free-ing myself - 07/28/06 12:03 AM
ok, it's been a while. I first discovered MB in 1996, when my H came to me to disclose 1st A. told me it was EA, found out it was PA. Then found out he disclosed because everyone in the brand new community we moved to knew about it 'cept me and my best friend. Went through all the books. Found out later that it lasted about a year beyond which he said it was over. Devastatng, to say the least. Young kids, I was a stay at home mom - thought he was the love of my life, my soul mate. Rips your heart out, don't it?
Fast forward 10 years. Found out about another while trying to save files during a computer crash. Holy crap! This time I have a job, only one child left at home (almost 17). Went to my Dr. - prescribed antidepressants (find one that works for you) and Xanax - anti anxiety. I know there are those out there who hate the drugs, but they really help you to step back and observe wi/out all the emotional crap getting in the way. Discovered that it was still continuing beyond the time he said it was over.
So, I focused on myself, read the following:
Love Smart, by Dr. Phil
The Power of Now, by Eckhart Tolle
The Wisdom of the Enneagram
Another book on narcissistic personality disorder (can't remember title or author).
Called Dr. Harley's radio show - talked to Joyce and Bill for about 10 min.
Had a session w/ my sister's FIL who is a psychiatrist. Talked to all my immediate family members and my circle of friends. Found a WONDERFUL therapist. (alone).
Conclusion:?
It is time for me to GET OUT. 24 years, love his family to death, -but I need to get "me" back. I have spent too many years of my life being caught up in "trying to make this man love me" that I lost sight of myself.
Every One of you is special. You have unique gifts. Let them shine. Read the books.
I still like my H. I haven't told him yet that I am done - but he feels it and is acting desperate. I just came to the realization that I can't be married to him any more within the last three weeks. He cheats - there are probably more than the two I know and if I stay there will probably be more. I am 48 years old, and don't want to face this again. Maybe I can't give him what he needs - time to cut my losses and move on. I like men (and marriage) too much to spend the rest of my life alone - the older I get, the harder it will be.
Find the strength. Don't be scared. I'm glad I lived it the way I did. I have three wonderful boys that were raised into men. It will be a long, hard road to seperate 26 years of being together. But it feels more overwhelming to stay.....
God bless all of you. Keep your head up -go have fun. The real turning point for me? I climbed Mt. Katahdin in Maine w/my sister and my father. Used the analogy of what lies ahead to the difficulty of the climb. Physical strength CAN translate to emotional strength. Lean on your family and friends - they all adore and love YOU!
You will know when the decision is right, then it won't seem so overwhelming. Baby steps leads to life transformation.
Hugs to all of you that are struggling.
-Two times (aka Time2Decide)
Fast forward 10 years. Found out about another while trying to save files during a computer crash. Holy crap! This time I have a job, only one child left at home (almost 17). Went to my Dr. - prescribed antidepressants (find one that works for you) and Xanax - anti anxiety. I know there are those out there who hate the drugs, but they really help you to step back and observe wi/out all the emotional crap getting in the way. Discovered that it was still continuing beyond the time he said it was over.
So, I focused on myself, read the following:
Love Smart, by Dr. Phil
The Power of Now, by Eckhart Tolle
The Wisdom of the Enneagram
Another book on narcissistic personality disorder (can't remember title or author).
Called Dr. Harley's radio show - talked to Joyce and Bill for about 10 min.
Had a session w/ my sister's FIL who is a psychiatrist. Talked to all my immediate family members and my circle of friends. Found a WONDERFUL therapist. (alone).
Conclusion:?
It is time for me to GET OUT. 24 years, love his family to death, -but I need to get "me" back. I have spent too many years of my life being caught up in "trying to make this man love me" that I lost sight of myself.
Every One of you is special. You have unique gifts. Let them shine. Read the books.
I still like my H. I haven't told him yet that I am done - but he feels it and is acting desperate. I just came to the realization that I can't be married to him any more within the last three weeks. He cheats - there are probably more than the two I know and if I stay there will probably be more. I am 48 years old, and don't want to face this again. Maybe I can't give him what he needs - time to cut my losses and move on. I like men (and marriage) too much to spend the rest of my life alone - the older I get, the harder it will be.
Find the strength. Don't be scared. I'm glad I lived it the way I did. I have three wonderful boys that were raised into men. It will be a long, hard road to seperate 26 years of being together. But it feels more overwhelming to stay.....
God bless all of you. Keep your head up -go have fun. The real turning point for me? I climbed Mt. Katahdin in Maine w/my sister and my father. Used the analogy of what lies ahead to the difficulty of the climb. Physical strength CAN translate to emotional strength. Lean on your family and friends - they all adore and love YOU!
You will know when the decision is right, then it won't seem so overwhelming. Baby steps leads to life transformation.
Hugs to all of you that are struggling.
-Two times (aka Time2Decide)