feeling alone, hopeless, and suicidal - 07/16/00 05:49 AM
They really should have a crying face.<P>It is almost 1am where I am......Tonight I had to go to a work dinner party. It was awful. I could see the pitty in everyone's eyes. I tried to be cheerful, but I dont lie well.<P>We walked out to my boss's barn to look at his horses and a dragonfly landed on my shirt. That was "HER" symbol....her totem, goodluck charm, whatever you want to call it. It was all I could do not to burst into tears.<P>I left the party early and came home. Took care of our pets and talked to my mom.....I think I am driving her nuts with this.....<P>This house is so empty......I have no friends here to talk too.......and I am feeling like there is nothing left to go on for.<P>This lady was my life.......I meant my vows....I cannot comprehend how it could ALL have been a lie all this time......<P>I laid in bed till 1:30 today begging God to let me die.....<P>I really cannot see the future right now.....and am wishing that there was none....<P>please say a prayer for me.....