My ex left me two years ago. We have a six year old son together and I am the custodial parent. My ex get's him on thurs. after school unil Friday a.m., and then every other weekend Friday after school to Monday a.m. I have been dating someone and we are looking to get married. I live in Texas and my boyfriend lives in Wyoming. He has been in the Air Force for 18 years and is also a pastor of a church. My divorce decree says I can only live within contigeous counties of my ex unless he agrees or we go back to court. My ex only pays $350 a month for child support and he doesn't have insurance for himself or our son. I work for a small company that only provides very minimal insurance coverage. My son has had a few health issues and we are just barely scraping by. I feel that marriage to my boyfriend would give my son stability that we currently don't have. What is the likelyhood of my being able to relocate? My boyfriend is very financially stable and would allow me and my son to come back to Texas as frequent as possible. I don't want to come off selfish by me wanting to move so far away, b/c I really want to do what is good for my kid. Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks.

Actually what is best for your son is to have his father in his life. Moving would be a mistake.

I agree with believer...assuming that your X is an involved parent. It sounds like he might be.

Co-parenting across several states is going to be difficult. There are parenting schedules that could work but that could mean sending your child off to Texas for weeks at a time, unless your X is willing to forego parenting altogether and relinquish his rights to the child. In that case, ask your new beau if he might ever consider adopting your son.

Either way, it sounds like you are going back to court.

How about your BF relocating? Is that possible?

I posed a similar queston on the After Divorce board regarding a friend of mine who is recently engaged.
There were similar comments to the above, and this move was only 25 miles away.

You will go back to court for this, particularly if he is an involved father. Are you willing to give up custody of your son to move to Wyoming?

Good Luck.

speaking as a father of a seven year old, it would be a cold day in ****** before i signed off on my kid moving out of state

i dont like being this harsh but based on the wording of your post this looks like it has less to do with insurance and more to do with you wanting to get re married

ask yourself if this is really in your son's best interest... ask yourself if you are ready for the emotional problems he will have when he figures out just how far away dad is after the move... ask yourself if you can build a marriage living with a son who resents you

i'm sure there are a ton of guys in texas who would love to get to know you

It's so easy to say that when you don't have all the facts.....

My boyfriend can't relocate b/c he is military. He is also a pastor of a church. I know what this situation looks like from an outsiders point of view, but not knowing all of the facts it really isn't fair for people to say what is and isn't right in this matter. I was hoping I could find someone who has been through a relocation with a child before or knows some facts on it. And no, I would never give up custody of my child.

If moving and marriage gives my son a better life then absolutely it will be worth it. His dad chose this and b/c of his lack of committment his child is now lacking in many areas. I was a stay-at-home mom most of our marriage and didn't finish college. When my ex left suddenly and then closed our checking account without any notice, I was left with nothing. Our house was in the middle of a remodel which he was doing when he left. This was left unfinished and he refused to complete anything. A year later I still don't have a dishwasher, my electrical in the kitchen isn't hooked up, and I have unfinished tile on the floor. Our divorce went on for a full year due to his irrational behavior. Since that time I started a cleaning business and began working full time while struggling to continue to spend quality time with my kiddo, maintain our house, and regain our lives back. I have given my ex every opportunity to be involved with our son and most of the time he only does what he has to do. My son says that while at daddy's he gets to stay up late playing x-box games that are intended for adults. My ex even lets him watch R rated movies with him and his girlfriend. I realize I am putting him out there very negatively, but I just dont' see how any of this could be the better choice compared to moving and having the opportunity to marry a good stable Christian man who can provide a steady and consistant life. I DONT want to take my son away, but his dad just doesn't help with anything. I wish I could make eveyone happy. A year ago I even tried to convince my ex to maybe try and come back and get counceling, but he doesn't want to be married and definately doesn't want counceling.

