Up until the weekend, I'd only seen her from a distance. It was close enough to notice her streaked hair and short shorts (read hot pants). I knew she was older than me (45) but she looks like she could be WstbxH's mother.
She looks absolutely rediculous in her teenage tramp clothes. Imagine Granny with streaked blond hair and painted-on shorts with her saggy @&& hanging out. All that's missing is a tattoo. I can't believe WstbxH has the nerve to appear in public with her. GROSS!!!!
The plus side to this is it gives me new names to refer to her by that even people who don't know the story will be able to relate to when they see her. Honestly, I'm not being this harsh just because I hate her. She really is disgusting!!!!
I've always wondered if it's easier when the OP is less attractive.
I'm really trying to grow old gracefully. I do longer shorts and capri's. LOL. Otherwise, you look like an aging bimbette even if you're not.
Y'all've seen my pic right?
Try OM is a short, fat, balding hispanic from Cali with BIG stroies of the Marine corps and his "elite" sniperness. (which was a lie)
He ain't got nothin on me at all, except the job he had and now mine is better than his.
I haven't seen your photo. Where is it?
HA HA Pariah, except for the hispanic and sniper part, your OM sounds like my WstbxH (short, fat and bald). OWH is a long way from Fabio but he at least isn't short or bald. He has commented that he wondered what OW sees in WstbxH. Pariah, you knock both of them out of the water!!!!
I'm not sure if it would make a difference or not if OW was prettier or uglier. Right at D-day, my biggest fear was that she was younger and that she and WstbxH would have children together. Up until last weekend, I had only seen her from a distance and I think I imagined a very beautiful trophy-type woman - especially since I could only see the skimpy clothes and styled hair. I dont' think it bothered me above and beyond the fact that she existed - I figured people would see her as a trophy bimbo anyway. But then I saw her face - ughh!!!! Reminds me of that old woman in Something About Mary (the room-mate that spent way too many decades in the sun - remember?)!!!! Now I wonder what people think.
Tabby1,
I know how you feel I am soon to be 56 years old. The ow is 50.
I have never smoked, drank or done drugs. She still does all three. I am not a beauty but there has never been a day in my life I have not looked better than she does.
One really funny thing my husband said to me was that he wished she and I could be friends so I could at least teach her how to dress and do her hair.
I really wish I knew what goes on in his mind.
Kathy, I think that's more common than you'd expect. Imagine my surprise when I went to get dishes from my dad's wife only to find they had the same kitchen dishes as my mother! Then, dad's wife started buying the same brand of trunk clothing as my mother. It was freaky. Good thing my mother changed her style to all jeans all the time.
Tabby, probably they simply think your husband is crazy. Or that you simply didn't live down to his standard of trashy women.
Pariah, never in 1000 years would I have guessed that was what you looked like. You look way too friendly in that photo. I imagined you'd look a little scary. And I LOVE the bird. I'll have to dig around for that photo thread. My picture there is really old. I'm no longer blonde.
I really am extremely friendly in person. I know no strangers!
I do come across a bit strong here, but my thoughts are short and not very elaborate as I have no patience for long drawn out responses.
It's a result from the trauma and oxygen deprivation from the gunshot wound as I bled almost completely out.
My wife HATED that I make friends easily and nobody is a stranger.
Not to mention I was never better or above anyone as she wished she could be.
Her sister has status and she covets it to a fault.
She often voiced that she felt cheated in life by not getting to be wealthy. She often accused me of being "negative" when she was merely projecting her own faults upon me.
Oh and the bird is a juvinile Red Tailed Hawk that was hit by a car, and I'm getting ready to transport him to the emergency vet, then off to the airport to carry him to Auburn, AL for extensive treatment. I then flew him to the nature preserve in N. GA for rehab, then he was released in a much safer area.
Yes, I have a raptor permit.
Too cool. You're good looking, sexy, smart, and you like raptors....
Anna
LOL. Totally threadjacking at this point...
I love raptors. I almost ran off the road when a bald eagle swooped down in front of my car. Those things are massive!!! I had no idea the wingspan would cover my windsheild.
As for your ex, didn't she ever learn that there's always someone richer and with more blue blood?
And as for friendly, I probably seem more friendly here than in real life. I'm a little shy, and my sense of humor means most people find me strange, especially the people with "status". LOL.
