I had an affair a year ago. My wife and I are trying to reconcile our marriage. I'm very thankful for the opportunity that my wife has given me. But I'm struggling here. It seems like after the affair I have forgotten how to express love and affection towards my wife. My feelings for her are very strong but the words escape me. Does anyone have any advice or suggestions on how to fix this? It is a big hang-up for us on being able to go forward.

Welcome to MB.

Who is the OW (other woman)? How did your BW (betrayed wife) find out about the affair? Did you tell her everything? Is the OW married? What avenues did you use to have the affair? How long was the affair?

How long have you been married? Do you have any kids? Who all knows about your affair?

The ow was my supervisor at my former job. My wife found out by going through my phone and then confronting me. Yes I told everything. The ow is not married. It lasted for about a month and a half. We have been married for 21 years. We have 4 kids ranging from 29 to 22. People know from word of mouth in the community. And some family know.

What have you done to ensure there is no contact?

Hi bulldog, welcome to Marriage Builders. It sounds like you and your wife have grown very far apart over the years. I would get the book Surviving an Affair; it will give you the roadmap to falling in love again. In the meantime, I would refer you to these articles:

The Love Bank

Meeting the Need of Affection

INTIMATE CONVERSATION

THE POLICY OF UNDIVIDED ATTENTION <-----this is the key to restoring the romantic love in your marriage. Nothing will work if you don't do this step

I have had zero contact since October. No phone calls or texts. No emails. I have her number blocked. My wife checks the phone records almost every month to see if she has tried contacting me. She has tried but failed due to her number being blocked