ure missing my point... the only way you can make that plan work is by convincing the father to sign that court document

is the guy a bad dad? based on what you say, it sounds like he is. but in the end that is irrelevant

you say it's easy for a stranger to post something harsh, believing that the post is based on assumptions

what i'm saying is that it is not relevant whether you believe the father is a bad parent... even if you had injunctions against the guy because he beat you regularly... he would still have visitation rights as a parent. they may be supervised visits... but he would still have the right

he can voluntarily sign off on it or you could proove to the court that he is a bad parent... and getting somebody's parental rights terminated is very difficult. i was a child abuse investigator for years and was involved in many of these court matters personally

all that aside... why do you think moving out of state is going to make your child have a better life? have you met this air force pastor? kinda sounded like an internet and phone based relationship. has your son met him? does your son not like his father? does your son not like playing xbox until late into the night? just because you didn't have a dishwasher, does that mean you son has a bad life?

i have a stepdaughter whose father was in prison for 10 years up until his recent release. know what? my stepdaughter missed him every day of that 10 years and it caused her alot of anguish

your son needs to see his father and come to his own conclusions about how good of a father he is... if you rob him that opportunity i think you will regret it in the long run... your son will end up blaming you for taking him away from his father as opposed to him learning for himself that he was never a good parent

I also live in Texas and my custody agreement with my ex-husband was 50% custody (we both had primary custody - every other week, did it successfully for 16 years). The other stipulation was that we would remain in Houston, in Harris county or a contiguous county. I had every right to leave...but I could not take my son with me. His dad had every right to leave...but my son would stay here.

We did this in the best interest of our son. Nobody is preventing you from running off to Wyoming and marrying the preacher guy...but it is not fair to your son to take him away from his father. That is why the courts put those stipulations into the custody orders.

Sorry if this comes off as a hijack, but how common is it for the courts to put geographical limits on parents? The reason I ask is the OW and OWH in my sitch are heading to court over custody and one of the issues is that WH and OW just bought a house in a different city. Both WH and OW work in the city where OWH lives and their DS goes to school. DS has been "residing" with OW & WH, but spents approximately 40% of her time with her father. OW's plan was to leave town so she wouldn't have to deal with OWH anymore (fog-mentality here). It appears that the school won't release DS's records without both parents signatures OR a statement from the court stating she has sole custody. But the moving date is Dec 14 and the initial court date isn't until January. OWH's lawyer is pushing for an emergency court date prior to the move but at the last I heard, that has not happened. I guess my questions are:
1. Even if they make it into court before the move, would a judge tell OW she can't leave the city even though she's given notice to her apartment and signed on a house or give interim custody to OWH?
2. How likely is it that the judge would put further constraints on geographical boundaries if they do end up living in different cities (about 30 min apart)?
3. Will this move of OW have any bearing on the judge's ruling on custody (i.e. will the judge consider this an action that is contrary to the child's best interest and rule in favour of OWH as a result)?

Has anyone ever experienced this situation before a court order?

im sure lots of people will tell you that nothing is black and white and sometimes judges make weird rulings...

AND laws differ from state to state

but in my experience working with the Florida court system, the judge cannot stop WH and OW from moving wherever they want... they just can't uproot the child

note how the school won't release those records tabby

you, watch that child will end up staying with his father becuase WH and OW won't be able to enroll the child in school where they plan on moving

i assume the judge would give OWH primary custody with a visitation plan as to OW

Some people play those games before the divorce/custody is final to establish that they have already lived there.
Without a divorce decree, it's unlikely he (OWH) can file a motion, because there is nothing to move against.

If he has a lawyer, the lawyer should be able to stop it.

It is difficult when parent's want to move a short distance away from each other, but another state is a very different issue.

My decree says I must live in the same county, within 45 minutes. If X leaves the county, all restrictions are off. (per my lawyer, staying in the same state is imperative, although some places in the contiguous state are far closer than I am).

We had the same stipulation in our agreement, and it really helped me sleep better at night, not having to worry about my ex waking up one day and deciding she wants to move to Katmandu. She can move of course, but the kids would stay.

I see this post just like the post on AD forum - a woman wants to get remarried, and rationalizes that it is "for the better" for the kids. As I said there, I'll say here - what would the poster say if the tables were reversed - if her H was the one to want to move to a "better life for the kids" and take the kids? Somehow I doubt she would go along with that.

