I have been married for 10 years. We have three children....13, 9, and 7. We have a good marriage with the usual ups and downs.....

There is something that has bothered me for years...and now with recent events....I don't what what to think.....My wife has had a single man calling her for the last few years....they just talk about.....whatever.....she never hides the fact that he calls....I have even talked to him.....he is kind of a loser....no job...lives with his parents....a drunk....my wife feels sorry for him.....she met him at her Gym.....he also calls other people from the gym....she does not always like to talk to him.....she has handed me the phone on many occasions and said if it is...Dave....tell him I am not home....sometimes he will call and she will shut herself up in our bedroom and shut the door while she talks to him....I listen at the door and there is nothing strange being said...just laughing about everyday stuff...sort of like talking to another girlfriend...which he does have a girlfriend....I have talked to her about emotional affairs....and she says it is not that ....because she could never imagine doing anything sexually with Dave because that would make her sick......he is just too gross......she has even mentioned to her girlfriends when they come over my concerns about Dave and they laugh saying believe me you have nothing to worry about....she would never stoop that low........I had basically forgotten about it till I got a message off her cell phone (she did not know I knew her password....I mean give me a break it was 0000....) and it was a very sexual messge.....did not say her name though...."had a great time with you today....I loved cumming with you in the basement" you get the picure...to say the least I was furious.....She had been gone all day to do Christmas shopping with her girlfriend....he puts this message on her cell phone about 30 minutes after she got home...I take her to the bedroom and let her here this message....she is upset and tells me "...what....he leaves these kind of messages on my cell phone all the time....he is a drunk....he gets my speed dial number confused with his girlfriend's....you really think...I am the kind of person who would have sex in a basement on some smelly old bed".....she was very upset....I just did not see how..not only he would confuse her number...but he would also listen to the nessage and still not put two and two together that he may not have called his girlfriend....if he is too drunk to hit the right speed dial number and too drunk to realize this is not the right number when he listens to the message.....would he not be too drunk to even use the phone??????...Plus the coincidence of it all....she is gone..all day to do Christmas shopping......with her friend...who never called to verify it....and he calls and leaves the message thirty minutes after she gets home.....What caused me to really believe her was she kept saying she would not have sex with somebody in there smelly garage....and I knew on her phone he said basement...then when she gets back to the gym the next day after talking to Dave...she tells me....." I talked to Dave and he said they actually had sex in his basement.....that is so gross..."
The other day he calls and she is laughing because he was doing impersonations from Austin Powers....she says he and his girlfriend watch a lot of videos and he does an awesome Fat [censored]...so as you see she never hides his calling or anything from me....He also called her on Christmas Eve to help him because his car broke down....which she left to give his a hand...she just tells me...he is like another girlfriend...he makes me laugh he listens to me...and we have a lot in common he is fun to talk to....physically....noway nohow....don;t even go there.....

Now a new situation has arisen....there is another ...gentlemen.....(I use that in the most broadest sense of the word) his name is Ryan....another....man from the gym...my wife would talk to him on occasion at the gym....my wife tends to get along better with men then woman...she does have many woman friends as well....anyway .she comes home early from working out crying....she tells me her workout partner..Karen..(a very Christian lady) accused her of fooling around with Ryan....She had been in the a room alone with him working out her stomach...laying on the floor with him....he was on his side talking to her while she worked her abs.....she comes out and trys to talk to her friend about what they would do next and she goes off on her about how she knows she is fooling around with Ryan and she should be ashamed of herself........Now she had mentioned that Ryan....might have been getting the wrong idea....and her workout partner had talked to him to tell him that my wife was married and had kids and to leave her alone.....but now she thought my wife had been fooling around with him.....Well that was a while back...and her workout partner has since appologized profusely...blaiming it on hormones and menopause.......but what bothers me...is I was fixing something in her car the other day and I found this letter Ryan had written to my wife....5 pages...something you would read in like.....Penthouse forum...one of those sex stories....it was written like what he would like to do with my wife.....Come over to her house to wash her car......she comes to the door in just her.....well you get the picture very graphic stuff....5 pages of graphic sex...I show it to my wife.....and she says she had told me about this note he had given her.....I don't call 5 pages a note....thats a damn novel...anyway...I do vaguely remember her saying something about this....a note he gave her it was disgusting and she got rid of it.....well sticking it between your seat and the center console is not what I call getting rid of it...she says she thought she had thrown it out...it was so gross she did not read much but the first part...and that was when she had her friend talk to Ryan to straigten him out.....What I really did not like about the letter is he mentioned her Silver egg....that is a toy we use to play around with to get her going....How the hell did he know about that.....she says that she was talking with the girls about IHOP and he came over and somehow got the topic about other stuff and maybe she said something...she did not know.......

