Question about ex-husband and our kids - 06/23/11 01:15 PM
I've got a real puzzler here and hope someone can offer some perspective or maybe something similar that's happened with them?
My divorce became final in late November, 2010, after my husband and I had been separated for a year. During the seperation he came to the house every morning to get our two sons, one of whom has Down syndrome and diabetes, their breakfast and off to school since I worked early mornings.
Three days after our divorce he moved 800 miles away to live with the OW. Our sons visited him for a week, right after Christmas. That's the last time they saw him. My ex and OW married in early January but have told only a few people, including me, but not our children. My therapist said that it's my ex's responsibility to tell our sons he has remarried so I've said nothing. The boys were supposed to visit him over spring break but my ex couldn�t afford the train tickets as he was/is only working part-time.
School ended for the boys in late May and we talked about them visiting him from June 11-19 so they could be there for Father�s Day. But my ex recently applied for two different jobs and wanted to wait until he knew whether he got one of the jobs before having them come up.
When I talked with him the other day, and since he hasn�t heard about either job in three weeks, I figured we could set a date but he still dragged his feet saying if he got one of the jobs he�d have to concentrate on that and wouldn�t be able to spend good, quality time with his sons. I told him if they didn�t visit him this summer, he wouldn�t be able to see them until Thanksgiving. He told me on Tuesday that if he didn�t hear anything by Wednesday afternoon (yesterday) we could go ahead and set the dates for their visit. I didn�t expect a call and didn�t get one.
I don�t get it. What�s really going on here? My ex has said all along that our children are the most important thing in his life. He adores them but his actions sure don�t reveal that. My theory is that by having the boys visit, his two worlds collide. He has his new life with his new wife in a new city with new friends. As much as he misses the kids, he�s either afraid to introduce them to his new life or he�s afraid that if he sees them, he�ll go through a lot of pain of how much he misses them.
What do you think? Has anything similar happened to any of you?
My divorce became final in late November, 2010, after my husband and I had been separated for a year. During the seperation he came to the house every morning to get our two sons, one of whom has Down syndrome and diabetes, their breakfast and off to school since I worked early mornings.
Three days after our divorce he moved 800 miles away to live with the OW. Our sons visited him for a week, right after Christmas. That's the last time they saw him. My ex and OW married in early January but have told only a few people, including me, but not our children. My therapist said that it's my ex's responsibility to tell our sons he has remarried so I've said nothing. The boys were supposed to visit him over spring break but my ex couldn�t afford the train tickets as he was/is only working part-time.
School ended for the boys in late May and we talked about them visiting him from June 11-19 so they could be there for Father�s Day. But my ex recently applied for two different jobs and wanted to wait until he knew whether he got one of the jobs before having them come up.
When I talked with him the other day, and since he hasn�t heard about either job in three weeks, I figured we could set a date but he still dragged his feet saying if he got one of the jobs he�d have to concentrate on that and wouldn�t be able to spend good, quality time with his sons. I told him if they didn�t visit him this summer, he wouldn�t be able to see them until Thanksgiving. He told me on Tuesday that if he didn�t hear anything by Wednesday afternoon (yesterday) we could go ahead and set the dates for their visit. I didn�t expect a call and didn�t get one.
I don�t get it. What�s really going on here? My ex has said all along that our children are the most important thing in his life. He adores them but his actions sure don�t reveal that. My theory is that by having the boys visit, his two worlds collide. He has his new life with his new wife in a new city with new friends. As much as he misses the kids, he�s either afraid to introduce them to his new life or he�s afraid that if he sees them, he�ll go through a lot of pain of how much he misses them.
What do you think? Has anything similar happened to any of you?