What if only one wants to try to fix things - 02/08/07 07:43 PM
My wife wants a divorce, is very certain of it, and I can only think that there's still hope... I keep asking to work on things, but she constantly tells me she's made up her mind.
We've been married for almost 2 years. It's been a rough two years. There has been a lot of very serious health issues in our family; mystery illness in my wife that took her out of work for months. Stress over work and possible loosing my job during a merger. A psychotic ex-wife on my part who has done her best to manipulate my new household through my son from that marriage. A perception on the part of my wife that I do not treat her kids the same as mine and that I haven't given them enough love.
Recently I have realized that through all this, I haven't been as supportive as I would have expected from myself. I hadn't lived up to my standards. I dismissed my wife's requests to work on things, thinking it wasn't very serious. I was lazy, and thought things were fine because I had my head buried deep in the sand like an ostrich. Since this all came out in the open a little over a week ago, I feel like I've had a series of epiphanies. I’ve realized all the failures over the past couple years, and rededicated myself to living life, and treating others according the standards I had previously set. I initially felt compelled to bear the burden of these issues on my own, but have started coming to terms with the fact that my wife and I are both at least part at fault.
I have faith and confidence that she and I can work things out, but she is convinced that it’s too late, and the only thing to do is to divorce. She points to the times she tried to get me to work on things, only to have me ignore her concerns. She constantly says she is done, and she doesn’t want to get my hopes up.
So here’s the question; Is it hopeless? Is there any point in trying to get her to try, or is her mind made up? She has agreed to go to a marriage consoler with me tomorrow, but I feel it’s a one time thing on her part, and she’s only doing it because I asked, not because she thinks anything will change.
I’m stuck between hoping for some opening, and giving up.
We've been married for almost 2 years. It's been a rough two years. There has been a lot of very serious health issues in our family; mystery illness in my wife that took her out of work for months. Stress over work and possible loosing my job during a merger. A psychotic ex-wife on my part who has done her best to manipulate my new household through my son from that marriage. A perception on the part of my wife that I do not treat her kids the same as mine and that I haven't given them enough love.
Recently I have realized that through all this, I haven't been as supportive as I would have expected from myself. I hadn't lived up to my standards. I dismissed my wife's requests to work on things, thinking it wasn't very serious. I was lazy, and thought things were fine because I had my head buried deep in the sand like an ostrich. Since this all came out in the open a little over a week ago, I feel like I've had a series of epiphanies. I’ve realized all the failures over the past couple years, and rededicated myself to living life, and treating others according the standards I had previously set. I initially felt compelled to bear the burden of these issues on my own, but have started coming to terms with the fact that my wife and I are both at least part at fault.
I have faith and confidence that she and I can work things out, but she is convinced that it’s too late, and the only thing to do is to divorce. She points to the times she tried to get me to work on things, only to have me ignore her concerns. She constantly says she is done, and she doesn’t want to get my hopes up.
So here’s the question; Is it hopeless? Is there any point in trying to get her to try, or is her mind made up? She has agreed to go to a marriage consoler with me tomorrow, but I feel it’s a one time thing on her part, and she’s only doing it because I asked, not because she thinks anything will change.
I’m stuck between hoping for some opening, and giving up.