Don't know what to think.....need advice - 06/23/03 02:21 AM
I have been married for 10 years. We have three children....13, 9, and 7. We have a good marriage with the usual ups and downs.....
There is something that has bothered me for years...and now with recent events....I don't what what to think.....My wife has had a single man calling her for the last few years....they just talk about.....whatever.....she never hides the fact that he calls....I have even talked to him.....he is kind of a loser....no job...lives with his parents....a drunk....my wife feels sorry for him.....she met him at her Gym.....he also calls other people from the gym....she does not always like to talk to him.....she has handed me the phone on many occasions and said if it is...Dave....tell him I am not home....sometimes he will call and she will shut herself up in our bedroom and shut the door while she talks to him....I listen at the door and there is nothing strange being said...just laughing about everyday stuff...sort of like talking to another girlfriend...which he does have a girlfriend....I have talked to her about emotional affairs....and she says it is not that ....because she could never imagine doing anything sexually with Dave because that would make her sick......he is just too gross......she has even mentioned to her girlfriends when they come over my concerns about Dave and they laugh saying believe me you have nothing to worry about....she would never stoop that low........I had basically forgotten about it till I got a message off her cell phone (she did not know I knew her password....I mean give me a break it was 0000....) and it was a very sexual messge.....did not say her name though...."had a great time with you today....I loved cumming with you in the basement" you get the picure...to say the least I was furious.....She had been gone all day to do Christmas shopping with her girlfriend....he puts this message on her cell phone about 30 minutes after she got home...I take her to the bedroom and let her here this message....she is upset and tells me "...what....he leaves these kind of messages on my cell phone all the time....he is a drunk....he gets my speed dial number confused with his girlfriend's....you really think...I am the kind of person who would have sex in a basement on some smelly old bed".....she was very upset....I just did not see how..not only he would confuse her number...but he would also listen to the nessage and still not put two and two together that he may not have called his girlfriend....if he is too drunk to hit the right speed dial number and too drunk to realize this is not the right number when he listens to the message.....would he not be too drunk to even use the phone??????...Plus the coincidence of it all....she is gone..all day to do Christmas shopping......with her friend...who never called to verify it....and he calls and leaves the message thirty minutes after she gets home.....What caused me to really believe her was she kept saying she would not have sex with somebody in there smelly garage....and I knew on her phone he said basement...then when she gets back to the gym the next day after talking to Dave...she tells me....." I talked to Dave and he said they actually had sex in his basement.....that is so gross..."
The other day he calls and she is laughing because he was doing impersonations from Austin Powers....she says he and his girlfriend watch a lot of videos and he does an awesome Fat [censored]...so as you see she never hides his calling or anything from me....He also called her on Christmas Eve to help him because his car broke down....which she left to give his a hand...she just tells me...he is like another girlfriend...he makes me laugh he listens to me...and we have a lot in common he is fun to talk to....physically....noway nohow....don;t even go there.....
Now a new situation has arisen....there is another ...gentlemen.....(I use that in the most broadest sense of the word) his name is Ryan....another....man from the gym...my wife would talk to him on occasion at the gym....my wife tends to get along better with men then woman...she does have many woman friends as well....anyway .she comes home early from working out crying....she tells me her workout partner..Karen..(a very Christian lady) accused her of fooling around with Ryan....She had been in the a room alone with him working out her stomach...laying on the floor with him....he was on his side talking to her while she worked her abs.....she comes out and trys to talk to her friend about what they would do next and she goes off on her about how she knows she is fooling around with Ryan and she should be ashamed of herself........Now she had mentioned that Ryan....might have been getting the wrong idea....and her workout partner had talked to him to tell him that my wife was married and had kids and to leave her alone.....but now she thought my wife had been fooling around with him.....Well that was a while back...and her workout partner has since appologized profusely...blaiming it on hormones and menopause.......but what bothers me...is I was fixing something in her car the other day and I found this letter Ryan had written to my wife....5 pages...something you would read in like.....Penthouse forum...one of those sex stories....it was written like what he would like to do with my wife.....Come over to her house to wash her car......she comes to the door in just her.....well you get the picture very graphic stuff....5 pages of graphic sex...I show it to my wife.....and she says she had told me about this note he had given her.....I don't call 5 pages a note....thats a damn novel...anyway...I do vaguely remember her saying something about this....a note he gave her it was disgusting and she got rid of it.....well sticking it between your seat and the center console is not what I call getting rid of it...she says she thought she had thrown it out...it was so gross she did not read much but the first part...and that was when she had her friend talk to Ryan to straigten him out.....What I really did not like about the letter is he mentioned her Silver egg....that is a toy we use to play around with to get her going....How the hell did he know about that.....she says that she was talking with the girls about IHOP and he came over and somehow got the topic about other stuff and maybe she said something...she did not know.......
