In desparate need of advice! - 06/27/14 08:39 PM
Here is my story...
In December my husband and I got into a petty fight and he started saying things like this isn't fixable. I was 8 months pregnant with our third child. Two weeks later he moved out and got an apt. In January, he came to me and said what was really happening. He was having an affair with our neighbor starting in October. This couple and us were very close friends. We went on vacation together and our kids were friends. He said he wanted me and wanted to fix our marriage. We started counseling with no success. He wasn't willing to do the things that were asked. He has continued to see her. And progressively has gotten worse. He says he wants a divorce and that he wants to start a life with her. I have been in good Plan A since March I believe. He comes back and forth between the OW and me. More on her side unfortunately. At the end of April, he came to me and said he would move back into the house and would do whatever I wanted to try to fix our marriage. I said well communication with her needs to be cutoff. He wasn't willing to do that. He doesn't want to give up their "friendship" He claims just like he would never be able to give up ours. I also gave ways for us to work on our marriage such as the books and workbooks involved. Also by spending time together by dating, us time at night, doing little getaways and things like that. Well none of that happened. I continued to do Plan A. He stays away from the house quite a bit during the week. His lease on the apt. ends at the end of this month, June, so he has moved some stuff back into the house. He told me the day he did which I was not aware of that this doesn't change anything, that he still wants a divorce, that he still wants to see her that he wants to live separate lives including our bank accounts and so on. But if I want to live this way and not get a divorce than fine. He said he will not go behind my back to file for divorce. I told him no I will not separate our bank accounts. (FYI: I am a stay at home mom and have been since our first child was born. Plan to go back to work when our children are in school. That was always our plan.) I of course reassure that divorce is not what I want. We do not believe in divorce. That I am confident we can rebuild our marriage.
I have told him the OW is not allowed around our children and recently he has brought them around her twice. I told him not to put me in this position and he did. So I have talked to our children and let them know, on their level, what she is doing to our family. They don't know details obviously. My husband of course is not happy about it. He said you are just going to push me to file for divorce.
So I am about to go on a trip to my sister in laws for about three weeks to give me and the children some much needed us time. Possibly doing Plan B has crossed my mind. That this might be a good opportunity to do so bc honestly not how much more I can take. I get so angry with the what he is doing to our children. I don't like what he is doing to me as well but what he is doing to our children just makes me boil! But here is my thought process... I have an opportunity here with him in the house to meet his needs. (Although he spends a lot of time away from the house staying with her.) Plus I can totally tell it is pissing her off. She is constantly texting him. He is pushing me further away so that he cant feel things with me. I think she is really insecure about him being in the house. Plus there are other incidents that have happened. So do I give it more time for them to fizzle out. Part of me feels like I haven't given myself enough time to do Plan A. Then I think well maybe doing Plan B would show him what he is missing. I'm just not sure what my best option is right now. What is the best way for me to go? Do I go on the trip and then get back and continue with Plan A or do Plan B? Bc what I was planning for Plan B was letting him stay in the house but move his stuff into our guest bedroom and bathroom. Put a laundry basket in the room for him to do his laundry. He can check the mail in the appropriate slots. He can check the events in our electronic family calendar.
Hopefully I haven't left anything off. So your input is greatly appreciated.
Thank you!!
In December my husband and I got into a petty fight and he started saying things like this isn't fixable. I was 8 months pregnant with our third child. Two weeks later he moved out and got an apt. In January, he came to me and said what was really happening. He was having an affair with our neighbor starting in October. This couple and us were very close friends. We went on vacation together and our kids were friends. He said he wanted me and wanted to fix our marriage. We started counseling with no success. He wasn't willing to do the things that were asked. He has continued to see her. And progressively has gotten worse. He says he wants a divorce and that he wants to start a life with her. I have been in good Plan A since March I believe. He comes back and forth between the OW and me. More on her side unfortunately. At the end of April, he came to me and said he would move back into the house and would do whatever I wanted to try to fix our marriage. I said well communication with her needs to be cutoff. He wasn't willing to do that. He doesn't want to give up their "friendship" He claims just like he would never be able to give up ours. I also gave ways for us to work on our marriage such as the books and workbooks involved. Also by spending time together by dating, us time at night, doing little getaways and things like that. Well none of that happened. I continued to do Plan A. He stays away from the house quite a bit during the week. His lease on the apt. ends at the end of this month, June, so he has moved some stuff back into the house. He told me the day he did which I was not aware of that this doesn't change anything, that he still wants a divorce, that he still wants to see her that he wants to live separate lives including our bank accounts and so on. But if I want to live this way and not get a divorce than fine. He said he will not go behind my back to file for divorce. I told him no I will not separate our bank accounts. (FYI: I am a stay at home mom and have been since our first child was born. Plan to go back to work when our children are in school. That was always our plan.) I of course reassure that divorce is not what I want. We do not believe in divorce. That I am confident we can rebuild our marriage.
I have told him the OW is not allowed around our children and recently he has brought them around her twice. I told him not to put me in this position and he did. So I have talked to our children and let them know, on their level, what she is doing to our family. They don't know details obviously. My husband of course is not happy about it. He said you are just going to push me to file for divorce.
So I am about to go on a trip to my sister in laws for about three weeks to give me and the children some much needed us time. Possibly doing Plan B has crossed my mind. That this might be a good opportunity to do so bc honestly not how much more I can take. I get so angry with the what he is doing to our children. I don't like what he is doing to me as well but what he is doing to our children just makes me boil! But here is my thought process... I have an opportunity here with him in the house to meet his needs. (Although he spends a lot of time away from the house staying with her.) Plus I can totally tell it is pissing her off. She is constantly texting him. He is pushing me further away so that he cant feel things with me. I think she is really insecure about him being in the house. Plus there are other incidents that have happened. So do I give it more time for them to fizzle out. Part of me feels like I haven't given myself enough time to do Plan A. Then I think well maybe doing Plan B would show him what he is missing. I'm just not sure what my best option is right now. What is the best way for me to go? Do I go on the trip and then get back and continue with Plan A or do Plan B? Bc what I was planning for Plan B was letting him stay in the house but move his stuff into our guest bedroom and bathroom. Put a laundry basket in the room for him to do his laundry. He can check the mail in the appropriate slots. He can check the events in our electronic family calendar.
Hopefully I haven't left anything off. So your input is greatly appreciated.
Thank you!!