AGG

Exactly. The way I see it, my ex-husband and I are both still able to make whatever choices we want...but we are FORCED to consider the best interest of our son in our decisions. Could I have run off to another state and married somebody? Sure, but I'd do it without my son. Same goes for him.

houston,

Your XH may not be the ideal father but he is never the less, the father. Just as no one expects you to give up your child, you certainly can't expect him to give up his child either. He can CHOOSE to give up the child, but you can't take the child away from him and 'visit' when you feel like it.

Just what would be your incentive to 'visit' the XH anyway? There would be none. The only thing that's going to get you back to Texas is a court ordered parenting schedule.

Someone posted a good question to you. Have you even met this internet BF? Have you ever been to Wyoming? It ain't all Yellowstone Park, believe me. Picture the surface of the moon, but with cattle. That's Wyoming.

hd,

I know your question is about the courts but unless your X is an awful father, don't move your son away from his Dad. As much as I would love to get away from my X, or that she would move away, I don't want my children to be seperated from her.

Your BF should understand this and if he doesn't, then maybe he isn't the right one?

No, I didn't meet him over the internet! We met here in Houston over a year ago. I have been to Wyoming many times and he also visits here. Your assumptions were my point exactly. It is so very easy to place judgments on things without knowing all of the facts. I didn't log on here to get hear sarcastic remarks about my choices, but to get honest opinions and hopefully some factual information. Whether Wyoming looks like the moon or not is irrelevant!!

hdhouston, please address the rest of the comments...about not taking the child away from his father...you chose to respond only to the questions wyoming and how you met your boyfriend.

Do you have anything to add about the fact that it is wrong to take the boy away from his dad?

Read your divorce stip. You want to move away from the childs father. The 'why' doesn't matter.

If the stip does not restrict you from moving outside of the area, go for it. If it does restrict you, then you will need the permission of the father and the court.

You will likely have to come to an agreement with your XH on a new parenting schedule if they allow you to move. "As frequent as possible" is not specific enough.

HD, I understand that people on these boards can latch on to things but look over the responses. I don't see one response, for whatever reason, that advises you to uproot your child from his father. And while I understand the desire to do so, I am also in the camp on not relocating. I think in doing so you are setting yourself and your son up for rough times ahead.

From the sounds of it, your son has a great time with his dad. That desire won't go away if you take him away from his dad.

I'm reminded of a quote I seen:

"Although the dispute is symbolized by a 'versus' which signifies two adverse parties at opposite poles of a line, there is in fact a third party whose interests and rights make of the line a triangle. That person, the child who is not an official party to the lawsuit but whose well-being is in the eye of the controversy, has a right to shared parenting when both are equally suited to provide it. Inherent in the express public policy is a recognition of the child's right to equal access and opportunity with both parents, the right to be guided and nurtured by both parents, the right to have major decisions made by the application of both parents' wisdom, judgement and experience. The child does not forfeit these rights when the parents divorce."

--Presiding Judge Dorothy T. Beasley,
Georgia Court of Appeals,
"In the Interest of A.R.B., a Child," July 2, 1993

I here a lot of anger towards your ex and that's fine but we're not talking about your ex, we are talking about what is best for your child. And I think you are going to be hard pressed to find any head doctor who says ripping a child away from either involved parent is a good decision.

So your choices are to:
A: Take it to court, maybe you'll win but in my opinion, in the end you'll lose because more than likely at some point that child will "choose" to go back. He may choose that road through uncontrolable behaviors or whatever.

B: Make a plan for your man to move to Texas. Sounds like he has less than 2 years before he can retire from the Military. As far as being a pastor, I'm quite sure there are plenty of lost sheep in Houston....