I can honestly tell you that no riches in the world can compare to getting to hold such a magnificent creature as an eagle or other large raptor.
For my selfless work with the rescue and rehabilitation of raptors, I was given a great gift by one of the shamen of the Indian Nation and I shall cherish it always.
I was given a name.
Robert Night Crow and my twin brother is William Two Feathers.
You have a twin??!! That is a really cool name!
It's interesting to look at how our exes seem to try to find another version of us again. I got the typical wayward "her and I just click" and "we understand each other" crap. Yet I have learned that OW has many of the traits I have that were most incompatible with WstbxH.
One example is that I am extroverted and crave a degree of socialization. In his ideal world, he is completely alone in a dark room with a gigantic flat screen TV showing Maple Leaf hockey in surround sound 24/7 with no commercials. Getting him out to social events was worse than pulling teeth and even those that we had to go to (family weddings etc), he began plotting our exit before we'd finished getting dressed for the event. It caused many battles since I thoroughly enjoyed these events and went to so few of them, I NEEDED to go. Nothing ruins your night more than constant nagging about can we leave when the bride hasn't even walked down the aisle yet. According to OWH, OW is a major social butterfly and wants to do stuff all the time. It must be killing her now because a coworker/friend of hers is on my baseball team and happens to hang around and tailgait with the same group of people as me. Last weekend (when I saw her up close), she and WstbxH hung around their truck further down the parking lot for a while before they left. I'm sure the discussion was about whether or not to join the tailgate party. In addition to me being there, WstbxH absolutely does NOT want to join any party of any kind - he barely even wants to shake hands with the other team at the end of the game because he's already been 2 hours away from his precious wide screen.
Well, so far my ex-wife hasn't been able to land her a suitable sucker. All she has been able to attract is old men and has-beens. And as I told her the day she dropped me off on the side of the road after she told me that I was no prize and completely worthless, "well all you seem to be able to attract is short fat bald messicans, your shelf life is up".
She wants a rich romantic prince charming that will let her be free to do whatever she desires.
Her idea of a perfect realtionship is total independence with financial security provided by partner. She is entitled to it, just as she thinks she has "earned" a dive trip to the Bahamas just by having a job.
She MUST be able to brag about just how good she has it to toxic friend.
She MUST be able to brag about just how good she has it to toxic friend.
HA HA!! I wonder how much this is killing them as well! OW has been attempting to show off WstbxH to various friends and family since this whole affair started (pun intended). Many of them have dropped them like hot potatos - including her sister and BIL who actually invited OWH to a party last weekend and not them LOL! WstbxH doesn't have any of his own friends, toxic or otherwise. His family is back to speaking with him but they are still not impressed with her. People at baseball speak to him, but he is on the team I was on last year so everyone there knows in full detail what happened and exactly who she is. One person kindly told me the "tramp" was there one day. I don't think anybody uses her actual name. It will be funny the first time someone inadvertantly calls her that to her face!
I just really wish something reeally crappy would happen to OM, like his health failing to the point he's permanantly unemployed.
I know he had a heart attack a year before D-Day, I can only hope he cloggs the pipes up even more.
He clogged them up pretty good taking her out to lunch on the company credit card every day when he was in town.
OM isn't still with your XW, is he?
He dropped her like third period French the day I exposed.
He didn't abandon his "insane" wife like he promised he's do and gove no financial support as promised when she divorced me.
What a reall winner she found there.
Short, fat, balding, arrogant AND a liar to boot!
However he does fear me. Big time.
I've always wondered if it's easier when the OP is less attractive.
No. I've wondered if it would be easier on my ego if OP was attractive.
I do think that I changed and maybe XWH was looking for what I represented when we married. When we married, XWH was good looking, I was plain and took care of everything without question, and our marriage pleased his domineering father. He was the one the world revolved around. Then, my career and confidence built up and his father died. XWH is now very overweight and I look better than I ever have. He looks better next to OW (short, fat, bleached-blond, trailer trash), and OW has family approval as she is SIL's best friend. House was bought last OCT in OW's name only and OC was adopted by narcissist SIL in Dec. (I suspect it was to get health insurance for OC.) Do you really think OW is going to do anything to upset SIL if she wants to see child? SIL has taken over the dominant position in the family and tells everyone what to do (something I did not tolerate).
