Advice Needed - Recovery stalling - 07/12/12 01:41 PM
Need some advice on recovery.. have been in recovery with FWW for 6 mos, and feel like we are close to establishing a loving relationship. I�ve made a major effort to attend to her needs, but don�t feel like it�s being reciprocated.
Some background: I was an occasional philanderer (FWH), then discovered that W had a 10 year affair. This rocked me to the core, and I�ve had a major attitude/life adjustment. The revelations for both of us was horrifying, and the face peering back at me in the mirror was not the person that I wanted to be. The discovery of the MB website probably saved our marriage, and between Dr. Harley�s advice, some pretty good counseling, and a desire to hold our M together, we�ve weathered the storm so far with sunny days ahead (hopefully).
Here�s where I need advice- after a rocky post-DDay month, our relationship was punctuated by an intense rediscovery of each other, and the love that we had for each other. I�ve never felt so alive, even with some of the dark moments. Fast forward 6 months, and we�ve settled into a relationship that now seems to mirror the �affair-years� when her interests lay elsewhere. I�ve worked hard to consistently meet her EN�s, and have let her know about my ENs, but I just don�t seem to be her priority. I may be coming up short on meeting 15 hours of UA, but I try to be loving and attentive.
I really love her, and could be putty in her hands, but she doesn�t work very hard to meet my ENs- which is now getting my attention and making me trigger, because I�m tortured by my own imagined comparisons to the POSOM. Am pretty sure the A is dead.
Any advice on reigniting the spark? I do try to brush my teeth occasionally, LOL.
Some background: I was an occasional philanderer (FWH), then discovered that W had a 10 year affair. This rocked me to the core, and I�ve had a major attitude/life adjustment. The revelations for both of us was horrifying, and the face peering back at me in the mirror was not the person that I wanted to be. The discovery of the MB website probably saved our marriage, and between Dr. Harley�s advice, some pretty good counseling, and a desire to hold our M together, we�ve weathered the storm so far with sunny days ahead (hopefully).
Here�s where I need advice- after a rocky post-DDay month, our relationship was punctuated by an intense rediscovery of each other, and the love that we had for each other. I�ve never felt so alive, even with some of the dark moments. Fast forward 6 months, and we�ve settled into a relationship that now seems to mirror the �affair-years� when her interests lay elsewhere. I�ve worked hard to consistently meet her EN�s, and have let her know about my ENs, but I just don�t seem to be her priority. I may be coming up short on meeting 15 hours of UA, but I try to be loving and attentive.
I really love her, and could be putty in her hands, but she doesn�t work very hard to meet my ENs- which is now getting my attention and making me trigger, because I�m tortured by my own imagined comparisons to the POSOM. Am pretty sure the A is dead.
Any advice on reigniting the spark? I do try to brush my teeth occasionally, LOL.