PS. Many states like mine have laws and procedures on the books for instances like this. So that it isn't "stipulated" in ur decree isn't really of revelance. More than likely you'd have to give notice of intent to move. If your hubby were to object then he'd have X number of days to respond. Then likely there would be a round of mediation and custody evaluations and possibly another round of mediation followed by court hearings. Depending on availability of evaluators, mediators, & the courts the process can take anywhere from 6 months to 2 years....

hdhouston wrote:

"My ex left me two years ago. We have a six year old son together and I am the custodial parent. My ex get's him on thurs. after school unil Friday a.m., and then every other weekend Friday after school to Monday a.m. I have been dating someone and we are looking to get married. I live in Texas and my boyfriend lives in Wyoming. He has been in the Air Force for 18 years and is also a pastor of a church. My divorce decree says I can only live within contigeous counties of my ex unless he agrees or we go back to court. My ex only pays $350 a month for child support and he doesn't have insurance for himself or our son. I work for a small company that only provides very minimal insurance coverage. My son has had a few health issues and we are just barely scraping by. I feel that marriage to my boyfriend would give my son stability that we currently don't have. What is the likelyhood of my being able to relocate? My boyfriend is very financially stable and would allow me and my son to come back to Texas as frequent as possible. I don't want to come off selfish by me wanting to move so far away, b/c I really want to do what is good for my kid. Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks."
____________________________________________________________



The question I have for you is this; do you have family in TX?


My opinion about your situation is; I think it's wrong to depend on another person for stability. You should obtain stability for your son & yourself on your own. Have you ever consider what might happen if you end up in Wyoming and God forbid something happens to your soon-to-be husband? That's why it's good to never depend on someone for the stability of your household.

I think it's wrong to take your son away from his "Dad". Your EX might not be the "Father's Know Best" material, but he is still your son's dad.

I'm sure your son suffered through the divorce ordeal, he suffered the loss of an intact family and possibly more. Why up root him and move him away from his school, his friends? Can you imagine having to move far away, no daily contact with your dad, change of home, change of school, the stress of making new friends in a place that is totally unfamiliar to you? Is that fair to your child?

LostHusband mentioned about the possible time frame if you go through the court system, he's right.

I like the idea of waiting til your boyfriend retires from the AF, but continuing to date and visit him til then, and then him moving to Houston to marry you.

That way your kid gets 2 more years of stability and being in the same home he has had, and also seeing his Dad.

And your boyfriend can adjust to life in Houston. It might be a great adventure for him!

I know it would be hard on him being so far away. I am struggling here...I wouldn't be here for advice if I wasn't torn up inside on what to do. I'm actually in tears right just thinking about the whole thing. A big part of me just feels like my ex should have to move where I move. He is the one who chose to leave. He decided he didn't love me anymore and wanted out. No matter what I do I look like the bad guy here. He left and everyone wondered what I did to make him leave. If I move with my kid I get blamed again. I am trying so hard to be a good mom and I just feel so alone. I'm so tired I don't know what is right anymore.

the headline in the newspaper the following day would read, "Ex Sentenced To Life On Leash"

i'm sure you think ure ex is a dog but that might be a bit too much to expect from a judge to order

you should be happy you at least got primary custody and move on

most betrayed fathers (myself included) would be happy with just that

I am in Texas. My divorce was final Thursday, November 29, 2007. We used my personal attorny as a joint lawyer. Talked to him about an hour ago about this issue. My fear is my ex would like to move to Harris County from Central Texas next summer. We have the same stipulation. It is a standard order in Texas, for the most part. You have to have a modification done and your ex most likely would have to agree. Courts in Texas, from my understanding, do not like changing residence counties. You will need something better than remarriage.

I have appointment with another lawyer this week to prepare for this summer or whenever my ex tries to move. Joint lawyer can't (down side) represent me in future family matters, only jointly. Ex moving will happen over my **** body. Love my son to much to let him move.

you left...and you feel betrayed?!! Do vows on ones wedding day mean nothing to people now days? I don't know why or what caused you to file for divorce, but unless your spouse cheated, abused or hurt you in some valid way, there is no excuse for leaving a spouse. When you stand before God and all your friends and family you make vows to honor, protect, and be there for one another through good and bad. No where does it say, "As long as we have feelings for one another, or until I stop loving her/him." Love is a choice not a feeling.

