Feelings Change... - 10/05/07 12:32 PM
Hi Everyone -
I'm back after a long hiatus from here. I found MB back in 2000 when my H had an EA/PA for four months with someone he met through work. D-Day was 1/19/00.
He was a heavy drinker when we met, which continued the two years of dating and first five years of marriage. I am pretty sure to a previous PA back in 1995, but he will never admit to it. I was of the mindset - I can change him! Yeah, okay...
H quit drinking after D-Day and we immediately went to work on getting this M on track. We did MC for six months and ten months after D-Day we renewed our vows.
Even in renewing our vows, I knew it would never be the same. The passion we felt after the A had already died down once again by this point. The chemistry between us (on my side) botched.
It has been a struggle for me. In 2002, I picked up a running habit which I feel, looking back, I was running from the marriage. (I also quit smoking, so that was the major factor in starting). H was supportive to a point with the running. He thought it would be something that would just die down after awhile. It didn't.
In 2004, H started drinking wine here and there (it used to be beer). Last year it became pretty common place to see him drinking a glass or two (or three) every time we went to dinner or out with friends. This bothered me immensely. It was the one thing the MC told us that if he started drinking again, I needed to be strong enough to walk out. I'm still here!
I've tried to discuss with him numerous times how this affects me to no avail. I feel like I've given up on this M probably around January of 2006. I've tried like the dickens to put all the past crap behind, to buck up and work hard at making this M successful.
I think in the past 18 months we've stopped caring about the relationship. We have been married 13 years, together 15. We do not have any kids. People wonder why I stayed in the first place back in 2000 with no kids.
I guess I didn't want the "what if" factor to take over my life. I didn't want to have any regrets.
So, to the subject line...I do love him. But I haven't been in love with him for a very long time. There is no-one else. I feel that we have just grown so far apart. We do not do anything together, as much as I plead with him to do so.
It's only been in the past few weeks that I've really started pulling away that he's now jumped to attention again to "do whatever it takes". I just don't know how many more of these I can go through. It's at the point where we do whatever it takes, it's okay for a couple of months, then goes right back to where we were.
I'm so saddened by this. I wanted to be one of the few that made their M work. I just don't have the strength or energy to do so anymore.
It hurts me deeply when I think about leaving, but it also hurts feeling like we are roommates.
This place helped me immensely once before. I guess I'm looking for guidance once again. He refuses MC at this point. And this would be the fourth time in the seven years since his A.
Thanks if you've gotten this far. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. I've been lurking for weeks now. I feel it was time to post my story.
LL
I'm back after a long hiatus from here. I found MB back in 2000 when my H had an EA/PA for four months with someone he met through work. D-Day was 1/19/00.
He was a heavy drinker when we met, which continued the two years of dating and first five years of marriage. I am pretty sure to a previous PA back in 1995, but he will never admit to it. I was of the mindset - I can change him! Yeah, okay...
H quit drinking after D-Day and we immediately went to work on getting this M on track. We did MC for six months and ten months after D-Day we renewed our vows.
Even in renewing our vows, I knew it would never be the same. The passion we felt after the A had already died down once again by this point. The chemistry between us (on my side) botched.
It has been a struggle for me. In 2002, I picked up a running habit which I feel, looking back, I was running from the marriage. (I also quit smoking, so that was the major factor in starting). H was supportive to a point with the running. He thought it would be something that would just die down after awhile. It didn't.
In 2004, H started drinking wine here and there (it used to be beer). Last year it became pretty common place to see him drinking a glass or two (or three) every time we went to dinner or out with friends. This bothered me immensely. It was the one thing the MC told us that if he started drinking again, I needed to be strong enough to walk out. I'm still here!
I've tried to discuss with him numerous times how this affects me to no avail. I feel like I've given up on this M probably around January of 2006. I've tried like the dickens to put all the past crap behind, to buck up and work hard at making this M successful.
I think in the past 18 months we've stopped caring about the relationship. We have been married 13 years, together 15. We do not have any kids. People wonder why I stayed in the first place back in 2000 with no kids.
I guess I didn't want the "what if" factor to take over my life. I didn't want to have any regrets.
So, to the subject line...I do love him. But I haven't been in love with him for a very long time. There is no-one else. I feel that we have just grown so far apart. We do not do anything together, as much as I plead with him to do so.
It's only been in the past few weeks that I've really started pulling away that he's now jumped to attention again to "do whatever it takes". I just don't know how many more of these I can go through. It's at the point where we do whatever it takes, it's okay for a couple of months, then goes right back to where we were.
I'm so saddened by this. I wanted to be one of the few that made their M work. I just don't have the strength or energy to do so anymore.
It hurts me deeply when I think about leaving, but it also hurts feeling like we are roommates.
This place helped me immensely once before. I guess I'm looking for guidance once again. He refuses MC at this point. And this would be the fourth time in the seven years since his A.
Thanks if you've gotten this far. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. I've been lurking for weeks now. I feel it was time to post my story.
LL