Did I ruin my Plan A effort? - 08/13/02 04:29 PM
Hi everybody. Most of you probably don't recognize my name- I have been more of a lurker lately than anything. So, I will give a brief history. My H and I have been separated for over a year now. We have now been separated longer than we have been married (sad but true).
I have been in Plan A for about 8 months- the first few months were a bit shaky though. Many times I have thought H was 'coming around' only to have him retreat yet again. The rollercoaster ride has been controlling our lives. Don't get me wrong though, I have been enjoying life and making alot of improvements in myself.
Two weeks ago, after talking to Jennifer Chalmers, I sent him a letter asking him to give us one more chance. It was not a "traditional" Plan B letter. I did not indicate that I will no longer contact him. And, if he contacts me, I will be very receptive. We are separated and have no kids and we rarely see each other anyway, so I was afraid a Plan B letter would not be helpful. Plus, I am not losing my love for him. I am just focusing on detaching for my own well-being. This was my final effort, although he does not know this.
Last night we went out for drinks- we had to exhange some business things. H has been completely avoiding me these last few weeks. He even stopped working out at the gym that we both belong to (another story altogether- he joined the gym by my (our) house- 45 minutes from his work and another 15 minutes past where he lives. We talked for a couple of hours and things were going well. But, when we went to leave I got emotional. I told him that I could no longer be his friend- it is just too painful and after a year, I need to move on. Everytime I see him I get reminded of what I am missing and it breaks my heart all over.
He was sad and called me last night to talk. He was crying, I was crying. He told me he gets sick every morning and "hates his life". Yet, he still has said nothing about the letter I wrote him and has never given us a second chance. I think I have done a great Plan A and he knows of the changes I have made. I just don't think he has the courage to face upto what he has done (although he did admit to really messing up last night).
I do not regret telling him we can no longer be friends, but I feel like my Plan A effort has been for nothing. Was I wrong in telling him that we can no longer be friends- or is that part of the tough love school of thought.
I feel so empty today. I am losing my best friend- yet he has been gone for a year anyway.
Thanks to all and keep those recovery stories coming- they give us all hope!
I have been in Plan A for about 8 months- the first few months were a bit shaky though. Many times I have thought H was 'coming around' only to have him retreat yet again. The rollercoaster ride has been controlling our lives. Don't get me wrong though, I have been enjoying life and making alot of improvements in myself.
Two weeks ago, after talking to Jennifer Chalmers, I sent him a letter asking him to give us one more chance. It was not a "traditional" Plan B letter. I did not indicate that I will no longer contact him. And, if he contacts me, I will be very receptive. We are separated and have no kids and we rarely see each other anyway, so I was afraid a Plan B letter would not be helpful. Plus, I am not losing my love for him. I am just focusing on detaching for my own well-being. This was my final effort, although he does not know this.
Last night we went out for drinks- we had to exhange some business things. H has been completely avoiding me these last few weeks. He even stopped working out at the gym that we both belong to (another story altogether- he joined the gym by my (our) house- 45 minutes from his work and another 15 minutes past where he lives. We talked for a couple of hours and things were going well. But, when we went to leave I got emotional. I told him that I could no longer be his friend- it is just too painful and after a year, I need to move on. Everytime I see him I get reminded of what I am missing and it breaks my heart all over.
He was sad and called me last night to talk. He was crying, I was crying. He told me he gets sick every morning and "hates his life". Yet, he still has said nothing about the letter I wrote him and has never given us a second chance. I think I have done a great Plan A and he knows of the changes I have made. I just don't think he has the courage to face upto what he has done (although he did admit to really messing up last night).
I do not regret telling him we can no longer be friends, but I feel like my Plan A effort has been for nothing. Was I wrong in telling him that we can no longer be friends- or is that part of the tough love school of thought.
I feel so empty today. I am losing my best friend- yet he has been gone for a year anyway.
Thanks to all and keep those recovery stories coming- they give us all hope!