I'll get off of my soap box now. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

yeah, I know its a standard order in Texas. I have heard that the rules can be changed some when someone is in active duty military. I'm not sure.

Right, but YOU aren't active military. You are not bound to the government's whims on where to send you. You are talking about making a choice to marry a military person and intentionally move your child 1000+ miles away from his father. BIG difference!

Just because you CAN move your son away (assuming the courts allow you to) doesn't mean you SHOULD. There's a big difference between doing the right thing legally and doing the right thing morally. IMO, taking the boy away from his father will bring lifelong devastating results.

Why don't you make an appointment with a child psychologist and get their opinion about what that would mean for your son and whether the move would be good for him or not.

houston,

You don't seem to be reading what you wanted to read. What is your plan? It's tough to support your idea when you don't lay out a plan.

I am a big advocate of co-parenting. It's very tough to do cross country. Not impossible, just tough.

The court will probably allow your move IF your XH agrees to it. That's about it. Go talk to your XH.

umm yea, you can get off your soap box now

my wife cheated on me (three times over the course of a seven years) so i know all about the pain...

and you know what? i still wouldn't take my kid away from her because i know my son would never forgive me for doing it to him

My boyfriend and I would like to get engaged in the next 6 months or so and then get married about 6 months after. I would either move to Wyoming a short time before marriage to get settled or depending on how my son is doing with everything, I may even stay in Texas a while longer and make frequent trips back and forth. My boyfriend and I are talking about setting up an account for my son's travel costs so he and I can make the trips back and forth as often as necessary. Upon my boyfriend's retirement from the military, we would revaluate our situation, and go from there.

Question: Have you discussed this with your ex at all? Does he know you are wanting to move to Wyoming? Is he willing to let your son go?

You are obviously going to do whatever you want to do (if the courts and your ex allow it). It will change his life and the relationship with his father FOREVER. I just hope your son forgives you someday.

Wow, lots of Houstonians around here...

First, I get that if your new guy is a great, upstanding man, he can become a good father figure and be a great role model for your son. Kids get raised by other fathers all the time. I will add that the odds of that turning out to be the case are not as great as you might think, in your desire to make it happen.

I would first not recommend you marrying him and moving your son without you and your new guy going through extensive counseling - person, marriage, and family (including your son in it, as he will have a huge stake). I don't want him raising your son without him being highly educated on how to raise a stepson. I don't have statistics, but I would bet money that most people who grow up with serious issues did so in blended families. Most of these families never take the time to get serious (1 or 2 years' worth) counseling to find out how their first marriage got screwed up, what their contribution to the screwup was, and how not to let it happen again.

You haven't mentioned your new guy's past. Is he divorced? If so, you've got two people who were not properly protecting their marriage joining, raising a stepchild and maybe more kids (even more cause for concern for your son), and 80% likely to have the same problems arise in the second marriage.

If he's never been married, I'd be even more worried! My brother has never had a kid, and I wouldn't let my daughter stay with him even overnight if someone paid me a million dollars. He has no clue how to raise a child, and his idea of proper raising is to criticize her, and tell her not to touch anything (he told a 15 year old this!). What is your knowledge of his ability to raise your son? Most abuse cases come about because a woman remarries - for stability or her own need to have a man in her life - and doesn't set boundaries to protect her children, because her second chance at marriage is more important to her.

I'm not saying any of this applies to you. I'm saying it is real life, and you have to look long and hard to see if any of it could.

If I were you, I'd be contacting United Way for help raising my son through activities and programs and counseling, getting counseling myself, paying my way through college, helping me get good medical care, and whatever else you see there that you like. That's what they're there for. I have experience with the United Way here in Houston, and it is wonderful. I would be insisting my new boyfriend attend counseling with me, if he's serious about wanting to marry me. If he refuses, I'd say, 'your loss, nice knowing you.' And I'd be having regular conversations with my son's father about just what goes on in his house when my son is with him, and setting boundaries ("The next time you show him an R-rated movie, you'll see me in court." [United Way will help with that, too])

