Not new to MB but this is the first time I have posted. We have entered into a plan A as far as I can tell. I am the one who has done the hurting and it was suggested by my wife that I seek help here.

We just had our 11th anniversary last week. Things have been rough through out our marriage. I have failed to meet her needs and have caused emotional abuse in our life together. I need help in going in the right direction to save our marriage. I am despreate for help.

Biggest issue we have is me showing respect to her and honoring her wishes.

I may not be the most qualified person to answer you here,,but here goes,,do you respect her? what is it that your doing that lacks respect? what wishes are you not honoring? doing things you know she dislikes? I feel like you have to give more specifics so that other people can answer what your asking.

It is a good thing that you can reflect and see where you fell short in taking care of your wife's emotional needs, however it is also important that you and SHE realize that your shortcomings cannot be blamed for nor justify her actions in choosing to have an affair. Recovery isn't all about you and what you need to do. It's about both of you and what the two of you need to do. Does your wife get this?