My H and I have had informal POJA's . Occassionally written. I think we definitely need to move to written for those "forgetful" moments.

I'm feeling frustrated and sad because I "thought" we had POJA'd about his computer use after hours. I like to go to bed a bit earlier than him, but am very uncomfortable with him being on the internet while I am asleep due to his past .

Last night he came home from work at 1:45 a.m. He came in and said Hello. I started to talk to him a little about his night since it is a new job. He gave me a hug and was on his way out.I asked him if he was going to take a shower or just change. He said he wasn't ready for bed. I said well just sit here and talk to me then. Or we can watch TV.

I ended up falling asleep. He was on the computer. I came out and mentioned our agreement. He wouildn't come to bed. I went back to our room pissed and then came back out at around 3 a.m. and finally he says.

"Are you ready for bed?"

I was going to do my old behavior and sleep on the couch but I came to bed.

This a.m. he stills says this is my problem, he's not coming to bed if he's not tired...

I'm at a loss.

She,

What agreement did you previously come to?

That he would stay off of the internet while I was in bed. This is when he used to talk to others and look at porn the most.. I also agreed to stay up later than I used to and spend time with him.

She,

Is it possible he has an addiction to porn? And so can't keep that agreement?

If you think he can....regroup and renegotiate this. Somethings take a while to "stick". Help him come up with some alternative activities besides computer time for those nights he's not ready to go to sleep. He shouldn't have to sleep just cause you do....but that doesn't mean he can look at porn because he can't. I did put some agreements in writing . Is he now saying that he never agreed? or just that he doesn't want to?

I think at one time he WAS addicted to Porn, In my opinion he is still addicted to the computer regardless of the subject matter. I have offered many suggestions of what would be agreeable times of use. No follow through on his part for years. I like him to stay off after dinner to participate with family things...and then he could use it from let's say 8-11 pm, he agrees with some resistance and then will not follow through.

It's not like I can ground him like I do the kids!! LOL