I just don't know what to believe......she is a stay at home mom.......she has type 1 diabetes....she only became one about a year and a half ago.....she has been very unhappy with her appearance...and tells me she would never want anyone but me to see her naked....she has been on antidrepressants for about 6 months........
She takes these trips by herself.....she gets burned out with the kids and the fighting and the day to day...clean the house take care of the kids, so she will take off to the beach....by herself...all day....last Saturday she went hiking by herself...all day.....she wanted to pack 4 beers....I give her a weird look so she packs 2......not that she could not handle 4....she drinks quite a bit...and beer does not phase her....especially Coronas...but 4 beers by yourself....hmmmm...and that day...the beach....it was a nude beach.....she says she wanted to lay out topless.....now the nude beach is just frequented by gays and lesbians...so she said she did not mind laying out topless with ugly gay men or fat lesbians around.....it just seems so odd
I know this is long...I am very sorry....it has been brewing in me for awhile and i dont want to talk to my family or friends about this....I thought this would be the perfect place to get your oppions....she is not telling me the....I don't love you stuff or out buying lingerie.........this is just strange stuff that maybe you can look at and give your advice.... ....Thanks for all your help

[ June 22, 2003, 02:27 AM: Message edited by: Mr.X ]

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Command and compassion is a fools mixture

<small>[ June 22, 2003, 09:27 PM: Message edited by: Mr.X ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">.....she wanted to pack 4 beers....I give her a weird look so she packs 2......not that she could not handle 4....she drinks quite a bit...and beer does not phase her....especially Coronas...but 4 beers by yourself.. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">most gyms are playgrounds for adults..they even have bars in them..sure they offer fruit smoothies etc..nothing stopping people from bringing in something to add..
do you know they can spend the day there..gee..
offer to go as a guest with her..and see what her reaction is..

THEY are ALLOWED to bring a guest..or show up unexpectedly and watch what goes on..while she
is working out..

the best thing would be to aske for a tour..without her knowing..and you will see exactly what happens there..

they have whirlpools saunas..people running around in towels..do they share the same sauna>? are they required to wear bathing suits..or towels ok..

I remember when ours went co-ed up here..I stopped going..I did not like excercising in front of anyone let alone a man..baaaaa...
I was keeping in shape at 130 5 foot 3 38 26 38 and I was good looking good shape and at 40 then
wow was it that long ago.I am time warped..

anyway I am sure lots of walls have been knocked down since when I belonged and just the bosses they sent through were hitting on everyone..they think they are hot trainers have to have hands on..to help..no thanks..

go seeee for yourself..
when you go as a gues some places allow you 6 weeks..go workout with her..then you will see..it won't hurt you, you can buff up..lol you might love it..

she is a diabetic..she should not be drinking period.if she tells you other wise she is lying to you..actually I think she thinks your a BOZO
why do you let her run off alone so much?
are you stupid?

she could take a kid with her..grin..
they also have sitters at the clubs..
so make sure you have arrangements for care for kids so when you check out the place and what she is up to you will see..

the guy who lives in the basement?? of whatever?
he could be a druggie..please check and make sure she isn't into doing anything illegal...does she tan there? is she using the tanning room alone?

I am not trying to say she is..doing anything wrong..I would like to prove she is doing something..RIGHT..lol so far all your stuff leads to her being running around...and having a good time..and you are condoning it..
your being played, and you think your imagining it right? thats how us women feel..ain't fun is it? you find stuff written to her explicit..it's in writting..and it's blown off..?? oh please..
you are in denial..stop believing her lies go find out..even if you follow her...even to the beach..geees you let her do nude bathing? oh please..she is in need of a wake up call..
HELLLOOOOO!!!>>>>???? something is definetly wrong here....
sorry bud.. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

My husband said the same things about my best friend. She was gross, he couldnt stand her, she was ugly, loud, he didnt like her, etc.

3 months ago they started an affair and are now living together. My world and our childrens world is crushed. I think you might want to really look at it. Follow what your head is saying.. not your heart. I followed my heart and now I find myself fighting tooth and nail for my marriage.

Mr X, If there is Smoke there is Fire. My wife also tried to hide it in plain sight. It just started adding up with too many coincidences. But the notion that it could never happen to me(our marraige)....well thats the reason you need to read His Needs/Her Needs. I truely hope it is not true. But still read the book!

Why don't you follow up on the story. Go to the gym, go to the beach, check out where she is at hiking. Why aren't you doing vacation and any of these things with her? Open the door nice and wide and don't follow her and then just hope she comes back? Someone wrote a similar story last Fri. and I feel that you have to pick up on these cues and make sure she knows that you care, if you do, and be with her. All of the separate things you are doing here. Not too good. Are you enjoying the time you spend together? I would think that you need to stop thinking and get active, with the woman.

