Dazed and confused, and pained... - 11/23/00 10:27 PM
Dear friends --<P>I saw IG today...the first time since I threw him out of the house on Monday. It was at an AA meeting. My purpose for going there was to offer him some alternative to living on the streets (sleeping in a men's shelter) until he could get back home again.<P>I offered him my place IF he came with a plane ticket in hand ... he can get money from his rich father who disowned him easily enough. I told him he could stay here (max. two weeks) until his flight left.<P>He neither accepted nor rejected my offer. <P>After the AA meeting, we had lunch where I made my offer. He was nasty, nasty, nasty! It's all my fault, he kept saying over and over again. He ridiculed me, he called me ugly names and tried to make me feel like crap. When he was done his shpiel, he grabbed his coat and walked away. Whenever I opened my mouth, he accused me of *belittling* him or being *condescending*. I swear to God, I was not.<P>Luckily I had been to an Al-Anon meeting the previous night, where I learned how *not* to place importance on his vitriol.<P>We parted ... he left on his bicycle and me in my car, content (though pained) that I had made the right decision. I was feeling strong.<P>But something happened later in the afternoon. I started to feel really guilty about things, about all the money he had brought into the house since his arrival and how much faith he had in *us*. There have been so many problems. I have thrown him out four times -- twice escorted by police -- this should be an easy decision, so how come it's not????<P>Just before our last fight, he gave me $700 for household expenses. He wanted it back when I tossed him out, but I refused because I am in need of it. Feeling guilty -- and yes, he accused me of stealing it -- I called him (he was doing some work for a friend) and told him I would give him back his $700. Sounding repentent, he said *Thank you*.<P>He called about an hour later and asked if he could come back *home*. I broke down! At least I had the strength to tell him I couldn't make the decision tonight! I don't want him here...but I feel I owe him something. (Why? Because he drained his bank accnt to come live with me!)<P>Is there any hope for this relationship at all? I'm thinking he should use that $700 to rent a furnished apartment or room somewhere and we could perhaps date. I need space. I need time alone with my children.<P>This is so damned hard . Please, someone help me!!! I'm so tired...so tired of it all.<P>God Bless All of You...<P>A dazed and confused and pained...<BR>Francis<P>------------------<BR>Take good care, Francis