I just don't know what to believe......she is a stay at home mom.......she has type 1 diabetes....she only became one about a year and a half ago.....she has been very unhappy with her appearance...and tells me she would never want anyone but me to see her naked....she has been on antidrepressants for about 6 months........
She takes these trips by herself.....she gets burned out with the kids and the fighting and the day to day...clean the house take care of the kids, so she will take off to the beach....by herself...all day....last Saturday she went hiking by herself...all day.....she wanted to pack 4 beers....I give her a weird look so she packs 2......not that she could not handle 4....she drinks quite a bit...and beer does not phase her....especially Coronas...but 4 beers by yourself....hmmmm...and that day...the beach....it was a nude beach.....she says she wanted to lay out topless.....now the nude beach is just frequented by gays and lesbians...so she said she did not mind laying out topless with ugly gay men or fat lesbians around.....it just seems so odd
I know this is long...I am very sorry....it has been brewing in me for awhile and i dont want to talk to my family or friends about this....I thought this would be the perfect place to get your oppions....she is not telling me the....I don't love you stuff or out buying lingerie.........this is just strange stuff that maybe you can look at and give your advice.... ....Thanks for all your help
[ June 22, 2003, 02:27 AM: Message edited by: Mr.X ]
--------------------
Command and compassion is a fools mixture
<small>[ June 22, 2003, 09:27 PM: Message edited by: Mr.X ]</small>
There is something that has bothered me for years...and now with recent events....I don't what what to think.....My wife has had a single man calling her for the last few years....they just talk about.....whatever.....she never hides the fact that he calls....I have even talked to him.....he is kind of a loser....no job...lives with his parents....a drunk....my wife feels sorry for him.....she met him at her Gym.....he also calls other people from the gym....she does not always like to talk to him.....she has handed me the phone on many occasions and said if it is...Dave....tell him I am not home....sometimes he will call and she will shut herself up in our bedroom and shut the door while she talks to him....I listen at the door and there is nothing strange being said...just laughing about everyday stuff...sort of like talking to another girlfriend...which he does have a girlfriend....I have talked to her about emotional affairs....and she says it is not that ....because she could never imagine doing anything sexually with Dave because that would make her sick......he is just too gross......she has even mentioned to her girlfriends when they come over my concerns about Dave and they laugh saying believe me you have nothing to worry about....she would never stoop that low........I had basically forgotten about it till I got a message off her cell phone (she did not know I knew her password....I mean give me a break it was 0000....) and it was a very sexual messge.....did not say her name though...."had a great time with you today....I loved cumming with you in the basement" you get the picure...to say the least I was furious.....She had been gone all day to do Christmas shopping with her girlfriend....he puts this message on her cell phone about 30 minutes after she got home...I take her to the bedroom and let her here this message....she is upset and tells me "...what....he leaves these kind of messages on my cell phone all the time....he is a drunk....he gets my speed dial number confused with his girlfriend's....you really think...I am the kind of person who would have sex in a basement on some smelly old bed".....she was very upset....I just did not see how..not only he would confuse her number...but he would also listen to the nessage and still not put two and two together that he may not have called his girlfriend....if he is too drunk to hit the right speed dial number and too drunk to realize this is not the right number when he listens to the message.....would he not be too drunk to even use the phone??????...Plus the coincidence of it all....she is gone..all day to do Christmas shopping......with her friend...who never called to verify it....and he calls and leaves the message thirty minutes after she gets home.....What caused me to really believe her was she kept saying she would not have sex with somebody in there smelly garage....and I knew on her phone he said basement...then when she gets back to the gym the next day after talking to Dave...she tells me....." I talked to Dave and he said they actually had sex in his basement.....that is so gross..."