Sadeyes:I do not workout when she does.....She gets up at 3:30 in the morning to workout with her holy roller girl friend....she is extremely christian and they workout together....then she runs with her outside the gym for about 10-12 miles....I workout in the afternoons on my lunch break.....somebody has to watch the kids in the morning....plus I could not keep up with her....Her brother worked out with her a couple of weeks ago and I asked him if she is friendly to all the guys ....and he said no not really...she does not seem that approachable....very serious about her workout.....for her it is not a social club....she is very serious about it.....she even trains other women.....she does have friends there though as you can see.
She became diabetic about a year ago......she watches what she eats....works out a lot...takes her three shots a day....and she likes to have a drink......with three kids, 13, 9 and seven...the 9 year old is Bi-polar and has tourettes..and really stresses her out....she needs a drink.
I don't think she thinks of me as a bozo.....I think....she is depressed.......works out constantly and does not lose weight because of the diabetes and the insulin....has three kids that do not care how she feels or if she is always tired and run down...because of the diabetes.....they just constantly put demands on her.....I have work and cannot help as much as I would like to.....she has a lot to put up with

cimrmoor: I am sorry your husband did that.....My wife says the same thing....but also her friends from the gym that I know also say...that I have nothing to worry about....he is no threat....just an ugly loser. That they could not see her ever stooping that low.

JD: How did you finally figure it out....what did you do?

you say she and her holy roller friends..

I had a very close holy roller friend..
we were like sisters I was her maid of honor..
our kids grew up together..

I mean we even went to work out together..
we took a trip together..my first and last break..from my family..boy did I LEARN alot from her..I had to hold a tight leash on her..we went to Canada Victoria..and she went on a buying frenzy then she wanted to go clubbing..No we didn't do any of that stuff..then she constantly was asking me..DO I LOOK LIKE A PROSTITUTE>>??

why did she ask such a question..I only asked DO YOU WANT TO??? she to answer the truth..did,.I had no idea what she was trying to do..but she did draw enourmous attention to us..walking...

Well come to find out..while there she confided in me she was in an affair for over a year now.

I asked her...how can she fit it in..at first I thought she was kidding me..she worked at a bank...and I don't know where she got the energy..
well she I found out would lie to her husband..and tell him she was working out with me..
I had placed a call one night to her and she had mentioned I WILL meet you at the spa..well that night she told me don't call anymore dougie is very jealous..seems strange to me..but I honored it...
come to find out she had turned bulimec so that kept her weight down...she was so thin her health was at stake...then she told me..the reason she had me not call was not jealousy on dougies part..
it is it gave her an opportunity to talk to her
lover...she would pretend she was talking to me..

I remember one day Doug asked me what time do we leave the spa..I bumped into him at the store..
he said so you leave this early?
hrmmm so he suspected she was up to something..

well she said she is in over her head and wants to stop..and wants me to call her now..I told her no..I would not help her to deceive him..and for her to tell him or I would.. I was so disgusted by it I wanted to vomit..Doug was a hard worker
and she pushed him away from her..he was good looking and married her after 3 failed marriages..against everyones advice..I was her friend because it was the christian thing to do..she fooled me too..

but she did carry this off...with no help from me...because if Doug had called and talked to me he would of known I had not seen her in ages..and thats why the trip to get away from our burdens of life..I still cannot believe she deceived me..grrrrr...let alone him..they had no children he adopted her three all had different fathers..

sooo now what was your question?
you think the guy who calls is a friend.?
when he has been bathed showered and shaved.
he is clean just like you...

why do you question then? what about the 5 page thing..maybe she also writes things like that to him...perhaps another side is evolving..perhaps she will tell you she is witnessing to him?!!
she should not be ministering to men....period..
you do not do that..even ministers are careful not to minister or councel the opposite sex..even in here on a message board can lead to something..

I think you need to either believe her..and drop it..or find out what you fear...
you won't even listen to what people say..you defend her behaviour you are in a fog..yourself..

you think a christian woman would lay out with her eyes closed on her back around people??? I think not that is not modesty..
I cannot beleive you would let the mother of your children do that..lol..phew..brother..she is going to get raped, or at least cause some man to lust..

the beers like I SAID..I KNOW she is NOT suppose to drink Diabetes runs in my family..I don't think your wife is a christian..she does not resemble Jesus in any way to me.I would not want the religion or spirituality she has..

your suppose to rise up and call her blessed and same for the children and when you rise up and call her she isn't even home...

check up on her..she is your wife..get your head out of your butt...
sorry but your being snowed..
I would say IF I Knew your wife with all you described..?
I would say I would never choose her as a friend..like mine I droped her like a hot potato
and then gave her husband my condolances..as he did divorce her..and then she married the guy she was sleeping with..

oh well to each his own..now you know it can be done..and I HAD NO CLUE..she was doing this.to her husband..if only he had called me.or bumped into me..he would of known sooner..

so I told her..she needed to tell him because I was sure he knew something because he bumped into me..and had a weird look of realization hit him..she was shocked..I don't know how she is doing..but I think she is working again at a bank..lol after long absense from working..and I heard her marriage was in jeapordy...so she may have someone else lined up with alot of credit.
how sad... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

please do not let her treat you like a mushroom
by keeping you in the dark and feeding you a bunch of...BS...sorry..but it is up to you.. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />