They really should have a crying face.<P>It is almost 1am where I am......Tonight I had to go to a work dinner party. It was awful. I could see the pitty in everyone's eyes. I tried to be cheerful, but I dont lie well.<P>We walked out to my boss's barn to look at his horses and a dragonfly landed on my shirt. That was "HER" symbol....her totem, goodluck charm, whatever you want to call it. It was all I could do not to burst into tears.<P>I left the party early and came home. Took care of our pets and talked to my mom.....I think I am driving her nuts with this.....<P>This house is so empty......I have no friends here to talk too.......and I am feeling like there is nothing left to go on for.<P>This lady was my life.......I meant my vows....I cannot comprehend how it could ALL have been a lie all this time......<P>I laid in bed till 1:30 today begging God to let me die.....<P>I really cannot see the future right now.....and am wishing that there was none....<P>please say a prayer for me.....

Consider it done.<P>It gets better. I know that is hard to believe, but it does. When she left me, I also saw no purpose in life. But I had to go on, if not for me, for the kids. They needed someone to keep it all together. Don't know if I was real successful at this, but I did the best I could.<P>Now it is 4 months later. I only think of her 20 times a day, rather than hundreds.<P>My mom has been a godsend for me. Right now, I am sleeping on her couch. She opened her house to me, made a room for the kids, and is helping out as much as she can. I will never be able to repay her for her kindness.<P>Here's praying for strength for you.

Hiya 10021997,<P>Consider it done, man. (the prayer)<BR>Remember, It's always the darkest right before dawn. Hang in there buddy.<P>Bill

I was suicidal too. After my first husband divorced me, I actually tried it. Pills and vodka. Obviously, it didn't work. <P>After my second husband divorced me, I resorted to more effective means. Loaded the gun and everything before a neighbor came home. I know what it is like. You want nothing more than this incredible, strangling pain to disappear, and suicide seems so attractive at those times. Please come here when you feel like that. If there is any way you can get to a counselor, please do that. They know so much more about suicide than they used to. When I went to the counselor for emergency intervention, I was convinced they'd have the guy waiting there with the straight jacket, but they didn't. She was very sweet and understanding. Being able to tell us that you feel that way is proof you really don't want to die. You just want the pain to go away. It will over time. One day at a time. You don't need to think about next week, or next month, or next year. Just today.<P>Even if you don't feel it now, your friends and family would be incredibly devastated. I didn't want my young niece (who will probably have plenty of problems of her own when she grows up) to believe that suicide was an option. Also, I didn't want to give my ex the satisfaction of saying "see, she really was nuts" <BR>

We know how you feel. My H left 4 days ago. I meant my vows also. My parents have been married 40 years. His separated when he was 2 and his mother has married 8 times. <P>I come from a long line of committemnt. Now he has left and his daughter is 2.<P>Last night I thought I was going to lose it. But every day is a new day.<P>The WORST thing to hear is that it takes time because it is the only thing you can't do anything about, but it is TRUE.<P>I am not staying at home today to think about it.<P>I think I will get out and mow the yard.<P>I will keep you in my prayers. I will tell you something that helps me.<P>At night, I always close my eyes and ask that Jesus wrap his arms around me in the shape of warm comfortable wings.<P>It works for me. Except last night I was babysitting for my sister and she didnt come in until 2 this morning.<P>I find that I deal with things alot better when I go to sleep early, but last night I couldnt.<P>I live for mornings!<P>

1002,<BR>Hey! I posted on your other post before I saw this one. I'm sorry you're still struggling with all this terrible pain. You know sometimes God allows things to happen in our lives because he knows what we need. He loves us and you need to lean on him for your strength. I'll guarantee you he'll always be there. Immerse yourself in Christian friends and you'll find more support and true concern than ever before. <P>Another thing, turn off the sad songs on the radio and replace them with inspirational sermons or anything you find inspiring. Don't allow your thought processes to be distracted from taking care of you. Those sad songs will drag you down quicker than you can blink you eyes.<P>Cheer up and how bout going to church tonight? Just go somewhere. Good luck. Don't let the devil trick you into thinking that you have no reason to live. God's plan is perfect! He knows what we need. Don't miss his blessing because your view was blocked. See ya! Tess<p>[This message has been edited by tessa (edited July 16, 2000).]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by tessa:<BR><B>1002,<BR>Hey! I posted on your other post before I saw this one. I'm sorry you're still struggling with all this terrible pain. You know sometimes God allows things to happen in our lives because he knows what we need. He loves us and you need to lean on him for your strength. I'll guarantee you he'll always be there. Immerse yourself in Christian friends and you'll find more support and true concern than ever before. <P>Another thing, turn off the sad songs on the radio and replace them with inspirational sermons or anything you find inspiring. Don't allow your thought processes to be distracted from taking care of you. Those sad songs will drag you down quicker than you can blink you eyes.<P>Cheer up and how bout going to church tonight? Just go somewhere. Good luck. Don't let the devil trick you into thinking that you have no reason to live. God's plan is perfect! He knows what we need. Don't miss his blessing because your view was blocked. See ya! Tess<P>[This message has been edited by tessa (edited July 16, 2000).]</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>help. im new to this site. this is the only page the dates were current. im not divorced yet, but she said she wanted one. she said she fell out of love with me , and she dont know why. she wont give me a reason, i know her well {married 20 years) enough to know there is not another person. i have been out of the house 3 weeks now, and it seems like forever. i just want my wife and kids {3} back. im so hart broken, i just dont know what to do anymore. i need to talk to some one. i feel so alone in this. thanks for listing.<BR><P>------------------<BR>GARY

Saying a prayer for you. I have tried to reply on your post twice now. It was one of your first. I was away this weekend but I want to let you know that you are not alone.<P>I am not totally familiar with your story yet, but please know that I too have felt what you feel now.<P>Its easy to feel that way, when the devestation is so deep. <P>Hang in there and know that you are worth something in this world. You are important and you have friends here to talk to.<P>Sending a prayer,Dana<BR>

Know you are in the thoughts and prayers of many here. I know the pain you are feeling all to well - some days I wish to God that I could care as little about her as she does me, as little about our marriage and family as she apparently does.<P>Know that God does have a plan for you and that, although current events with our spouses may not be a part of that plan, He can work the events in our lives for tremendous good. He promises in Jeremiah that "I know the plans that I have for your, plans to bless you and to prosper you, not plans to harm you." It is hard to trust in His promises when the world seems to be falling apart, but at times like this, what else is there? Time heals all hurts, even though the time is pure torture.<P>Someone once said that we cannot control the hand that we are dealt, we can only play that hand with integrity and honor. Only too true, and often playing that hand comes with a tremendous price in pain. An early out is not the solution, no matter how tempting it may seem. Prayerfully, Scott.<BR>