The other day he calls and she is laughing because he was doing impersonations from Austin Powers....she says he and his girlfriend watch a lot of videos and he does an awesome Fat [censored]...so as you see she never hides his calling or anything from me....He also called her on Christmas Eve to help him because his car broke down....which she left to give his a hand...she just tells me...he is like another girlfriend...he makes me laugh he listens to me...and we have a lot in common he is fun to talk to....physically....noway nohow....don;t even go there.....
Now a new situation has arisen....there is another ...gentlemen.....(I use that in the most broadest sense of the word) his name is Ryan....another....man from the gym...my wife would talk to him on occasion at the gym....my wife tends to get along better with men then woman...she does have many woman friends as well....anyway .she comes home early from working out crying....she tells me her workout partner..Karen..(a very Christian lady) accused her of fooling around with Ryan....She had been in the a room alone with him working out her stomach...laying on the floor with him....he was on his side talking to her while she worked her abs.....she comes out and trys to talk to her friend about what they would do next and she goes off on her about how she knows she is fooling around with Ryan and she should be ashamed of herself........Now she had mentioned that Ryan....might have been getting the wrong idea....and her workout partner had talked to him to tell him that my wife was married and had kids and to leave her alone.....but now she thought my wife had been fooling around with him.....Well that was a while back...and her workout partner has since appologized profusely...blaiming it on hormones and menopause.......but what bothers me...is I was fixing something in her car the other day and I found this letter Ryan had written to my wife....5 pages...something you would read in like.....Penthouse forum...one of those sex stories....it was written like what he would like to do with my wife.....Come over to her house to wash her car......she comes to the door in just her.....well you get the picture very graphic stuff....5 pages of graphic sex...I show it to my wife.....and she says she had told me about this note he had given her.....I don't call 5 pages a note....thats a damn novel...anyway...I do vaguely remember her saying something about this....a note he gave her it was disgusting and she got rid of it.....well sticking it between your seat and the center console is not what I call getting rid of it...she says she thought she had thrown it out...it was so gross she did not read much but the first part...and that was when she had her friend talk to Ryan to straigten him out.....What I really did not like about the letter is he mentioned her Silver egg....that is a toy we use to play around with to get her going....How the hell did he know about that.....she says that she was talking with the girls about IHOP and he came over and somehow got the topic about other stuff and maybe she said something...she did not know.......
I just don't know what to believe......she is a stay at home mom.......she has type 1 diabetes....she only became one about a year and a half ago.....she has been very unhappy with her appearance...and tells me she would never want anyone but me to see her naked....she has been on antidrepressants for about 6 months........
She takes these trips by herself.....she gets burned out with the kids and the fighting and the day to day...clean the house take care of the kids, so she will take off to the beach....by herself...all day....last Saturday she went hiking by herself...all day.....she wanted to pack 4 beers....I give her a weird look so she packs 2......not that she could not handle 4....she drinks quite a bit...and beer does not phase her....especially Coronas...but 4 beers by yourself....hmmmm...and that day...the beach....it was a nude beach.....she says she wanted to lay out topless.....now the nude beach is just frequented by gays and lesbians...so she said she did not mind laying out topless with ugly gay men or fat lesbians around.....it just seems so odd
I know this is long...I am very sorry....it has been brewing in me for awhile and i dont want to talk to my family or friends about this....I thought this would be the perfect place to get your oppions....she is not telling me the....I don't love you stuff or out buying lingerie.........this is just strange stuff that maybe you can look at and give your advice.... ....Thanks for all your help
[ June 22, 2003, 02:27 AM: Message edited by: Mr.X ]
--------------------
Command and compassion is a fools mixture
<small>[ June 22, 2003, 09:27 PM: Message edited by: Mr.X ]</small>