How do I make her see? - 08/02/98 06:44 PM
My wife and I have not yet reached our 2nd anniversary. Three weeks ago, she said she needed some time to herself, and went away for a 3-day weekend. She asked me to drive her to the airport, which I gladly did. When she got out of the car, she kissed me and said, "Don't worry, everything will be ok." When I picked her up the following Sunday, she asked for a separation. There were some major changes in our lives as well that I think may be contributing to her desire to leave. We moved from Ohio to Georgia one week after our wedding, bought our first house one year ago, she has moved very quickly up the ladder at her job, and went back to school as well. I am very sorry to say that over the last 6-12 months, I let my "taker" control my actions. For example, I would always ask her if it was ok for me to go out with my friends (about once every week), and always invited her along. I thought that because I was asking, I was being considerate of her feelings. When she answered, "Well, I guess so..." that's all I heard. I didn't hear what she was not saying, which was "What you decide to do is up to you, but I love you and miss you and just want you to come home and keep me company." Things like this are so obvious to me now, that I can't imagine how I ever missed them before, but I did. There are no issues involved here that (in my mind) should lead to ending a marriage; no infidelity (well, I know I never cheated, and I am as sure as anyone ever can be that she has not either), no physical or emotional abuse, etc. There is a collection of little things that she allowed to build up over the last year until she decided that it was just not worth trying anymore. For my part, I never made it easy for her to bring up things that bothered her.
<br>At this point, we are still living in the same house (separate bedrooms), and she says that she wants to remain friends and do things together. She also tells me that she does still love me, but that she has a lot of anger towards me that she needs to work out on her own before we can move on to something more than friends. I asked her if she thought she would ever want us to be more than friends, and she said, "At first, I absolutely did not, but now I don't know." I am holding onto this for dear life, because it tells me there is still a chance, and it tells me that the things I have been doing over the last couple weeks are the right things--I have tried to be the "Giver" again, giving her the things she says she needs, even if it is painful for me because our marriage is much more important than my comfort during this particular time. She is the love of my life and there is nothing that I wouldn't do to save our marriage. Any advice or words of encouragement would be greatly appreciated. Thanks for listening.
<br>At this point, we are still living in the same house (separate bedrooms), and she says that she wants to remain friends and do things together. She also tells me that she does still love me, but that she has a lot of anger towards me that she needs to work out on her own before we can move on to something more than friends. I asked her if she thought she would ever want us to be more than friends, and she said, "At first, I absolutely did not, but now I don't know." I am holding onto this for dear life, because it tells me there is still a chance, and it tells me that the things I have been doing over the last couple weeks are the right things--I have tried to be the "Giver" again, giving her the things she says she needs, even if it is painful for me because our marriage is much more important than my comfort during this particular time. She is the love of my life and there is nothing that I wouldn't do to save our marriage. Any advice or words of encouragement would be greatly appreciated. Thanks for listening.