Discussing an A years into recovery - 01/11/12 09:39 PM
I�m hoping some of the long-timers can chime in on a question.
I�ve not posted here in quite a while, so if my back story is relevant to my question please let me know�I�ll be happy to give the cliff notes. My original posts are in the archive so it would be easier to post here if needed.
My W�s A ended in early 2004 and we�ve been in a wonderful recovery since then. As is probably the case with any betrayed spouse, I�ve had times here and there when the ugly reality of the past roars in and takes my breath away�.these times have always been few and far between and very short lived. Sometimes it�s out of nowhere and sometimes there is an obvious trigger, but either way it�s the past, it�s over and done with and I can always move on from it�.at the most it�s a few hours of inner turmoil.
This is never in the form of anger at my W for what she did, just grief at the senselessness of the whole situation. Not regret or anything�..our M is better because of what happened and while I wish the change could have come as the result of something less tragic, I wouldn�t redo it if I could.
I figure this is a normal part of life now�.it�ll happen from now until forever, but for the last 2 weeks or so, the past has been constantly in the front of my mind. Again, not anger or any emotion directed at my W, but it seems like there are constant triggers and reminders. Even subtle things that normally would not act as a trigger have for the last while. It�s the same feelings and emotions that I have felt before, difference is that it�s not passing like it always has.
Some of this may stem from the fact that I chose early on not to ask about every little detail of the A. I just didn�t feel that I needed to know details�.I asked what I felt I needed to know and that was it. Not that my W would not tell me, just that I decided it was not necessary. In some ways I wonder if that lack of information is what is causing this.
Another possible source is that my W and I each have a sibling that is currently either involved in or struggling through the aftermath of an A. The subject has been part of normal conversation for quite a while now. I probably know more details of their situations than I do about my own.
Regardless, my W has always been willing to talk to me about things if I feel I need to. She�s always wondered if I asked enough questions and has told me time and again that she�ll tell me anything I want to know. I�ve always opted not to do so, but lately I�m wondering if it�s a bad idea or not.
Has anyone else this far out from an A faced this? If so, what did you do about it? Is it best just left alone at this point or can it be beneficial to get it out, even this far down the road? I just wonder if a discussion like that is worth it when you consider the emotion required to have it�..still is a difficult subject to have a frank discussion about.
Just curious as to what others think based on their own experience.
I�ve not posted here in quite a while, so if my back story is relevant to my question please let me know�I�ll be happy to give the cliff notes. My original posts are in the archive so it would be easier to post here if needed.
My W�s A ended in early 2004 and we�ve been in a wonderful recovery since then. As is probably the case with any betrayed spouse, I�ve had times here and there when the ugly reality of the past roars in and takes my breath away�.these times have always been few and far between and very short lived. Sometimes it�s out of nowhere and sometimes there is an obvious trigger, but either way it�s the past, it�s over and done with and I can always move on from it�.at the most it�s a few hours of inner turmoil.
This is never in the form of anger at my W for what she did, just grief at the senselessness of the whole situation. Not regret or anything�..our M is better because of what happened and while I wish the change could have come as the result of something less tragic, I wouldn�t redo it if I could.
I figure this is a normal part of life now�.it�ll happen from now until forever, but for the last 2 weeks or so, the past has been constantly in the front of my mind. Again, not anger or any emotion directed at my W, but it seems like there are constant triggers and reminders. Even subtle things that normally would not act as a trigger have for the last while. It�s the same feelings and emotions that I have felt before, difference is that it�s not passing like it always has.
Some of this may stem from the fact that I chose early on not to ask about every little detail of the A. I just didn�t feel that I needed to know details�.I asked what I felt I needed to know and that was it. Not that my W would not tell me, just that I decided it was not necessary. In some ways I wonder if that lack of information is what is causing this.
Another possible source is that my W and I each have a sibling that is currently either involved in or struggling through the aftermath of an A. The subject has been part of normal conversation for quite a while now. I probably know more details of their situations than I do about my own.
Regardless, my W has always been willing to talk to me about things if I feel I need to. She�s always wondered if I asked enough questions and has told me time and again that she�ll tell me anything I want to know. I�ve always opted not to do so, but lately I�m wondering if it�s a bad idea or not.
Has anyone else this far out from an A faced this? If so, what did you do about it? Is it best just left alone at this point or can it be beneficial to get it out, even this far down the road? I just wonder if a discussion like that is worth it when you consider the emotion required to have it�..still is a difficult subject to have a frank discussion about.
Just curious as to what others think based on their own experience.