I betrayed my Husband - 09/27/04 04:22 AM
This is my first time. So here it goes, I hope to receive advice regarding my situation. I discoved this site last night, and have been reading it nonstop. I am a 36, I have cheated on my H and got caught 9-22-04. The OM and I were in the process of breaking off our unhealthy relationship, we had no intentions of creating a future together and realized if we continued with our addictive realtionship we were going to hurt the people we loved most in both of our lives. So yes I did and still do love my husband very much. I was extremely confused as to how I could have deep feelingsfor two men at the same time. After reading this site and the 4 parts of Affairs, I understand this situation better. I relaize now that I wasn't doing my husband a favor by ignoring his suspicions. He noticed my attraction to the OM 2 years ago. I always felt I was strong and no way would I ever get invloved in an A. Well that is what happened. I started talaking to the OM on 1-1-04 about my feelings, and our emotional attachment grew. We started having sex 4 months ago and have been together 4 times. After each time, we said this has got to stop. He was leaving town for the winter and we decided to get together to finalize our situation and see each other one last time...we got caught. My husband asked me where I was. I lied. He knew, and I realized I had to tell him. It was extremely painful and agonizing.
We are now in the process of deciding what to do. I do not want a divorce, my H is going through hell right now, and I have created it. I have messed up and plan on doing whatever it takes to rebuild a relationship with the man I love the most and prove to him that he deserves a better life with me. We plan on attending
counsiling alone and together. My H is so confused right now and is experiencing a wave of emotions. He still loves me, but he knows he did'nt deserve to be betrayed and hurt by the women he trusted the most. I am in pain too, and want to help my H cope as well. We still are very attracted to one another and are very confused, we have continued to put all the painful issues of my A out on the table...total honesty, its been very emotional. my H and I still make love throughout this process, and I wonder if that is healty to do or not? especially since he is not to sure he wants to work this out and be married to me.
He left town to try to clear his head for a few days...I respect that, and he plans to leave our home for a few months. This worries me, I know I need to give him his space, but I also feel the strong urge to be by his side every min of the day to help him cope with the terrible realization of what I have done. My questions are
1. If my husband really wants to work things out, is leaving our home for a few months going to set us back, or is it a good idea for him leave in order to reevaluate his feeling for me?
2. Is it common to still have a sexual relationship when trying to recover and go through the aftereffects of the A?
3. It took me a day or two to realize that I needed to be completely honest with my H about the affair. But is it necessary to go thru details? I think being honest about the specifics is necessary, but I feel that the detail will just trigger terrible images in his head for years to come.
Please Help!!!
<small>[ September 27, 2004, 01:36 AM: Message edited by: sag120167 ]</small>
We are now in the process of deciding what to do. I do not want a divorce, my H is going through hell right now, and I have created it. I have messed up and plan on doing whatever it takes to rebuild a relationship with the man I love the most and prove to him that he deserves a better life with me. We plan on attending
counsiling alone and together. My H is so confused right now and is experiencing a wave of emotions. He still loves me, but he knows he did'nt deserve to be betrayed and hurt by the women he trusted the most. I am in pain too, and want to help my H cope as well. We still are very attracted to one another and are very confused, we have continued to put all the painful issues of my A out on the table...total honesty, its been very emotional. my H and I still make love throughout this process, and I wonder if that is healty to do or not? especially since he is not to sure he wants to work this out and be married to me.
He left town to try to clear his head for a few days...I respect that, and he plans to leave our home for a few months. This worries me, I know I need to give him his space, but I also feel the strong urge to be by his side every min of the day to help him cope with the terrible realization of what I have done. My questions are
1. If my husband really wants to work things out, is leaving our home for a few months going to set us back, or is it a good idea for him leave in order to reevaluate his feeling for me?
2. Is it common to still have a sexual relationship when trying to recover and go through the aftereffects of the A?
3. It took me a day or two to realize that I needed to be completely honest with my H about the affair. But is it necessary to go thru details? I think being honest about the specifics is necessary, but I feel that the detail will just trigger terrible images in his head for years to come.
Please Help!!!
<small>[ September 27, 2004, 01:36 AM: Message edited by: sag120167 ]</small>