I've been married nearly 22 years to the same woman. And I have totally messed up our marriage. I can't point to any one thing, but a number of things that I've done that have been huge disappointments to my wife. We have one son (18 in college) and a daughter 15 (high school). Bottom line is the fact that I truly and honestly don't have any feelings for my wife. I understand that "it's not about me" and I understand my responsibilities in a marriage. But....do I just run around and fake my feelings, tell her that I love her when I really don't??? Help me out here.
Welcome to MBs!
Any idea how your W. feels about the marriage? You mention being a "huge disappointment" to your wife. Has she said this to you? What types of things has she found disappointing?
Maybe take a look at the ENs questionaire and see if it helps clarify at least what your top needs are.
You know that running around faking feelings of love will do nothing to restore true feelings for your wife. Otherwise, you wouldn't be on this site. Take a look around this site and see how others have re-built new and improved marriages. Under far more difficult circumstances...which I doubt you want to find yourself in.
Get off the fence...climb onboard...and get ready for some challenging work if you really want this marriage to work.
OK - you want to know what to do.....
Read hear....read a lot. And then ask questions about taking the appropriate steps. You've been registered for over 6 months. It's time to get to work.
And consider some individual counseling because you have a lot of issues to sort out if all your prior posts are any indication of the issues in your marriage.
So what story are you telling us today, hop? Are you still pursuing your affair?
What is the "EN's questionnaire" that you talk about...some of the jargon and acronyms being used on here...I don't know what they mean. Don't worry too much about the emotional affair. I feel pretty beaten down at this point and not very confident that I could truly nurture any relationship at this point.
Start by looking at everything in the "Most Popular Links" on the lower right hand corner of this page:
http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi4500_resource.html