It really makes sense. It's all about XWH being selfish. He feels better about himself next to someone that he feels is inferior, and he has less stress by keeping SIL happy. He gets to shine as the adored football coach and not worry about any responsibilities.
Tabby: Maybe slutty OW makes X feel better because he deserves her, not someone as wonderful as you.
You may have a point. Not in beauty in my case but perhaps other assets. WstbxH married when I was in grad school (i.e. poor). He didn't have a great job but we made do. After that I post-doc'd - again, still poor. He still had a crappy job but we still made do. This went on far longer than I had hoped but eventually I did land a good job 5 years ago. A really good job. He still had a crappy job. By this time, his excuse was that he'd been out of his field too long because he had to stay where he could support me. Looking back, there was no reason he couldn't have advanced himself as well. I think he liked being in a position where he could be the breadwinner, but not have to be ambitious or put any effort into it. OW works at his company underneath him (not directly but as in a level below if that makes sense). So he's back where he was in my grad school/postdoc days.
Interestingly, he had always been after me to make more money and cutting me down for being in these training positions that paid little. I wonder if he does that to her too.
I've seen a few of my WH OW (MOW) and from what I've seen, they aren't raving beauties...WH is a perfectionist - how he could go with some of them, is beyond me.
But really Tabby, it wouldn't matter if they were beauties - it's what's inside a person. What they bring to the R. Many WS are hooking up with people that are beneath them emotionally,physically, economically, etc. It gives them the upper hand they so much want - CONTROL... amoung other mental issues they have going on.
I have resolved that my WH does not deserve a good, honest, loving spouse. He deserve a lying, cheating, tramp. He has nothing to give emotionally (though the OW think he does) only $$$$$. Anything he did have to give emotionally he's taken away from himself. He's lowered himself in so many ways, I no longer know who he is, it's sad but the facts. He is not what he wants other to think that he is. I feel sorry for him, he needs help for his addictions and won't get it.
Pariah - Let go...please do not wish ill will on the OM. He is not worth your energy or stress. It feels great to just not care about WS and their partners. Let them live the way they want - it's their choice. It's over between your XW and him, so forget it. Yes, he destroyed your M - but if it wasn't him, it would have been some other short, fat, yada yada ...
Enjoy your time with the raptures, they are beautiful and intriguing - let their spirit of peace be YOUR peace!!
However he does fear me. Big time.
But Pariah, wasn't OM an elite marine sniper? :eek: :eek: :eek:
ROTGLMAO !!!
One of these days I will right up my story on what I did when I confronted the interloper in my marriage.
Wow I can so relate to this thread!!!
xH wife (OW) looks as if she could be his mother!!! I was floored!
But think about it this way, if the OP's were able to attract unmarried people, they wouldn't have messed with our spouses!!!!
They can't and for whatever reason our x spouses thrive on the attention that they are given by these OP's, what else do the OP's have to offer? We've seen that it's not their looks!!!
So think about what the x spouses gave up to be with the OP's!!! Us, they gave up US, so they deserve the OP's with all their warts, and flabby @55's.
We as single people deserve more and are not looking at married people for our next relationship. But the x spouses or the OP's will cheat again and more then likely with another married person!!!! The cycle is ongoing!!
I know of friends of my parents that had an affair 30 years ago alomost, got married. He then cheated on her 25 years later and they are divorced, it's been happening for a long time!!! Sad!!!
Dawn
One of these days I will right up my story on what I did when I confronted the interloper in my marriage.
Hey, why not tell us now! Seems like there are a few good stories along this line. I have yet to "confront" OW and I have no qualms about doing it. It's just more fun at this time to watch her squirm at these baseball games as she hangs around people who are calling her a tramp behind her back while I hang out with her former friends. I don't know why she keeps coming back - either she's too stupid to realize the entire league knows what she is or she really honestly thinks that it's perfectly socially acceptable to f*** somebody else's husband while you are still married to another guy. Or both - because in addition to other people calling her names, they are wondering the same thing.
I just really wish something reeally crappy would happen to OM,
Oh good! I'm not the only one who feels this way.
She wants a rich romantic prince charming that will let her be free to do whatever she desires.
Her idea of a perfect realtionship is total independence with financial security provided by partner. She is entitled to it, just as she thinks she has "earned" a dive trip to the Bahamas just by having a job.
She MUST be able to brag about just how good she has it to toxic friend.
were you married to my xw pariah?