Hey Houston,

So your boyfriend is less than 2 years from retirement, for giggles we’ll call it 21 months, and you’re talking about getting married in about 13 months. So basically this huge decision hinges upon 8 months. I’m assuming that your boyfriend is as perfectly willing to move as you are. If we’re wrong please let us know. So for that 8 months you’re willing to severely modify the amout of time and consistency of visits that your son gets with his father. Cause let’s face it you can set aside money for visit all you want. Currently the child’s father gets to see his son weekly so if for pretends you could get to tickets for around 500 that would be $26,000 per year in travel. Does that sound doable to you? Obviously not. So how much are you willing to cut it? Will you try to cut it in half and spend $13,000 or in a quarter and spend $6,500? And ask yourself honestly, what impact will cutting those visits have upon your son? Remember your son is the innocent party in all this who’s only desire and right is to love both his parents.

Next on your current time frame you’re looking at moving about this time next year in the middle of school causing more disruption to an already sad situation. So let’s say for pretends that you think about it and decide to wait until after the school year is up to atleast minimize some of the damage. So you delay the move by about 5 months. Now instead of this all being about 8 months, it’s about 3 months. All this drama is over 3 months.

Catperson has some wonderful insight and suggestions. I’d highly recommend you and current BF get some pre-marriage counseling. Second marriages have like a 75% failure rate with the two biggest reasons being financial and children issues, both of which you’ll be facing. And if you’re wanting to attempt to do this right, I’d also suggest getting your son in to see a therapist and openly discussing the situation with the therapist following his/her recommendation. You may discover that there is a way with video visitation and less frequent but longer visits to make this less traumatizing to your child or it may be their opinion that there is no way to work this where it won’t be traumatizing to your son, then you can make an informed decision.

Lastly, contact your attorney and get the facts about how long these cases take in your specific court and what the tendencies are of your specific judge. I tried the whole long distance marriage thing and was even trying to uproot some children from their father. We had heard the cases could take up to two years but were told that it’d be 6 months to 18 months. Well, the two years would be more accurate. Ultimately that 2nd marriage didn’t work out for a variety of reasons and I’m so glad that I didn’t do that to those children. I understand how it’s so easy to get wrapped up in this fairytale that you truly forget about the children even when you think you're consentrating on them.

Hi...

It's a "ghost" (not a troll) from days of Christmas past.

I just "greeted" JL... saw you are still here too....

Just saying "hi".

I figure true friends are always friends... and a person can make friends anew... right where they are today... without having to know.

"hi".

(If I remember right... we were friends... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> )

Glad to see you are here, too.

God bless.

Lost H,

I don't have any exact time frame of anything and I do not pretend to know what will happen tomorrow. My time frame was only a very broad estimation. I have faith in God, and will always do my best to follow my convictions. I fully agree on counseling as does my boyfriend and would do it as long as needed. My boyfriend was married before and also has a son. He has been divorced now for 10 years. He actually spent many of those years being single and learning what it is to be a husband and a father according to God's word. He recognized his faults and willingly admits being wrong in certain areas. If I have to wait 5 years to marry I will. I am in no hurry, because I am willing to do what is right despite what anyone else thinks. My son is going to suffer to some extent regardless because his dad left. Two is better than one. It's not about depending on another person. God didn't design marriage so that a wife can marry and mooch off of her spouse. The two join and become one flesh. They create stability that can't be made otherwise. Man wasn't created to be alone. That is why I think this would be good for my son. It sucks that his dad isn't there every day, but he made that choice. In fact my boyriend's father divorced when my boyfriend was a kid and his dad moved away. My b/f was upset with his dad for a long time and then as he grew up and understood everything he developed an understanding of it all. Now he is very close with his father and actually has more of a problem with his mom who left his dad. I believe nothing is paved in stone. Everyone is going to react differently and I just have to pray and do what I believe to be the right thing.

houston,

I asked earlier if your BF (H to be?) would ever consider adopting your child, should the childs father relinquish his parental rights.

