ok, it's been a while. I first discovered MB in 1996, when my H came to me to disclose 1st A. told me it was EA, found out it was PA. Then found out he disclosed because everyone in the brand new community we moved to knew about it 'cept me and my best friend. Went through all the books. Found out later that it lasted about a year beyond which he said it was over. Devastatng, to say the least. Young kids, I was a stay at home mom - thought he was the love of my life, my soul mate. Rips your heart out, don't it?

Fast forward 10 years. Found out about another while trying to save files during a computer crash. Holy crap! This time I have a job, only one child left at home (almost 17). Went to my Dr. - prescribed antidepressants (find one that works for you) and Xanax - anti anxiety. I know there are those out there who hate the drugs, but they really help you to step back and observe wi/out all the emotional crap getting in the way. Discovered that it was still continuing beyond the time he said it was over.

So, I focused on myself, read the following:

Love Smart, by Dr. Phil
The Power of Now, by Eckhart Tolle
The Wisdom of the Enneagram
Another book on narcissistic personality disorder (can't remember title or author).

Called Dr. Harley's radio show - talked to Joyce and Bill for about 10 min.

Had a session w/ my sister's FIL who is a psychiatrist. Talked to all my immediate family members and my circle of friends. Found a WONDERFUL therapist. (alone).

Conclusion:?

It is time for me to GET OUT. 24 years, love his family to death, -but I need to get "me" back. I have spent too many years of my life being caught up in "trying to make this man love me" that I lost sight of myself.

Every One of you is special. You have unique gifts. Let them shine. Read the books.

I still like my H. I haven't told him yet that I am done - but he feels it and is acting desperate. I just came to the realization that I can't be married to him any more within the last three weeks. He cheats - there are probably more than the two I know and if I stay there will probably be more. I am 48 years old, and don't want to face this again. Maybe I can't give him what he needs - time to cut my losses and move on. I like men (and marriage) too much to spend the rest of my life alone - the older I get, the harder it will be.

Find the strength. Don't be scared. I'm glad I lived it the way I did. I have three wonderful boys that were raised into men. It will be a long, hard road to seperate 26 years of being together. But it feels more overwhelming to stay.....

God bless all of you. Keep your head up -go have fun. The real turning point for me? I climbed Mt. Katahdin in Maine w/my sister and my father. Used the analogy of what lies ahead to the difficulty of the climb. Physical strength CAN translate to emotional strength. Lean on your family and friends - they all adore and love YOU!

You will know when the decision is right, then it won't seem so overwhelming. Baby steps leads to life transformation.

Hugs to all of you that are struggling.

-Two times (aka Time2Decide)

Good luck (life) to you 2x.
You seem to have thought this through. You've had plenty of time to. Sounds like your boys have reaped the benefit of your preserverance. Don't forget their future, but you've earned this time to redirect energies to your future.
I wish you all the best.

Thanks for writing back, Gman. I will not forget my boys future. Two are in college on academic scholarships in Engineering. The youngest is a joy, but a teenager (almost 17) and into his friends and activities. We will include him in the decisions.

This website is marvelous. I wish I had more time to search and learn....Maybe after this is all over, I will.


We had the talk tonight. No one was home but us and we had the time. Bottom line? He has never loved me the way that I have loved him and he has been struggling with it for years. He is still in contact with the OMW.

I feel no resentment, I hope we can remain friends. I do love him, but it's time to stop the struggle and move on. The power in only in the now - the only person you have control over is yourself. You can accept and move through gracefully and with dignity, or you can go kicking and screaming. Either way, you have to move on. It's gotta be easier without a fight.

I will email the OMW and ask her to help him through this (discreetly), because he is going to need her support. And I think he truly loves her.
My only regret is that he hasn't been able to face the truth about this - do anything about this - earlier and I'm not getting any younger. But it has been best for the boys that we stuck it out as long as we did. I admire him for staying in a relationship that wasn't completely satisfying to him for the sake of our children.

How I wish it could have been different, but it wasn't. Hopefully, it can remain amicable and it won't get too nasty during dissolution. I live in a no-fault state and everything we have is joint, so it shouldn't be too much of an issue. We'll see.....they say $$ can really get in the way. My hope is that it won't. I want to remain in his family's life....I love them all very much.

-TT