I struggle with these thoughts almost hourly! I'll often go to church in the morning and I find myself praying that I can spend one day NOT planning OW's demise. I don't want death or anything like that....just crap! By the way...mine is a dumpy redhead that wears old lady clothing on a 34yr. old body. Supposedly she has a great personality! She'd have to.
But think about it this way, if the OP's were able to attract unmarried people, they wouldn't have messed with our spouses!!!!
They can't and for whatever reason our x spouses thrive on the attention that they are given by these OP's, what else do the OP's have to offer? We've seen that it's not their looks!!!
I TOTALLY AGREE!!!!!!!
OW is 4'11" heavy set looks like a cross-dressing man with unkempt facial hair to boot!!!!!!!
My WH OW is 36, looks 40+, has bi polar, anxiety attacks, will never get custody of her 4 children (all under 10), lives with ( and sleeps with some)cats, kittens, dogs, possums, rabbits, rats, mice,guinea pigs, and God knows what else, cant pay rent and utilities, had her computer smashed 6 months ago by her 18 year old boyfriend, is not an intellectial giant.....
What else can you say. What a catch.
I was really upset when I found out that the OW (or OG) in my sitch was 19 and had never had children. Then, I saw her. Sure, she has a great body, but her face is another matter....I just wonder what Ike is thinking! He's very particular about women that he thinks are attractive and she has none of the qualities that he has always said that he liked in women...it's crazy! Not only that, she is like a typical teenage girl, nothing wrong with that, but nothing special either. My husband is a rather intelligent man (except in this instance) so I don't know what the attraction is there. For awhile he would call me and we would talk about every subject under the sun, Mayan history, life on Mars, other dimensions, etc, etc...my only thought was that he couldn't talk with her about these subjects, which will have to get old soon! I mean, she is a child!
narcissism has different degrees, but many times, its wanting a partner who makes the wayward spouse feel more superior. . . My X is like that. . . she has been dumped a bunch of times, and now has a marginal boyfriend. . .
sometimes though, the OP does have traits which we lack, which is more attractive to our wayward spouses. . . my girlfriend has some similar traits to my XW, but she has many more lovable qualities. . .ie, she fills my top emotional needs much better than the X. . .
so although sometimes what we value is not what the WS ends up with, it is precisely that difference in opinion which is why we are divorced from them. . .
life is not as obvious as what you see visually. . .
wiftty
I'm curious wiffty, are you the BS or the WS? I'm just wondering what your perspective is regarding this statement:
sometimes though, the OP does have traits which we lack, which is more attractive to our wayward spouses. . . my girlfriend has some similar traits to my XW, but she has many more lovable qualities. . .ie, she fills my top emotional needs much better than the X. . .
Is your GF an OP or someone you met afterwards?
I also find this statement interesting:
so although sometimes what we value is not what the WS ends up with, it is precisely that difference in opinion which is why we are divorced from them. . .
I really never thought of things this way - the reason I'm divorcing my WS is because he's a lying, cheating, thieving piece of crap, but I guess those could be considered his "values" and it's just me that finds them twisted - hence a difference in opinion.
Interestingly, my BF has certain qualities that I sorely missed during my M, but had resigned to live without and never figured I would have a chance to find them again. I do wonder though if this won't last because part of my attraction to him is filling these long-neglected ENs or what.
"Interestingly, my BF has certain qualities that I sorely missed during my M, but had resigned to live without and never figured I would have a chance to find them again. I do wonder though if this won't last because part of my attraction to him is filling these long-neglected ENs or what."
Generally, those needs being met is what attracts us to someone isn't it?
I know I've had to step back on a couple of relationships when some irriatating stuff happened and look at it from a logical standpoint - just like Dr. H told me to; but if it hadn't been for those needs being met in the first place, I never would have stayed as long as I did.
Don't worry too hard about all that, just look at whether or not he would make a good long-term partner.
Best Wishes,
RMW
Thanks RMW. I'm actually not ready to look for a long term partner yet. Currently, I'm just trying to enjoy what I've got. We have fun. We get along. Neither of us is in a hurry to go to the next level. It's just the obsessive-compulsive side of my brain over analyzing things at times. When I think of my mistakes in the past with Wstbx, I wonder if there were signs early on that I should have noticed - and should I be noticing them again today.