Otherwise, your BF would not be the child's father. Your BF would not be the legal guardian. Your BF would not be financially responsible for your child's health issues. Your BF, technically, couldn't sign a permission slip for a school field trip.

Should something happen to you, your child would not remain with your BF (new hubby) but would instead be returned to his real father. If the child's father is no where to be found, the child would likely then be handed over to social services for placement in a foster home.

This would be good for your son?


Just don't predetermine that your son will turn out like your BF did. That is a shakey bet at best. Don't be blinded by your own desires to be with your BF and not protect your son in the process.

Should my ex pass away or give up his rights, my future hubby would absolutely adopt my son. There is no question about that. Most likely that will not happen, but even so, he will always treat my son like his own. Kids are taken care of step-parents all the time. That is nothing new.

If something ever happend to me or my ex my son would go to my parents,not foster care! We have that in writing. If I remarry it can be revised. That is an entire different thread.........

hd, you're getting a lot of naysayers here about you moving, so you probably aren't too happy with that. But I'm sure everyone's reasoning is what's best for your son, and it's just standard practice for kids to do worse without both parents showing an active interest. I think most people's fear is that, once you move, your ex will care or try to see his son less and less. No offense to the guys here, but it is fairly common, even when in close proximity. Especially if the dad remarries. So adding in the distance only exacerbates the potential problems.

Only you know your situation, but if you're really positive that all 3 of you adults are in it for the long haul and determined to keep up a strong loving bond, one that doesn't deteriorate through the stress of shipping a kid back and forth all the time, it could work. But that's a lot of if's. Your bf sounds wonderful, but are you sure that whatever caused his first marriage to fail won't resurface, that it may have been partially caused by him and that he might bring the same issues into your son's new home? And are you sure that you have learned to overcome whatever didn't allow your first marriage to survive as well? I'm not saying you and your bf are bad people, just that you're human. Being human, and having one strike against you, I'd like to be sure that you guys have really worked out any issues and are near-perfect partners and parents moving forward. Step-parenting is so very hard. Especially if the ex isn't entirely great, which always makes things worse.

Just sayin' that I hope you go into it with both eyes wide open to the ramifications.

To have co/parenting and have his mother and father in his life is great <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />until one wants to move away. The court always says "best interest of the child"to be in same school, same friends, same set of parents in same place. My husband and his ex had 50/50 custody for 8 years. She moved 150 miles from us and the court ordered his son to remain in the county that we live so she lost her 50/50 custody. ALSO child support and custody are two seperate issues. Money has nothing to do with time. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

I think the reality is that custody and child support are very much related. The parent having less custody would have a higher child suport obligation than if the custody were equally split.

IOW, houston's situation would mean that not only would her ex lose custody, he would also owe more in child support. That always struck me as a paradoxical double-whammy, but that is how the system works.

AGG

Texas AG has child support guidelines that most family courts in Texas follow.

1 child - 20% of net pay plus NCP provides health insurance or insurance reimbursement. 2 kids - 25%, 3 kids - 30%, etc. Caps out I think at 40% net pay. Insurance applies to all children. Several online calculators are available for rough estimates of child support. Make sure you use a calculator for Texas. Different states – different rules. Having multiple kids with different mothers has totally different rules.

I would need to clarify this again, but non-payment of child support in Texas is not grounds for witholding visitation. CP can have a warrant issued by the Texas AG and have your ex arrested or ordered to appear in family court. I have heard stories of family court judges ordering NCP at these hearings to come up with the $$ or to gray bar hilton they shall go. NCP also can use the custody decree and have the local police gain them visitation. If you have a residence requirement for the child and a parent moves outside the residence area with the child; getting a temporary order is a fairly simple process. Order in hand, you get the local police to serve it and bring the child back to the residence area. The CP is ordered to appear back in family court with some explaining to do.

The IRS has a rule that max net income garnishment is 40%. The other interesting IRS rule is first judgment filed is paid first from garnishment. The IRS 40% rule does not stop you from owing child support, just the amount garnished. Been awhile, but I think a debt to IRS supersedes any other garnishment. I try to keep from owing IRS back taxes myself.